The Growth of Marriage
Series: A Profound Mystery
Speaker: Nick Freestone
Date: 7th June 2026
00:00:00 --> 00:00:01 Well, good morning, everyone.
00:00:02 --> 00:00:12 Last week, Steve finished his message by saying that next week, Nick is going to get up and tell you everything you need to know about the hard stuff of marriage.
00:00:13 --> 00:00:19 He'll have all the answers and then smirked at me where I was sitting.
00:00:21 --> 00:00:27 And if you get any kind of introduction like that, you've got to have credentials, right?
00:00:27 --> 00:00:35 You might watch a YouTuber or have seen a TED Talk where when they get up, they say, hey, here are my credentials.
00:00:35 --> 00:00:36 I've studied this.
00:00:36 --> 00:00:37 I've got this relationship.
00:00:37 --> 00:00:38 I know these people.
00:00:38 --> 00:00:40 I'm the one you need to listen to.
00:00:41 --> 00:00:46 Well, today we're talking about the growth of marriage or growing in our marriage.
00:00:47 --> 00:00:51 Here are my credentials that you should ignore.
00:00:51 --> 00:00:58 I've been married nearly 20 years to the most wonderful person in the room, Sam.
00:00:59 --> 00:01:00 I have three beautiful children.
00:01:03 --> 00:01:06 And here's what you should hold as credentials.
00:01:07 --> 00:01:09 I've made pretty much every mistake you can think of in marriage.
00:01:09 --> 00:01:18 And every time someone who is younger than me, and you might think I look young, but I've been married nearly 20 years and I have made so many mistakes.
00:01:18 --> 00:01:27 And people who want to get married or have been married for a shorter time than me, when they ask, what should I do in this situation or now?
00:01:27 --> 00:01:31 I say, well, I can tell you I've made that mistake.
00:01:31 --> 00:01:32 So don't do that.
00:01:32 --> 00:01:35 That is the majority of my advice.
00:01:37 --> 00:01:41 The credential that I want you to hold on to is the word of God.
00:01:42 --> 00:01:44 Because without it, I'm not married for 20 years.
00:01:45 --> 00:01:47 Without the grace of God to me, I'm not married.
00:01:48 --> 00:01:52 Without my wife's grace to me, I'm not married.
00:01:54 --> 00:01:55 Let's pray.
00:01:56 --> 00:01:59 Heavenly Father, would you speak to us through your word this morning?
00:01:59 --> 00:02:10 And even though we've heard this passage at least five times in this series, please speak to us by your Holy Spirit and change us.
00:02:11 --> 00:02:20 Help us who are married to hear this sharp, loving word this morning.
00:02:20 --> 00:02:25 And help those of us who are not married to hear it as well.
00:02:25 --> 00:02:31 For you love to grow relationships and bring people together as one.
00:02:32 --> 00:02:35 For in Christ, we are one.
00:02:36 --> 00:02:37 Amen.
00:02:39 --> 00:02:43 When I was young, I lived in a place called Pambula Beach.
00:02:44 --> 00:02:47 It's right down the far south coast on the beach.
00:02:47 --> 00:02:48 For real.
00:02:49 --> 00:02:51 And we could kind of see the ocean.
00:02:51 --> 00:02:52 It was wonderful.
00:02:52 --> 00:02:57 One of the houses a little further up the hill, just behind us, was this house.
00:02:59 --> 00:03:00 Hope you can see that.
00:03:00 --> 00:03:02 It's pretty quirky looking, right?
00:03:02 --> 00:03:06 It's still there all these years later.
00:03:07 --> 00:03:09 It's an A-frame house.
00:03:11 --> 00:03:16 Two flat walls set on the ground, leaning on each other.
00:03:16 --> 00:03:20 Now, I remember going on a walk one morning with my dad.
00:03:20 --> 00:03:21 I was pretty small.
00:03:23 --> 00:03:25 And I remember pointing out that house.
00:03:26 --> 00:03:27 That's weird, dad.
00:03:27 --> 00:03:29 Or something like that.
00:03:29 --> 00:03:33 And he said, yeah, those houses are built for the mountains.
00:03:34 --> 00:03:38 They're built so that ice and snow, when it lands on the roof, slides off.
00:03:38 --> 00:03:43 And the roof never falls under its weight.
00:03:44 --> 00:03:46 Now, it never snowed by the sea.
00:03:48 --> 00:03:52 And that house was so out of place that I remember it vividly.
00:03:52 --> 00:03:57 And I want us this morning not to remember that house necessarily, but to hold on to that image,
00:03:57 --> 00:03:58 because we're going to come back to it.
00:03:58 --> 00:04:04 In the previous weeks in this series on the meaning of marriage,
00:04:04 --> 00:04:11 we've heard that the sin of self-centeredness and pride is the main hindrance to every marriage.
00:04:11 --> 00:04:19 And if that's true, then without change, all marriages will trend towards ending early.
00:04:20 --> 00:04:25 Can we avoid marriage that shrivels into disgust and isolation?
00:04:25 --> 00:04:29 How do marriages grow?
00:04:30 --> 00:04:36 So today we'll see that if you want a growing marriage, then you need to build an A-frame house.
00:04:38 --> 00:04:46 You need two sides for a roof of truth and love and a sure foundation of grace.
00:04:47 --> 00:04:52 But leave even one of those out and the A-frame house falls.
00:04:52 --> 00:05:00 Christian marriages grow if both spouses are telling and accepting truth,
00:05:01 --> 00:05:08 understanding and expressing love, and experiencing reconciling grace.
00:05:09 --> 00:05:11 They're my three points this morning.
00:05:12 --> 00:05:15 Telling and accepting truth.
00:05:16 --> 00:05:18 Why the roof of truth?
00:05:18 --> 00:05:26 I remember driving home after my first official date with Sam, my now wife.
00:05:28 --> 00:05:29 I remember driving home.
00:05:29 --> 00:05:30 I was worried.
00:05:31 --> 00:05:33 I wasn't really worried about how it had gone.
00:05:33 --> 00:05:34 I was more excited about that.
00:05:35 --> 00:05:38 But I was worried about what I'd revealed about myself.
00:05:39 --> 00:05:43 Did she see any of my many flaws that I was aware of?
00:05:43 --> 00:05:47 My excitement was mixed with fear.
00:05:49 --> 00:05:59 And years later, when we were married, I remembered that moment as I was driving down that same road.
00:06:01 --> 00:06:10 Sam had just confronted me over the phone about how I always ended arguments whenever I felt like I had won.
00:06:10 --> 00:06:13 Shutting her down and hurting her.
00:06:14 --> 00:06:15 She was right.
00:06:17 --> 00:06:21 As I was driving, I'd wish she hadn't seen that in me.
00:06:22 --> 00:06:23 I was prideful.
00:06:24 --> 00:06:27 But I just couldn't ignore it.
00:06:27 --> 00:06:31 Because I was driving home to her.
00:06:32 --> 00:06:33 To face her.
00:06:33 --> 00:06:42 You see, when two people get married, their flaws become increasingly unhideable.
00:06:43 --> 00:06:44 That's a word.
00:06:46 --> 00:06:58 Anytime they're fearful or anxious or proud or inflexible or abrasive, undisciplined, oblivious, impatient, irritable.
00:06:58 --> 00:07:01 Their spouse witnesses this.
00:07:02 --> 00:07:04 Often bearing the brunt of it.
00:07:07 --> 00:07:11 Underneath these flaws are sins.
00:07:12 --> 00:07:16 The Christians are called to deal with and not hide.
00:07:17 --> 00:07:24 Now, how do you feel when a friend, someone who knows you well, points out a flaw in you?
00:07:24 --> 00:07:25 How do you feel?
00:07:25 --> 00:07:28 Harmed?
00:07:29 --> 00:07:29 Shocked?
00:07:30 --> 00:07:31 Grieved?
00:07:32 --> 00:07:32 Joyful?
00:07:34 --> 00:07:39 Those around us can see our flaws more realistically than even us.
00:07:40 --> 00:07:43 And a spouse sees your flaws better than anyone else.
00:07:44 --> 00:07:46 They know them best.
00:07:47 --> 00:07:52 Some of our flaws we have absorbed into our very identity.
00:07:53 --> 00:07:54 They're now part of us.
00:07:55 --> 00:08:02 Even if we hide them or try and ignore them, marriage digs them all up.
00:08:02 --> 00:08:13 I want you to imagine you're in a hospital and you're so sick that they've got to run tests.
00:08:13 --> 00:08:15 Maybe you've got to give blood or go do some scans.
00:08:16 --> 00:08:20 And those tests are collated onto charts and they're put at the end of your bed.
00:08:20 --> 00:08:27 And you're just lying there waiting for a doctor to appear and read those charts and reveal what is wrong.
00:08:27 --> 00:08:31 But did the doctor make you sick?
00:08:31 --> 00:08:31 No.
00:08:34 --> 00:08:39 But their words carry the truth of what was already wrong with you.
00:08:40 --> 00:08:46 Their role is to be the bearer of the bad news so you can heal.
00:08:46 --> 00:08:51 Marriage reveals flaws in us rather than create them.
00:08:54 --> 00:09:04 How often though do I witness spouses blaming the other for a flaw the other has seen in them?
00:09:04 --> 00:09:12 Just as it's the doctor's goal to not be discouraging but to heal,
00:09:13 --> 00:09:17 a spouse's truth-telling is for the healing of the other.
00:09:17 --> 00:09:26 But unlike the doctor reading that report, our sickness, our flaws are affecting our spouse.
00:09:27 --> 00:09:27 The doctor's well.
00:09:28 --> 00:09:29 We're sick.
00:09:30 --> 00:09:33 And yet in our marriage, our sickness affects our spouse.
00:09:34 --> 00:09:36 Let's pick up our passage today.
00:09:36 --> 00:09:40 Our key verses are in and around verse 26 there,
00:09:40 --> 00:09:45 where it says that a husband's role is to make his spouse holy,
00:09:46 --> 00:09:51 cleansing her by the washing of water through the word.
00:09:53 --> 00:10:00 Learning to share and receive truth is this washing.
00:10:03 --> 00:10:09 Have you given your spouse permission to talk about your flaws?
00:10:10 --> 00:10:19 We heard last week that the purpose of Christian marriage is preparing our spouses for eternity with Christ.
00:10:19 --> 00:10:21 And that is no small thing.
00:10:22 --> 00:10:24 It's lifelong and it's huge.
00:10:24 --> 00:10:31 So to do so, we must boldly share what is wrong with our hearts and Bibles open.
00:10:32 --> 00:10:38 It also means expecting your spouse to bring your flaws to you.
00:10:40 --> 00:10:42 Or confessing them yourself.
00:10:44 --> 00:10:47 So that you can grow in holiness.
00:10:49 --> 00:10:52 Now, if you are married here today, I'm going to ask you this.
00:10:53 --> 00:10:55 Have you ever dreamt about being with someone better?
00:10:58 --> 00:11:02 Or do you live in fear that your spouse will find someone better than you?
00:11:02 --> 00:11:09 Deal with your fear of truth.
00:11:10 --> 00:11:14 And deal with the sin in your spouse and yourself.
00:11:18 --> 00:11:23 Your spouse's sin is not them.
00:11:23 --> 00:11:29 Your sin is not you.
00:11:30 --> 00:11:36 Romans 7.17 is where Paul says that sin lives in us.
00:11:39 --> 00:11:44 The Christians are sinful, but counted sinless in Christ.
00:11:44 --> 00:11:50 So, perfection in our lives must only ever be expected in Jesus.
00:11:52 --> 00:11:54 Not in your spouse.
00:11:54 --> 00:11:55 Not in yourself.
00:11:58 --> 00:12:04 It's an unreasonable self-expectation to live without flaws.
00:12:04 --> 00:12:11 And so, we are called to love the sinner who we marry.
00:12:13 --> 00:12:19 To love the sinner we marry, you must together embrace Christ's perfection.
00:12:20 --> 00:12:23 And in that light, deal with your sin.
00:12:23 --> 00:12:36 In their book, The Meaning of Marriage, Tim and Kathy Keller encourage us to call this spiritual transparency.
00:12:37 --> 00:12:39 Spiritual transparency.
00:12:40 --> 00:12:45 Many passages in the Bible, like Ephesians 4, 14 and 15,
00:12:45 --> 00:12:51 they encourage us to turn from the distractions of our world and the deceptions of the voices around us.
00:12:51 --> 00:13:01 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is Christ.
00:13:02 --> 00:13:07 Regular, reciprocal, spiritual transparency.
00:13:08 --> 00:13:11 Truth in love grows marriages.
00:13:14 --> 00:13:17 So, how can we speak the truth and still love?
00:13:17 --> 00:13:22 You may think that the truth only ever hurts.
00:13:26 --> 00:13:30 You may think that truth can't change anything, really, in the end.
00:13:31 --> 00:13:34 Or that marriage only needs love to thrive.
00:13:35 --> 00:13:39 But the work of Christian marriage is to grow, as Steve said last week,
00:13:39 --> 00:13:47 grow as bestest friends who speak the truth in love.
00:13:49 --> 00:13:51 Understanding and expressing love.
00:13:52 --> 00:13:53 We're up to point number two.
00:13:55 --> 00:13:58 In the book, The Lord of the Rings, not the movie,
00:13:59 --> 00:14:03 in the book, the character Faramir has a lot more to say.
00:14:03 --> 00:14:07 There's a lot more screen time in the book than he did in the movie.
00:14:08 --> 00:14:10 He's one of my favorite characters.
00:14:11 --> 00:14:18 And there's a moment where Samwise, the hobbit who's gone along with Frodo on the journey to destroy the ring,
00:14:19 --> 00:14:27 Samwise compliments Faramir for resisting the power of the ring.
00:14:27 --> 00:14:31 Faramir accepts this praise by giving his own.
00:14:32 --> 00:14:34 Back to Samwise, saying,
00:14:35 --> 00:14:40 The praise of the praiseworthy is above all other rewards.
00:14:41 --> 00:14:46 But Samwise, too, rejects the ring's power for the greater good.
00:14:50 --> 00:14:55 Truthful love and affirmation from the praiseworthy is priceless.
00:14:55 --> 00:15:00 Even carrying the power to be healing to us.
00:15:00 --> 00:15:06 So, too, when the one you esteem the most, your spouse, praises you with something like,
00:15:07 --> 00:15:08 Oh, that's what I love about you.
00:15:11 --> 00:15:18 And greater still is when that same spouse who sees your flaws shows you love.
00:15:21 --> 00:15:24 Praiseworthy and truthful.
00:15:25 --> 00:15:37 We can become more convinced of our own dignity and worth as God's love is poured out on us through those we love who know our sin.
00:15:39 --> 00:15:49 Ephesians 5.2 encourages us to walk in the way of love just as Christ loved us and gave himself for us.
00:15:49 --> 00:15:54 That mirrors what we just read in today's passage in verse 25.
00:15:54 --> 00:16:01 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
00:16:02 --> 00:16:09 Spouses are to reflect Christ in how we love and give ourselves up.
00:16:09 --> 00:16:27 So, speaking the truth in love can only occur in a relationship where both give themselves up to understanding and expressing love toward one another.
00:16:27 --> 00:16:31 Here's my big point here.
00:16:32 --> 00:16:39 Do you give yourself in love for the benefit of your spouse or for yourself?
00:16:39 --> 00:16:47 Do you love your spouse on their terms or yours?
00:16:48 --> 00:16:54 Like Christ who showed us the love we needed when he wasn't in need of any love back.
00:16:55 --> 00:16:57 He had everything he needed.
00:16:59 --> 00:17:03 And yet he showed love to us the way we need it.
00:17:03 --> 00:17:11 Sacrificial spouse-centered love is the other side of our roof for a growing marriage.
00:17:13 --> 00:17:20 Now, when I was growing up in my hometown in Pambula, this is going to be weird, oysters were currency.
00:17:23 --> 00:17:25 Pambula was an oyster farming town.
00:17:26 --> 00:17:29 Pambula and Pambula are basically sister villages sitting next to each other.
00:17:29 --> 00:17:31 And then there's a beach and that's Pambula Beach.
00:17:31 --> 00:17:35 All those places, if you had oysters, you had cash.
00:17:37 --> 00:17:38 They were currency.
00:17:39 --> 00:17:44 Now, you didn't have to like eating them to trade with someone who did like them.
00:17:45 --> 00:17:48 Just show of hands, nice and high, who likes oysters in the room?
00:17:49 --> 00:17:51 Okay, please take the photo down for everyone else.
00:17:53 --> 00:17:54 Quick, there we go.
00:17:55 --> 00:17:58 The way we love is a kind of currency.
00:17:58 --> 00:18:05 Sometimes the love currency we receive from someone else is not valuable to us.
00:18:07 --> 00:18:11 Love can be given but not received as love.
00:18:13 --> 00:18:16 Just like the rest of you feel no value in receiving oysters.
00:18:16 --> 00:18:22 Love must be received as love to be understood as love.
00:18:23 --> 00:18:28 And so, we need to spend our love using the preferred currency of the one we love.
00:18:30 --> 00:18:34 Last week, Steve put up this graphic of C.S. Lewis' four loves.
00:18:35 --> 00:18:39 Romantic love, affection love, charity love, friendship love.
00:18:39 --> 00:18:44 Another summary of love currencies is the five love languages.
00:18:44 --> 00:18:45 You may have heard of that.
00:18:46 --> 00:18:52 Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch.
00:18:54 --> 00:18:57 We all want to be loved in our preferred currency.
00:18:57 --> 00:19:04 We give love most naturally in that same currency.
00:19:07 --> 00:19:10 But what if our spouse doesn't want to be loved like that?
00:19:10 --> 00:19:13 Or doesn't feel loved like that?
00:19:14 --> 00:19:19 What if they are inept to loving us in the way we prefer to be loved?
00:19:19 --> 00:19:27 What looks like selfishness could in fact be love given in the wrong currency?
00:19:28 --> 00:19:34 Are you willing to tell your spouse how you most want to be loved?
00:19:37 --> 00:19:40 Or are you willing to exchange your dollars for oysters
00:19:40 --> 00:19:46 to ensure that your spouse experiences your love to them,
00:19:46 --> 00:19:49 even if you don't understand or appreciate it?
00:19:51 --> 00:19:55 Embrace your spouse with the love they love.
00:19:58 --> 00:20:02 And I encourage you, this might be your next step.
00:20:03 --> 00:20:06 It might take some vulnerability and bravery to ask,
00:20:06 --> 00:20:12 but ask, how may I grow in how I show my love to you?
00:20:16 --> 00:20:19 They might say, show me affection.
00:20:21 --> 00:20:24 And then I encourage you to give more of your time,
00:20:26 --> 00:20:28 your nearness, assurance.
00:20:29 --> 00:20:34 Play or participate in some side-by-side activities with them.
00:20:35 --> 00:20:36 Write them cards or letters.
00:20:37 --> 00:20:40 Make more of celebrations with them.
00:20:40 --> 00:20:41 Be playful.
00:20:41 --> 00:20:45 Tell them how you feel out loud.
00:20:45 --> 00:20:46 Avoid being harsh.
00:20:48 --> 00:20:49 And if they say, friendship,
00:20:50 --> 00:20:52 do things together that your spouse loves.
00:20:53 --> 00:20:56 Ask them questions and listen.
00:20:58 --> 00:21:00 Reflectively answer their questions.
00:21:02 --> 00:21:04 Learn more about their work and appreciate it.
00:21:04 --> 00:21:07 Their hobbies and their interests.
00:21:08 --> 00:21:11 And work toward becoming their emotional refuge.
00:21:13 --> 00:21:18 And if they say, I want you to serve me more.
00:21:20 --> 00:21:23 Well, then do the change that they ask for.
00:21:25 --> 00:21:28 Put aside yourself for the sake of your marriage
00:21:28 --> 00:21:32 and take note of the service they affirm in you
00:21:32 --> 00:21:33 and then keep doing it.
00:21:34 --> 00:21:36 Worship together in church
00:21:36 --> 00:21:38 and be generous together.
00:21:40 --> 00:21:44 The Kellers say that
00:21:44 --> 00:21:46 if your spouse does not feel
00:21:46 --> 00:21:49 like you are putting them first,
00:21:49 --> 00:21:52 then by definition, you aren't.
00:21:52 --> 00:21:57 And here's one warning sign
00:21:57 --> 00:21:58 that you may need to grow
00:21:58 --> 00:22:01 in love toward your spouse.
00:22:02 --> 00:22:04 Do you have a pseudo-spouse?
00:22:06 --> 00:22:08 A pseudo-spouse is a person
00:22:08 --> 00:22:10 or a pursuit
00:22:10 --> 00:22:12 where you give and receive more love
00:22:12 --> 00:22:14 than with your spouse.
00:22:17 --> 00:22:18 Challenge your disbelief
00:22:18 --> 00:22:20 that truth and love can grow
00:22:20 --> 00:22:22 and reject
00:22:22 --> 00:22:25 whatever your pseudo-spouse is,
00:22:26 --> 00:22:27 them or it,
00:22:27 --> 00:22:28 for the sake of your marriage.
00:22:30 --> 00:22:33 Truth and love are the roof
00:22:33 --> 00:22:36 for a growing Christian marriage.
00:22:36 --> 00:22:38 But what if you find yourself
00:22:38 --> 00:22:39 in a marriage
00:22:39 --> 00:22:42 with one and not the other?
00:22:44 --> 00:22:46 There's truth in your marriage without love.
00:22:47 --> 00:22:48 Or there's love in your marriage
00:22:48 --> 00:22:49 without truth.
00:22:50 --> 00:22:54 Well, truth without love
00:22:54 --> 00:22:55 is dangerous
00:22:55 --> 00:22:57 because it can leave
00:22:57 --> 00:22:59 a spouse weakened.
00:23:00 --> 00:23:02 Without their spouse's love
00:23:02 --> 00:23:04 to aid in their recovery
00:23:04 --> 00:23:06 and encourage them
00:23:06 --> 00:23:07 to grow
00:23:07 --> 00:23:09 out of their failures
00:23:09 --> 00:23:11 or worse,
00:23:12 --> 00:23:13 truth is used
00:23:13 --> 00:23:15 as a method of control,
00:23:16 --> 00:23:16 shame,
00:23:16 --> 00:23:18 power.
00:23:20 --> 00:23:21 Truth,
00:23:21 --> 00:23:24 that's truth without love.
00:23:26 --> 00:23:28 Anger is often used
00:23:28 --> 00:23:29 as a cover for truth.
00:23:31 --> 00:23:33 Anger isn't always the problem,
00:23:34 --> 00:23:35 but anger must be
00:23:35 --> 00:23:37 like a steak,
00:23:38 --> 00:23:39 salted
00:23:39 --> 00:23:40 so it won't go bad,
00:23:41 --> 00:23:42 salted
00:23:42 --> 00:23:43 with truth,
00:23:43 --> 00:23:46 never weaponized
00:23:46 --> 00:23:47 to control
00:23:47 --> 00:23:48 or hurt
00:23:48 --> 00:23:49 because that is abuse,
00:23:50 --> 00:23:51 not truth
00:23:51 --> 00:23:52 and love.
00:23:53 --> 00:23:55 Truth hurts
00:23:55 --> 00:23:56 and won't heal
00:23:56 --> 00:23:57 without love.
00:23:57 --> 00:23:58 love.
00:23:58 --> 00:24:01 But by the same
00:24:01 --> 00:24:02 understanding,
00:24:02 --> 00:24:04 love without truth
00:24:04 --> 00:24:06 is similarly damaging.
00:24:08 --> 00:24:09 Keeping the peace
00:24:09 --> 00:24:12 is more about
00:24:12 --> 00:24:13 avoiding truth
00:24:13 --> 00:24:15 than being loving.
00:24:15 --> 00:24:19 It leads to
00:24:19 --> 00:24:20 shallow relationships
00:24:20 --> 00:24:21 based on
00:24:21 --> 00:24:22 surface level
00:24:22 --> 00:24:22 affirmations
00:24:22 --> 00:24:24 that hide
00:24:24 --> 00:24:25 deeper bitterness
00:24:25 --> 00:24:26 and griefs.
00:24:27 --> 00:24:28 Without revealing
00:24:28 --> 00:24:29 or discovering truth
00:24:29 --> 00:24:31 and spouses
00:24:31 --> 00:24:32 knowing
00:24:32 --> 00:24:33 and working
00:24:33 --> 00:24:34 on their flaws,
00:24:35 --> 00:24:35 marriages
00:24:35 --> 00:24:36 will end up
00:24:36 --> 00:24:37 built
00:24:37 --> 00:24:38 on false
00:24:38 --> 00:24:39 love.
00:24:41 --> 00:24:42 Eventually,
00:24:42 --> 00:24:42 the truth
00:24:42 --> 00:24:43 will come out
00:24:43 --> 00:24:44 either
00:24:44 --> 00:24:45 in great
00:24:45 --> 00:24:46 sin
00:24:46 --> 00:24:48 or explosions
00:24:48 --> 00:24:48 of bitterness
00:24:48 --> 00:24:50 or the complete
00:24:50 --> 00:24:51 dissolving
00:24:51 --> 00:24:52 of a marriage.
00:24:53 --> 00:24:53 Love
00:24:53 --> 00:24:54 without truth
00:24:54 --> 00:24:55 is
00:24:55 --> 00:24:55 shallow
00:24:55 --> 00:24:57 love.
00:24:58 --> 00:24:58 And you might
00:24:58 --> 00:24:59 be sitting here
00:24:59 --> 00:25:00 thinking,
00:25:00 --> 00:25:02 how?
00:25:04 --> 00:25:05 How am I
00:25:05 --> 00:25:05 supposed to be
00:25:05 --> 00:25:06 brave enough
00:25:06 --> 00:25:07 to tell my
00:25:07 --> 00:25:07 spouse about
00:25:07 --> 00:25:08 their sin
00:25:08 --> 00:25:10 or my
00:25:10 --> 00:25:11 own failures?
00:25:11 --> 00:25:13 how am I
00:25:13 --> 00:25:13 supposed to
00:25:13 --> 00:25:14 find the
00:25:14 --> 00:25:14 strength
00:25:14 --> 00:25:15 to ask
00:25:15 --> 00:25:15 them
00:25:15 --> 00:25:16 to love
00:25:16 --> 00:25:16 me
00:25:16 --> 00:25:16 better
00:25:16 --> 00:25:19 or handle
00:25:19 --> 00:25:19 hearing them
00:25:19 --> 00:25:20 ask the
00:25:20 --> 00:25:20 same of
00:25:20 --> 00:25:20 me?
00:25:23 --> 00:25:24 We need
00:25:24 --> 00:25:24 a foundation
00:25:24 --> 00:25:25 for truth
00:25:25 --> 00:25:26 and love
00:25:26 --> 00:25:27 that will
00:25:27 --> 00:25:28 not fall
00:25:28 --> 00:25:29 under such
00:25:29 --> 00:25:29 a weight.
00:25:32 --> 00:25:33 We need
00:25:33 --> 00:25:35 to experience
00:25:35 --> 00:25:36 reconciling
00:25:36 --> 00:25:37 grace.
00:25:40 --> 00:25:41 One last
00:25:41 --> 00:25:41 Tim and
00:25:41 --> 00:25:42 Kathy
00:25:42 --> 00:25:42 Keller
00:25:42 --> 00:25:42 quote
00:25:42 --> 00:25:43 because it's
00:25:43 --> 00:25:43 brilliant.
00:25:45 --> 00:25:46 Only if
00:25:46 --> 00:25:46 we are
00:25:46 --> 00:25:47 very good
00:25:47 --> 00:25:48 at forgiving
00:25:48 --> 00:25:50 and repenting
00:25:50 --> 00:25:51 can truth
00:25:51 --> 00:25:52 and love
00:25:52 --> 00:25:53 be kept
00:25:53 --> 00:25:54 together.
00:25:55 --> 00:25:55 This is
00:25:55 --> 00:25:55 crucial.
00:25:56 --> 00:25:56 Only if
00:25:56 --> 00:25:57 we become
00:25:57 --> 00:25:57 very good
00:25:57 --> 00:25:58 at forgiving
00:25:58 --> 00:25:59 and repenting
00:25:59 --> 00:26:00 can truth
00:26:00 --> 00:26:00 and love
00:26:00 --> 00:26:01 be kept
00:26:01 --> 00:26:02 together.
00:26:02 --> 00:26:03 Such
00:26:03 --> 00:26:03 grace
00:26:03 --> 00:26:04 must
00:26:04 --> 00:26:05 exist
00:26:05 --> 00:26:06 in a
00:26:06 --> 00:26:06 marriage
00:26:06 --> 00:26:06 as a
00:26:06 --> 00:26:07 shared
00:26:07 --> 00:26:07 commitment
00:26:07 --> 00:26:10 to repent
00:26:10 --> 00:26:10 of sin.
00:26:12 --> 00:26:12 Choose
00:26:12 --> 00:26:13 to forgive
00:26:13 --> 00:26:15 and reconcile
00:26:15 --> 00:26:16 by the
00:26:16 --> 00:26:16 power
00:26:16 --> 00:26:17 of God.
00:26:18 --> 00:26:19 Ephesians
00:26:19 --> 00:26:19 4
00:26:19 --> 00:26:20 32
00:26:20 --> 00:26:21 says
00:26:21 --> 00:26:22 be kind
00:26:22 --> 00:26:22 and compassionate
00:26:22 --> 00:26:23 to one
00:26:23 --> 00:26:23 another
00:26:23 --> 00:26:24 forgiving
00:26:24 --> 00:26:25 each other
00:26:25 --> 00:26:26 just as
00:26:26 --> 00:26:27 in Christ
00:26:27 --> 00:26:28 God
00:26:28 --> 00:26:28 forgave
00:26:28 --> 00:26:29 you.
00:26:29 --> 00:26:32 do you
00:26:32 --> 00:26:33 see how
00:26:33 --> 00:26:34 grace
00:26:34 --> 00:26:35 in the
00:26:35 --> 00:26:35 forgiveness
00:26:35 --> 00:26:36 of God
00:26:36 --> 00:26:37 in Christ
00:26:37 --> 00:26:38 is our
00:26:38 --> 00:26:39 power
00:26:39 --> 00:26:39 for
00:26:39 --> 00:26:40 forgiveness?
00:26:42 --> 00:26:43 Just as
00:26:43 --> 00:26:43 our
00:26:43 --> 00:26:44 motivation
00:26:44 --> 00:26:44 to share
00:26:44 --> 00:26:45 the truth
00:26:45 --> 00:26:46 and give
00:26:46 --> 00:26:46 love
00:26:46 --> 00:26:47 flows from
00:26:47 --> 00:26:48 Christ
00:26:48 --> 00:26:49 giving himself
00:26:49 --> 00:26:50 up for
00:26:50 --> 00:26:50 us
00:26:50 --> 00:26:53 so he
00:26:53 --> 00:26:53 is our
00:26:53 --> 00:26:54 source
00:26:54 --> 00:26:55 of the
00:26:55 --> 00:26:55 power
00:26:55 --> 00:26:56 to forgive
00:26:56 --> 00:26:57 for he
00:26:57 --> 00:26:57 is the
00:26:57 --> 00:26:57 only
00:26:57 --> 00:26:58 perfect
00:26:58 --> 00:26:59 person
00:26:59 --> 00:27:00 and yet
00:27:00 --> 00:27:02 while
00:27:02 --> 00:27:03 undeserving
00:27:03 --> 00:27:05 of the
00:27:05 --> 00:27:05 punishment
00:27:05 --> 00:27:05 of hell
00:27:05 --> 00:27:07 for sin
00:27:07 --> 00:27:07 he
00:27:07 --> 00:27:08 graciously
00:27:08 --> 00:27:08 offers
00:27:08 --> 00:27:10 to exchange
00:27:10 --> 00:27:11 that
00:27:11 --> 00:27:11 perfect
00:27:11 --> 00:27:12 life
00:27:12 --> 00:27:12 that is
00:27:12 --> 00:27:13 his
00:27:13 --> 00:27:14 freely
00:27:14 --> 00:27:16 with
00:27:16 --> 00:27:16 your
00:27:16 --> 00:27:17 life
00:27:17 --> 00:27:17 of sin
00:27:17 --> 00:27:20 with
00:27:20 --> 00:27:21 anyone
00:27:21 --> 00:27:22 who
00:27:22 --> 00:27:22 would
00:27:22 --> 00:27:22 follow
00:27:22 --> 00:27:23 him
00:27:23 --> 00:27:23 as
00:27:23 --> 00:27:24 their
00:27:24 --> 00:27:24 risen
00:27:24 --> 00:27:25 king
00:27:25 --> 00:27:26 in
00:27:26 --> 00:27:26 Jesus
00:27:26 --> 00:27:27 is
00:27:27 --> 00:27:28 complete
00:27:28 --> 00:27:28 forgiveness
00:27:28 --> 00:27:29 from
00:27:29 --> 00:27:29 God
00:27:29 --> 00:27:32 and so
00:27:32 --> 00:27:32 we
00:27:32 --> 00:27:32 who
00:27:32 --> 00:27:32 have
00:27:32 --> 00:27:33 been
00:27:33 --> 00:27:33 forgiven
00:27:33 --> 00:27:34 much
00:27:34 --> 00:27:35 are
00:27:35 --> 00:27:35 empowered
00:27:35 --> 00:27:36 to
00:27:36 --> 00:27:37 forgive
00:27:37 --> 00:27:38 much
00:27:38 --> 00:27:42 strangely
00:27:42 --> 00:27:44 those
00:27:44 --> 00:27:44 we love
00:27:44 --> 00:27:45 are often
00:27:45 --> 00:27:45 the hardest
00:27:45 --> 00:27:46 to forgive
00:27:46 --> 00:27:50 this
00:27:50 --> 00:27:51 is
00:27:51 --> 00:27:51 probably
00:27:51 --> 00:27:51 because
00:27:51 --> 00:27:52 the harm
00:27:52 --> 00:27:52 are done
00:27:52 --> 00:27:54 from one
00:27:54 --> 00:27:54 spouse's
00:27:54 --> 00:27:55 actions
00:27:55 --> 00:27:56 against
00:27:56 --> 00:27:57 another
00:27:57 --> 00:27:57 it
00:27:57 --> 00:27:58 just
00:27:58 --> 00:27:58 hurts
00:27:58 --> 00:27:59 more
00:27:59 --> 00:27:59 than
00:27:59 --> 00:27:59 everyone
00:27:59 --> 00:28:00 else
00:28:00 --> 00:28:01 they're
00:28:01 --> 00:28:01 meant to
00:28:01 --> 00:28:02 love you
00:28:02 --> 00:28:02 the most
00:28:02 --> 00:28:03 they know
00:28:03 --> 00:28:03 you the
00:28:03 --> 00:28:03 most
00:28:03 --> 00:28:04 and they
00:28:04 --> 00:28:04 can do
00:28:04 --> 00:28:04 the most
00:28:04 --> 00:28:05 damage
00:28:05 --> 00:28:06 and so
00:28:06 --> 00:28:07 making a
00:28:07 --> 00:28:07 choice to
00:28:07 --> 00:28:08 forgive
00:28:08 --> 00:28:08 such great
00:28:08 --> 00:28:09 hurt
00:28:09 --> 00:28:10 requires us
00:28:10 --> 00:28:11 to grow
00:28:11 --> 00:28:12 in grace
00:28:12 --> 00:28:14 in mark
00:28:14 --> 00:28:15 11
00:28:15 --> 00:28:15 25
00:28:15 --> 00:28:17 Jesus
00:28:17 --> 00:28:17 commands
00:28:17 --> 00:28:17 that we
00:28:17 --> 00:28:18 choose
00:28:18 --> 00:28:19 to
00:28:19 --> 00:28:19 forgive
00:28:19 --> 00:28:21 even as
00:28:21 --> 00:28:21 we pray
00:28:21 --> 00:28:22 to God
00:28:22 --> 00:28:23 about how
00:28:23 --> 00:28:23 we're
00:28:23 --> 00:28:23 hurting
00:28:23 --> 00:28:25 before
00:28:25 --> 00:28:26 we've
00:28:26 --> 00:28:26 confronted
00:28:26 --> 00:28:27 those
00:28:27 --> 00:28:28 who hurt
00:28:28 --> 00:28:28 us
00:28:28 --> 00:28:29 take note
00:28:29 --> 00:28:30 of the
00:28:30 --> 00:28:30 order
00:28:30 --> 00:28:31 choosing
00:28:31 --> 00:28:31 to forgive
00:28:31 --> 00:28:32 is the
00:28:32 --> 00:28:33 start
00:28:33 --> 00:28:35 and then
00:28:35 --> 00:28:35 in Matthew
00:28:35 --> 00:28:36 18
00:28:36 --> 00:28:38 those
00:28:38 --> 00:28:39 hurt
00:28:39 --> 00:28:40 by sin
00:28:40 --> 00:28:41 or witnesses
00:28:41 --> 00:28:41 of sin
00:28:41 --> 00:28:42 should seek
00:28:42 --> 00:28:43 to confront
00:28:43 --> 00:28:45 and restore
00:28:45 --> 00:28:48 only taking
00:28:48 --> 00:28:49 this
00:28:49 --> 00:28:50 need for
00:28:50 --> 00:28:51 repentance
00:28:51 --> 00:28:51 public
00:28:51 --> 00:28:53 if this
00:28:53 --> 00:28:54 person
00:28:54 --> 00:28:54 does not
00:28:54 --> 00:28:55 repent
00:28:55 --> 00:28:57 sin is to
00:28:57 --> 00:28:57 be rooted
00:28:57 --> 00:28:58 out in
00:28:58 --> 00:28:59 the context
00:28:59 --> 00:29:00 of a
00:29:00 --> 00:29:00 relationship
00:29:00 --> 00:29:02 with
00:29:02 --> 00:29:03 forgiveness
00:29:03 --> 00:29:06 the goal
00:29:06 --> 00:29:07 of confronting
00:29:07 --> 00:29:07 a sin
00:29:07 --> 00:29:09 or even
00:29:09 --> 00:29:10 the potential
00:29:10 --> 00:29:11 for sin
00:29:11 --> 00:29:12 in someone's
00:29:12 --> 00:29:12 life
00:29:12 --> 00:29:14 is for
00:29:14 --> 00:29:14 reconciliation
00:29:14 --> 00:29:15 of that
00:29:15 --> 00:29:15 person to
00:29:15 --> 00:29:16 God
00:29:16 --> 00:29:18 and to
00:29:18 --> 00:29:18 you
00:29:18 --> 00:29:19 never
00:29:19 --> 00:29:20 to punish
00:29:20 --> 00:29:22 or control
00:29:22 --> 00:29:24 it demands
00:29:24 --> 00:29:25 grace from
00:29:25 --> 00:29:26 you to
00:29:26 --> 00:29:27 bring truth
00:29:27 --> 00:29:27 in love
00:29:27 --> 00:29:28 and it
00:29:28 --> 00:29:29 demands grace
00:29:29 --> 00:29:30 in them
00:29:30 --> 00:29:31 to receive
00:29:31 --> 00:29:32 truth
00:29:32 --> 00:29:33 in love
00:29:33 --> 00:29:35 unforgiving
00:29:35 --> 00:29:35 spouses
00:29:35 --> 00:29:36 cannot
00:29:36 --> 00:29:37 bear
00:29:37 --> 00:29:38 the truth
00:29:38 --> 00:29:40 and so
00:29:40 --> 00:29:41 withhold
00:29:41 --> 00:29:42 grace
00:29:42 --> 00:29:43 and such
00:29:43 --> 00:29:44 a house
00:29:44 --> 00:29:44 cannot
00:29:44 --> 00:29:45 stand
00:29:45 --> 00:29:46 it'll fall
00:29:46 --> 00:29:47 under the
00:29:47 --> 00:29:47 weight
00:29:47 --> 00:29:50 so
00:29:50 --> 00:29:51 we need
00:29:51 --> 00:29:51 to grow
00:29:51 --> 00:29:52 in the power
00:29:52 --> 00:29:53 of grace
00:29:53 --> 00:29:53 in our
00:29:53 --> 00:29:54 marriage
00:29:54 --> 00:29:55 how do
00:29:55 --> 00:29:56 we do
00:29:56 --> 00:29:56 that
00:29:56 --> 00:29:57 the answer
00:29:57 --> 00:29:58 is
00:29:58 --> 00:29:59 grow in
00:29:59 --> 00:29:59 humility
00:29:59 --> 00:30:02 God
00:30:02 --> 00:30:02 did not
00:30:02 --> 00:30:03 ask us
00:30:03 --> 00:30:04 to earn
00:30:04 --> 00:30:04 our
00:30:04 --> 00:30:04 spouse's
00:30:04 --> 00:30:05 love
00:30:05 --> 00:30:05 back
00:30:05 --> 00:30:07 when we
00:30:07 --> 00:30:08 fail in
00:30:08 --> 00:30:08 our marriage
00:30:08 --> 00:30:09 but to
00:30:09 --> 00:30:10 repent
00:30:10 --> 00:30:11 and ask
00:30:11 --> 00:30:12 for forgiveness
00:30:12 --> 00:30:14 this mirrors
00:30:14 --> 00:30:15 Christ
00:30:15 --> 00:30:15 who did
00:30:15 --> 00:30:16 not demand
00:30:16 --> 00:30:17 people earn
00:30:17 --> 00:30:18 their way
00:30:18 --> 00:30:18 back
00:30:18 --> 00:30:19 into God's
00:30:19 --> 00:30:19 love
00:30:19 --> 00:30:21 but he
00:30:21 --> 00:30:22 became
00:30:22 --> 00:30:23 their way
00:30:23 --> 00:30:23 to be
00:30:23 --> 00:30:23 forgiven
00:30:23 --> 00:30:25 we're to
00:30:25 --> 00:30:26 humbly
00:30:26 --> 00:30:26 embody
00:30:26 --> 00:30:27 this in
00:30:27 --> 00:30:27 our
00:30:27 --> 00:30:27 marriage
00:30:27 --> 00:30:28 grace
00:30:28 --> 00:30:29 from God
00:30:29 --> 00:30:31 is reflected
00:30:31 --> 00:30:32 through
00:30:32 --> 00:30:32 us
00:30:32 --> 00:30:33 not
00:30:33 --> 00:30:34 created
00:30:34 --> 00:30:36 by us
00:30:36 --> 00:30:37 to be
00:30:37 --> 00:30:38 reconciled
00:30:38 --> 00:30:39 any hostility
00:30:39 --> 00:30:40 needs to be
00:30:40 --> 00:30:40 dealt
00:30:40 --> 00:30:41 with
00:30:41 --> 00:30:44 with grace
00:30:44 --> 00:30:45 by both
00:30:45 --> 00:30:46 spouses
00:30:46 --> 00:30:47 the wrongdoer
00:30:47 --> 00:30:48 needs to
00:30:48 --> 00:30:48 repent
00:30:48 --> 00:30:48 and ask
00:30:48 --> 00:30:49 for forgiveness
00:30:49 --> 00:30:51 while the
00:30:51 --> 00:30:51 wronged
00:30:51 --> 00:30:52 needs to
00:30:52 --> 00:30:53 choose
00:30:53 --> 00:30:53 forgiveness
00:30:53 --> 00:30:55 accept
00:30:55 --> 00:30:56 their spouse's
00:30:56 --> 00:30:56 repentance
00:30:56 --> 00:30:58 and grow
00:30:58 --> 00:30:58 in their
00:30:58 --> 00:30:59 reliance
00:30:59 --> 00:31:00 on Christ's
00:31:00 --> 00:31:00 grace
00:31:00 --> 00:31:00 to them
00:31:00 --> 00:31:02 to be
00:31:02 --> 00:31:03 their power
00:31:03 --> 00:31:04 to forgive
00:31:04 --> 00:31:05 to be
00:31:05 --> 00:31:06 their power
00:31:06 --> 00:31:07 to show
00:31:07 --> 00:31:08 grace
00:31:08 --> 00:31:09 there is
00:31:09 --> 00:31:10 no
00:31:10 --> 00:31:10 earning
00:31:10 --> 00:31:11 back
00:31:11 --> 00:31:12 love
00:31:12 --> 00:31:12 in
00:31:12 --> 00:31:12 marriage
00:31:12 --> 00:31:14 according
00:31:14 --> 00:31:14 to God
00:31:14 --> 00:31:17 God's
00:31:17 --> 00:31:17 plan
00:31:17 --> 00:31:19 we are
00:31:19 --> 00:31:19 to forgive
00:31:19 --> 00:31:21 and confront
00:31:21 --> 00:31:23 and or
00:31:23 --> 00:31:24 repent
00:31:24 --> 00:31:24 and ask
00:31:24 --> 00:31:25 for forgiveness
00:31:25 --> 00:31:26 and both
00:31:26 --> 00:31:27 need to
00:31:27 --> 00:31:28 humbly
00:31:28 --> 00:31:28 pursue
00:31:28 --> 00:31:30 reconciliation
00:31:30 --> 00:31:32 Ephesians 4
00:31:32 --> 00:31:32 verse 2
00:31:32 --> 00:31:33 says
00:31:33 --> 00:31:33 be
00:31:33 --> 00:31:34 completely
00:31:34 --> 00:31:35 humble
00:31:35 --> 00:31:36 and gentle
00:31:36 --> 00:31:37 be patient
00:31:37 --> 00:31:39 bearing
00:31:39 --> 00:31:39 with one
00:31:39 --> 00:31:40 another
00:31:40 --> 00:31:41 in love
00:31:41 --> 00:31:43 growing
00:31:43 --> 00:31:44 in humility
00:31:44 --> 00:31:45 alongside
00:31:45 --> 00:31:46 patience
00:31:46 --> 00:31:47 and gentleness
00:31:47 --> 00:31:48 both fruits
00:31:48 --> 00:31:48 of the Holy
00:31:48 --> 00:31:49 Spirit
00:31:49 --> 00:31:50 is how
00:31:50 --> 00:31:51 we grow
00:31:51 --> 00:31:52 in grace
00:31:52 --> 00:31:53 love
00:31:53 --> 00:31:55 to bear
00:31:55 --> 00:31:55 with
00:31:55 --> 00:31:57 your own
00:31:57 --> 00:31:57 sinful
00:31:57 --> 00:31:58 self
00:31:58 --> 00:31:59 and your
00:31:59 --> 00:32:00 spouse
00:32:00 --> 00:32:00 isn't
00:32:00 --> 00:32:01 possible
00:32:01 --> 00:32:02 without
00:32:02 --> 00:32:03 humility
00:32:03 --> 00:32:03 humility
00:32:03 --> 00:32:07 now here
00:32:07 --> 00:32:07 are two
00:32:07 --> 00:32:07 warnings
00:32:07 --> 00:32:08 really
00:32:08 --> 00:32:09 briefly
00:32:09 --> 00:32:10 don't
00:32:10 --> 00:32:10 over
00:32:10 --> 00:32:11 humiliate
00:32:11 --> 00:32:11 yourself
00:32:11 --> 00:32:12 into
00:32:12 --> 00:32:12 self
00:32:12 --> 00:32:13 loathing
00:32:13 --> 00:32:14 you may
00:32:14 --> 00:32:15 raise
00:32:15 --> 00:32:15 your spouse's
00:32:15 --> 00:32:16 opinion
00:32:16 --> 00:32:17 of you
00:32:17 --> 00:32:19 so highly
00:32:19 --> 00:32:20 that you
00:32:20 --> 00:32:21 never speak
00:32:21 --> 00:32:21 the truth
00:32:21 --> 00:32:22 of your
00:32:22 --> 00:32:22 failures
00:32:22 --> 00:32:24 or spend
00:32:24 --> 00:32:25 your life
00:32:25 --> 00:32:25 trying to
00:32:25 --> 00:32:26 earn
00:32:26 --> 00:32:26 their
00:32:26 --> 00:32:27 forgiveness
00:32:27 --> 00:32:28 even if
00:32:28 --> 00:32:28 they offer
00:32:28 --> 00:32:29 it freely
00:32:29 --> 00:32:30 that is not
00:32:30 --> 00:32:31 humility
00:32:31 --> 00:32:32 that is the
00:32:32 --> 00:32:33 fear of
00:32:33 --> 00:32:33 losing
00:32:33 --> 00:32:34 love
00:32:34 --> 00:32:34 that
00:32:34 --> 00:32:35 eats up
00:32:35 --> 00:32:36 truth
00:32:36 --> 00:32:39 and don't
00:32:39 --> 00:32:40 under humble
00:32:40 --> 00:32:40 yourself
00:32:40 --> 00:32:41 into self
00:32:41 --> 00:32:43 exaltation
00:32:43 --> 00:32:44 either
00:32:44 --> 00:32:46 even subtly
00:32:46 --> 00:32:47 lowering your
00:32:47 --> 00:32:48 spouse's value
00:32:48 --> 00:32:49 below your
00:32:49 --> 00:32:49 own
00:32:49 --> 00:32:51 never really
00:32:51 --> 00:32:51 giving your
00:32:51 --> 00:32:52 love
00:32:52 --> 00:32:52 that's not
00:32:52 --> 00:32:53 humility
00:32:53 --> 00:32:53 that is
00:32:53 --> 00:32:54 pride
00:32:54 --> 00:32:54 wielding
00:32:54 --> 00:32:55 truth
00:32:55 --> 00:32:56 that eats
00:32:56 --> 00:32:56 up
00:32:56 --> 00:32:57 love
00:32:57 --> 00:33:00 see how
00:33:00 --> 00:33:00 each side
00:33:00 --> 00:33:01 need to
00:33:01 --> 00:33:01 work together
00:33:01 --> 00:33:01 here
00:33:01 --> 00:33:04 instead
00:33:04 --> 00:33:05 see yourself
00:33:05 --> 00:33:05 rightly
00:33:05 --> 00:33:06 through the
00:33:06 --> 00:33:06 gospel
00:33:06 --> 00:33:08 humiliated
00:33:08 --> 00:33:08 and exalted
00:33:08 --> 00:33:09 in Christ
00:33:09 --> 00:33:12 we are
00:33:12 --> 00:33:12 so
00:33:12 --> 00:33:13 evil
00:33:13 --> 00:33:14 and sinful
00:33:14 --> 00:33:15 and flawed
00:33:15 --> 00:33:16 that Jesus
00:33:16 --> 00:33:18 had to die
00:33:18 --> 00:33:19 for us
00:33:19 --> 00:33:20 and
00:33:20 --> 00:33:21 we are
00:33:21 --> 00:33:22 so loved
00:33:22 --> 00:33:23 that the
00:33:23 --> 00:33:24 son of
00:33:24 --> 00:33:24 God was
00:33:24 --> 00:33:24 willing to
00:33:24 --> 00:33:25 do that
00:33:25 --> 00:33:27 he exalts
00:33:27 --> 00:33:27 you
00:33:27 --> 00:33:28 to his
00:33:28 --> 00:33:29 place
00:33:29 --> 00:33:30 with God
00:33:30 --> 00:33:31 as
00:33:31 --> 00:33:32 you achieve
00:33:32 --> 00:33:33 nothing
00:33:33 --> 00:33:34 to earn
00:33:34 --> 00:33:34 it
00:33:34 --> 00:33:38 a key
00:33:38 --> 00:33:39 verse
00:33:39 --> 00:33:40 in chapter
00:33:40 --> 00:33:41 525
00:33:41 --> 00:33:42 of Ephesians
00:33:42 --> 00:33:42 says
00:33:42 --> 00:33:43 Christ loved
00:33:43 --> 00:33:44 the church
00:33:44 --> 00:33:44 and gave
00:33:44 --> 00:33:45 himself up
00:33:45 --> 00:33:46 for her
00:33:46 --> 00:33:47 it's the
00:33:47 --> 00:33:47 ultimate
00:33:47 --> 00:33:48 display
00:33:48 --> 00:33:49 of humility
00:33:49 --> 00:33:52 our sins
00:33:52 --> 00:33:53 hurt Jesus
00:33:53 --> 00:33:54 infinitely
00:33:54 --> 00:33:54 more
00:33:54 --> 00:33:57 then our
00:33:57 --> 00:33:57 spouse's
00:33:57 --> 00:33:58 sins
00:33:58 --> 00:33:59 hurt us
00:33:59 --> 00:34:00 yet Jesus
00:34:00 --> 00:34:01 died
00:34:01 --> 00:34:02 so we
00:34:02 --> 00:34:02 could be
00:34:02 --> 00:34:03 forgiven
00:34:03 --> 00:34:05 and
00:34:05 --> 00:34:06 so we
00:34:06 --> 00:34:06 could
00:34:06 --> 00:34:06 humbly
00:34:06 --> 00:34:07 forgive
00:34:07 --> 00:34:11 so see
00:34:11 --> 00:34:11 yourself
00:34:11 --> 00:34:12 and your
00:34:12 --> 00:34:13 spouse
00:34:13 --> 00:34:14 in light
00:34:14 --> 00:34:14 of the
00:34:14 --> 00:34:14 gospel
00:34:14 --> 00:34:15 humbled
00:34:15 --> 00:34:16 and exalted
00:34:16 --> 00:34:18 in Christ
00:34:18 --> 00:34:20 the goal
00:34:20 --> 00:34:21 of grace
00:34:21 --> 00:34:21 from spouse
00:34:21 --> 00:34:22 to spouse
00:34:22 --> 00:34:22 must be
00:34:22 --> 00:34:23 revealed
00:34:23 --> 00:34:24 in truth
00:34:24 --> 00:34:25 and love
00:34:25 --> 00:34:25 that humbles
00:34:25 --> 00:34:26 both
00:34:26 --> 00:34:27 in failure
00:34:27 --> 00:34:28 and forgiveness
00:34:28 --> 00:34:29 this
00:34:29 --> 00:34:31 shared act
00:34:31 --> 00:34:32 of humility
00:34:32 --> 00:34:33 breaks apart
00:34:33 --> 00:34:34 unresolved
00:34:34 --> 00:34:35 sin
00:34:35 --> 00:34:36 and lack
00:34:36 --> 00:34:37 of love
00:34:37 --> 00:34:37 to make
00:34:37 --> 00:34:38 reconciliation
00:34:38 --> 00:34:40 and healing
00:34:40 --> 00:34:40 possible
00:34:40 --> 00:34:41 even
00:34:41 --> 00:34:42 inevitable
00:34:42 --> 00:34:46 when we
00:34:46 --> 00:34:46 fail each
00:34:46 --> 00:34:47 other in
00:34:47 --> 00:34:47 marriage
00:34:47 --> 00:34:48 practice
00:34:48 --> 00:34:49 sharing
00:34:49 --> 00:34:49 truth
00:34:49 --> 00:34:50 showing
00:34:50 --> 00:34:50 love
00:34:50 --> 00:34:52 and choosing
00:34:52 --> 00:34:53 forgiveness
00:34:53 --> 00:34:54 as you
00:34:54 --> 00:34:55 embrace the
00:34:55 --> 00:34:55 grace of
00:34:55 --> 00:34:55 Christ
00:34:55 --> 00:34:57 together
00:34:57 --> 00:34:58 now you
00:34:58 --> 00:34:59 might be in
00:34:59 --> 00:34:59 this room
00:34:59 --> 00:35:00 today and
00:35:00 --> 00:35:00 you're not
00:35:00 --> 00:35:01 yet married
00:35:01 --> 00:35:02 or you're
00:35:02 --> 00:35:02 no longer
00:35:02 --> 00:35:03 married
00:35:03 --> 00:35:04 but you
00:35:04 --> 00:35:05 can carry
00:35:05 --> 00:35:05 the blueprint
00:35:05 --> 00:35:06 of this
00:35:06 --> 00:35:07 a-frame house
00:35:07 --> 00:35:07 of truth
00:35:07 --> 00:35:08 and love
00:35:08 --> 00:35:08 and grace
00:35:08 --> 00:35:10 into any
00:35:10 --> 00:35:11 friendship
00:35:11 --> 00:35:12 any
00:35:12 --> 00:35:13 relationship
00:35:13 --> 00:35:14 life-giving
00:35:14 --> 00:35:14 Christian
00:35:14 --> 00:35:15 friendships
00:35:15 --> 00:35:16 are built
00:35:16 --> 00:35:17 off the
00:35:17 --> 00:35:17 same
00:35:17 --> 00:35:18 blueprints
00:35:18 --> 00:35:21 and if you
00:35:21 --> 00:35:21 aren't a
00:35:21 --> 00:35:21 Christian
00:35:21 --> 00:35:23 why not
00:35:23 --> 00:35:24 consider
00:35:24 --> 00:35:25 building your
00:35:25 --> 00:35:25 marriage
00:35:25 --> 00:35:26 with
00:35:26 --> 00:35:27 Jesus
00:35:27 --> 00:35:28 marriage is
00:35:28 --> 00:35:29 better with
00:35:29 --> 00:35:29 Jesus at the
00:35:29 --> 00:35:30 heart of it
00:35:30 --> 00:35:31 so consider
00:35:31 --> 00:35:32 following
00:35:32 --> 00:35:32 Jesus
00:35:32 --> 00:35:35 such a
00:35:35 --> 00:35:35 gracious
00:35:35 --> 00:35:36 saviour
00:35:36 --> 00:35:37 and rest
00:35:37 --> 00:35:37 your life
00:35:37 --> 00:35:38 on him
00:35:38 --> 00:35:41 and if
00:35:41 --> 00:35:41 you are
00:35:41 --> 00:35:42 the lone
00:35:42 --> 00:35:42 Christian
00:35:42 --> 00:35:44 in your
00:35:44 --> 00:35:44 marriage
00:35:44 --> 00:35:47 or you're
00:35:47 --> 00:35:47 in a
00:35:47 --> 00:35:47 marriage
00:35:47 --> 00:35:48 where your
00:35:48 --> 00:35:49 spouse will
00:35:49 --> 00:35:50 not participate
00:35:50 --> 00:35:52 in truth
00:35:52 --> 00:35:53 or love
00:35:53 --> 00:35:55 or grace
00:35:55 --> 00:35:56 take heart
00:35:56 --> 00:35:59 your role
00:35:59 --> 00:36:00 in your
00:36:00 --> 00:36:00 marriage can
00:36:00 --> 00:36:01 still bring
00:36:01 --> 00:36:02 growth
00:36:02 --> 00:36:04 as you
00:36:04 --> 00:36:05 display the
00:36:05 --> 00:36:05 grace of
00:36:05 --> 00:36:06 Christ in
00:36:06 --> 00:36:06 forgiving
00:36:06 --> 00:36:08 as you
00:36:08 --> 00:36:09 seek to
00:36:09 --> 00:36:09 love your
00:36:09 --> 00:36:10 spouse
00:36:10 --> 00:36:10 as they
00:36:10 --> 00:36:11 receive it
00:36:11 --> 00:36:12 and as you
00:36:12 --> 00:36:13 bravely share
00:36:13 --> 00:36:13 the truth
00:36:13 --> 00:36:14 with them
00:36:14 --> 00:36:15 you display
00:36:15 --> 00:36:16 the grace
00:36:16 --> 00:36:17 and love
00:36:17 --> 00:36:20 of the
00:36:20 --> 00:36:21 truth
00:36:21 --> 00:36:22 you display
00:36:22 --> 00:36:23 the grace
00:36:23 --> 00:36:24 and love
00:36:24 --> 00:36:24 of the
00:36:24 --> 00:36:25 truth
00:36:25 --> 00:36:25 Christ
00:36:25 --> 00:36:26 himself
00:36:26 --> 00:36:28 to your
00:36:28 --> 00:36:28 spouse
00:36:28 --> 00:36:29 build what
00:36:29 --> 00:36:30 you can
00:36:30 --> 00:36:32 empowered
00:36:32 --> 00:36:33 by Christ
00:36:33 --> 00:36:34 who gave
00:36:34 --> 00:36:35 himself up
00:36:35 --> 00:36:36 for you
00:36:36 --> 00:36:40 one day
00:36:40 --> 00:36:41 Jesus told
00:36:41 --> 00:36:42 the Pharisees
00:36:42 --> 00:36:43 married
00:36:43 --> 00:36:43 Christians
00:36:43 --> 00:36:46 will join
00:36:46 --> 00:36:47 him in
00:36:47 --> 00:36:47 heaven
00:36:47 --> 00:36:49 and marriage
00:36:49 --> 00:36:49 will be
00:36:49 --> 00:36:50 no more
00:36:50 --> 00:36:52 married
00:36:52 --> 00:36:53 or single
00:36:53 --> 00:36:55 all who
00:36:55 --> 00:36:55 love
00:36:55 --> 00:36:55 Christ
00:36:55 --> 00:36:56 more than
00:36:56 --> 00:36:57 any other
00:36:57 --> 00:36:58 will be
00:36:58 --> 00:36:58 reunited
00:36:58 --> 00:37:00 to him
00:37:00 --> 00:37:01 as one
00:37:01 --> 00:37:02 and until
00:37:02 --> 00:37:02 then
00:37:02 --> 00:37:04 a married
00:37:04 --> 00:37:05 man and
00:37:05 --> 00:37:05 woman
00:37:05 --> 00:37:06 become
00:37:06 --> 00:37:07 one flesh
00:37:07 --> 00:37:08 our passage
00:37:08 --> 00:37:09 today says
00:37:09 --> 00:37:10 one flesh
00:37:10 --> 00:37:12 in a
00:37:12 --> 00:37:13 oneness
00:37:13 --> 00:37:13 that is much
00:37:13 --> 00:37:14 more than
00:37:14 --> 00:37:15 just sex
00:37:15 --> 00:37:16 which is often
00:37:16 --> 00:37:17 what we think
00:37:17 --> 00:37:18 that means
00:37:18 --> 00:37:19 oneness
00:37:19 --> 00:37:20 in Christian
00:37:20 --> 00:37:20 marriage
00:37:20 --> 00:37:21 grows
00:37:21 --> 00:37:22 as spouses
00:37:22 --> 00:37:23 fulfill their
00:37:23 --> 00:37:23 roles
00:37:23 --> 00:37:24 which Steve
00:37:24 --> 00:37:24 is going to
00:37:24 --> 00:37:25 talk about
00:37:25 --> 00:37:25 next week
00:37:25 --> 00:37:26 there we go
00:37:26 --> 00:37:26 that's my
00:37:26 --> 00:37:27 handball
00:37:27 --> 00:37:27 of that
00:37:27 --> 00:37:31 those spouses
00:37:31 --> 00:37:32 grow
00:37:32 --> 00:37:33 in their
00:37:33 --> 00:37:33 oneness
00:37:33 --> 00:37:34 in their
00:37:34 --> 00:37:34 one flesh
00:37:34 --> 00:37:35 together
00:37:35 --> 00:37:36 as they
00:37:36 --> 00:37:37 build an
00:37:37 --> 00:37:37 a-frame
00:37:37 --> 00:37:37 house
00:37:37 --> 00:37:38 of truth
00:37:38 --> 00:37:39 and love
00:37:39 --> 00:37:40 and grace
00:37:40 --> 00:37:41 in Christ
00:37:41 --> 00:37:43 let's pray
00:37:43 --> 00:37:45 heavenly
00:37:45 --> 00:37:45 father we
00:37:45 --> 00:37:46 need your
00:37:46 --> 00:37:47 grace in
00:37:47 --> 00:37:47 our lives
00:37:47 --> 00:37:49 please
00:37:49 --> 00:37:50 holy spirit
00:37:50 --> 00:37:51 would you
00:37:51 --> 00:37:52 grow us
00:37:52 --> 00:37:54 so that we
00:37:54 --> 00:37:55 may love
00:37:55 --> 00:37:57 so that we
00:37:57 --> 00:37:58 may share
00:37:58 --> 00:37:58 truth
00:37:58 --> 00:37:59 in love
00:37:59 --> 00:38:02 help us
00:38:02 --> 00:38:02 to be a
00:38:02 --> 00:38:02 people
00:38:02 --> 00:38:03 who display
00:38:03 --> 00:38:05 the love
00:38:05 --> 00:38:06 and grace
00:38:06 --> 00:38:07 of Christ
00:38:07 --> 00:38:09 we need
00:38:09 --> 00:38:10 your help
00:38:10 --> 00:38:10 in this
00:38:10 --> 00:38:11 in our
00:38:11 --> 00:38:11 marriages
00:38:11 --> 00:38:12 in our
00:38:12 --> 00:38:13 relationships
00:38:13 --> 00:38:16 we thank
00:38:16 --> 00:38:16 you that
00:38:16 --> 00:38:17 you love
00:38:17 --> 00:38:19 us
00:38:19 --> 00:38:21 and that
00:38:21 --> 00:38:21 you will
00:38:21 --> 00:38:21 help us
00:38:21 --> 00:38:22 in this
00:38:22 --> 00:38:22 amen
00:38:22 --> 00:38:25 to be
00:38:25 --> 00:38:25
00:38:25 --> 00:38:25
00:38:25 --> 00:38:25
00:38:25 --> 00:38:25 to be
00:38:25 --> 00:38:26 to be
00:38:26 --> 00:38:27 to be
00:38:27 --> 00:38:27
00:38:27 --> 00:38:28 a
00:38:28 --> 00:38:28 !
00:38:28 --> 00:38:29 to be