The Structure of Marriage
Series: A Profound Mystery
Speaker: Steve Jeffrey
Date: 14th June 2026
00:00:00 --> 00:00:04 Well, good morning, everyone. If you'd like to keep your Bibles open there, that would be fantastic.
00:00:04 --> 00:00:17 We have, as John has said, we are partway through, quite a way through actually, our series on marriage, where we're looking at Ephesians 5, 21 to 33.
00:00:18 --> 00:00:30 We've seen the mystery of the marriage, the profound mystery of marriage, is that the gospel of Jesus Christ and marriage explain each other.
00:00:30 --> 00:00:38 There are things we would not know about marriage if it was not for the gospel, and there are things about the gospel we wouldn't know if it wasn't for marriage.
00:00:40 --> 00:00:48 Marriage, as I've said a number of times, is a human relationship, but it is the penultimate relationship.
00:00:49 --> 00:00:53 It points to the eternal marriage of Christ and his church.
00:00:53 --> 00:01:20 One of the things I've also said early in this series is that everything that Ephesians 5 says about marriage comes after he tells us about the power that we need in order to be married as God describes it.
00:01:20 --> 00:01:32 And that is, what we need is the indwelling work of the Holy Spirit, pointing us consistently to the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ, who surrendered his will for our sake.
00:01:32 --> 00:01:47 And so Ephesians 5, 21, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, is really the foundational verse before the rest of that gets unpacked in the marriage relationship.
00:01:47 --> 00:01:58 And so what I've been saying consistently is that we need to be captivated by Christ or struck by his selflessness,
00:01:58 --> 00:02:07 because self-centeredness, our self-centeredness, the human heart, is the main havoc-wreaking problem in many marriages,
00:02:07 --> 00:02:12 and is certainly the ever-present enemy in every marriage.
00:02:12 --> 00:02:20 And that's certainly the case with the issue that we're addressing today on the topic of the structure of marriage.
00:02:20 --> 00:02:29 The subject of gender roles in marriage is contentious.
00:02:29 --> 00:02:31 It is certainly controversial.
00:02:31 --> 00:02:40 But more importantly than it being intellectually contentious or culturally contentious and controversial,
00:02:40 --> 00:02:46 it is an issue which for some is deeply personal,
00:02:46 --> 00:02:53 which is why we wanted to put the things we put up there just before Nick's announcement.
00:02:53 --> 00:03:00 It is deeply personal for some people and potentially for you sitting in the room now.
00:03:00 --> 00:03:17 And that is because verses like Ephesians 5 here have been used as weapons of both oppression and rebellion in marriages.
00:03:18 --> 00:03:26 Sin has infected every human culture, every human culture,
00:03:26 --> 00:03:30 in such a way that they have found a way,
00:03:30 --> 00:03:35 those cultures found a way to interpret headship and submission
00:03:35 --> 00:03:39 in a way that has marginalized and oppressed women.
00:03:40 --> 00:03:47 Too many women have suffered abuse at the hands of self-centered men
00:03:47 --> 00:03:54 with a sense of entitlement who have no desire to follow Christ,
00:03:54 --> 00:03:58 but take virtue of this and twist them
00:03:58 --> 00:04:06 and to form unbiblical definitions of headship and submission to pump up their egos.
00:04:06 --> 00:04:14 And in my time as a pastor,
00:04:14 --> 00:04:21 I've had the unpleasant task of confronting that scenario on numerous occasions.
00:04:22 --> 00:04:26 And it's something that we as a church take seriously
00:04:26 --> 00:04:30 and should never, ever put up with.
00:04:30 --> 00:04:33 But despite all of that,
00:04:34 --> 00:04:41 this issue must be explored because it's in Scripture.
00:04:43 --> 00:04:44 It's as God,
00:04:45 --> 00:04:47 God's communicating something that's very important here.
00:04:48 --> 00:04:52 And the other reason we must look at it from God's perspective
00:04:52 --> 00:04:57 is that every single one of us come into marriage
00:04:57 --> 00:05:02 with an idea of how a husband should behave towards his wife
00:05:02 --> 00:05:03 and a wife towards her husband.
00:05:04 --> 00:05:07 We bring that regardless of these verses.
00:05:10 --> 00:05:14 So I'm going to ask you to tune in
00:05:14 --> 00:05:17 and I'm going to ask you to stay with me.
00:05:17 --> 00:05:22 Whether you identify yourself as egalitarian,
00:05:23 --> 00:05:27 a feminist, a traditionalist, a complementarian,
00:05:27 --> 00:05:30 or any other variety of the interpretive spectrum,
00:05:32 --> 00:05:34 the differences between a man and a woman
00:05:34 --> 00:05:38 will become an unavoidable issue in marriage.
00:05:39 --> 00:05:41 You can't dodge it.
00:05:42 --> 00:05:46 And as we look into this issue of the structure of marriage and gender roles,
00:05:46 --> 00:05:54 we must begin with a look at the good that God intended
00:05:54 --> 00:06:00 and how men and women have corrupted that good
00:06:00 --> 00:06:03 and what Jesus has done to redeem it
00:06:03 --> 00:06:07 and therefore how we practice it.
00:06:07 --> 00:06:13 But it's only until we understand that core principles start with
00:06:13 --> 00:06:19 can we then move into the hazardous concepts of authority and submission
00:06:19 --> 00:06:21 and headships.
00:06:21 --> 00:06:27 So I'm leading us this morning into a minefield
00:06:27 --> 00:06:32 and you wait on the sidelines while I walk in there for a moment
00:06:32 --> 00:06:35 and throw myself on the grenades.
00:06:35 --> 00:06:41 So here's the structure for this morning as we go through.
00:06:42 --> 00:06:46 So the background to Ephesians 5 on marriage
00:06:46 --> 00:06:51 is the beginning of the Bible and God creating the material universe.
00:06:52 --> 00:06:56 The first mention of the Bible, of gender in the Bible,
00:06:56 --> 00:07:00 occurs with the very first mention of humanity itself.
00:07:00 --> 00:07:03 Genesis 1, 26, 28,
00:07:04 --> 00:07:06 God created mankind in his own image.
00:07:06 --> 00:07:07 In the image of God, he created them.
00:07:08 --> 00:07:10 Male and female, he created them.
00:07:11 --> 00:07:13 God blessed them and said to them,
00:07:13 --> 00:07:15 Be fruitful and increase in number.
00:07:15 --> 00:07:17 Fill the earth and subdue it.
00:07:17 --> 00:07:20 Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky
00:07:20 --> 00:07:24 and over every living creature that moves on the ground.
00:07:25 --> 00:07:27 Now, I'm going to go over some territory.
00:07:27 --> 00:07:31 I've already been here just because it's just helpful to be reminded of it.
00:07:32 --> 00:07:35 The wording of verse 26 is very important.
00:07:36 --> 00:07:44 The words, let us, God saying, let us and our point to the plurality of God.
00:07:44 --> 00:07:47 It's the Christian doctrine of the Trinity.
00:07:47 --> 00:07:49 It's the first glimpses of it we get.
00:07:50 --> 00:07:52 But, so God is plural, three in one,
00:07:52 --> 00:08:00 but the words image and likeness are both in the original Hebrew language in singular form.
00:08:01 --> 00:08:08 Plurality of God, but the image and the likeness of God is singular.
00:08:08 --> 00:08:16 The God of the Bible, in whose image humanity is created,
00:08:16 --> 00:08:18 is an eternal community.
00:08:20 --> 00:08:24 And that's the only way, as I said a couple of weeks ago,
00:08:24 --> 00:08:27 the only way you can come to terms with Genesis 2.18.
00:08:27 --> 00:08:28 The Lord God said,
00:08:29 --> 00:08:32 It is not good for a man to be alone.
00:08:33 --> 00:08:35 I will make a suitable helper for him.
00:08:35 --> 00:08:39 So Adam is alone and it's not good.
00:08:39 --> 00:08:42 It's the only thing in the creation account that's described as not good.
00:08:43 --> 00:08:46 That is, Adam is incomplete.
00:08:48 --> 00:08:50 This is before sin entered the world.
00:08:51 --> 00:08:52 And so God declares,
00:08:52 --> 00:08:54 I will make a helper suitable for him.
00:08:54 --> 00:09:02 Now, the woman is created differently than the way Adam was created.
00:09:02 --> 00:09:08 But she is created directly by God.
00:09:11 --> 00:09:15 And there's no sense in the biblical accounts at all
00:09:15 --> 00:09:22 that she is in any way inferior to the male,
00:09:22 --> 00:09:24 in any sense.
00:09:24 --> 00:09:32 Genesis 2.18 calls her a helper suitable for him.
00:09:33 --> 00:09:37 And the English word helper translates the Hebrew word.
00:09:37 --> 00:09:38 I've done this before.
00:09:38 --> 00:09:39 I want to go over it again.
00:09:39 --> 00:09:44 It translates the Hebrew word that is almost always used in the Bible
00:09:44 --> 00:09:49 to describe God's helping of Israel.
00:09:49 --> 00:09:59 The helper is someone who makes up for what is lacking in the other.
00:10:01 --> 00:10:05 In other words, if the word is used of God,
00:10:06 --> 00:10:11 there is no sense at all that God is in any way inferior to Israel.
00:10:12 --> 00:10:16 He is their savior, their rescue, their Lord.
00:10:16 --> 00:10:22 You see, the same word is used not just of God,
00:10:23 --> 00:10:28 but it's also used in the Old Testament to describe the military help.
00:10:29 --> 00:10:34 Like, for instance, military reinforcements of troops,
00:10:34 --> 00:10:37 which if they didn't get the reinforcements,
00:10:37 --> 00:10:38 the battle would be lost.
00:10:38 --> 00:10:43 So the woman is not a domestic assistant.
00:10:45 --> 00:10:47 The woman is a strong helper.
00:10:47 --> 00:10:55 She is a savior friend to the male, to the man.
00:10:56 --> 00:11:01 And so even right at the very beginning of Genesis,
00:11:01 --> 00:11:05 men and women are created with absolute equality.
00:11:05 --> 00:11:10 Both are made in the image of God.
00:11:11 --> 00:11:13 Both are equally blessed.
00:11:14 --> 00:11:18 Both are equally commissioned to have dominion of the earth,
00:11:18 --> 00:11:22 to exercise authority over the earth.
00:11:22 --> 00:11:23 Both.
00:11:26 --> 00:11:29 What this means is that men and women together,
00:11:29 --> 00:11:33 in full participation together,
00:11:34 --> 00:11:39 carry out God's mandate to rule the world.
00:11:42 --> 00:11:44 But God then tells them,
00:11:45 --> 00:11:49 straight after creating the man and male and female,
00:11:49 --> 00:11:52 he tells them to be fruitful and fill the earth.
00:11:52 --> 00:11:57 That is, that mandate there is a mandate to procreate,
00:11:57 --> 00:12:02 and it's a mandate that reflects God's own boundless,
00:12:03 --> 00:12:04 life-giving creativity.
00:12:06 --> 00:12:08 The God who is a source of life,
00:12:09 --> 00:12:15 his mandate is to reflect his life-giving creativity
00:12:15 --> 00:12:18 in the procreation of children.
00:12:18 --> 00:12:22 And it's a mandate,
00:12:23 --> 00:12:25 still to this day,
00:12:26 --> 00:12:29 whatever you think about views of gender,
00:12:30 --> 00:12:33 that we have to carry out in complementary union.
00:12:35 --> 00:12:38 None of us by ourselves have the ability
00:12:38 --> 00:12:40 to fulfil that mandate.
00:12:40 --> 00:12:48 So these verses strongly suggest
00:12:48 --> 00:12:51 that the sexes, male and female,
00:12:51 --> 00:12:55 are equal in dignity and worth,
00:12:55 --> 00:12:56 but also different,
00:12:57 --> 00:13:00 and they are complementary to one another.
00:13:02 --> 00:13:04 In fact, the word suitable,
00:13:04 --> 00:13:07 again, feels a bit weak.
00:13:07 --> 00:13:11 The word suitable there in Genesis,
00:13:12 --> 00:13:15 translate a phrase that is,
00:13:15 --> 00:13:16 you could kind of,
00:13:16 --> 00:13:19 you literally translate it as,
00:13:19 --> 00:13:21 like opposite him,
00:13:22 --> 00:13:24 which is another way of saying,
00:13:25 --> 00:13:29 God created woman
00:13:29 --> 00:13:33 who is just like the man,
00:13:34 --> 00:13:36 but also opposite to the man.
00:13:37 --> 00:13:42 And so when the woman is brought to the man
00:13:42 --> 00:13:45 in the first marriage ceremony,
00:13:47 --> 00:13:49 Adam doesn't go,
00:13:50 --> 00:13:51 whoa, humdinger.
00:13:52 --> 00:13:53 He actually,
00:13:54 --> 00:13:57 it's a poetry language of flesh of my flesh
00:13:57 --> 00:13:58 and bone of my bone.
00:13:59 --> 00:14:01 It's a language which goes,
00:14:02 --> 00:14:03 you are like me,
00:14:03 --> 00:14:07 and yet you're different than me.
00:14:08 --> 00:14:09 You are mysterious,
00:14:10 --> 00:14:12 but I'm drawn to you.
00:14:14 --> 00:14:15 If you like,
00:14:15 --> 00:14:17 they are two pieces of a puzzle.
00:14:17 --> 00:14:18 They fit together
00:14:18 --> 00:14:20 because they're not exactly alike,
00:14:21 --> 00:14:22 nor are they randomly different.
00:14:24 --> 00:14:26 They complete each other.
00:14:26 --> 00:14:30 And so what the Bible teaches us
00:14:30 --> 00:14:31 is that our gender
00:14:31 --> 00:14:34 is not incidental
00:14:34 --> 00:14:36 to our humanness,
00:14:37 --> 00:14:40 but it actually constitutes
00:14:40 --> 00:14:42 its very essence.
00:14:43 --> 00:14:45 It goes right down
00:14:45 --> 00:14:47 into the very core
00:14:47 --> 00:14:49 of who you are,
00:14:50 --> 00:14:52 into every cell of who you are.
00:14:52 --> 00:14:56 And what that means is
00:14:56 --> 00:14:58 we cannot understand ourselves
00:14:58 --> 00:15:01 if we try to ignore the way
00:15:01 --> 00:15:02 that God has designed us.
00:15:04 --> 00:15:05 Now, one of the first,
00:15:06 --> 00:15:07 ironically,
00:15:07 --> 00:15:09 one of the first feminist studies
00:15:09 --> 00:15:12 that argued for the irreducible
00:15:12 --> 00:15:14 gender indifference
00:15:14 --> 00:15:16 was Carol Gilligan's
00:15:17 --> 00:15:18 A Different Voice,
00:15:19 --> 00:15:20 1980s,
00:15:20 --> 00:15:22 early 1980s,
00:15:22 --> 00:15:23 I think it was written.
00:15:25 --> 00:15:26 It's been described
00:15:26 --> 00:15:28 as a little book
00:15:28 --> 00:15:29 that started a revolution,
00:15:30 --> 00:15:33 translated in over 20 different languages,
00:15:35 --> 00:15:37 a New York Times bestseller,
00:15:38 --> 00:15:41 continues to be used today.
00:15:42 --> 00:15:42 Now, Gilligan,
00:15:43 --> 00:15:44 a Jewish feminist,
00:15:45 --> 00:15:46 argued against
00:15:46 --> 00:15:48 what was happening
00:15:48 --> 00:15:49 in her circle
00:15:49 --> 00:15:51 she was arguing
00:15:51 --> 00:15:53 against social theories
00:15:53 --> 00:15:55 that tried to emphasise
00:15:55 --> 00:16:00 a gender indifference,
00:16:02 --> 00:16:06 that if there was any differences,
00:16:08 --> 00:16:10 that they were only superficial differences,
00:16:11 --> 00:16:13 that really were superficial differences
00:16:13 --> 00:16:16 based on culture and social constructs.
00:16:16 --> 00:16:22 what she insisted,
00:16:22 --> 00:16:23 with science,
00:16:25 --> 00:16:26 with science,
00:16:26 --> 00:16:28 with research,
00:16:29 --> 00:16:31 that female psychology development,
00:16:31 --> 00:16:32 psychological development,
00:16:33 --> 00:16:34 their motivations
00:16:34 --> 00:16:37 and even moral reasoning
00:16:37 --> 00:16:39 were different than those of males.
00:16:39 --> 00:16:40 women
00:16:40 --> 00:16:41 were different than those of them.
00:16:41 --> 00:16:42 She said you could see it
00:16:42 --> 00:16:43 right from the get-go
00:16:43 --> 00:16:45 from before they could even speak.
00:16:48 --> 00:16:49 And she argued
00:16:49 --> 00:16:51 absolutely convincingly
00:16:51 --> 00:16:54 amongst other things
00:16:54 --> 00:16:57 that while men seek maturity
00:16:57 --> 00:16:59 by detaching themselves relationally,
00:16:59 --> 00:17:00 becoming independent,
00:17:01 --> 00:17:04 women see themselves maturing
00:17:04 --> 00:17:07 as they attach themselves
00:17:07 --> 00:17:10 and become interdependent
00:17:10 --> 00:17:11 relationally.
00:17:13 --> 00:17:14 She said that's the irreducible differences
00:17:14 --> 00:17:15 between the two
00:17:15 --> 00:17:17 in summary form.
00:17:19 --> 00:17:22 And I would have to say
00:17:22 --> 00:17:24 that what Gilligan,
00:17:24 --> 00:17:25 whether she realised it or not,
00:17:25 --> 00:17:28 observed about gender difference
00:17:28 --> 00:17:29 is clearly played out
00:17:29 --> 00:17:31 in Genesis 3,
00:17:31 --> 00:17:32 negatively,
00:17:34 --> 00:17:36 where man and woman,
00:17:36 --> 00:17:38 they rebel against God's design
00:17:38 --> 00:17:39 and his rule
00:17:39 --> 00:17:40 and the immediate
00:17:40 --> 00:17:41 and catastrophic
00:17:42 --> 00:17:43 change
00:17:44 --> 00:17:45 in their unity
00:17:45 --> 00:17:46 between them
00:17:46 --> 00:17:46 is just
00:17:47 --> 00:17:48 beyond comprehension.
00:17:49 --> 00:17:50 Immediately,
00:17:50 --> 00:17:51 rather than a oneness
00:17:51 --> 00:17:52 and a union
00:17:52 --> 00:17:53 and a complementing
00:17:53 --> 00:17:54 of one another,
00:17:54 --> 00:17:56 there is blame shifting
00:17:56 --> 00:17:57 and finger pointing
00:17:57 --> 00:17:58 and accusation.
00:17:59 --> 00:18:01 instead of
00:18:01 --> 00:18:02 the difference
00:18:02 --> 00:18:04 being a source
00:18:04 --> 00:18:05 of completion
00:18:05 --> 00:18:06 of one another
00:18:06 --> 00:18:08 and joy for one another,
00:18:08 --> 00:18:09 it becomes
00:18:09 --> 00:18:10 an occasion
00:18:10 --> 00:18:11 for oppression
00:18:11 --> 00:18:12 and exploitation.
00:18:16 --> 00:18:18 The woman
00:18:18 --> 00:18:19 remains
00:18:19 --> 00:18:21 dependent
00:18:21 --> 00:18:22 and desirous
00:18:22 --> 00:18:23 of her husband.
00:18:24 --> 00:18:25 Her curse,
00:18:25 --> 00:18:26 you might notice
00:18:26 --> 00:18:27 up there,
00:18:27 --> 00:18:29 is a relational curse.
00:18:29 --> 00:18:30 You will desire
00:18:30 --> 00:18:31 your husband
00:18:31 --> 00:18:35 but he will rule
00:18:35 --> 00:18:35 it over you
00:18:35 --> 00:18:38 and his protection
00:18:38 --> 00:18:40 and love
00:18:40 --> 00:18:42 becomes a selfish lust
00:18:42 --> 00:18:42 and an exploitation
00:18:42 --> 00:18:43 of her.
00:18:44 --> 00:18:45 He will dominate her.
00:18:48 --> 00:18:49 The man,
00:18:49 --> 00:18:50 his curse,
00:18:50 --> 00:18:51 a desire
00:18:51 --> 00:18:52 to detach himself
00:18:52 --> 00:18:54 from relationally
00:18:54 --> 00:18:56 and set his course
00:18:56 --> 00:18:57 as an independent person
00:18:57 --> 00:18:58 to dominate
00:18:58 --> 00:18:59 and rule the world,
00:18:59 --> 00:19:00 his curse is
00:19:00 --> 00:19:01 your work
00:19:01 --> 00:19:02 will be your burden.
00:19:07 --> 00:19:07 The thing
00:19:07 --> 00:19:08 that you think
00:19:08 --> 00:19:09 will be your salvation
00:19:09 --> 00:19:11 will exploit you
00:19:11 --> 00:19:12 and dominate you
00:19:12 --> 00:19:13 and likewise
00:19:13 --> 00:19:14 for the woman,
00:19:14 --> 00:19:15 the thing
00:19:15 --> 00:19:15 that you think
00:19:15 --> 00:19:16 will be your salvation
00:19:16 --> 00:19:17 will dominate you
00:19:17 --> 00:19:19 and exploit you.
00:19:23 --> 00:19:23 What,
00:19:24 --> 00:19:25 the whole point
00:19:25 --> 00:19:25 of this
00:19:25 --> 00:19:27 is to see
00:19:27 --> 00:19:28 the equality
00:19:28 --> 00:19:29 and the differences
00:19:29 --> 00:19:31 but also
00:19:31 --> 00:19:31 to see
00:19:31 --> 00:19:33 that
00:19:33 --> 00:19:34 the problem
00:19:34 --> 00:19:35 in marriage
00:19:35 --> 00:19:37 is not
00:19:37 --> 00:19:38 Ephesians 5.
00:19:40 --> 00:19:41 The problem
00:19:41 --> 00:19:42 is not
00:19:42 --> 00:19:44 God's design.
00:19:45 --> 00:19:46 The problem
00:19:46 --> 00:19:46 is sin.
00:19:47 --> 00:19:50 and the
00:19:50 --> 00:19:51 profound
00:19:51 --> 00:19:52 self-centeredness
00:19:52 --> 00:19:53 of the human heart
00:19:53 --> 00:19:55 that grabs
00:19:55 --> 00:19:55 hold
00:19:55 --> 00:19:57 of Ephesians 5
00:19:57 --> 00:19:57 and says
00:19:57 --> 00:19:58 I can use
00:19:58 --> 00:19:59 this as a weapon.
00:20:03 --> 00:20:03 So,
00:20:03 --> 00:20:04 let's unpack
00:20:04 --> 00:20:06 how we,
00:20:06 --> 00:20:06 therefore,
00:20:07 --> 00:20:07 if marriage
00:20:07 --> 00:20:08 is a picture,
00:20:09 --> 00:20:09 if it meant
00:20:09 --> 00:20:10 to display,
00:20:10 --> 00:20:12 reflect a greater glory,
00:20:12 --> 00:20:13 let's look
00:20:13 --> 00:20:14 at how we do
00:20:14 --> 00:20:15 that in marriage.
00:20:16 --> 00:20:17 Ephesians 5.
00:20:17 --> 00:20:18 tells us
00:20:18 --> 00:20:18 that this is,
00:20:19 --> 00:20:19 in fact,
00:20:19 --> 00:20:19 the profound
00:20:19 --> 00:20:20 mystery of marriage
00:20:20 --> 00:20:21 between a man
00:20:21 --> 00:20:21 and a woman.
00:20:22 --> 00:20:23 It's a living
00:20:23 --> 00:20:23 illustration
00:20:23 --> 00:20:24 of the relationship
00:20:24 --> 00:20:25 between,
00:20:25 --> 00:20:26 the saving
00:20:26 --> 00:20:26 relationship
00:20:26 --> 00:20:27 between
00:20:27 --> 00:20:28 Christ
00:20:28 --> 00:20:29 and his church.
00:20:30 --> 00:20:30 And so,
00:20:30 --> 00:20:31 when
00:20:31 --> 00:20:33 Ephesians 5
00:20:33 --> 00:20:35 talks about
00:20:35 --> 00:20:37 specific roles,
00:20:37 --> 00:20:39 what is happening
00:20:39 --> 00:20:39 here
00:20:39 --> 00:20:40 is it's
00:20:40 --> 00:20:41 revealing
00:20:41 --> 00:20:42 something
00:20:42 --> 00:20:42 magnificent
00:20:42 --> 00:20:43 and about
00:20:43 --> 00:20:44 God.
00:20:45 --> 00:20:46 And what
00:20:46 --> 00:20:47 we discover
00:20:47 --> 00:20:48 is that
00:20:48 --> 00:20:49 Jesus
00:20:49 --> 00:20:50 is the
00:20:50 --> 00:20:50 pattern
00:20:50 --> 00:20:52 for both
00:20:52 --> 00:20:53 genders
00:20:53 --> 00:20:53 and both
00:20:53 --> 00:20:54 roles.
00:20:56 --> 00:20:57 First of all,
00:20:57 --> 00:20:58 we see it
00:20:58 --> 00:20:59 in the submission
00:20:59 --> 00:21:00 of Jesus.
00:21:01 --> 00:21:03 Philippians 2,
00:21:03 --> 00:21:04 verses 5 to 11,
00:21:04 --> 00:21:04 celebrate
00:21:04 --> 00:21:05 that although
00:21:05 --> 00:21:06 Jesus was
00:21:06 --> 00:21:07 equal with
00:21:07 --> 00:21:08 God,
00:21:09 --> 00:21:10 he entered
00:21:10 --> 00:21:11 himself of
00:21:11 --> 00:21:11 his glory
00:21:11 --> 00:21:13 and took
00:21:13 --> 00:21:14 on the role
00:21:14 --> 00:21:14 of a servant.
00:21:16 --> 00:21:17 And these
00:21:17 --> 00:21:18 verses teach
00:21:18 --> 00:21:20 quite clearly
00:21:20 --> 00:21:21 the equality
00:21:21 --> 00:21:22 of the father
00:21:22 --> 00:21:23 and the son,
00:21:23 --> 00:21:25 but also
00:21:25 --> 00:21:27 the voluntary
00:21:27 --> 00:21:28 submission
00:21:28 --> 00:21:29 of the son
00:21:29 --> 00:21:30 to the
00:21:30 --> 00:21:30 father
00:21:30 --> 00:21:34 to secure
00:21:34 --> 00:21:35 our salvation
00:21:35 --> 00:21:37 for the
00:21:37 --> 00:21:38 glory of
00:21:38 --> 00:21:39 the father.
00:21:45 --> 00:21:45 Nowhere
00:21:45 --> 00:21:48 in the
00:21:48 --> 00:21:49 New Testament
00:21:49 --> 00:21:51 are we
00:21:51 --> 00:21:51 told in
00:21:51 --> 00:21:52 any way,
00:21:52 --> 00:21:53 hinted at
00:21:53 --> 00:21:53 in any
00:21:53 --> 00:21:53 way,
00:21:53 --> 00:21:54 the
00:21:54 --> 00:21:54 God,
00:21:54 --> 00:21:54 the
00:21:54 --> 00:21:54 father
00:21:54 --> 00:21:55 coerced,
00:21:55 --> 00:21:55 forced,
00:21:55 --> 00:21:56 manipulated,
00:21:56 --> 00:21:57 or subjugated
00:21:57 --> 00:21:57 the son
00:21:57 --> 00:21:59 in any
00:21:59 --> 00:21:59 way
00:21:59 --> 00:21:59 whatsoever.
00:22:01 --> 00:22:01 His
00:22:01 --> 00:22:02 submission,
00:22:02 --> 00:22:02 the submission
00:22:02 --> 00:22:03 of the
00:22:03 --> 00:22:04 son
00:22:04 --> 00:22:05 is wholly
00:22:05 --> 00:22:06 voluntary.
00:22:08 --> 00:22:09 It was
00:22:09 --> 00:22:11 his gift
00:22:11 --> 00:22:13 to his
00:22:13 --> 00:22:14 father.
00:22:17 --> 00:22:18 And the
00:22:18 --> 00:22:18 father
00:22:18 --> 00:22:20 accepts
00:22:20 --> 00:22:21 the gift
00:22:21 --> 00:22:22 according to
00:22:22 --> 00:22:23 Philippians
00:22:23 --> 00:22:23 to,
00:22:23 --> 00:22:25 and exalts
00:22:25 --> 00:22:26 the son
00:22:26 --> 00:22:28 to the
00:22:28 --> 00:22:28 highest
00:22:28 --> 00:22:29 place.
00:22:32 --> 00:22:33 In other
00:22:33 --> 00:22:33 words,
00:22:33 --> 00:22:34 what happens
00:22:34 --> 00:22:37 is each
00:22:37 --> 00:22:38 exists to
00:22:38 --> 00:22:39 please the
00:22:39 --> 00:22:39 other,
00:22:39 --> 00:22:40 to exalt
00:22:40 --> 00:22:41 the other,
00:22:41 --> 00:22:43 to love
00:22:43 --> 00:22:43 and honour
00:22:43 --> 00:22:46 the other.
00:22:46 --> 00:22:47 and so
00:22:47 --> 00:22:47 there's
00:22:47 --> 00:22:48 this
00:22:48 --> 00:22:49 reciprocal,
00:22:49 --> 00:22:50 the
00:22:50 --> 00:22:52 love and
00:22:52 --> 00:22:52 honour
00:22:52 --> 00:22:52 are given,
00:22:52 --> 00:22:53 they are
00:22:53 --> 00:22:53 accepted,
00:22:53 --> 00:22:54 and they
00:22:54 --> 00:22:54 are given
00:22:54 --> 00:22:54 again.
00:22:58 --> 00:22:59 And in
00:22:59 --> 00:23:00 no sense
00:23:00 --> 00:23:00 at all
00:23:00 --> 00:23:01 from
00:23:01 --> 00:23:01 Philippians
00:23:01 --> 00:23:02 2,
00:23:04 --> 00:23:04 is the
00:23:04 --> 00:23:05 submission,
00:23:05 --> 00:23:06 the voluntary
00:23:06 --> 00:23:06 submission of
00:23:06 --> 00:23:07 Jesus,
00:23:07 --> 00:23:08 an assault
00:23:08 --> 00:23:09 on his
00:23:09 --> 00:23:10 dignity or
00:23:10 --> 00:23:11 his divinity
00:23:11 --> 00:23:13 in any way
00:23:13 --> 00:23:14 whatsoever.
00:23:14 --> 00:23:17 it was
00:23:17 --> 00:23:18 in fact
00:23:18 --> 00:23:18 the path,
00:23:19 --> 00:23:21 it was
00:23:21 --> 00:23:22 the path
00:23:22 --> 00:23:23 to the
00:23:23 --> 00:23:23 father giving
00:23:23 --> 00:23:24 him greater
00:23:24 --> 00:23:25 glory.
00:23:29 --> 00:23:30 This
00:23:30 --> 00:23:31 is the
00:23:31 --> 00:23:31 vibrant
00:23:31 --> 00:23:32 life of
00:23:32 --> 00:23:32 the
00:23:32 --> 00:23:32 trinity.
00:23:34 --> 00:23:35 The
00:23:35 --> 00:23:35 father and
00:23:35 --> 00:23:36 son
00:23:36 --> 00:23:36 relationship
00:23:36 --> 00:23:37 is a
00:23:37 --> 00:23:38 pattern of
00:23:38 --> 00:23:38 the
00:23:38 --> 00:23:38 relationship
00:23:38 --> 00:23:39 between
00:23:39 --> 00:23:39 the
00:23:39 --> 00:23:39 husband
00:23:39 --> 00:23:40 to
00:23:40 --> 00:23:40 wife.
00:23:41 --> 00:23:42 Submission
00:23:42 --> 00:23:42 in marriage
00:23:42 --> 00:23:43 is a
00:23:43 --> 00:23:44 gift
00:23:44 --> 00:23:45 offered
00:23:45 --> 00:23:45 by the
00:23:45 --> 00:23:46 wife
00:23:46 --> 00:23:47 to the
00:23:47 --> 00:23:47 husband
00:23:47 --> 00:23:51 for her
00:23:51 --> 00:23:52 greater
00:23:52 --> 00:23:52 glory.
00:23:57 --> 00:23:58 But
00:23:58 --> 00:23:59 Jesus is
00:23:59 --> 00:24:00 also the
00:24:00 --> 00:24:01 pattern for
00:24:01 --> 00:24:01 the husband.
00:24:03 --> 00:24:03 It would
00:24:03 --> 00:24:04 be a
00:24:04 --> 00:24:04 mistake,
00:24:05 --> 00:24:06 I think,
00:24:07 --> 00:24:07 it would be a
00:24:07 --> 00:24:08 mistake,
00:24:08 --> 00:24:08 and husbands,
00:24:09 --> 00:24:09 you need to
00:24:09 --> 00:24:10 hear this,
00:24:10 --> 00:24:11 it's a
00:24:11 --> 00:24:12 mistake to
00:24:12 --> 00:24:14 see that
00:24:14 --> 00:24:16 it takes
00:24:16 --> 00:24:17 an equal
00:24:17 --> 00:24:18 degree of
00:24:18 --> 00:24:18 submission
00:24:18 --> 00:24:20 for men
00:24:20 --> 00:24:21 to submit
00:24:21 --> 00:24:21 to their
00:24:21 --> 00:24:23 roles as
00:24:23 --> 00:24:23 servant
00:24:23 --> 00:24:23 leaders.
00:24:27 --> 00:24:28 Particularly
00:24:28 --> 00:24:31 if we
00:24:31 --> 00:24:32 see ourselves
00:24:32 --> 00:24:33 maturing by
00:24:33 --> 00:24:34 detachment
00:24:34 --> 00:24:35 and
00:24:35 --> 00:24:36 independence.
00:24:36 --> 00:24:39 you see,
00:24:39 --> 00:24:40 what Jesus
00:24:40 --> 00:24:41 does in
00:24:41 --> 00:24:42 his life,
00:24:42 --> 00:24:42 in his
00:24:42 --> 00:24:42 ministry,
00:24:42 --> 00:24:43 in his
00:24:43 --> 00:24:43 teaching,
00:24:44 --> 00:24:44 is he
00:24:44 --> 00:24:45 doesn't give
00:24:45 --> 00:24:46 us a
00:24:46 --> 00:24:47 different
00:24:47 --> 00:24:48 definition
00:24:48 --> 00:24:49 of
00:24:49 --> 00:24:49 leadership,
00:24:49 --> 00:24:50 he doesn't
00:24:50 --> 00:24:50 give us an
00:24:50 --> 00:24:51 alternative,
00:24:51 --> 00:24:52 what he
00:24:52 --> 00:24:52 does is he
00:24:52 --> 00:24:53 actually reveals
00:24:53 --> 00:24:54 the true
00:24:54 --> 00:24:54 definition
00:24:54 --> 00:24:57 of what
00:24:57 --> 00:24:57 leadership
00:24:57 --> 00:24:58 actually is
00:24:58 --> 00:24:59 in every
00:24:59 --> 00:24:59 sense,
00:25:00 --> 00:25:00 in all
00:25:00 --> 00:25:01 leadership,
00:25:01 --> 00:25:01 all
00:25:01 --> 00:25:02 leadership
00:25:02 --> 00:25:02 is.
00:25:02 --> 00:25:11 greatness is
00:25:11 --> 00:25:12 the one
00:25:12 --> 00:25:13 who is
00:25:13 --> 00:25:13 most
00:25:13 --> 00:25:15 self-effacing,
00:25:16 --> 00:25:17 most
00:25:17 --> 00:25:18 sacrificial,
00:25:19 --> 00:25:20 most
00:25:20 --> 00:25:21 devoted to
00:25:21 --> 00:25:22 the good
00:25:22 --> 00:25:22 of the
00:25:22 --> 00:25:22 other.
00:25:24 --> 00:25:25 A famous
00:25:25 --> 00:25:26 passage,
00:25:26 --> 00:25:26 John 13,
00:25:27 --> 00:25:28 Jesus
00:25:28 --> 00:25:29 washes
00:25:29 --> 00:25:29 these
00:25:29 --> 00:25:30 disciples'
00:25:30 --> 00:25:30 feet.
00:25:30 --> 00:25:30 servant,
00:25:31 --> 00:25:32 and what's
00:25:32 --> 00:25:32 famous about
00:25:32 --> 00:25:33 it is that
00:25:33 --> 00:25:33 the master,
00:25:34 --> 00:25:34 the one
00:25:34 --> 00:25:34 that they
00:25:34 --> 00:25:35 have become
00:25:35 --> 00:25:35 to know
00:25:35 --> 00:25:36 as the
00:25:36 --> 00:25:36 Lord,
00:25:38 --> 00:25:39 becomes
00:25:39 --> 00:25:40 the servant,
00:25:40 --> 00:25:40 takes on
00:25:40 --> 00:25:41 the role
00:25:41 --> 00:25:42 of the
00:25:42 --> 00:25:42 lowest
00:25:42 --> 00:25:43 activity
00:25:43 --> 00:25:44 of a
00:25:44 --> 00:25:44 servant
00:25:44 --> 00:25:45 in Jesus'
00:25:46 --> 00:25:46 culture,
00:25:47 --> 00:25:47 to wash
00:25:47 --> 00:25:48 the feet
00:25:48 --> 00:25:50 of those
00:25:50 --> 00:25:50 who were
00:25:50 --> 00:25:51 superior.
00:25:53 --> 00:25:53 And what
00:25:53 --> 00:25:54 he demonstrates
00:25:54 --> 00:25:55 here in the
00:25:55 --> 00:25:56 most dramatic
00:25:56 --> 00:25:57 way is that
00:25:57 --> 00:25:58 authority and
00:25:58 --> 00:25:59 leadership mean
00:25:59 --> 00:26:00 that you become
00:26:00 --> 00:26:01 the servant.
00:26:01 --> 00:26:02 You die to
00:26:02 --> 00:26:03 serve in
00:26:03 --> 00:26:03 order to
00:26:03 --> 00:26:04 love and
00:26:04 --> 00:26:05 to serve
00:26:05 --> 00:26:05 others.
00:26:07 --> 00:26:08 As Jesus
00:26:08 --> 00:26:09 tells us in
00:26:09 --> 00:26:10 Mark 10,
00:26:10 --> 00:26:10 he did not
00:26:10 --> 00:26:11 come to be
00:26:11 --> 00:26:11 served but
00:26:11 --> 00:26:12 to serve
00:26:12 --> 00:26:13 and to
00:26:13 --> 00:26:13 serve to
00:26:13 --> 00:26:14 the point
00:26:14 --> 00:26:15 of surrendering
00:26:15 --> 00:26:15 his life
00:26:15 --> 00:26:16 to death.
00:26:18 --> 00:26:18 That much
00:26:18 --> 00:26:19 of a
00:26:19 --> 00:26:19 sacrifice.
00:26:21 --> 00:26:21 And so
00:26:21 --> 00:26:22 what Jesus
00:26:22 --> 00:26:23 reveals
00:26:23 --> 00:26:24 directly from
00:26:24 --> 00:26:25 the God
00:26:25 --> 00:26:25 head,
00:26:27 --> 00:26:27 the design
00:26:27 --> 00:26:28 of creation
00:26:28 --> 00:26:30 is that
00:26:30 --> 00:26:30 all
00:26:30 --> 00:26:31 authority
00:26:31 --> 00:26:32 is
00:26:32 --> 00:26:33 servant
00:26:33 --> 00:26:34 authority.
00:26:35 --> 00:26:36 Not some
00:26:36 --> 00:26:36 of it,
00:26:37 --> 00:26:38 all
00:26:38 --> 00:26:39 authority
00:26:39 --> 00:26:40 is
00:26:40 --> 00:26:40 servant.
00:26:40 --> 00:26:40 There is
00:26:40 --> 00:26:41 no other
00:26:41 --> 00:26:42 definition
00:26:42 --> 00:26:43 except one
00:26:43 --> 00:26:44 that's
00:26:44 --> 00:26:44 redefined
00:26:44 --> 00:26:45 by sin.
00:26:48 --> 00:26:49 Any
00:26:49 --> 00:26:49 exercise
00:26:49 --> 00:26:50 of authority
00:26:50 --> 00:26:51 and power
00:26:51 --> 00:26:52 to please
00:26:52 --> 00:26:52 or advance
00:26:52 --> 00:26:53 yourself
00:26:53 --> 00:26:54 is in
00:26:54 --> 00:26:55 effect
00:26:55 --> 00:26:56 an
00:26:56 --> 00:26:57 abdication
00:26:57 --> 00:26:58 of
00:26:58 --> 00:26:59 authority
00:26:59 --> 00:26:59 and
00:26:59 --> 00:26:59 leadership.
00:27:03 --> 00:27:04 That's
00:27:04 --> 00:27:04 what it
00:27:04 --> 00:27:04 is.
00:27:04 --> 00:27:05 It's an
00:27:05 --> 00:27:06 abdication
00:27:06 --> 00:27:06 of authority
00:27:06 --> 00:27:07 and leadership.
00:27:10 --> 00:27:10 And so
00:27:10 --> 00:27:11 in Ephesians
00:27:11 --> 00:27:11 5,
00:27:11 --> 00:27:12 the husband
00:27:12 --> 00:27:13 submits
00:27:13 --> 00:27:14 to the
00:27:14 --> 00:27:14 role of
00:27:14 --> 00:27:15 servant
00:27:15 --> 00:27:15 leader
00:27:15 --> 00:27:18 who uses
00:27:18 --> 00:27:18 his authority
00:27:18 --> 00:27:19 and his
00:27:19 --> 00:27:20 power
00:27:20 --> 00:27:21 to express
00:27:21 --> 00:27:22 a love
00:27:22 --> 00:27:23 that does
00:27:23 --> 00:27:23 not even
00:27:23 --> 00:27:24 stop
00:27:24 --> 00:27:26 at dying
00:27:26 --> 00:27:27 for his
00:27:27 --> 00:27:28 beloved.
00:27:29 --> 00:27:30 That's
00:27:30 --> 00:27:30 headship
00:27:30 --> 00:27:32 in
00:27:32 --> 00:27:32 Ephesians
00:27:32 --> 00:27:33 5.
00:27:34 --> 00:27:34 In other
00:27:34 --> 00:27:35 words,
00:27:36 --> 00:27:37 when you
00:27:37 --> 00:27:38 step back
00:27:38 --> 00:27:38 and you
00:27:38 --> 00:27:38 look at
00:27:38 --> 00:27:39 Ephesians
00:27:39 --> 00:27:39 5,
00:27:40 --> 00:27:40 both
00:27:40 --> 00:27:41 headship
00:27:41 --> 00:27:41 and
00:27:41 --> 00:27:42 submission,
00:27:42 --> 00:27:43 both husband
00:27:43 --> 00:27:44 and wife
00:27:44 --> 00:27:44 get to
00:27:44 --> 00:27:46 play the
00:27:46 --> 00:27:46 role of
00:27:46 --> 00:27:47 Jesus
00:27:47 --> 00:27:47 in their
00:27:47 --> 00:27:48 marriage.
00:27:48 --> 00:27:52 Jesus
00:27:52 --> 00:27:53 in his
00:27:53 --> 00:27:53 sacrificial
00:27:53 --> 00:27:54 submission
00:27:54 --> 00:27:55 or Jesus
00:27:55 --> 00:27:56 in his
00:27:56 --> 00:27:57 sacrificial
00:27:57 --> 00:27:58 authority
00:27:58 --> 00:27:59 to their
00:27:59 --> 00:27:59 spouse.
00:28:02 --> 00:28:02 So,
00:28:03 --> 00:28:06 how do
00:28:06 --> 00:28:07 we work
00:28:07 --> 00:28:08 against
00:28:08 --> 00:28:09 sin,
00:28:10 --> 00:28:10 which
00:28:10 --> 00:28:10 happened in
00:28:10 --> 00:28:11 the Garden
00:28:11 --> 00:28:11 of Eden,
00:28:12 --> 00:28:13 where the
00:28:13 --> 00:28:13 oneness,
00:28:14 --> 00:28:14 because of
00:28:14 --> 00:28:14 sin,
00:28:15 --> 00:28:15 there's
00:28:15 --> 00:28:15 separation
00:28:15 --> 00:28:17 and fear,
00:28:19 --> 00:28:19 lack of
00:28:19 --> 00:28:20 vulnerability,
00:28:20 --> 00:28:21 cover up.
00:28:22 --> 00:28:23 What does it
00:28:23 --> 00:28:23 look like in
00:28:23 --> 00:28:24 practice?
00:28:25 --> 00:28:27 What is this
00:28:27 --> 00:28:28 gender role
00:28:28 --> 00:28:28 and difference?
00:28:28 --> 00:28:29 What does it
00:28:29 --> 00:28:29 mean in
00:28:29 --> 00:28:30 actual
00:28:30 --> 00:28:31 practice?
00:28:32 --> 00:28:32 Now,
00:28:34 --> 00:28:34 without your
00:28:34 --> 00:28:35 pen and
00:28:35 --> 00:28:36 your paper,
00:28:36 --> 00:28:41 because,
00:28:41 --> 00:28:42 actually,
00:28:42 --> 00:28:42 don't do
00:28:42 --> 00:28:42 that,
00:28:42 --> 00:28:43 because I'm
00:28:43 --> 00:28:43 not going
00:28:43 --> 00:28:43 to give
00:28:43 --> 00:28:43 you a
00:28:43 --> 00:28:44 list at
00:28:44 --> 00:28:45 all.
00:28:45 --> 00:28:46 This is,
00:28:46 --> 00:28:47 in fact,
00:28:47 --> 00:28:47 where it's
00:28:47 --> 00:28:48 incredibly
00:28:48 --> 00:28:49 frustrating for
00:28:49 --> 00:28:49 those who
00:28:49 --> 00:28:50 want lists,
00:28:51 --> 00:28:51 for those who
00:28:51 --> 00:28:52 want rules,
00:28:52 --> 00:28:52 for those who
00:28:52 --> 00:28:53 want just a
00:28:53 --> 00:28:53 job description.
00:28:54 --> 00:28:54 You know,
00:28:55 --> 00:28:55 Steve,
00:28:55 --> 00:28:55 could you whip
00:28:55 --> 00:28:56 out a job
00:28:56 --> 00:28:57 description and
00:28:57 --> 00:28:57 just print one
00:28:57 --> 00:28:57 out and send
00:28:57 --> 00:28:58 us to it
00:28:58 --> 00:28:59 tomorrow and
00:28:59 --> 00:28:59 tell me what
00:28:59 --> 00:29:00 my role is.
00:29:00 --> 00:29:01 This is where
00:29:01 --> 00:29:02 the Bible
00:29:02 --> 00:29:03 gives us,
00:29:03 --> 00:29:03 I mean,
00:29:03 --> 00:29:04 it tells us
00:29:04 --> 00:29:05 this and
00:29:05 --> 00:29:05 doesn't give
00:29:05 --> 00:29:05 us any
00:29:05 --> 00:29:06 details.
00:29:06 --> 00:29:06 It's what
00:29:06 --> 00:29:06 it looks
00:29:06 --> 00:29:07 like.
00:29:08 --> 00:29:09 Nowhere,
00:29:09 --> 00:29:10 nowhere anywhere
00:29:10 --> 00:29:11 in the Bible
00:29:11 --> 00:29:12 does it say
00:29:12 --> 00:29:12 that a wife
00:29:12 --> 00:29:13 should stay
00:29:13 --> 00:29:13 at home,
00:29:14 --> 00:29:14 never have
00:29:14 --> 00:29:15 a career,
00:29:15 --> 00:29:16 be responsible
00:29:16 --> 00:29:16 for the
00:29:16 --> 00:29:17 childcare and
00:29:17 --> 00:29:17 the cooking.
00:29:19 --> 00:29:19 Neither does
00:29:19 --> 00:29:20 it say
00:29:20 --> 00:29:21 husbands are
00:29:21 --> 00:29:21 the breadwinners,
00:29:21 --> 00:29:22 they're to do
00:29:22 --> 00:29:22 the home
00:29:22 --> 00:29:22 maintenance,
00:29:23 --> 00:29:23 manage the
00:29:23 --> 00:29:24 finances and
00:29:24 --> 00:29:24 choose the
00:29:24 --> 00:29:25 family car.
00:29:25 --> 00:29:26 Nowhere at
00:29:26 --> 00:29:28 all does
00:29:28 --> 00:29:29 it say that,
00:29:29 --> 00:29:29 at all.
00:29:31 --> 00:29:33 Any such
00:29:33 --> 00:29:34 stereotypes
00:29:34 --> 00:29:36 are entirely
00:29:36 --> 00:29:37 culturally
00:29:37 --> 00:29:38 driven.
00:29:39 --> 00:29:40 They are
00:29:40 --> 00:29:40 not the
00:29:40 --> 00:29:41 definition of
00:29:41 --> 00:29:41 the
00:29:41 --> 00:29:41 traditional
00:29:41 --> 00:29:43 Christian
00:29:43 --> 00:29:44 marriage at
00:29:44 --> 00:29:45 all in
00:29:45 --> 00:29:45 any way.
00:29:48 --> 00:29:49 In fact,
00:29:49 --> 00:29:50 in Jesus'
00:29:50 --> 00:29:50 time,
00:29:51 --> 00:29:51 there's no
00:29:51 --> 00:29:52 way those
00:29:52 --> 00:29:53 cultural
00:29:53 --> 00:29:53 stereotypes
00:29:53 --> 00:29:54 would have
00:29:54 --> 00:29:54 worked.
00:29:55 --> 00:29:56 The cultural
00:29:56 --> 00:29:57 stereotypes that
00:29:57 --> 00:29:58 we think in
00:29:58 --> 00:29:58 Western
00:29:58 --> 00:30:00 civilisation are
00:30:00 --> 00:30:00 traditional
00:30:00 --> 00:30:01 cultural
00:30:01 --> 00:30:01 marriage,
00:30:01 --> 00:30:02 traditional
00:30:02 --> 00:30:02 Christian
00:30:02 --> 00:30:03 marriage,
00:30:03 --> 00:30:05 arose out
00:30:05 --> 00:30:05 of
00:30:05 --> 00:30:07 enlightenment
00:30:07 --> 00:30:07 and the
00:30:07 --> 00:30:08 industrialised
00:30:08 --> 00:30:08 age.
00:30:10 --> 00:30:10 We're
00:30:10 --> 00:30:11 flocking to
00:30:11 --> 00:30:12 the city
00:30:12 --> 00:30:12 and for
00:30:12 --> 00:30:13 the first
00:30:13 --> 00:30:13 time in
00:30:13 --> 00:30:14 history,
00:30:14 --> 00:30:15 the man
00:30:15 --> 00:30:16 gets up
00:30:16 --> 00:30:16 or someone
00:30:16 --> 00:30:17 gets up
00:30:17 --> 00:30:17 and has
00:30:17 --> 00:30:18 got to
00:30:18 --> 00:30:18 go to
00:30:18 --> 00:30:18 work in
00:30:18 --> 00:30:19 a factory.
00:30:21 --> 00:30:21 Well,
00:30:21 --> 00:30:22 who looks
00:30:22 --> 00:30:22 after the
00:30:22 --> 00:30:22 kids?
00:30:22 --> 00:30:23 You can't
00:30:23 --> 00:30:23 take them
00:30:23 --> 00:30:23 to the
00:30:23 --> 00:30:24 factory.
00:30:25 --> 00:30:25 Before
00:30:25 --> 00:30:25 the
00:30:25 --> 00:30:26 industrialised
00:30:26 --> 00:30:27 age,
00:30:27 --> 00:30:27 in an
00:30:27 --> 00:30:27 agrarian
00:30:27 --> 00:30:28 culture,
00:30:28 --> 00:30:29 both husband
00:30:29 --> 00:30:30 and wife
00:30:30 --> 00:30:30 were in
00:30:30 --> 00:30:33 the
00:30:33 --> 00:30:33 paddock,
00:30:33 --> 00:30:33 as you'll
00:30:33 --> 00:30:34 find in
00:30:34 --> 00:30:34 most farms
00:30:34 --> 00:30:35 today.
00:30:36 --> 00:30:37 They're both
00:30:37 --> 00:30:37 in the
00:30:37 --> 00:30:38 paddock.
00:30:38 --> 00:30:39 They're both
00:30:39 --> 00:30:39 doing,
00:30:40 --> 00:30:41 well,
00:30:41 --> 00:30:41 they didn't
00:30:41 --> 00:30:41 have cars,
00:30:41 --> 00:30:42 you know,
00:30:42 --> 00:30:43 fixing the
00:30:43 --> 00:30:43 cart or the
00:30:43 --> 00:30:44 camel or
00:30:44 --> 00:30:44 whatever it
00:30:44 --> 00:30:44 is.
00:30:45 --> 00:30:46 They're both
00:30:46 --> 00:30:46 doing that
00:30:46 --> 00:30:47 work.
00:30:48 --> 00:30:49 You see,
00:30:49 --> 00:30:49 the Bible
00:30:49 --> 00:30:50 was written
00:30:50 --> 00:30:50 for all
00:30:50 --> 00:30:51 cultures
00:30:51 --> 00:30:52 across the
00:30:52 --> 00:30:53 centuries,
00:30:54 --> 00:30:54 and so
00:30:54 --> 00:30:55 any rigid
00:30:55 --> 00:30:56 cultural
00:30:56 --> 00:30:58 gender roles
00:30:58 --> 00:30:58 have no
00:30:58 --> 00:30:59 biblical
00:30:59 --> 00:31:00 warrant at
00:31:00 --> 00:31:00 all.
00:31:00 --> 00:31:02 If you're
00:31:02 --> 00:31:03 feeling guilty
00:31:03 --> 00:31:04 at all
00:31:04 --> 00:31:05 about any
00:31:05 --> 00:31:05 of that
00:31:05 --> 00:31:06 stuff,
00:31:06 --> 00:31:06 you should
00:31:06 --> 00:31:07 not.
00:31:08 --> 00:31:09 The Bible
00:31:09 --> 00:31:10 allows for
00:31:10 --> 00:31:11 freedom in
00:31:11 --> 00:31:12 the particulars
00:31:12 --> 00:31:13 while still
00:31:13 --> 00:31:14 upholding the
00:31:14 --> 00:31:14 principle.
00:31:17 --> 00:31:17 The basic
00:31:17 --> 00:31:19 roles of
00:31:19 --> 00:31:21 leader and
00:31:21 --> 00:31:21 helper
00:31:21 --> 00:31:23 are binding,
00:31:24 --> 00:31:24 or if you
00:31:24 --> 00:31:24 like,
00:31:24 --> 00:31:25 the basic
00:31:25 --> 00:31:26 function of
00:31:26 --> 00:31:27 leader and
00:31:27 --> 00:31:28 helper are
00:31:28 --> 00:31:28 binding.
00:31:28 --> 00:31:30 people
00:31:30 --> 00:31:32 must work
00:31:32 --> 00:31:33 out for
00:31:33 --> 00:31:34 themselves
00:31:34 --> 00:31:35 how this
00:31:35 --> 00:31:36 is expressed
00:31:36 --> 00:31:36 in their
00:31:36 --> 00:31:37 marriage.
00:31:41 --> 00:31:42 The very
00:31:42 --> 00:31:44 process of
00:31:44 --> 00:31:45 actually going
00:31:45 --> 00:31:46 through that
00:31:46 --> 00:31:49 is what I
00:31:49 --> 00:31:50 think is part
00:31:50 --> 00:31:50 of what it
00:31:50 --> 00:31:51 means to
00:31:51 --> 00:31:51 honour your
00:31:51 --> 00:31:52 gender
00:31:52 --> 00:31:52 differences.
00:31:52 --> 00:31:55 rather than
00:31:55 --> 00:31:56 just walking
00:31:56 --> 00:31:56 into it,
00:31:56 --> 00:31:57 which most
00:31:57 --> 00:31:58 of us do,
00:31:58 --> 00:31:59 walk into
00:31:59 --> 00:32:00 marriage just
00:32:00 --> 00:32:01 assuming the
00:32:01 --> 00:32:02 roles that
00:32:02 --> 00:32:02 we've inherited
00:32:02 --> 00:32:04 without giving
00:32:04 --> 00:32:05 it any thought
00:32:05 --> 00:32:06 whatsoever as
00:32:06 --> 00:32:07 to what the
00:32:07 --> 00:32:08 biblical structure
00:32:08 --> 00:32:09 of it might
00:32:09 --> 00:32:09 be.
00:32:12 --> 00:32:13 And so,
00:32:13 --> 00:32:14 husbands, if I
00:32:14 --> 00:32:14 can speak to
00:32:14 --> 00:32:14 you,
00:32:14 --> 00:32:17 some of
00:32:17 --> 00:32:18 us may
00:32:18 --> 00:32:19 need to
00:32:19 --> 00:32:19 work on
00:32:19 --> 00:32:20 the leader
00:32:20 --> 00:32:21 part of
00:32:21 --> 00:32:22 being a
00:32:22 --> 00:32:23 servant
00:32:23 --> 00:32:23 leader.
00:32:25 --> 00:32:26 That is,
00:32:27 --> 00:32:28 we're more
00:32:28 --> 00:32:29 likely to
00:32:29 --> 00:32:31 give in and
00:32:31 --> 00:32:31 just go,
00:32:31 --> 00:32:31 yeah,
00:32:31 --> 00:32:32 whatever,
00:32:32 --> 00:32:32 whatever,
00:32:32 --> 00:32:32 whatever,
00:32:32 --> 00:32:33 whatever.
00:32:34 --> 00:32:35 And therefore,
00:32:35 --> 00:32:35 when we do
00:32:35 --> 00:32:36 that, we're
00:32:36 --> 00:32:37 abdicating to
00:32:37 --> 00:32:37 the wife to
00:32:37 --> 00:32:38 make the
00:32:38 --> 00:32:38 decision.
00:32:39 --> 00:32:40 Dig down
00:32:40 --> 00:32:40 our heart,
00:32:40 --> 00:32:41 we just
00:32:41 --> 00:32:42 don't want to
00:32:42 --> 00:32:42 have to go
00:32:42 --> 00:32:42 there.
00:32:42 --> 00:32:43 We don't
00:32:43 --> 00:32:43 want to take
00:32:43 --> 00:32:44 the responsibility.
00:32:44 --> 00:32:44 And so,
00:32:45 --> 00:32:45 for some
00:32:45 --> 00:32:45 of us,
00:32:45 --> 00:32:46 that's what
00:32:46 --> 00:32:46 we need
00:32:46 --> 00:32:47 to do.
00:32:48 --> 00:32:49 For me,
00:32:49 --> 00:32:50 I've had to
00:32:50 --> 00:32:50 work on
00:32:50 --> 00:32:53 the servant
00:32:53 --> 00:32:54 part of
00:32:54 --> 00:32:54 the servant
00:32:54 --> 00:32:56 leadership in
00:32:56 --> 00:32:57 my marriage.
00:32:59 --> 00:33:00 My
00:33:00 --> 00:33:01 maleness is
00:33:01 --> 00:33:02 that I
00:33:02 --> 00:33:03 tend to
00:33:03 --> 00:33:04 be, and
00:33:04 --> 00:33:04 always have
00:33:04 --> 00:33:05 been,
00:33:05 --> 00:33:05 someone who
00:33:05 --> 00:33:06 has looked
00:33:06 --> 00:33:07 outward and
00:33:07 --> 00:33:08 looked forward
00:33:08 --> 00:33:09 in life.
00:33:11 --> 00:33:12 I tend
00:33:12 --> 00:33:12 to be quick
00:33:12 --> 00:33:14 to step
00:33:14 --> 00:33:14 stand on
00:33:14 --> 00:33:15 principle,
00:33:15 --> 00:33:16 to be
00:33:16 --> 00:33:17 logical in
00:33:17 --> 00:33:18 my problem
00:33:18 --> 00:33:18 solving,
00:33:19 --> 00:33:19 to planning
00:33:19 --> 00:33:20 a course
00:33:20 --> 00:33:20 of action
00:33:20 --> 00:33:21 and getting
00:33:21 --> 00:33:22 a job
00:33:22 --> 00:33:22 done.
00:33:23 --> 00:33:23 And those
00:33:23 --> 00:33:24 gifts have
00:33:24 --> 00:33:25 been affirmed
00:33:25 --> 00:33:26 not just by
00:33:26 --> 00:33:27 Nat, but
00:33:27 --> 00:33:27 affirmed by
00:33:27 --> 00:33:31 people in
00:33:31 --> 00:33:31 life for me,
00:33:32 --> 00:33:32 even in my
00:33:32 --> 00:33:33 very first
00:33:33 --> 00:33:35 job as a
00:33:35 --> 00:33:36 15-year-old.
00:33:36 --> 00:33:36 gift.
00:33:36 --> 00:33:40 But even
00:33:40 --> 00:33:41 those gifts
00:33:41 --> 00:33:43 must be
00:33:43 --> 00:33:43 balanced
00:33:43 --> 00:33:45 because,
00:33:46 --> 00:33:47 as it
00:33:47 --> 00:33:47 turns out,
00:33:48 --> 00:33:49 I should
00:33:49 --> 00:33:49 never have
00:33:49 --> 00:33:50 locked in the
00:33:50 --> 00:33:50 date and
00:33:50 --> 00:33:51 venue for
00:33:51 --> 00:33:51 our wedding
00:33:51 --> 00:33:52 without
00:33:52 --> 00:33:52 consulting
00:33:52 --> 00:33:52 that.
00:33:56 --> 00:33:58 And in
00:33:58 --> 00:33:58 my
00:33:58 --> 00:33:59 mildness,
00:34:00 --> 00:34:01 I can't
00:34:01 --> 00:34:02 even believe
00:34:02 --> 00:34:03 it really,
00:34:03 --> 00:34:03 that I
00:34:03 --> 00:34:03 did it,
00:34:04 --> 00:34:04 but in
00:34:04 --> 00:34:04 my
00:34:04 --> 00:34:05 mildness,
00:34:05 --> 00:34:05 I was
00:34:05 --> 00:34:06 genuinely
00:34:06 --> 00:34:07 surprised that
00:34:07 --> 00:34:07 she was
00:34:07 --> 00:34:10 shocked and
00:34:10 --> 00:34:11 not affirming
00:34:11 --> 00:34:12 the decisiveness
00:34:12 --> 00:34:13 of it.
00:34:19 --> 00:34:20 Apparently,
00:34:20 --> 00:34:20 I'm
00:34:20 --> 00:34:21 frustratingly
00:34:21 --> 00:34:22 masculine in
00:34:22 --> 00:34:22 my
00:34:22 --> 00:34:23 independence.
00:34:23 --> 00:34:26 And yet,
00:34:26 --> 00:34:27 Nat has
00:34:27 --> 00:34:28 continued to
00:34:28 --> 00:34:29 affirm my
00:34:29 --> 00:34:30 gifting while
00:34:30 --> 00:34:31 also on
00:34:31 --> 00:34:32 many, many
00:34:32 --> 00:34:34 occasions and
00:34:34 --> 00:34:35 constantly leaning
00:34:35 --> 00:34:36 into me to
00:34:36 --> 00:34:36 help me to
00:34:36 --> 00:34:37 see the
00:34:37 --> 00:34:38 impact of
00:34:38 --> 00:34:40 my giftedness,
00:34:40 --> 00:34:41 my independence
00:34:41 --> 00:34:42 on her and
00:34:42 --> 00:34:45 others to
00:34:45 --> 00:34:45 balance it
00:34:45 --> 00:34:46 out.
00:34:49 --> 00:34:50 And when
00:34:50 --> 00:34:50 she leans
00:34:50 --> 00:34:51 into that,
00:34:52 --> 00:34:52 either
00:34:52 --> 00:34:53 frustratingly
00:34:53 --> 00:34:57 or really
00:34:57 --> 00:34:58 kindly and
00:34:58 --> 00:34:59 helpfully,
00:34:59 --> 00:34:59 it doesn't
00:34:59 --> 00:35:00 matter,
00:35:00 --> 00:35:01 either way,
00:35:02 --> 00:35:02 the reason
00:35:02 --> 00:35:03 that I
00:35:03 --> 00:35:04 need to
00:35:04 --> 00:35:07 listen is
00:35:07 --> 00:35:08 because Nat,
00:35:08 --> 00:35:09 like no one
00:35:09 --> 00:35:10 else, has
00:35:10 --> 00:35:12 experienced the
00:35:12 --> 00:35:13 negativity, the
00:35:13 --> 00:35:14 sin, the
00:35:14 --> 00:35:16 wickedness of
00:35:16 --> 00:35:17 my unbalanced
00:35:17 --> 00:35:18 maleness.
00:35:19 --> 00:35:20 She sees it
00:35:20 --> 00:35:21 in a way that
00:35:21 --> 00:35:21 no one else
00:35:21 --> 00:35:22 does.
00:35:22 --> 00:35:24 and experience
00:35:24 --> 00:35:26 it like no
00:35:26 --> 00:35:26 one else
00:35:26 --> 00:35:27 does.
00:35:31 --> 00:35:32 And so she
00:35:32 --> 00:35:33 could say to
00:35:33 --> 00:35:33 me,
00:35:34 --> 00:35:36 you need to
00:35:36 --> 00:35:37 know how
00:35:37 --> 00:35:37 this felt.
00:35:37 --> 00:35:44 and so she
00:35:44 --> 00:35:45 pushes me and
00:35:45 --> 00:35:46 pushes me and
00:35:46 --> 00:35:47 pushes me.
00:35:49 --> 00:35:49 Can I
00:35:49 --> 00:35:49 say,
00:35:51 --> 00:35:52 this is my
00:35:52 --> 00:35:54 fifth sermon,
00:35:54 --> 00:35:55 I think, on
00:35:55 --> 00:35:56 marriage that I've
00:35:56 --> 00:35:56 done.
00:35:56 --> 00:35:56 Are we up to
00:35:56 --> 00:35:57 number six?
00:35:57 --> 00:35:57 I can't remember.
00:35:58 --> 00:35:58 Marriage number
00:35:58 --> 00:35:58 six.
00:35:59 --> 00:35:59 I think it's
00:35:59 --> 00:36:00 five.
00:36:00 --> 00:36:02 I've been doing
00:36:02 --> 00:36:02 the reporting,
00:36:04 --> 00:36:06 but Nat and I
00:36:06 --> 00:36:07 both together
00:36:07 --> 00:36:09 are behind
00:36:09 --> 00:36:10 these messages.
00:36:12 --> 00:36:13 She has
00:36:13 --> 00:36:14 contributed.
00:36:14 --> 00:36:15 I bring in the
00:36:15 --> 00:36:16 Hebrew and the
00:36:16 --> 00:36:17 biblical stuff,
00:36:18 --> 00:36:20 but it is the
00:36:20 --> 00:36:21 worked out
00:36:21 --> 00:36:23 reality of it
00:36:23 --> 00:36:24 that is not
00:36:24 --> 00:36:25 just me and
00:36:25 --> 00:36:28 my vocation
00:36:28 --> 00:36:28 and education,
00:36:29 --> 00:36:31 it is us,
00:36:32 --> 00:36:34 even if I'm doing
00:36:34 --> 00:36:34 the reporting.
00:36:34 --> 00:36:34 so I just
00:36:34 --> 00:36:35 want to make
00:36:35 --> 00:36:35 that clear.
00:36:40 --> 00:36:41 I, as a
00:36:41 --> 00:36:41 male, have
00:36:41 --> 00:36:42 needed all,
00:36:42 --> 00:36:43 I need all
00:36:43 --> 00:36:44 the help I
00:36:44 --> 00:36:45 can get.
00:36:46 --> 00:36:47 And that's
00:36:47 --> 00:36:47 particularly so
00:36:47 --> 00:36:48 because I've
00:36:48 --> 00:36:49 got four people
00:36:49 --> 00:36:50 who are opposite
00:36:50 --> 00:36:50 to me in the
00:36:50 --> 00:36:50 home.
00:36:52 --> 00:36:53 And God knew
00:36:53 --> 00:36:54 exactly what I
00:36:54 --> 00:36:54 needed.
00:36:56 --> 00:36:56 He knew
00:36:56 --> 00:36:57 exactly what I
00:36:57 --> 00:36:58 needed.
00:37:00 --> 00:37:01 I need all the
00:37:01 --> 00:37:02 help I can get.
00:37:02 --> 00:37:05 And what is
00:37:05 --> 00:37:06 incredible is
00:37:06 --> 00:37:07 that after
00:37:07 --> 00:37:08 nearly three
00:37:08 --> 00:37:09 decades, I
00:37:09 --> 00:37:09 think, with
00:37:09 --> 00:37:11 Nat, I've
00:37:11 --> 00:37:11 learnt to
00:37:11 --> 00:37:12 look at life
00:37:12 --> 00:37:13 from her
00:37:13 --> 00:37:14 perspective.
00:37:14 --> 00:37:15 Not in the
00:37:15 --> 00:37:16 same way she
00:37:16 --> 00:37:18 does, but I
00:37:18 --> 00:37:18 will find
00:37:18 --> 00:37:19 myself in
00:37:19 --> 00:37:20 pastoral
00:37:20 --> 00:37:23 scenarios and
00:37:23 --> 00:37:24 a whole range
00:37:24 --> 00:37:25 of things,
00:37:26 --> 00:37:27 and I will
00:37:27 --> 00:37:27 come quicker
00:37:27 --> 00:37:29 to what
00:37:29 --> 00:37:30 Nat's view
00:37:30 --> 00:37:31 might be on
00:37:31 --> 00:37:31 this scenario.
00:37:32 --> 00:37:35 I did
00:37:35 --> 00:37:35 something
00:37:35 --> 00:37:36 recently
00:37:36 --> 00:37:41 and I
00:37:41 --> 00:37:41 listened to
00:37:41 --> 00:37:41 my
00:37:41 --> 00:37:42 maleness
00:37:42 --> 00:37:43 and before
00:37:43 --> 00:37:44 I got
00:37:44 --> 00:37:44 home and
00:37:44 --> 00:37:45 reported to
00:37:45 --> 00:37:46 Nat, I
00:37:46 --> 00:37:47 knew exactly
00:37:47 --> 00:37:47 what I
00:37:47 --> 00:37:47 should have
00:37:47 --> 00:37:48 done because
00:37:48 --> 00:37:48 I knew
00:37:48 --> 00:37:49 exactly what
00:37:49 --> 00:37:49 she would
00:37:49 --> 00:37:49 say.
00:37:51 --> 00:37:51 And she
00:37:51 --> 00:37:52 did.
00:37:52 --> 00:37:53 Of course,
00:37:53 --> 00:37:53 then my
00:37:53 --> 00:37:53 sinfulness
00:37:53 --> 00:37:54 went into
00:37:54 --> 00:37:54 self-justification
00:37:54 --> 00:37:55 mode.
00:37:55 --> 00:37:59 she has
00:37:59 --> 00:38:00 been a
00:38:00 --> 00:38:00 strong
00:38:00 --> 00:38:02 helper to
00:38:02 --> 00:38:02 save me
00:38:02 --> 00:38:03 from drifting
00:38:03 --> 00:38:04 into, on
00:38:04 --> 00:38:04 the one
00:38:04 --> 00:38:05 hand, toxic
00:38:05 --> 00:38:06 masculinity,
00:38:06 --> 00:38:07 and on the
00:38:07 --> 00:38:07 other hand,
00:38:08 --> 00:38:08 from abdicating
00:38:08 --> 00:38:09 my masculinity
00:38:09 --> 00:38:12 so that she
00:38:12 --> 00:38:13 has to pick
00:38:13 --> 00:38:13 up the
00:38:13 --> 00:38:14 leadership role.
00:38:15 --> 00:38:16 So husband
00:38:16 --> 00:38:16 and wife are
00:38:16 --> 00:38:17 there to
00:38:17 --> 00:38:17 complement each
00:38:17 --> 00:38:17 other.
00:38:17 --> 00:38:19 And on a
00:38:19 --> 00:38:20 deeper level,
00:38:20 --> 00:38:22 we find out
00:38:22 --> 00:38:22 who we
00:38:22 --> 00:38:23 really are
00:38:23 --> 00:38:24 because of
00:38:24 --> 00:38:24 our spouse.
00:38:26 --> 00:38:27 Because no
00:38:27 --> 00:38:28 one can see
00:38:28 --> 00:38:29 us the way
00:38:29 --> 00:38:30 they see
00:38:30 --> 00:38:30 us.
00:38:31 --> 00:38:32 They see all
00:38:32 --> 00:38:33 of our sins
00:38:33 --> 00:38:33 and our
00:38:33 --> 00:38:34 failings and
00:38:34 --> 00:38:34 our faults
00:38:34 --> 00:38:34 and our
00:38:34 --> 00:38:35 weaknesses like
00:38:35 --> 00:38:36 no other
00:38:36 --> 00:38:36 one.
00:38:36 --> 00:38:37 And they
00:38:37 --> 00:38:38 experience it,
00:38:38 --> 00:38:38 they are on
00:38:38 --> 00:38:39 the receiving
00:38:39 --> 00:38:40 end of it,
00:38:40 --> 00:38:41 like no
00:38:41 --> 00:38:41 other.
00:38:43 --> 00:38:43 And so
00:38:43 --> 00:38:44 in marriage,
00:38:44 --> 00:38:45 as Nick
00:38:45 --> 00:38:47 said last
00:38:47 --> 00:38:48 week,
00:38:49 --> 00:38:49 marriage a
00:38:49 --> 00:38:50 truth,
00:38:50 --> 00:38:50 loving
00:38:50 --> 00:38:51 commitment
00:38:51 --> 00:38:51 and grace,
00:38:53 --> 00:38:53 a person
00:38:53 --> 00:38:55 who is
00:38:55 --> 00:38:55 like me
00:38:55 --> 00:38:56 but opposite
00:38:56 --> 00:38:56 me,
00:38:57 --> 00:38:58 that person
00:38:58 --> 00:38:58 is healing
00:38:58 --> 00:38:59 me.
00:39:00 --> 00:39:00 They're
00:39:00 --> 00:39:01 shaping me.
00:39:02 --> 00:39:03 And it
00:39:03 --> 00:39:03 goes both
00:39:03 --> 00:39:04 ways.
00:39:05 --> 00:39:05 You know,
00:39:05 --> 00:39:06 recently Nat
00:39:06 --> 00:39:06 was frustrated
00:39:06 --> 00:39:07 with an
00:39:07 --> 00:39:09 issue and
00:39:09 --> 00:39:10 to do,
00:39:10 --> 00:39:11 I didn't
00:39:11 --> 00:39:11 know what
00:39:11 --> 00:39:11 the issue
00:39:11 --> 00:39:11 was,
00:39:11 --> 00:39:12 I actually
00:39:12 --> 00:39:12 can't be
00:39:12 --> 00:39:12 who it
00:39:12 --> 00:39:12 was,
00:39:12 --> 00:39:13 but there
00:39:13 --> 00:39:13 was this
00:39:13 --> 00:39:14 issue where,
00:39:15 --> 00:39:15 I think it
00:39:15 --> 00:39:16 was at work
00:39:16 --> 00:39:16 where she
00:39:16 --> 00:39:17 needed to
00:39:17 --> 00:39:17 fire off an
00:39:17 --> 00:39:18 email and
00:39:18 --> 00:39:19 she actually
00:39:19 --> 00:39:19 was so
00:39:19 --> 00:39:21 passionate
00:39:21 --> 00:39:21 about it,
00:39:21 --> 00:39:22 she said,
00:39:22 --> 00:39:22 I'm just
00:39:22 --> 00:39:23 going to
00:39:23 --> 00:39:23 send him
00:39:23 --> 00:39:23 an email.
00:39:24 --> 00:39:24 And I
00:39:24 --> 00:39:24 said,
00:39:24 --> 00:39:24 hang on a
00:39:24 --> 00:39:24 bit,
00:39:24 --> 00:39:25 maybe just
00:39:25 --> 00:39:27 sleep on
00:39:27 --> 00:39:27 it for a
00:39:27 --> 00:39:28 bit.
00:39:29 --> 00:39:30 Or maybe
00:39:30 --> 00:39:30 just draft
00:39:30 --> 00:39:31 something and
00:39:31 --> 00:39:31 send it to
00:39:31 --> 00:39:32 me and
00:39:32 --> 00:39:35 then I'll
00:39:35 --> 00:39:35 have a look
00:39:35 --> 00:39:36 at it and
00:39:36 --> 00:39:37 maybe send
00:39:37 --> 00:39:37 it tomorrow.
00:39:37 --> 00:39:39 And she
00:39:39 --> 00:39:39 did.
00:39:40 --> 00:39:40 I looked at
00:39:40 --> 00:39:40 it,
00:39:40 --> 00:39:41 I came up
00:39:41 --> 00:39:41 with a few
00:39:41 --> 00:39:42 edits,
00:39:42 --> 00:39:42 sent it back
00:39:42 --> 00:39:43 to her and
00:39:43 --> 00:39:44 she said to
00:39:44 --> 00:39:44 me,
00:39:44 --> 00:39:45 I'm so glad
00:39:45 --> 00:39:46 that you
00:39:46 --> 00:39:48 said that to
00:39:48 --> 00:39:49 me and
00:39:49 --> 00:39:50 your edits
00:39:50 --> 00:39:52 were just
00:39:52 --> 00:39:52 the right
00:39:52 --> 00:39:54 wording and
00:39:54 --> 00:39:54 I sent it
00:39:54 --> 00:39:55 off.
00:39:56 --> 00:39:56 You see
00:39:56 --> 00:39:56 what's
00:39:56 --> 00:39:57 happened
00:39:57 --> 00:39:57 there?
00:39:58 --> 00:39:58 Nat
00:39:58 --> 00:39:58 and I
00:39:58 --> 00:39:58 swapped
00:39:58 --> 00:39:59 roles.
00:40:01 --> 00:40:01 That is,
00:40:01 --> 00:40:02 she became
00:40:02 --> 00:40:02 like me in
00:40:02 --> 00:40:03 the first
00:40:03 --> 00:40:03 instance and
00:40:03 --> 00:40:04 I was like
00:40:04 --> 00:40:04 her, she
00:40:04 --> 00:40:05 taught me to
00:40:05 --> 00:40:05 do that.
00:40:06 --> 00:40:06 She taught
00:40:06 --> 00:40:06 me to hang
00:40:06 --> 00:40:07 on a bit,
00:40:07 --> 00:40:07 sleep on
00:40:07 --> 00:40:07 it.
00:40:08 --> 00:40:08 I hope
00:40:08 --> 00:40:08 I've given
00:40:08 --> 00:40:09 her a little
00:40:09 --> 00:40:09 bit more
00:40:09 --> 00:40:10 than just
00:40:10 --> 00:40:11 I'm going to
00:40:11 --> 00:40:11 fire off an
00:40:11 --> 00:40:11 email.
00:40:12 --> 00:40:14 But hopefully
00:40:14 --> 00:40:15 the decisiveness
00:40:15 --> 00:40:16 at that point
00:40:16 --> 00:40:17 or taking
00:40:17 --> 00:40:17 initiative at
00:40:17 --> 00:40:18 that point
00:40:18 --> 00:40:18 might be a
00:40:18 --> 00:40:19 helpful thing,
00:40:19 --> 00:40:19 I don't know.
00:40:19 --> 00:40:21 But it
00:40:21 --> 00:40:21 goes both
00:40:21 --> 00:40:22 ways.
00:40:22 --> 00:40:24 Now let me
00:40:24 --> 00:40:24 just say,
00:40:24 --> 00:40:25 while the
00:40:25 --> 00:40:25 practical
00:40:25 --> 00:40:26 details are
00:40:26 --> 00:40:26 missing in
00:40:26 --> 00:40:27 Ephesians 5,
00:40:28 --> 00:40:29 the principles
00:40:29 --> 00:40:30 of how
00:40:30 --> 00:40:30 authority and
00:40:30 --> 00:40:31 submission
00:40:31 --> 00:40:33 work out
00:40:33 --> 00:40:35 are not
00:40:35 --> 00:40:36 missing.
00:40:36 --> 00:40:37 So I'm
00:40:37 --> 00:40:37 going to
00:40:37 --> 00:40:37 mention
00:40:37 --> 00:40:39 four things
00:40:39 --> 00:40:39 and I
00:40:39 --> 00:40:39 want to
00:40:39 --> 00:40:40 mention
00:40:40 --> 00:40:40 them from
00:40:40 --> 00:40:42 the negative
00:40:42 --> 00:40:43 of what
00:40:43 --> 00:40:45 submission and
00:40:45 --> 00:40:46 headship and
00:40:46 --> 00:40:46 authority are
00:40:46 --> 00:40:47 not.
00:40:48 --> 00:40:49 So first
00:40:49 --> 00:40:50 of all,
00:40:51 --> 00:40:51 the husband's
00:40:51 --> 00:40:52 authority,
00:40:52 --> 00:40:52 like the
00:40:52 --> 00:40:53 authority of
00:40:53 --> 00:40:53 Jesus over
00:40:53 --> 00:40:54 his church,
00:40:55 --> 00:40:55 is never
00:40:55 --> 00:40:56 used to
00:40:56 --> 00:40:57 please himself
00:40:57 --> 00:40:59 but only to
00:40:59 --> 00:40:59 serve the
00:40:59 --> 00:41:00 interests of
00:41:00 --> 00:41:02 his wife.
00:41:02 --> 00:41:03 That is,
00:41:03 --> 00:41:04 a headship
00:41:04 --> 00:41:05 does not
00:41:05 --> 00:41:06 mean a
00:41:06 --> 00:41:07 husband simply
00:41:07 --> 00:41:07 makes all
00:41:07 --> 00:41:08 the decisions
00:41:08 --> 00:41:10 and it
00:41:10 --> 00:41:11 certainly
00:41:11 --> 00:41:12 doesn't mean
00:41:12 --> 00:41:13 he gets
00:41:13 --> 00:41:13 his own
00:41:13 --> 00:41:14 way in
00:41:14 --> 00:41:14 every
00:41:14 --> 00:41:14 disagreement.
00:41:16 --> 00:41:16 Why?
00:41:17 --> 00:41:18 Because Jesus
00:41:18 --> 00:41:18 never did
00:41:18 --> 00:41:19 anything to
00:41:19 --> 00:41:20 please himself.
00:41:21 --> 00:41:22 A servant
00:41:22 --> 00:41:23 leader must
00:41:23 --> 00:41:24 sacrifice his
00:41:24 --> 00:41:25 wants and
00:41:25 --> 00:41:26 his needs
00:41:26 --> 00:41:28 and particularly
00:41:28 --> 00:41:29 blokes for
00:41:29 --> 00:41:30 your own
00:41:30 --> 00:41:30 personal
00:41:30 --> 00:41:31 advancement,
00:41:31 --> 00:41:34 in order to
00:41:34 --> 00:41:35 build up and
00:41:35 --> 00:41:35 to please
00:41:35 --> 00:41:36 your spouse.
00:41:38 --> 00:41:38 Secondly,
00:41:39 --> 00:41:40 a wife in
00:41:40 --> 00:41:41 her submission
00:41:41 --> 00:41:42 is never
00:41:42 --> 00:41:43 meant to be
00:41:43 --> 00:41:44 merely compliant
00:41:44 --> 00:41:46 but is to
00:41:46 --> 00:41:46 use her
00:41:46 --> 00:41:48 resources to
00:41:48 --> 00:41:49 empower.
00:41:53 --> 00:41:53 She is to
00:41:53 --> 00:41:54 be her
00:41:54 --> 00:41:55 husband's
00:41:55 --> 00:41:56 most trusted
00:41:56 --> 00:41:56 friend,
00:41:57 --> 00:41:58 counsellor,
00:41:58 --> 00:41:59 and corrector
00:41:59 --> 00:42:01 as he
00:42:01 --> 00:42:01 is hers.
00:42:02 --> 00:42:03 To
00:42:03 --> 00:42:04 complement
00:42:04 --> 00:42:05 each other
00:42:05 --> 00:42:06 means
00:42:06 --> 00:42:07 husband and
00:42:07 --> 00:42:08 wife need
00:42:08 --> 00:42:09 to hear
00:42:09 --> 00:42:10 each other
00:42:10 --> 00:42:10 out,
00:42:11 --> 00:42:11 they need
00:42:11 --> 00:42:12 to make
00:42:12 --> 00:42:13 their
00:42:13 --> 00:42:14 arguments,
00:42:14 --> 00:42:15 and they
00:42:15 --> 00:42:16 need to
00:42:16 --> 00:42:17 discern a
00:42:17 --> 00:42:17 way forward.
00:42:17 --> 00:42:20 Now,
00:42:20 --> 00:42:20 that's
00:42:20 --> 00:42:21 hard.
00:42:23 --> 00:42:23 It's
00:42:23 --> 00:42:24 hard work
00:42:24 --> 00:42:24 and it
00:42:24 --> 00:42:25 involves
00:42:25 --> 00:42:25 loving
00:42:25 --> 00:42:27 disagreement
00:42:27 --> 00:42:29 with
00:42:29 --> 00:42:29 affection
00:42:29 --> 00:42:31 until you
00:42:31 --> 00:42:31 sharpen,
00:42:31 --> 00:42:32 enrich,
00:42:32 --> 00:42:33 and enhance
00:42:33 --> 00:42:34 each other
00:42:34 --> 00:42:35 on multiple
00:42:35 --> 00:42:36 occasions
00:42:36 --> 00:42:38 in our
00:42:38 --> 00:42:39 life together.
00:42:40 --> 00:42:41 The course
00:42:41 --> 00:42:42 of action
00:42:42 --> 00:42:43 that we
00:42:43 --> 00:42:44 have gone
00:42:44 --> 00:42:44 as a
00:42:44 --> 00:42:45 couple
00:42:45 --> 00:42:46 and that
00:42:46 --> 00:42:46 I've
00:42:46 --> 00:42:46 made the
00:42:46 --> 00:42:47 call on
00:42:47 --> 00:42:48 to go
00:42:48 --> 00:42:48 on.
00:42:48 --> 00:42:49 Nat
00:42:49 --> 00:42:49 has
00:42:49 --> 00:42:50 sharpened
00:42:50 --> 00:42:50 that
00:42:50 --> 00:42:51 decision,
00:42:52 --> 00:42:52 hasn't
00:42:52 --> 00:42:53 ultimately
00:42:53 --> 00:42:54 changed the
00:42:54 --> 00:42:55 direction,
00:42:55 --> 00:42:56 but brought
00:42:56 --> 00:42:57 so much
00:42:57 --> 00:42:58 nuance and
00:42:58 --> 00:42:58 sharpened
00:42:58 --> 00:42:59 it in
00:42:59 --> 00:43:00 such a
00:43:00 --> 00:43:01 way that
00:43:01 --> 00:43:02 the
00:43:02 --> 00:43:03 actual,
00:43:03 --> 00:43:04 if you
00:43:04 --> 00:43:04 like,
00:43:05 --> 00:43:06 execution of
00:43:06 --> 00:43:07 the decision
00:43:07 --> 00:43:07 has been
00:43:07 --> 00:43:08 entirely
00:43:08 --> 00:43:09 hers,
00:43:09 --> 00:43:10 her making,
00:43:11 --> 00:43:12 even if
00:43:12 --> 00:43:12 the decision,
00:43:12 --> 00:43:13 the direction
00:43:13 --> 00:43:13 was mine.
00:43:15 --> 00:43:17 You see,
00:43:17 --> 00:43:17 the wife
00:43:17 --> 00:43:18 must bring
00:43:18 --> 00:43:19 every gift
00:43:19 --> 00:43:20 and resource
00:43:20 --> 00:43:20 that she
00:43:20 --> 00:43:21 has to
00:43:21 --> 00:43:22 the discussion
00:43:22 --> 00:43:23 and the
00:43:23 --> 00:43:24 husband must,
00:43:24 --> 00:43:24 as any
00:43:24 --> 00:43:25 wise leader
00:43:25 --> 00:43:25 should,
00:43:26 --> 00:43:26 know when
00:43:26 --> 00:43:27 to allow
00:43:27 --> 00:43:28 his wife's
00:43:28 --> 00:43:29 expertise
00:43:29 --> 00:43:30 to trump
00:43:30 --> 00:43:31 his own
00:43:31 --> 00:43:33 and his
00:43:33 --> 00:43:34 own less
00:43:34 --> 00:43:35 well-informed
00:43:35 --> 00:43:35 opinion.
00:43:37 --> 00:43:38 That is,
00:43:38 --> 00:43:38 a servant
00:43:38 --> 00:43:39 leader means,
00:43:40 --> 00:43:41 and any
00:43:41 --> 00:43:41 secular book
00:43:41 --> 00:43:42 on this
00:43:42 --> 00:43:42 will tell
00:43:42 --> 00:43:42 you,
00:43:43 --> 00:43:44 means to be
00:43:44 --> 00:43:44 a servant
00:43:44 --> 00:43:44 leader,
00:43:45 --> 00:43:45 you cannot
00:43:45 --> 00:43:46 always be
00:43:46 --> 00:43:46 the smartest
00:43:46 --> 00:43:47 man in
00:43:47 --> 00:43:47 the room.
00:43:49 --> 00:43:49 In fact,
00:43:49 --> 00:43:49 you ought
00:43:49 --> 00:43:50 not be.
00:43:53 --> 00:43:53 Number three,
00:43:53 --> 00:43:54 Ephesians 5
00:43:54 --> 00:43:55 does not
00:43:55 --> 00:43:55 mean a
00:43:55 --> 00:43:55 wife is
00:43:55 --> 00:43:56 not to
00:43:56 --> 00:43:56 give a
00:43:56 --> 00:43:57 husband
00:43:57 --> 00:43:57 unconditional
00:43:57 --> 00:43:58 obedience
00:43:58 --> 00:43:58 when it
00:43:58 --> 00:43:59 says the
00:43:59 --> 00:44:00 words,
00:44:00 --> 00:44:00 in
00:44:00 --> 00:44:01 everything.
00:44:02 --> 00:44:02 No
00:44:02 --> 00:44:03 human being
00:44:03 --> 00:44:03 should give
00:44:03 --> 00:44:04 any other
00:44:04 --> 00:44:05 human being
00:44:05 --> 00:44:05 unconditional
00:44:05 --> 00:44:06 obedience.
00:44:06 --> 00:44:06 As Peter
00:44:06 --> 00:44:07 says,
00:44:07 --> 00:44:08 we must
00:44:08 --> 00:44:09 obey God
00:44:09 --> 00:44:10 rather than
00:44:10 --> 00:44:11 man.
00:44:11 --> 00:44:13 a wife,
00:44:14 --> 00:44:15 let me be
00:44:15 --> 00:44:16 clear on
00:44:16 --> 00:44:16 this,
00:44:16 --> 00:44:17 a wife
00:44:17 --> 00:44:18 should not
00:44:18 --> 00:44:21 obey or
00:44:21 --> 00:44:22 aid a
00:44:22 --> 00:44:22 husband in
00:44:22 --> 00:44:23 doing things
00:44:23 --> 00:44:24 that God
00:44:24 --> 00:44:24 forbids,
00:44:25 --> 00:44:26 such as
00:44:26 --> 00:44:26 breaking the
00:44:26 --> 00:44:27 law,
00:44:27 --> 00:44:29 or obey
00:44:29 --> 00:44:30 him in
00:44:30 --> 00:44:30 abusing
00:44:30 --> 00:44:31 her in
00:44:31 --> 00:44:31 any way,
00:44:32 --> 00:44:32 what's
00:44:32 --> 00:44:32 safe,
00:44:32 --> 00:44:33 or any
00:44:33 --> 00:44:33 form
00:44:33 --> 00:44:33 whatsoever.
00:44:34 --> 00:44:35 For
00:44:35 --> 00:44:35 example,
00:44:36 --> 00:44:37 if a
00:44:37 --> 00:44:37 husband
00:44:37 --> 00:44:38 physically
00:44:38 --> 00:44:39 abuses
00:44:39 --> 00:44:40 his wife,
00:44:41 --> 00:44:42 the strong
00:44:42 --> 00:44:43 help that
00:44:43 --> 00:44:45 you become
00:44:45 --> 00:44:45 in that
00:44:45 --> 00:44:46 moment,
00:44:46 --> 00:44:47 that you
00:44:47 --> 00:44:47 should exercise
00:44:47 --> 00:44:48 as a
00:44:48 --> 00:44:49 wife,
00:44:49 --> 00:44:50 is to
00:44:50 --> 00:44:51 love and
00:44:51 --> 00:44:51 forgive your
00:44:51 --> 00:44:52 husband in
00:44:52 --> 00:44:53 your heart,
00:44:53 --> 00:44:54 but you
00:44:54 --> 00:44:55 should also
00:44:55 --> 00:44:55 call the
00:44:55 --> 00:44:56 police and
00:44:56 --> 00:44:56 have him
00:44:56 --> 00:44:57 arrested.
00:44:58 --> 00:44:59 You
00:44:59 --> 00:44:59 should do
00:44:59 --> 00:45:00 both.
00:45:03 --> 00:45:04 Absolutely
00:45:04 --> 00:45:04 do both.
00:45:09 --> 00:45:10 It is
00:45:10 --> 00:45:10 never kind,
00:45:11 --> 00:45:11 it is
00:45:11 --> 00:45:12 never loving
00:45:12 --> 00:45:12 to anyone
00:45:12 --> 00:45:14 to make
00:45:14 --> 00:45:15 any form
00:45:15 --> 00:45:16 of excuse
00:45:16 --> 00:45:18 for wrong
00:45:18 --> 00:45:19 behaviour.
00:45:20 --> 00:45:21 And there
00:45:21 --> 00:45:21 is no
00:45:21 --> 00:45:22 sense in
00:45:22 --> 00:45:22 Ephesians 5
00:45:22 --> 00:45:23 that the
00:45:23 --> 00:45:23 husband can
00:45:23 --> 00:45:24 in any
00:45:24 --> 00:45:24 way,
00:45:24 --> 00:45:24 shape,
00:45:25 --> 00:45:25 form,
00:45:25 --> 00:45:26 order his
00:45:26 --> 00:45:27 wife around
00:45:27 --> 00:45:28 in daily
00:45:28 --> 00:45:28 life.
00:45:29 --> 00:45:29 Nothing in
00:45:29 --> 00:45:30 Ephesians 5
00:45:30 --> 00:45:30 would lead
00:45:30 --> 00:45:31 you to
00:45:31 --> 00:45:31 conclude
00:45:31 --> 00:45:31 that.
00:45:33 --> 00:45:33 He has
00:45:33 --> 00:45:34 no right
00:45:34 --> 00:45:35 to order
00:45:35 --> 00:45:36 her to
00:45:36 --> 00:45:36 wash the
00:45:36 --> 00:45:36 dishes.
00:45:36 --> 00:45:39 no right
00:45:39 --> 00:45:40 to order
00:45:40 --> 00:45:40 her to
00:45:40 --> 00:45:40 go to
00:45:40 --> 00:45:40 work.
00:45:41 --> 00:45:42 No right
00:45:42 --> 00:45:42 to order
00:45:42 --> 00:45:43 her to
00:45:43 --> 00:45:43 stop
00:45:43 --> 00:45:43 going to
00:45:43 --> 00:45:44 work.
00:45:44 --> 00:45:45 No right
00:45:45 --> 00:45:45 to order
00:45:45 --> 00:45:46 her not
00:45:46 --> 00:45:46 to go to
00:45:46 --> 00:45:47 church or
00:45:47 --> 00:45:47 to a
00:45:47 --> 00:45:48 community
00:45:48 --> 00:45:48 group.
00:45:49 --> 00:45:50 He has
00:45:50 --> 00:45:51 no right
00:45:51 --> 00:45:52 to order
00:45:52 --> 00:45:53 her to
00:45:53 --> 00:45:53 have sex.
00:45:55 --> 00:45:55 No right
00:45:55 --> 00:45:56 to order
00:45:56 --> 00:45:56 her to
00:45:56 --> 00:45:56 have
00:45:56 --> 00:45:56 anything
00:45:56 --> 00:45:57 at all,
00:45:57 --> 00:45:58 do anything
00:45:58 --> 00:45:58 at all.
00:45:59 --> 00:46:00 That's
00:46:00 --> 00:46:01 not what
00:46:01 --> 00:46:01 headship
00:46:01 --> 00:46:01 is.
00:46:04 --> 00:46:05 Number
00:46:05 --> 00:46:05 four,
00:46:06 --> 00:46:08 husbands
00:46:08 --> 00:46:08 assuming
00:46:08 --> 00:46:09 the role
00:46:09 --> 00:46:09 of
00:46:09 --> 00:46:09 headship
00:46:09 --> 00:46:10 is only
00:46:10 --> 00:46:10 done
00:46:10 --> 00:46:10 for
00:46:10 --> 00:46:11 purposes
00:46:11 --> 00:46:11 for
00:46:11 --> 00:46:12 serving
00:46:12 --> 00:46:12 your
00:46:12 --> 00:46:12 wife
00:46:12 --> 00:46:13 and
00:46:13 --> 00:46:13 family.
00:46:13 --> 00:46:13 Can we
00:46:13 --> 00:46:14 understand
00:46:14 --> 00:46:14 what
00:46:14 --> 00:46:15 headship
00:46:15 --> 00:46:15 is now?
00:46:16 --> 00:46:16 Can we
00:46:16 --> 00:46:16 understand
00:46:16 --> 00:46:17 what the
00:46:17 --> 00:46:17 authority
00:46:17 --> 00:46:18 is?
00:46:18 --> 00:46:19 It's
00:46:19 --> 00:46:19 only for
00:46:19 --> 00:46:19 the purpose
00:46:19 --> 00:46:20 of serving.
00:46:21 --> 00:46:21 It's
00:46:21 --> 00:46:21 not for
00:46:21 --> 00:46:22 dominating
00:46:22 --> 00:46:22 in any
00:46:22 --> 00:46:22 way
00:46:22 --> 00:46:23 whatsoever.
00:46:24 --> 00:46:24 Headship
00:46:24 --> 00:46:25 means the
00:46:25 --> 00:46:25 husband
00:46:25 --> 00:46:26 can only
00:46:26 --> 00:46:27 overrule
00:46:27 --> 00:46:28 if he
00:46:28 --> 00:46:30 spouse,
00:46:31 --> 00:46:31 sorry,
00:46:31 --> 00:46:32 overrule
00:46:32 --> 00:46:32 his spouse
00:46:32 --> 00:46:33 if he
00:46:33 --> 00:46:33 is sure
00:46:33 --> 00:46:35 that her
00:46:35 --> 00:46:36 choice
00:46:36 --> 00:46:37 would be
00:46:37 --> 00:46:38 destructive
00:46:38 --> 00:46:39 to her
00:46:39 --> 00:46:39 or to
00:46:39 --> 00:46:39 the
00:46:39 --> 00:46:39 family.
00:46:41 --> 00:46:42 And I
00:46:42 --> 00:46:43 would say
00:46:43 --> 00:46:43 in the
00:46:43 --> 00:46:44 moment of
00:46:44 --> 00:46:45 overruling
00:46:45 --> 00:46:46 you would
00:46:46 --> 00:46:47 do so
00:46:47 --> 00:46:48 with the
00:46:48 --> 00:46:48 counsel of
00:46:48 --> 00:46:49 others
00:46:49 --> 00:46:50 before you
00:46:50 --> 00:46:51 overrule.
00:46:53 --> 00:46:53 That is
00:46:53 --> 00:46:55 headship
00:46:55 --> 00:46:56 is never
00:46:56 --> 00:46:57 to be used
00:46:57 --> 00:46:58 selfishly
00:46:58 --> 00:46:59 to get your
00:46:59 --> 00:46:59 own way
00:46:59 --> 00:47:00 about the
00:47:00 --> 00:47:00 colour of
00:47:00 --> 00:47:01 the car
00:47:01 --> 00:47:01 that you're
00:47:01 --> 00:47:01 going to
00:47:01 --> 00:47:02 buy.
00:47:02 --> 00:47:03 who gets
00:47:03 --> 00:47:03 to hold
00:47:03 --> 00:47:03 the
00:47:03 --> 00:47:04 remote
00:47:04 --> 00:47:06 for TV.
00:47:08 --> 00:47:08
00:47:08 --> 00:47:08 whether
00:47:08 --> 00:47:09 you know
00:47:09 --> 00:47:10 headship
00:47:10 --> 00:47:10 doesn't
00:47:10 --> 00:47:10 mean you
00:47:10 --> 00:47:11 get to
00:47:11 --> 00:47:11 choose
00:47:11 --> 00:47:11 whether you
00:47:11 --> 00:47:12 have the
00:47:12 --> 00:47:12 night out
00:47:12 --> 00:47:13 with the
00:47:13 --> 00:47:13 boys or
00:47:13 --> 00:47:14 whether you
00:47:14 --> 00:47:14 should stay
00:47:14 --> 00:47:15 home and
00:47:15 --> 00:47:16 help the
00:47:16 --> 00:47:18 wife with
00:47:18 --> 00:47:18 the kids
00:47:18 --> 00:47:19 and the
00:47:19 --> 00:47:20 washing and
00:47:20 --> 00:47:20 the kids
00:47:20 --> 00:47:21 and whatever
00:47:21 --> 00:47:21 else.
00:47:23 --> 00:47:23 Headship
00:47:23 --> 00:47:24 is an
00:47:24 --> 00:47:25 important and
00:47:25 --> 00:47:25 a practical
00:47:25 --> 00:47:26 principle.
00:47:27 --> 00:47:28 It is a
00:47:28 --> 00:47:30 very practical
00:47:30 --> 00:47:30 principle.
00:47:30 --> 00:47:30 principle.
00:47:31 --> 00:47:32 It is not
00:47:32 --> 00:47:32 about
00:47:32 --> 00:47:33 superiority
00:47:33 --> 00:47:34 at all.
00:47:34 --> 00:47:34 It is
00:47:34 --> 00:47:34 just a
00:47:34 --> 00:47:35 very
00:47:35 --> 00:47:35 practical
00:47:35 --> 00:47:36 principle
00:47:36 --> 00:47:38 because
00:47:38 --> 00:47:40 with the
00:47:40 --> 00:47:40 equality
00:47:40 --> 00:47:41 of husband
00:47:41 --> 00:47:42 and wife
00:47:42 --> 00:47:43 there is
00:47:43 --> 00:47:44 only two
00:47:44 --> 00:47:44 votes in
00:47:44 --> 00:47:45 marriage.
00:47:50 --> 00:47:50 So how
00:47:50 --> 00:47:51 does a
00:47:51 --> 00:47:51 stalemate
00:47:51 --> 00:47:52 get broken?
00:47:53 --> 00:47:54 With two
00:47:54 --> 00:47:54 votes.
00:47:54 --> 00:47:59 and two
00:47:59 --> 00:47:59 votes
00:47:59 --> 00:48:00 without
00:48:00 --> 00:48:01 someone
00:48:01 --> 00:48:02 having to
00:48:02 --> 00:48:02 give way
00:48:02 --> 00:48:04 and make
00:48:04 --> 00:48:04 their vote
00:48:04 --> 00:48:05 null and
00:48:05 --> 00:48:06 void.
00:48:07 --> 00:48:08 You see
00:48:08 --> 00:48:08 in a
00:48:08 --> 00:48:09 healthy
00:48:09 --> 00:48:10 marriage
00:48:10 --> 00:48:11 this
00:48:11 --> 00:48:12 stalemate
00:48:12 --> 00:48:13 scenario
00:48:13 --> 00:48:14 are broken
00:48:14 --> 00:48:17 because
00:48:17 --> 00:48:17 each will
00:48:17 --> 00:48:18 try to
00:48:18 --> 00:48:18 give the
00:48:18 --> 00:48:19 other his
00:48:19 --> 00:48:19 or her
00:48:19 --> 00:48:20 pleasure.
00:48:20 --> 00:48:23 that's
00:48:23 --> 00:48:23 how it's
00:48:23 --> 00:48:24 broken in
00:48:24 --> 00:48:24 a healthy
00:48:24 --> 00:48:25 marriage.
00:48:27 --> 00:48:28 And in
00:48:28 --> 00:48:28 that sense
00:48:28 --> 00:48:28 what it
00:48:28 --> 00:48:29 means is
00:48:29 --> 00:48:31 that what
00:48:31 --> 00:48:31 you discover
00:48:31 --> 00:48:33 is that
00:48:33 --> 00:48:33 the more
00:48:33 --> 00:48:34 that you
00:48:34 --> 00:48:35 follow this
00:48:35 --> 00:48:36 pattern
00:48:36 --> 00:48:39 the whole
00:48:39 --> 00:48:39 idea of
00:48:39 --> 00:48:40 headship
00:48:40 --> 00:48:40 becomes very
00:48:40 --> 00:48:41 rare indeed.
00:48:41 --> 00:48:43 in fact
00:48:43 --> 00:48:44 I would
00:48:44 --> 00:48:45 say that
00:48:45 --> 00:48:46 in the
00:48:46 --> 00:48:48 27 and
00:48:48 --> 00:48:48 a half
00:48:48 --> 00:48:49 years I've
00:48:49 --> 00:48:49 been married
00:48:49 --> 00:48:52 this idea
00:48:52 --> 00:48:53 of the
00:48:53 --> 00:48:53 exercise of
00:48:53 --> 00:48:54 my headship
00:48:54 --> 00:48:55 in our
00:48:55 --> 00:48:55 marriage
00:48:55 --> 00:48:57 has happened
00:48:57 --> 00:48:59 you could
00:48:59 --> 00:48:59 count them
00:48:59 --> 00:49:01 you could
00:49:01 --> 00:49:01 count them
00:49:01 --> 00:49:01 on two
00:49:01 --> 00:49:01 hands
00:49:01 --> 00:49:02 maybe
00:49:02 --> 00:49:03 most likely
00:49:03 --> 00:49:04 one hand
00:49:04 --> 00:49:05 I've had to
00:49:05 --> 00:49:05 exercise
00:49:05 --> 00:49:06 headship.
00:49:07 --> 00:49:07 That's all.
00:49:09 --> 00:49:09 It's not
00:49:09 --> 00:49:10 happening
00:49:10 --> 00:49:10 Monday
00:49:10 --> 00:49:12 to Sunday.
00:49:12 --> 00:49:13 It's a
00:49:13 --> 00:49:14 very rare
00:49:14 --> 00:49:15 occasion.
00:49:16 --> 00:49:16 And it's
00:49:16 --> 00:49:17 an occasion
00:49:17 --> 00:49:18 when Nat
00:49:18 --> 00:49:18 and I
00:49:18 --> 00:49:19 can't agree
00:49:19 --> 00:49:20 but a
00:49:20 --> 00:49:20 decision
00:49:20 --> 00:49:21 must be
00:49:21 --> 00:49:21 made.
00:49:24 --> 00:49:25 And in
00:49:25 --> 00:49:26 one such
00:49:26 --> 00:49:26 case because
00:49:26 --> 00:49:27 there are
00:49:27 --> 00:49:27 some times
00:49:27 --> 00:49:29 where you
00:49:29 --> 00:49:29 can't agree
00:49:29 --> 00:49:30 and you
00:49:30 --> 00:49:31 can't not
00:49:31 --> 00:49:31 make a
00:49:31 --> 00:49:31 decision.
00:49:33 --> 00:49:34 You know
00:49:34 --> 00:49:34 like
00:49:34 --> 00:49:36 husband and
00:49:36 --> 00:49:37 wife are
00:49:37 --> 00:49:37 at star
00:49:37 --> 00:49:38 might
00:49:38 --> 00:49:39 loggerheads
00:49:39 --> 00:49:39 as to
00:49:39 --> 00:49:39 the
00:49:39 --> 00:49:40 education
00:49:40 --> 00:49:40 of
00:49:40 --> 00:49:40 their
00:49:40 --> 00:49:41 children.
00:49:41 --> 00:49:42 You
00:49:42 --> 00:49:42 can't
00:49:42 --> 00:49:42 not
00:49:42 --> 00:49:42 make
00:49:42 --> 00:49:43 a
00:49:43 --> 00:49:43 decision.
00:49:44 --> 00:49:44 At
00:49:44 --> 00:49:44 some
00:49:44 --> 00:49:45 point
00:49:45 --> 00:49:45 you're
00:49:45 --> 00:49:45 going to
00:49:45 --> 00:49:45 get a
00:49:45 --> 00:49:45 phone
00:49:45 --> 00:49:46 call or
00:49:46 --> 00:49:46 letter
00:49:46 --> 00:49:46 from the
00:49:46 --> 00:49:46 government.
00:49:46 --> 00:49:47 Why are
00:49:47 --> 00:49:47 your kids
00:49:47 --> 00:49:48 not enrolled?
00:49:48 --> 00:49:48 They're 17.
00:49:49 --> 00:49:49 They haven't
00:49:49 --> 00:49:49 been to
00:49:49 --> 00:49:49 school.
00:49:51 --> 00:49:51 You've
00:49:51 --> 00:49:52 got to
00:49:52 --> 00:49:52 make a
00:49:52 --> 00:49:52 decision.
00:49:52 --> 00:49:59 in one
00:49:59 --> 00:49:59 such case
00:49:59 --> 00:50:01 of that
00:50:01 --> 00:50:01 stalemate
00:50:01 --> 00:50:05 it resulted
00:50:05 --> 00:50:07 in me
00:50:07 --> 00:50:07 making a
00:50:07 --> 00:50:08 decision
00:50:08 --> 00:50:11 and it
00:50:11 --> 00:50:11 was a
00:50:11 --> 00:50:12 decision
00:50:12 --> 00:50:13 that ultimately
00:50:13 --> 00:50:14 was to
00:50:14 --> 00:50:15 trust in
00:50:15 --> 00:50:16 Nat's
00:50:16 --> 00:50:17 superior
00:50:17 --> 00:50:17 knowledge and
00:50:17 --> 00:50:18 experience.
00:50:20 --> 00:50:21 The stalemate
00:50:21 --> 00:50:22 was broken
00:50:22 --> 00:50:23 when I
00:50:23 --> 00:50:24 went
00:50:24 --> 00:50:24 actually
00:50:24 --> 00:50:25 Nat's
00:50:25 --> 00:50:25 got the
00:50:25 --> 00:50:25 best
00:50:25 --> 00:50:26 idea.
00:50:31 --> 00:50:31 Now
00:50:31 --> 00:50:32 you might
00:50:32 --> 00:50:32 say
00:50:32 --> 00:50:33 well hang
00:50:33 --> 00:50:33 on a
00:50:33 --> 00:50:33 bit
00:50:33 --> 00:50:33 isn't
00:50:33 --> 00:50:33 that
00:50:33 --> 00:50:34 just
00:50:34 --> 00:50:34 another
00:50:34 --> 00:50:34 way of
00:50:34 --> 00:50:35 saying
00:50:35 --> 00:50:35 that the
00:50:35 --> 00:50:35 stalemate
00:50:35 --> 00:50:35 was
00:50:35 --> 00:50:36 ended
00:50:36 --> 00:50:36 because
00:50:36 --> 00:50:37 Nat
00:50:37 --> 00:50:37 made the
00:50:37 --> 00:50:37 decision?
00:50:38 --> 00:50:38 Not at
00:50:38 --> 00:50:38 all.
00:50:40 --> 00:50:40 Not at
00:50:40 --> 00:50:40 all.
00:50:41 --> 00:50:41 I made
00:50:41 --> 00:50:41 the
00:50:41 --> 00:50:42 decision
00:50:42 --> 00:50:45 because
00:50:45 --> 00:50:45 course
00:50:45 --> 00:50:48 I did
00:50:48 --> 00:50:48 not
00:50:48 --> 00:50:49 change
00:50:49 --> 00:50:49 my
00:50:49 --> 00:50:50 view.
00:50:51 --> 00:50:52 I
00:50:52 --> 00:50:52 still
00:50:52 --> 00:50:52 held
00:50:52 --> 00:50:53 my
00:50:53 --> 00:50:53 view
00:50:53 --> 00:50:55 but I
00:50:55 --> 00:50:55 said
00:50:55 --> 00:50:56 for the
00:50:56 --> 00:50:56 sake
00:50:56 --> 00:50:57 of Nat
00:50:57 --> 00:50:57 and in
00:50:57 --> 00:50:58 fact our
00:50:58 --> 00:50:58 kids at
00:50:58 --> 00:50:59 this point
00:50:59 --> 00:51:00 her view
00:51:00 --> 00:51:01 is the
00:51:01 --> 00:51:02 best way
00:51:02 --> 00:51:02 forward.
00:51:03 --> 00:51:04 It's the
00:51:04 --> 00:51:04 best
00:51:04 --> 00:51:05 exercise
00:51:05 --> 00:51:06 of servant
00:51:06 --> 00:51:06 leadership.
00:51:06 --> 00:51:12 And
00:51:12 --> 00:51:12 we
00:51:12 --> 00:51:13 endorse
00:51:13 --> 00:51:13 her
00:51:13 --> 00:51:14 view
00:51:14 --> 00:51:14 deciding
00:51:14 --> 00:51:15 in her
00:51:15 --> 00:51:15 way
00:51:15 --> 00:51:16 I
00:51:16 --> 00:51:16 took
00:51:16 --> 00:51:17 full
00:51:17 --> 00:51:18 responsibility
00:51:18 --> 00:51:19 for that
00:51:19 --> 00:51:19 decision
00:51:19 --> 00:51:20 from that
00:51:20 --> 00:51:21 moment.
00:51:22 --> 00:51:22 And
00:51:22 --> 00:51:23 at no
00:51:23 --> 00:51:23 point
00:51:23 --> 00:51:25 have I
00:51:25 --> 00:51:25 ever
00:51:25 --> 00:51:26 gone back
00:51:26 --> 00:51:26 and said
00:51:26 --> 00:51:26 told you
00:51:26 --> 00:51:27 so.
00:51:28 --> 00:51:29 Told
00:51:29 --> 00:51:29 you
00:51:29 --> 00:51:29 so.
00:51:33 --> 00:51:34 The
00:51:34 --> 00:51:34 husband
00:51:34 --> 00:51:35 is to
00:51:35 --> 00:51:35 weigh
00:51:35 --> 00:51:35 the
00:51:35 --> 00:51:36 wife's
00:51:36 --> 00:51:36 argument
00:51:36 --> 00:51:36 in the
00:51:36 --> 00:51:37 stalemate
00:51:37 --> 00:51:38 with
00:51:38 --> 00:51:38 her.
00:51:40 --> 00:51:40 Get
00:51:40 --> 00:51:41 his
00:51:41 --> 00:51:41 wife to
00:51:41 --> 00:51:41 help
00:51:41 --> 00:51:42 him
00:51:42 --> 00:51:42 consider
00:51:42 --> 00:51:43 and
00:51:43 --> 00:51:43 primarily
00:51:43 --> 00:51:44 blokes
00:51:44 --> 00:51:46 you
00:51:46 --> 00:51:47 need
00:51:47 --> 00:51:47 your
00:51:47 --> 00:51:49 spouse
00:51:49 --> 00:51:50 to help
00:51:50 --> 00:51:50 you.
00:51:50 --> 00:51:50 You
00:51:50 --> 00:51:50 need
00:51:50 --> 00:51:50 your
00:51:50 --> 00:51:51 wife
00:51:51 --> 00:51:51 to
00:51:51 --> 00:51:51 help
00:51:51 --> 00:51:51 you
00:51:51 --> 00:51:52 consider
00:51:52 --> 00:51:52 your
00:51:52 --> 00:51:53 motives
00:51:53 --> 00:51:53 not
00:51:53 --> 00:51:53 the
00:51:53 --> 00:51:54 logic
00:51:54 --> 00:51:54 of
00:51:54 --> 00:51:54 your
00:51:54 --> 00:51:55 arguments
00:51:55 --> 00:51:56 because
00:51:56 --> 00:51:57 the
00:51:57 --> 00:51:57 motive
00:51:57 --> 00:51:57 that's
00:51:57 --> 00:51:58 deep
00:51:58 --> 00:51:58 inside
00:51:58 --> 00:51:58 of
00:51:58 --> 00:51:58 your
00:51:58 --> 00:51:59 heart
00:51:59 --> 00:51:59 is
00:51:59 --> 00:51:59 a
00:51:59 --> 00:51:59 motive
00:51:59 --> 00:51:59
00:51:59 --> 00:51:59 that's
00:51:59 --> 00:51:59 going
00:51:59 --> 00:51:59 to
00:51:59 --> 00:52:00 push
00:52:00 --> 00:52:00 you
00:52:00 --> 00:52:00 towards
00:52:00 --> 00:52:01 independence
00:52:01 --> 00:52:04 and
00:52:04 --> 00:52:04 you
00:52:04 --> 00:52:05 need
00:52:05 --> 00:52:05 your
00:52:05 --> 00:52:06 spouse
00:52:06 --> 00:52:06 to
00:52:06 --> 00:52:06 help
00:52:06 --> 00:52:06 you
00:52:06 --> 00:52:07 understand
00:52:07 --> 00:52:07 your
00:52:07 --> 00:52:08 motives.
00:52:12 --> 00:52:13 And
00:52:13 --> 00:52:13 then you
00:52:13 --> 00:52:14 make a
00:52:14 --> 00:52:14 decision
00:52:14 --> 00:52:14 that
00:52:14 --> 00:52:15 serves
00:52:15 --> 00:52:18 your
00:52:18 --> 00:52:19 wife and
00:52:19 --> 00:52:19 your
00:52:19 --> 00:52:20 family the
00:52:20 --> 00:52:20 best.
00:52:21 --> 00:52:21 So
00:52:21 --> 00:52:21 servant
00:52:21 --> 00:52:22 leadership
00:52:22 --> 00:52:23 works to
00:52:23 --> 00:52:24 complement
00:52:24 --> 00:52:27 relational
00:52:27 --> 00:52:28 independence.
00:52:29 --> 00:52:30 Headship is
00:52:30 --> 00:52:31 about sacrifice
00:52:31 --> 00:52:32 and responsibility.
00:52:33 --> 00:52:35 So I've
00:52:35 --> 00:52:35 taken all
00:52:35 --> 00:52:36 the time
00:52:36 --> 00:52:36 and I
00:52:36 --> 00:52:36 just want
00:52:36 --> 00:52:36 to say
00:52:36 --> 00:52:37 one last
00:52:37 --> 00:52:37 thing.
00:52:37 --> 00:52:37 Where do
00:52:37 --> 00:52:38 we get
00:52:38 --> 00:52:38 the power
00:52:38 --> 00:52:38 for all
00:52:38 --> 00:52:39 of this?
00:52:40 --> 00:52:41 And
00:52:41 --> 00:52:41 especially
00:52:41 --> 00:52:42 if
00:52:42 --> 00:52:44 right now
00:52:44 --> 00:52:44 and I
00:52:44 --> 00:52:45 can say
00:52:45 --> 00:52:46 even if
00:52:46 --> 00:52:47 your spouse
00:52:47 --> 00:52:47 is not
00:52:47 --> 00:52:47 on board
00:52:47 --> 00:52:48 with you
00:52:48 --> 00:52:48 for this
00:52:48 --> 00:52:49 right now
00:52:49 --> 00:52:50 you still
00:52:50 --> 00:52:50 have the
00:52:50 --> 00:52:51 power to
00:52:51 --> 00:52:51 start moving
00:52:51 --> 00:52:52 in the
00:52:52 --> 00:52:52 direction
00:52:52 --> 00:52:53 by God's
00:52:53 --> 00:52:54 design
00:52:54 --> 00:52:54 in your
00:52:54 --> 00:52:55 marriage.
00:52:55 --> 00:52:55 marriage
00:52:55 --> 00:52:57 because the
00:52:57 --> 00:52:58 power that
00:52:58 --> 00:52:59 comes from
00:52:59 --> 00:52:59 it is
00:52:59 --> 00:53:00 ultimately
00:53:00 --> 00:53:01 not just
00:53:01 --> 00:53:02 embracing
00:53:02 --> 00:53:03 each other
00:53:03 --> 00:53:03 but by
00:53:03 --> 00:53:04 being embraced
00:53:04 --> 00:53:05 by the
00:53:05 --> 00:53:05 ultimate
00:53:05 --> 00:53:05 other.
00:53:06 --> 00:53:06 The one
00:53:06 --> 00:53:07 who is
00:53:07 --> 00:53:07 ultimately
00:53:07 --> 00:53:08 different
00:53:08 --> 00:53:09 to us.
00:53:11 --> 00:53:11 The
00:53:11 --> 00:53:12 gender
00:53:12 --> 00:53:12 differences
00:53:12 --> 00:53:12 are
00:53:12 --> 00:53:13 seismic.
00:53:15 --> 00:53:16 The
00:53:16 --> 00:53:16 sin in
00:53:16 --> 00:53:17 our hearts
00:53:17 --> 00:53:17 tends to
00:53:17 --> 00:53:18 respond by
00:53:18 --> 00:53:18 assigning
00:53:18 --> 00:53:19 moral
00:53:19 --> 00:53:20 significance
00:53:20 --> 00:53:22 to those
00:53:22 --> 00:53:22 differences
00:53:22 --> 00:53:23 when the
00:53:23 --> 00:53:23 differences
00:53:23 --> 00:53:24 are really
00:53:24 --> 00:53:26 deeply
00:53:26 --> 00:53:27 temperamental.
00:53:29 --> 00:53:29 And
00:53:29 --> 00:53:30 Jesus
00:53:30 --> 00:53:30 gives us
00:53:30 --> 00:53:31 the pattern
00:53:31 --> 00:53:31 to make
00:53:31 --> 00:53:31 it work
00:53:31 --> 00:53:33 but also
00:53:33 --> 00:53:33 the power
00:53:33 --> 00:53:34 to change
00:53:34 --> 00:53:34 our hearts
00:53:34 --> 00:53:35 towards each
00:53:35 --> 00:53:35 other.
00:53:36 --> 00:53:36 And that
00:53:36 --> 00:53:37 power is
00:53:37 --> 00:53:38 simply this.
00:53:38 --> 00:53:39 It's the
00:53:39 --> 00:53:39 gospel.
00:53:43 --> 00:53:43 You should
00:53:43 --> 00:53:44 have picked
00:53:44 --> 00:53:44 this up in
00:53:44 --> 00:53:45 Ephesians
00:53:45 --> 00:53:45 when we're
00:53:45 --> 00:53:46 in Ephesians
00:53:46 --> 00:53:47 but Jesus
00:53:47 --> 00:53:47 Christ
00:53:47 --> 00:53:48 embraced
00:53:48 --> 00:53:49 his church.
00:53:50 --> 00:53:50 He
00:53:50 --> 00:53:50 embraced
00:53:50 --> 00:53:51 that which
00:53:51 --> 00:53:51 was completely
00:53:51 --> 00:53:52 other than
00:53:52 --> 00:53:53 him.
00:53:53 --> 00:53:54 Sinful
00:53:54 --> 00:53:54 nature.
00:53:54 --> 00:53:55 Sinful
00:53:55 --> 00:53:56 humanity.
00:53:57 --> 00:53:58 As
00:53:58 --> 00:53:59 being
00:53:59 --> 00:54:00 humans
00:54:00 --> 00:54:01 we are
00:54:01 --> 00:54:01 not
00:54:01 --> 00:54:04 just
00:54:04 --> 00:54:04 simply
00:54:04 --> 00:54:05 different
00:54:05 --> 00:54:05 from
00:54:05 --> 00:54:05 him.
00:54:06 --> 00:54:06 We are
00:54:06 --> 00:54:07 fundamentally
00:54:07 --> 00:54:07 opposed
00:54:07 --> 00:54:08 to him
00:54:08 --> 00:54:09 as
00:54:09 --> 00:54:10 God.
00:54:10 --> 00:54:10 And yet
00:54:10 --> 00:54:11 he took
00:54:11 --> 00:54:11 on human
00:54:11 --> 00:54:12 flesh
00:54:12 --> 00:54:12 and he
00:54:12 --> 00:54:13 drew
00:54:13 --> 00:54:13 close.
00:54:15 --> 00:54:16 He
00:54:16 --> 00:54:16 didn't
00:54:16 --> 00:54:17 exclude
00:54:17 --> 00:54:18 us by
00:54:18 --> 00:54:18 simply
00:54:18 --> 00:54:19 from the
00:54:19 --> 00:54:19 heights
00:54:19 --> 00:54:19 of heaven
00:54:19 --> 00:54:20 casting
00:54:20 --> 00:54:21 us away
00:54:21 --> 00:54:22 consigning
00:54:22 --> 00:54:22 us to
00:54:22 --> 00:54:22 eternal
00:54:22 --> 00:54:23 judgment
00:54:23 --> 00:54:23 for
00:54:23 --> 00:54:24 rebellion
00:54:24 --> 00:54:24 against
00:54:24 --> 00:54:24 him.
00:54:25 --> 00:54:26 He
00:54:26 --> 00:54:26 took
00:54:26 --> 00:54:27 on
00:54:27 --> 00:54:27 human
00:54:27 --> 00:54:28 flesh
00:54:28 --> 00:54:29 and
00:54:29 --> 00:54:30 embraced
00:54:30 --> 00:54:30 us
00:54:30 --> 00:54:31 ultimately
00:54:31 --> 00:54:32 by dying
00:54:32 --> 00:54:32 on the
00:54:32 --> 00:54:33 cross
00:54:33 --> 00:54:34 in our
00:54:34 --> 00:54:34 place
00:54:34 --> 00:54:36 for our
00:54:36 --> 00:54:36 sin.
00:54:37 --> 00:54:38 For
00:54:38 --> 00:54:38 Jesus
00:54:38 --> 00:54:38 to
00:54:38 --> 00:54:39 embrace
00:54:39 --> 00:54:40 hostile
00:54:40 --> 00:54:41 humanity
00:54:41 --> 00:54:43 required of
00:54:43 --> 00:54:43 him the
00:54:43 --> 00:54:43 greatest
00:54:43 --> 00:54:44 sacrifice
00:54:44 --> 00:54:45 of all.
00:54:46 --> 00:54:47 He had
00:54:47 --> 00:54:47 to experience
00:54:47 --> 00:54:48 the rejection
00:54:48 --> 00:54:49 of his
00:54:49 --> 00:54:49 father.
00:54:51 --> 00:54:52 He was
00:54:52 --> 00:54:53 excluded
00:54:53 --> 00:54:54 so that
00:54:54 --> 00:54:54 we could
00:54:54 --> 00:54:54 be brought
00:54:54 --> 00:54:55 in.
00:54:57 --> 00:54:57 And
00:54:57 --> 00:54:58 sometimes
00:54:58 --> 00:54:59 maybe too
00:54:59 --> 00:55:00 often
00:55:00 --> 00:55:01 spouses
00:55:01 --> 00:55:02 experience
00:55:02 --> 00:55:02 betrayal
00:55:02 --> 00:55:03 rejection
00:55:03 --> 00:55:04 and attacks
00:55:04 --> 00:55:05 and the
00:55:05 --> 00:55:06 easiest thing
00:55:06 --> 00:55:07 to do
00:55:07 --> 00:55:07 in that
00:55:07 --> 00:55:07 moment
00:55:07 --> 00:55:08 is to
00:55:08 --> 00:55:08 withdraw
00:55:08 --> 00:55:09 and leave.
00:55:12 --> 00:55:12 And in
00:55:12 --> 00:55:13 some instances
00:55:13 --> 00:55:15 for your own
00:55:15 --> 00:55:15 safety you
00:55:15 --> 00:55:16 do need
00:55:16 --> 00:55:16 to.
00:55:18 --> 00:55:21 But the
00:55:21 --> 00:55:21 place that
00:55:21 --> 00:55:22 you cling
00:55:22 --> 00:55:22 to in
00:55:22 --> 00:55:23 every instance
00:55:23 --> 00:55:23 where that
00:55:23 --> 00:55:24 happens
00:55:24 --> 00:55:25 is the
00:55:25 --> 00:55:25 knowledge that
00:55:25 --> 00:55:26 Jesus never
00:55:26 --> 00:55:26 did.
00:55:28 --> 00:55:28 And he
00:55:28 --> 00:55:29 never will.
00:55:31 --> 00:55:32 He embraced
00:55:32 --> 00:55:33 us, he
00:55:33 --> 00:55:34 loves us and
00:55:34 --> 00:55:34 still does.
00:55:35 --> 00:55:36 And what that
00:55:36 --> 00:55:37 means is it
00:55:37 --> 00:55:38 enables us to
00:55:38 --> 00:55:39 embrace rather
00:55:39 --> 00:55:40 than exclude
00:55:40 --> 00:55:41 our spouse
00:55:41 --> 00:55:43 with all the
00:55:43 --> 00:55:43 mysterious and
00:55:43 --> 00:55:44 often infuriating
00:55:44 --> 00:55:45 differences there
00:55:45 --> 00:55:46 are between us.
00:55:46 --> 00:55:48 in the
00:55:48 --> 00:55:48 gospel of
00:55:48 --> 00:55:49 Jesus Christ
00:55:49 --> 00:55:50 we have
00:55:50 --> 00:55:51 profound
00:55:51 --> 00:55:53 security that
00:55:53 --> 00:55:54 frees us
00:55:54 --> 00:55:55 from the
00:55:55 --> 00:55:56 natural human
00:55:56 --> 00:55:57 impulse
00:55:57 --> 00:55:59 that seeks
00:55:59 --> 00:56:01 to despise
00:56:01 --> 00:56:03 anyone who
00:56:03 --> 00:56:03 is different
00:56:03 --> 00:56:04 to us,
00:56:05 --> 00:56:06 to negate
00:56:06 --> 00:56:07 it,
00:56:07 --> 00:56:08 to demean
00:56:08 --> 00:56:08 it,
00:56:08 --> 00:56:09 to put it
00:56:09 --> 00:56:09 down.
00:56:09 --> 00:56:12 and that's
00:56:12 --> 00:56:13 especially the
00:56:13 --> 00:56:13 case our
00:56:13 --> 00:56:14 spouse.
00:56:15 --> 00:56:16 Marriage is
00:56:16 --> 00:56:17 often painful
00:56:17 --> 00:56:18 and it is
00:56:18 --> 00:56:19 always complicated
00:56:19 --> 00:56:20 but it helps
00:56:20 --> 00:56:21 us grow and
00:56:21 --> 00:56:22 mature in
00:56:22 --> 00:56:23 ways that no
00:56:23 --> 00:56:24 other experience
00:56:24 --> 00:56:26 in this world
00:56:26 --> 00:56:27 can produce.
00:56:27 --> 00:56:29 It also brings
00:56:29 --> 00:56:29 about deep
00:56:29 --> 00:56:30 oneness and
00:56:30 --> 00:56:31 self-knowledge
00:56:31 --> 00:56:32 and change
00:56:32 --> 00:56:33 because of
00:56:33 --> 00:56:34 the profound
00:56:34 --> 00:56:36 complementarity
00:56:36 --> 00:56:38 there is
00:56:38 --> 00:56:38 between the
00:56:38 --> 00:56:39 sexes.
00:56:40 --> 00:56:40 The tender
00:56:40 --> 00:56:41 serving
00:56:41 --> 00:56:42 authority of
00:56:42 --> 00:56:43 a husband's
00:56:43 --> 00:56:43 headship
00:56:43 --> 00:56:45 and the
00:56:45 --> 00:56:45 strong
00:56:45 --> 00:56:47 gracious
00:56:47 --> 00:56:47 gift of
00:56:47 --> 00:56:48 a wife's
00:56:48 --> 00:56:48 submission
00:56:48 --> 00:56:50 restore us
00:56:50 --> 00:56:51 to who
00:56:51 --> 00:56:51 we're meant
00:56:51 --> 00:56:52 to be
00:56:52 --> 00:56:52 at the
00:56:52 --> 00:56:52 very
00:56:52 --> 00:56:53 creation.
00:56:55 --> 00:56:55 And by
00:56:55 --> 00:56:56 accepting
00:56:56 --> 00:56:57 our gender
00:56:57 --> 00:56:58 roles and
00:56:58 --> 00:56:59 operating within
00:56:59 --> 00:57:01 them we are
00:57:01 --> 00:57:02 able to
00:57:02 --> 00:57:02 demonstrate
00:57:02 --> 00:57:03 to the
00:57:03 --> 00:57:04 world,
00:57:04 --> 00:57:05 to the
00:57:05 --> 00:57:06 unbelieving
00:57:06 --> 00:57:06 world,
00:57:07 --> 00:57:08 concepts that
00:57:08 --> 00:57:09 are so
00:57:09 --> 00:57:11 counterintuitive
00:57:11 --> 00:57:12 as to be
00:57:12 --> 00:57:13 virtually
00:57:13 --> 00:57:14 completely
00:57:14 --> 00:57:15 unintelligible
00:57:15 --> 00:57:15 !
00:57:17 --> 00:57:18 Concepts of
00:57:18 --> 00:57:18 God,
00:57:19 --> 00:57:19 of his
00:57:19 --> 00:57:20 nature,
00:57:20 --> 00:57:20 of who he
00:57:20 --> 00:57:21 is in the
00:57:21 --> 00:57:21 gospel,
00:57:22 --> 00:57:22 completely
00:57:22 --> 00:57:23 unintelligible
00:57:23 --> 00:57:25 unless they
00:57:25 --> 00:57:25 are lived
00:57:25 --> 00:57:26 out by men
00:57:26 --> 00:57:26 and women
00:57:26 --> 00:57:28 in Christian
00:57:28 --> 00:57:28 marriage.