The Mystery of Marriage
Series: A Profound Mystery
Speaker: Steve Jeffrey
Date: 10th May 2026
00:00:00 --> 00:00:01 Well, good morning everyone.
00:00:02 --> 00:00:03 I've not met you before, my name's Steve.
00:00:04 --> 00:00:10 ! Lee passed here at St. Paul's and we're starting a series, as we've said, on marriage.
00:00:11 --> 00:00:18 ! Marriage is finding that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
00:00:19 --> 00:00:21 That's one definition of marriage.
00:00:22 --> 00:00:25 Love is blind, but marriage is the great eye-opener.
00:00:25 --> 00:00:30 Love is one long, sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
00:00:32 --> 00:00:36 My husband and I have agreed to never go to bed angry with each other,
00:00:36 --> 00:00:38 and so far we've been awake for the last three days.
00:00:40 --> 00:00:47 If you're married, you'll resonate with some of those sort of short quips, if you like.
00:00:49 --> 00:00:52 The interesting thing is, though, you don't need to be married for that,
00:00:52 --> 00:01:00 to see some of it from that perspective, because we all see marriage through a distorted lens.
00:01:01 --> 00:01:07 And that distorted lens is our own experience of it.
00:01:07 --> 00:01:14 If your experience is parents who had a fantastic marriage,
00:01:14 --> 00:01:21 that may cause you to see marriage as something that is relatively easy.
00:01:22 --> 00:01:28 And you may get a profound shock when yourself are married
00:01:28 --> 00:01:32 and discover how hard it is to forge a great marriage.
00:01:32 --> 00:01:37 If you have experienced a troubled marriage or a divorce,
00:01:37 --> 00:01:41 either as a child or now as an adult,
00:01:41 --> 00:01:49 your view of marriage may be wary, pessimistic even.
00:01:50 --> 00:01:56 You may be entering marriage, particularly if you grew up in a bad marriage,
00:01:56 --> 00:02:00 you may be entering marriage expecting of relationship problems,
00:02:00 --> 00:02:03 or when they appear, you're very quickly to go,
00:02:03 --> 00:02:07 ah, here we go, this is exactly what I anticipated.
00:02:08 --> 00:02:14 You see, any experience of marriage we've had would cause us,
00:02:15 --> 00:02:17 in one way or another, to be unprepared for it.
00:02:19 --> 00:02:24 Marriage, as we see there in verse 32 of Ephesians 5,
00:02:24 --> 00:02:26 is a profound mystery.
00:02:27 --> 00:02:30 It's unlike any other relationship in the world.
00:02:31 --> 00:02:34 And so we're going to spend this term trying to unravel,
00:02:35 --> 00:02:37 if you like, this profound mystery.
00:02:38 --> 00:02:46 The plan is to give both the married and the unmarried people amongst us here
00:02:46 --> 00:02:51 a biblical vision of marriage according to the Bible,
00:02:51 --> 00:02:52 according to Christianity.
00:02:52 --> 00:02:59 And so this series is for the approximately 59% of us who are married
00:02:59 --> 00:03:01 in our church family.
00:03:01 --> 00:03:06 And the hope will be it will correct mistaken views
00:03:06 --> 00:03:13 and mistaken views that may be right now harming your marriage
00:03:13 --> 00:03:17 and hopefully bring you to a perspective of grace.
00:03:17 --> 00:03:26 When Nat and I got married 9 days ago today,
00:03:28 --> 00:03:31 not that anyone's counting,
00:03:33 --> 00:03:38 we were like most young modern couples.
00:03:39 --> 00:03:43 We found marriage to be much harder than we expected it to be.
00:03:43 --> 00:03:51 Marriage is, in reality, the union of two people
00:03:51 --> 00:03:53 who come together with life's baggage.
00:03:55 --> 00:04:01 And so marriage is glorious, but it's also profoundly hard.
00:04:01 --> 00:04:04 It is a burning joy and strength,
00:04:04 --> 00:04:07 and yet it is also blood, sweat, and tears.
00:04:07 --> 00:04:14 There are multitudes of humbling defeats and exhausting victories at the same time.
00:04:15 --> 00:04:21 No marriage, I know, that is more than a few weeks old
00:04:21 --> 00:04:23 could be described as a fairy trail come true.
00:04:27 --> 00:04:31 Often, however, in the church, we don't talk like that.
00:04:31 --> 00:04:37 We project an unhelpful view of marriage.
00:04:39 --> 00:04:44 The thing is, I don't recall anyone saying to Nat and I
00:04:44 --> 00:04:49 how hard it will be until one young couple said to us about,
00:04:50 --> 00:04:53 asked us about 12 months into marriage,
00:04:53 --> 00:04:55 how's your first 12 months been?
00:04:55 --> 00:04:57 Because for us, it was a nightmare.
00:04:57 --> 00:05:03 And you've been now married 20-odd years,
00:05:03 --> 00:05:06 and it's like no one had ever said that to us.
00:05:07 --> 00:05:09 Everyone talked about the honeymoon period.
00:05:09 --> 00:05:10 That's all they talked about.
00:05:11 --> 00:05:13 So it's for the marriage amongst us.
00:05:13 --> 00:05:17 Secondly, we're doing this series for the 41% approximately
00:05:17 --> 00:05:19 of unmarried people in our church family,
00:05:19 --> 00:05:26 and hoping it will deal with any unhelpful over-desiring of marriage
00:05:26 --> 00:05:32 or deal with any unhelpful, pessimistic dismissing of marriage.
00:05:33 --> 00:05:35 Hopefully going to do that as well.
00:05:36 --> 00:05:38 You see, single people need to...
00:05:39 --> 00:05:44 They need a brutally realistic and yet glorious vision
00:05:44 --> 00:05:48 of what marriage actually is and also what it can be.
00:05:50 --> 00:05:52 And thirdly, we're doing this series,
00:05:53 --> 00:05:58 and I must say primarily because of what we discovered
00:05:58 --> 00:05:59 in Ephesians' last term.
00:06:00 --> 00:06:04 We're actually doing this series because Ash said we should,
00:06:06 --> 00:06:07 told me we should.
00:06:07 --> 00:06:15 And he was right in that we got to the series in Ephesians
00:06:15 --> 00:06:19 and we skipped over this one in one sermon,
00:06:19 --> 00:06:22 and there's so much to unpack here
00:06:22 --> 00:06:27 because the book of Ephesians reveals the position
00:06:27 --> 00:06:28 and job description of the church
00:06:28 --> 00:06:32 in affecting God's grand plan for all time and eternity.
00:06:33 --> 00:06:34 And all of God's plans for eternity,
00:06:34 --> 00:06:36 to make a people for himself,
00:06:36 --> 00:06:38 to enjoy forever in his presence,
00:06:38 --> 00:06:41 in unity through the Lord Jesus Christ,
00:06:41 --> 00:06:45 is worked out in time and space through the church,
00:06:45 --> 00:06:49 which the Bible describes as the bride of Christ.
00:06:50 --> 00:06:53 I mentioned it many times last term.
00:06:54 --> 00:06:58 The American pastor and theologian Jonathan Edwards said
00:06:58 --> 00:07:00 that God created the entire universe
00:07:00 --> 00:07:04 that the eternal Son of God might attain a spouse.
00:07:04 --> 00:07:11 And so therefore, marriage, as we see it in the Bible,
00:07:11 --> 00:07:14 is deeply connected to God's purposes for all things
00:07:14 --> 00:07:15 and all time.
00:07:16 --> 00:07:19 It's not a side point here.
00:07:20 --> 00:07:24 It's not just a change of subject in Ephesians.
00:07:24 --> 00:07:29 In Ephesians 5, we have the longest, most famous,
00:07:29 --> 00:07:34 and, dare I say, controversial passage in the Bible on marriage.
00:07:36 --> 00:07:38 And it's one that we can't just skip over.
00:07:38 --> 00:07:40 And so I'm thankful to Ash for pushing me on this one.
00:07:41 --> 00:07:44 And so the primary purpose, as we unpack this series,
00:07:45 --> 00:07:48 is not tips on marriage.
00:07:49 --> 00:07:53 It's not 10 takeaways to make your marriage a little bit healthier.
00:07:53 --> 00:07:56 This is primarily theological.
00:07:57 --> 00:08:02 It's primarily theological in understanding who God is
00:08:02 --> 00:08:05 because that is what marriage does.
00:08:05 --> 00:08:08 It helps us understand who God is.
00:08:08 --> 00:08:13 And in understanding God, it helps us understand marriage.
00:08:14 --> 00:08:18 That's where we're headed in the next number of weeks.
00:08:18 --> 00:08:23 And you're probably going to have a bunch of questions,
00:08:23 --> 00:08:29 and I may not answer any of them as we go through.
00:08:30 --> 00:08:34 It's not marriage counselling, even though I dare say it should be helpful,
00:08:35 --> 00:08:37 as even in my own preparation has been helpful for me.
00:08:38 --> 00:08:40 So here's the three points for today.
00:08:42 --> 00:08:45 We're going to look at, you know, it's really introductory, this sermon,
00:08:45 --> 00:08:50 looking at marriage, broadly speaking, as it's shifted over time,
00:08:51 --> 00:08:52 looking at the Bible's perspective,
00:08:52 --> 00:08:55 and then finally we'll land on the mystery,
00:08:56 --> 00:08:57 the profound mystery of marriage.
00:08:57 --> 00:09:00 Okay, so first of all, marriage made over time.
00:09:01 --> 00:09:06 In Western civilisations, there's been several competing views
00:09:07 --> 00:09:09 as to what marriage is, what it should be.
00:09:10 --> 00:09:12 Traditionally, over the centuries,
00:09:12 --> 00:09:16 there's been the Catholic and the Protestant perspectives.
00:09:17 --> 00:09:19 They're similar but different.
00:09:20 --> 00:09:24 Similar in the sense that both taught that the purpose of marriage
00:09:24 --> 00:09:28 was, or the institution of marriage,
00:09:28 --> 00:09:32 was a lifelong devotion and love between a husband and a wife.
00:09:33 --> 00:09:34 It was a solemn bond,
00:09:35 --> 00:09:37 designed to help each other,
00:09:37 --> 00:09:42 to subordinate individual impulses and interests
00:09:42 --> 00:09:44 in favour of the union.
00:09:46 --> 00:09:48 The Catholic Church, the Roman Catholic Church,
00:09:49 --> 00:09:54 emphasised marriage as a sacrament of God's love.
00:09:55 --> 00:09:58 Protestants understood marriage to be given by God,
00:09:59 --> 00:10:02 not merely for Christians,
00:10:02 --> 00:10:07 but in fact for the benefit of the entire of humanity.
00:10:09 --> 00:10:13 Marriage was designed to build character
00:10:13 --> 00:10:16 by bringing a male and a female together
00:10:17 --> 00:10:19 into a binding partnership.
00:10:20 --> 00:10:24 Now, these older traditional culture views,
00:10:24 --> 00:10:28 and generally not just the Western civilisation,
00:10:28 --> 00:10:30 but more traditional cultures have a similar view on this,
00:10:30 --> 00:10:33 they taught that their members
00:10:33 --> 00:10:37 to find meaning in duty
00:10:37 --> 00:10:41 by embracing their assigned social roles
00:10:41 --> 00:10:43 and carrying them out faithfully.
00:10:44 --> 00:10:46 So personal meaning
00:10:46 --> 00:10:50 was found through self-denial,
00:10:50 --> 00:10:52 giving up one's freedoms,
00:10:52 --> 00:10:54 and binding oneself to the duties
00:10:54 --> 00:10:56 of marriage and family and society.
00:10:57 --> 00:10:58 That's the traditional view.
00:10:58 --> 00:11:01 That started to shift
00:11:01 --> 00:11:03 in the 18th and 19th century,
00:11:04 --> 00:11:05 particularly in Western civilisation,
00:11:06 --> 00:11:09 which is now permeating most of the world
00:11:09 --> 00:11:12 because we've got Hollywood and things like that.
00:11:14 --> 00:11:15 It started to shift,
00:11:15 --> 00:11:18 particularly being triggered
00:11:18 --> 00:11:20 during the time of the Enlightenment.
00:11:20 --> 00:11:24 The meaning of marriage in that season
00:11:24 --> 00:11:29 came to be the freedom of the individual
00:11:29 --> 00:11:34 to choose the life that most fulfils them personally.
00:11:34 --> 00:11:36 That's the view that started to shift
00:11:36 --> 00:11:38 in the 18th, 19th century.
00:11:38 --> 00:11:41 And so marriage, with that view,
00:11:41 --> 00:11:42 was being redefined
00:11:42 --> 00:11:47 as finding emotional and sexual fulfilment
00:11:47 --> 00:11:48 and self-actualisation.
00:11:48 --> 00:11:51 That became the purpose of marriage.
00:11:51 --> 00:11:53 And this new approach to marriage
00:11:53 --> 00:11:56 saw marriage as a contract
00:11:56 --> 00:11:58 between two parties
00:11:58 --> 00:12:01 for mutual individual growth and satisfaction.
00:12:03 --> 00:12:05 That is,
00:12:06 --> 00:12:07 you married for yourself,
00:12:08 --> 00:12:10 not for God,
00:12:11 --> 00:12:12 not for society,
00:12:13 --> 00:12:14 not for the other.
00:12:14 --> 00:12:17 And spouses should, therefore,
00:12:17 --> 00:12:18 this is the view,
00:12:18 --> 00:12:21 be allowed to conduct their marriage
00:12:21 --> 00:12:23 in any way they consider beneficial
00:12:23 --> 00:12:25 for them personally.
00:12:26 --> 00:12:27 And so broadly speaking,
00:12:27 --> 00:12:30 what happened in the time of the Enlightenment
00:12:30 --> 00:12:33 is this new perspective of marriage
00:12:33 --> 00:12:35 privatised marriage.
00:12:38 --> 00:12:40 It took it from the public sphere
00:12:40 --> 00:12:42 to privatising it.
00:12:42 --> 00:12:47 And it redefined its purpose
00:12:47 --> 00:12:49 as individual gratification.
00:12:51 --> 00:12:53 I can't tell you the number of couples
00:12:53 --> 00:12:54 that are prepared for marriage
00:12:54 --> 00:12:56 and you ask the question
00:12:56 --> 00:12:57 about expectations
00:12:57 --> 00:13:00 from broader families and so on,
00:13:00 --> 00:13:01 and the vast majority say,
00:13:02 --> 00:13:02 what does it matter?
00:13:02 --> 00:13:03 We're the ones getting married.
00:13:04 --> 00:13:05 It's our marriage after all.
00:13:08 --> 00:13:10 It privatised marriage.
00:13:10 --> 00:13:12 And so slowly but surely,
00:13:13 --> 00:13:14 this newer understanding
00:13:14 --> 00:13:15 of the meaning of marriage
00:13:15 --> 00:13:17 became the dominant view in society,
00:13:17 --> 00:13:19 which is what it is now.
00:13:19 --> 00:13:22 It used to be a public institution
00:13:22 --> 00:13:23 for the common good
00:13:23 --> 00:13:25 and now it's a private arrangement
00:13:25 --> 00:13:27 for the satisfaction of the individual.
00:13:28 --> 00:13:30 Marriage used to be about us,
00:13:31 --> 00:13:32 now it's about me.
00:13:32 --> 00:13:36 And ironically,
00:13:38 --> 00:13:41 one of the reasons for this shift
00:13:41 --> 00:13:46 is the proponents of the new version of marriage,
00:13:47 --> 00:13:48 the new view of marriage,
00:13:48 --> 00:13:50 saw the old view of marriage
00:13:50 --> 00:13:52 as being oppressive.
00:13:52 --> 00:13:56 It's an oppressive view of marriage
00:13:56 --> 00:13:57 and of life.
00:13:58 --> 00:13:59 And the irony is
00:13:59 --> 00:14:01 that this new view of marriage
00:14:01 --> 00:14:04 actually puts a crushing burden
00:14:04 --> 00:14:06 of expectations on marriage
00:14:06 --> 00:14:08 and on spouses
00:14:08 --> 00:14:10 in a way that more traditional understanding
00:14:10 --> 00:14:11 of marriage never did.
00:14:11 --> 00:14:15 And the particular burden
00:14:15 --> 00:14:19 that is there nowadays
00:14:19 --> 00:14:21 in the modern view of marriage
00:14:21 --> 00:14:25 is this new idea
00:14:25 --> 00:14:29 which arose out of the enlightenment,
00:14:29 --> 00:14:33 the new idea of the compatible soulmate
00:14:33 --> 00:14:38 that out there in the world
00:14:38 --> 00:14:39 is the one.
00:14:41 --> 00:14:41 The one.
00:14:43 --> 00:14:45 And that concept is a,
00:14:45 --> 00:14:47 the concept of compatibility
00:14:47 --> 00:14:49 and the concept of a soulmate
00:14:49 --> 00:14:52 is a very, very new development
00:14:52 --> 00:14:54 in the institution of marriage.
00:14:57 --> 00:15:01 And it creates an extreme idealism
00:15:01 --> 00:15:05 that in turn leads to a deep pessimism.
00:15:07 --> 00:15:08 You see, the new view of marriage
00:15:08 --> 00:15:10 as self-realisation
00:15:10 --> 00:15:13 has caused people
00:15:13 --> 00:15:15 to first of all
00:15:15 --> 00:15:17 want too much out of marriage
00:15:17 --> 00:15:20 and yet also at the same time
00:15:20 --> 00:15:22 not nearly enough out of marriage.
00:15:26 --> 00:15:27 Men and women today
00:15:27 --> 00:15:28 want a marriage
00:15:28 --> 00:15:30 in which they can receive
00:15:30 --> 00:15:31 emotional
00:15:31 --> 00:15:33 and sexual satisfaction
00:15:33 --> 00:15:34 from someone
00:15:34 --> 00:15:36 who will simply
00:15:36 --> 00:15:37 let them be
00:15:37 --> 00:15:38 themselves.
00:15:40 --> 00:15:42 They want a spouse
00:15:42 --> 00:15:43 who is
00:15:43 --> 00:15:45 fun,
00:15:46 --> 00:15:47 intellectually stimulating,
00:15:48 --> 00:15:49 sexually attractive,
00:15:50 --> 00:15:52 where you've got
00:15:52 --> 00:15:54 many common interests
00:15:54 --> 00:15:56 and who on top of all of that
00:15:56 --> 00:15:58 is entirely supportive
00:15:58 --> 00:16:00 of your personal goals
00:16:00 --> 00:16:01 and of the way
00:16:01 --> 00:16:02 you are currently living
00:16:02 --> 00:16:04 right now.
00:16:04 --> 00:16:05 And that search,
00:16:05 --> 00:16:07 looking for that person,
00:16:08 --> 00:16:10 goes on and on
00:16:10 --> 00:16:11 and on and on
00:16:11 --> 00:16:15 trying to find them.
00:16:18 --> 00:16:19 It takes
00:16:19 --> 00:16:22 years.
00:16:24 --> 00:16:25 Or in Nat's case,
00:16:25 --> 00:16:26 it was pretty quick.
00:16:26 --> 00:16:38 It does lead to a deep pessimism
00:16:38 --> 00:16:41 in life
00:16:41 --> 00:16:43 and for this concept
00:16:43 --> 00:16:44 of marriage.
00:16:45 --> 00:16:45 You see,
00:16:45 --> 00:16:47 if your desire
00:16:47 --> 00:16:48 is for a spouse
00:16:48 --> 00:16:50 who will not demand
00:16:50 --> 00:16:52 a lot of change
00:16:52 --> 00:16:52 from you,
00:16:53 --> 00:16:55 then you are looking
00:16:55 --> 00:16:56 for a spouse
00:16:56 --> 00:16:58 who is almost
00:16:58 --> 00:17:00 completely together,
00:17:01 --> 00:17:03 very low maintenance
00:17:03 --> 00:17:05 and with virtually
00:17:05 --> 00:17:06 no personal problems
00:17:06 --> 00:17:07 at all,
00:17:07 --> 00:17:09 you're looking for someone
00:17:09 --> 00:17:10 who will not require
00:17:10 --> 00:17:12 change
00:17:12 --> 00:17:14 or demand
00:17:14 --> 00:17:15 change.
00:17:15 --> 00:17:17 not only
00:17:17 --> 00:17:18 someone
00:17:18 --> 00:17:18 who is
00:17:18 --> 00:17:19 completely together
00:17:19 --> 00:17:20 themselves,
00:17:20 --> 00:17:20 but you're looking
00:17:20 --> 00:17:21 for someone
00:17:21 --> 00:17:22 who's prepared
00:17:22 --> 00:17:23 to put up
00:17:23 --> 00:17:23 with you
00:17:23 --> 00:17:24 being not
00:17:24 --> 00:17:25 completely together
00:17:25 --> 00:17:25 yourself.
00:17:26 --> 00:17:27 You are searching
00:17:27 --> 00:17:27 therefore
00:17:27 --> 00:17:29 for the ideal person,
00:17:29 --> 00:17:29 happy,
00:17:30 --> 00:17:31 healthy,
00:17:31 --> 00:17:32 interesting,
00:17:32 --> 00:17:33 stable,
00:17:33 --> 00:17:33 wise,
00:17:33 --> 00:17:34 content,
00:17:36 --> 00:17:37 attractive,
00:17:39 --> 00:17:41 together in life,
00:17:41 --> 00:17:42 fully together
00:17:42 --> 00:17:43 in life
00:17:43 --> 00:17:44 and under 30.
00:17:47 --> 00:17:48 Good luck
00:17:48 --> 00:17:48 with that.
00:17:54 --> 00:17:54 You see,
00:17:54 --> 00:17:55 the assumption
00:17:55 --> 00:17:56 that there is
00:17:56 --> 00:17:57 someone out there
00:17:57 --> 00:17:58 who is just
00:17:58 --> 00:17:59 right for me
00:17:59 --> 00:18:00 to marry
00:18:00 --> 00:18:02 fails to
00:18:02 --> 00:18:05 appreciate
00:18:05 --> 00:18:06 the fact
00:18:06 --> 00:18:09 that everyone
00:18:09 --> 00:18:09 who gets
00:18:09 --> 00:18:10 married
00:18:10 --> 00:18:11 always,
00:18:12 --> 00:18:12 everyone,
00:18:13 --> 00:18:13 always
00:18:13 --> 00:18:14 marries
00:18:14 --> 00:18:14 the wrong
00:18:14 --> 00:18:15 person.
00:18:19 --> 00:18:19 They're going to be
00:18:19 --> 00:18:19 doing it.
00:18:20 --> 00:18:21 Did I just say that?
00:18:21 --> 00:18:22 Yes,
00:18:22 --> 00:18:23 I did just say that.
00:18:23 --> 00:18:25 Every single
00:18:25 --> 00:18:25 person
00:18:25 --> 00:18:26 who marries
00:18:26 --> 00:18:27 everyone,
00:18:27 --> 00:18:29 they always
00:18:29 --> 00:18:29 marry
00:18:29 --> 00:18:30 the wrong
00:18:30 --> 00:18:30 person.
00:18:33 --> 00:18:34 And that's
00:18:34 --> 00:18:35 because
00:18:35 --> 00:18:38 we think
00:18:38 --> 00:18:38 we know
00:18:38 --> 00:18:39 the person
00:18:39 --> 00:18:40 that we are
00:18:40 --> 00:18:40 marrying
00:18:40 --> 00:18:41 on that wedding
00:18:41 --> 00:18:42 day,
00:18:42 --> 00:18:43 but we
00:18:43 --> 00:18:43 actually
00:18:43 --> 00:18:44 don't.
00:18:47 --> 00:18:48 Marriage
00:18:48 --> 00:18:48 is a
00:18:48 --> 00:18:48 journey
00:18:48 --> 00:18:49 of
00:18:49 --> 00:18:49 discovering
00:18:49 --> 00:18:50 who
00:18:50 --> 00:18:50 that
00:18:50 --> 00:18:50 person
00:18:50 --> 00:18:51 is.
00:18:52 --> 00:18:52 What you
00:18:52 --> 00:18:53 do when
00:18:53 --> 00:18:53 you say
00:18:53 --> 00:18:54 I do
00:18:54 --> 00:18:55 is you
00:18:55 --> 00:18:56 are marrying
00:18:56 --> 00:18:57 a stranger.
00:19:00 --> 00:19:01 Because even
00:19:01 --> 00:19:01 when you
00:19:01 --> 00:19:02 think you've
00:19:02 --> 00:19:03 married the
00:19:03 --> 00:19:04 right person,
00:19:04 --> 00:19:05 it is just
00:19:05 --> 00:19:05 a matter
00:19:05 --> 00:19:06 of months
00:19:06 --> 00:19:07 and they
00:19:07 --> 00:19:07 will
00:19:07 --> 00:19:08 change.
00:19:12 --> 00:19:12 Because
00:19:12 --> 00:19:13 marriage
00:19:13 --> 00:19:14 brings you
00:19:14 --> 00:19:14 into a
00:19:14 --> 00:19:15 more
00:19:15 --> 00:19:15 intense
00:19:15 --> 00:19:16 proximity
00:19:16 --> 00:19:17 to another
00:19:17 --> 00:19:17 human being
00:19:17 --> 00:19:18 than any
00:19:18 --> 00:19:18 other
00:19:18 --> 00:19:19 relationship.
00:19:20 --> 00:19:20 And the
00:19:20 --> 00:19:21 moment you
00:19:21 --> 00:19:21 marry
00:19:21 --> 00:19:22 someone
00:19:22 --> 00:19:22 who
00:19:22 --> 00:19:27 you think
00:19:27 --> 00:19:27 you know,
00:19:27 --> 00:19:33 by its
00:19:33 --> 00:19:33 actual
00:19:33 --> 00:19:34 definition,
00:19:35 --> 00:19:36 marriage
00:19:36 --> 00:19:37 begins to
00:19:37 --> 00:19:38 change who
00:19:38 --> 00:19:38 they are
00:19:38 --> 00:19:39 in profound
00:19:39 --> 00:19:40 ways.
00:19:41 --> 00:19:42 There's not
00:19:42 --> 00:19:42 a single
00:19:42 --> 00:19:44 person who
00:19:44 --> 00:19:44 can predict
00:19:44 --> 00:19:45 the future.
00:19:45 --> 00:19:45 There's not
00:19:45 --> 00:19:46 a single
00:19:46 --> 00:19:47 person who
00:19:47 --> 00:19:47 on their
00:19:47 --> 00:19:48 wedding day
00:19:48 --> 00:19:49 knows how
00:19:49 --> 00:19:51 their spouse
00:19:51 --> 00:19:51 will change.
00:19:53 --> 00:19:53 And so
00:19:53 --> 00:19:54 the quest
00:19:54 --> 00:19:54 for a
00:19:54 --> 00:19:55 compatible
00:19:55 --> 00:19:56 soulmate,
00:19:57 --> 00:19:57 sorry,
00:19:57 --> 00:19:57 compatible,
00:19:58 --> 00:19:58 not
00:19:58 --> 00:19:59 compatible,
00:20:00 --> 00:20:01 you get
00:20:01 --> 00:20:02 that anyway,
00:20:03 --> 00:20:03 so compatible
00:20:03 --> 00:20:05 soulmate is
00:20:05 --> 00:20:06 an impossibility.
00:20:08 --> 00:20:09 It's an
00:20:09 --> 00:20:10 impossibility.
00:20:13 --> 00:20:13 And so
00:20:13 --> 00:20:14 we're faced
00:20:14 --> 00:20:14 with a
00:20:14 --> 00:20:15 problem with
00:20:15 --> 00:20:15 the modern
00:20:15 --> 00:20:16 view of
00:20:16 --> 00:20:16 marriage.
00:20:17 --> 00:20:17 Our
00:20:17 --> 00:20:18 culture makes
00:20:18 --> 00:20:18 individual
00:20:18 --> 00:20:19 freedom,
00:20:19 --> 00:20:19 personal
00:20:19 --> 00:20:20 autonomy,
00:20:20 --> 00:20:20 fulfillment,
00:20:21 --> 00:20:22 the very
00:20:22 --> 00:20:22 highest
00:20:22 --> 00:20:23 values.
00:20:24 --> 00:20:24 And the
00:20:24 --> 00:20:25 reality is
00:20:25 --> 00:20:26 every single
00:20:26 --> 00:20:27 love
00:20:27 --> 00:20:27 relationship.
00:20:29 --> 00:20:30 But very
00:20:30 --> 00:20:31 specifically
00:20:31 --> 00:20:31 married
00:20:31 --> 00:20:32 relationship
00:20:32 --> 00:20:33 means the
00:20:33 --> 00:20:34 loss of
00:20:34 --> 00:20:34 those things.
00:20:36 --> 00:20:37 And yet
00:20:37 --> 00:20:38 choosing
00:20:38 --> 00:20:40 to not
00:20:40 --> 00:20:40 lose those
00:20:40 --> 00:20:41 things and
00:20:41 --> 00:20:41 therefore not
00:20:41 --> 00:20:42 to commit
00:20:42 --> 00:20:43 yourself to
00:20:43 --> 00:20:44 another person
00:20:44 --> 00:20:45 means you
00:20:45 --> 00:20:46 lose yourself.
00:20:48 --> 00:20:49 I think
00:20:49 --> 00:20:50 no one put it
00:20:50 --> 00:20:51 any clearer
00:20:51 --> 00:20:51 than C.S.
00:20:51 --> 00:20:52 Lewis in his
00:20:52 --> 00:20:52 book,
00:20:52 --> 00:20:53 The Four
00:20:53 --> 00:20:53 Loves.
00:20:53 --> 00:20:55 Love
00:20:55 --> 00:20:57 anything and
00:20:57 --> 00:20:57 your heart
00:20:57 --> 00:20:58 will certainly
00:20:58 --> 00:20:58 be wrung
00:20:58 --> 00:20:59 and possibly
00:20:59 --> 00:20:59 broken.
00:21:00 --> 00:21:01 If you want
00:21:01 --> 00:21:02 to make sure
00:21:02 --> 00:21:03 of keeping
00:21:03 --> 00:21:03 it intact,
00:21:03 --> 00:21:04 you must give
00:21:04 --> 00:21:05 your heart
00:21:05 --> 00:21:05 to no one,
00:21:06 --> 00:21:06 not even to
00:21:06 --> 00:21:07 an animal.
00:21:08 --> 00:21:08 Wrap it up
00:21:08 --> 00:21:09 carefully,
00:21:09 --> 00:21:09 round with
00:21:09 --> 00:21:10 hobbies and
00:21:10 --> 00:21:11 little luxuries.
00:21:12 --> 00:21:12 Avoid all
00:21:12 --> 00:21:13 entanglements.
00:21:13 --> 00:21:14 Lock it up
00:21:14 --> 00:21:15 safe in the
00:21:15 --> 00:21:15 casket or the
00:21:15 --> 00:21:16 coffin of your
00:21:16 --> 00:21:17 selfishness.
00:21:17 --> 00:21:18 But in that
00:21:18 --> 00:21:19 casket,
00:21:19 --> 00:21:19 safe,
00:21:20 --> 00:21:20 dark,
00:21:20 --> 00:21:22 motionless,
00:21:22 --> 00:21:22 airless,
00:21:23 --> 00:21:24 it will
00:21:24 --> 00:21:24 change.
00:21:25 --> 00:21:26 It will
00:21:26 --> 00:21:26 not be
00:21:26 --> 00:21:27 broken,
00:21:27 --> 00:21:27 it will
00:21:27 --> 00:21:28 become
00:21:28 --> 00:21:29 unbreakable,
00:21:30 --> 00:21:31 impenetrable,
00:21:31 --> 00:21:32 irredeemable.
00:21:33 --> 00:21:34 The alternative
00:21:34 --> 00:21:35 is tragedy
00:21:35 --> 00:21:36 or at least
00:21:36 --> 00:21:37 to the risk
00:21:37 --> 00:21:38 of tragedy
00:21:38 --> 00:21:40 is damnation.
00:21:42 --> 00:21:43 So which
00:21:43 --> 00:21:44 do we
00:21:44 --> 00:21:44 choose?
00:21:47 --> 00:21:48 This brings
00:21:48 --> 00:21:48 me to the
00:21:48 --> 00:21:49 biblical view,
00:21:49 --> 00:21:49 what the
00:21:49 --> 00:21:50 Bible says
00:21:50 --> 00:21:50 of our
00:21:50 --> 00:21:51 marriage.
00:21:53 --> 00:21:53 The
00:21:53 --> 00:21:55 Bible begins
00:21:55 --> 00:21:55 with the
00:21:55 --> 00:21:56 wedding of
00:21:56 --> 00:21:56 Adam and
00:21:56 --> 00:21:57 Eve.
00:21:57 --> 00:21:57 It ends
00:21:57 --> 00:21:59 in the
00:21:59 --> 00:21:59 book of
00:21:59 --> 00:21:59 Revelation
00:21:59 --> 00:22:01 with the
00:22:01 --> 00:22:01 wedding of
00:22:01 --> 00:22:02 Christ and
00:22:02 --> 00:22:03 his church.
00:22:04 --> 00:22:05 And there's
00:22:05 --> 00:22:06 an awful
00:22:06 --> 00:22:06 lot of
00:22:06 --> 00:22:07 teaching in
00:22:07 --> 00:22:08 the pages
00:22:08 --> 00:22:09 in between
00:22:09 --> 00:22:10 and examples
00:22:10 --> 00:22:10 in the
00:22:10 --> 00:22:10 pages in
00:22:10 --> 00:22:11 between of
00:22:11 --> 00:22:12 marriage.
00:22:13 --> 00:22:13 And so the
00:22:13 --> 00:22:13 beginning of
00:22:13 --> 00:22:14 the Bible
00:22:14 --> 00:22:15 records God
00:22:15 --> 00:22:16 creating the
00:22:16 --> 00:22:17 universe and
00:22:17 --> 00:22:18 towards the
00:22:18 --> 00:22:18 end of that
00:22:18 --> 00:22:19 process of
00:22:19 --> 00:22:19 creation,
00:22:19 --> 00:22:20 we have
00:22:20 --> 00:22:21 God saying
00:22:21 --> 00:22:22 this,
00:22:22 --> 00:22:22 let us
00:22:22 --> 00:22:24 make man
00:22:24 --> 00:22:24 in our
00:22:24 --> 00:22:25 image.
00:22:26 --> 00:22:27 This is
00:22:27 --> 00:22:28 the, if you
00:22:28 --> 00:22:28 like, the
00:22:28 --> 00:22:30 earliest glimpse
00:22:30 --> 00:22:31 of what is
00:22:31 --> 00:22:32 the Christian
00:22:32 --> 00:22:34 teaching on the
00:22:34 --> 00:22:35 Trinity of God.
00:22:35 --> 00:22:35 That is,
00:22:36 --> 00:22:36 there is one
00:22:36 --> 00:22:37 God,
00:22:37 --> 00:22:38 Father,
00:22:38 --> 00:22:38 Son,
00:22:38 --> 00:22:39 and Holy
00:22:39 --> 00:22:39 Spirit.
00:22:39 --> 00:22:40 God's
00:22:40 --> 00:22:41 God's
00:22:41 --> 00:22:43 plurality is
00:22:43 --> 00:22:44 the thing
00:22:44 --> 00:22:45 that's
00:22:45 --> 00:22:45
00:22:45 --> 00:22:46 It was
00:22:46 --> 00:22:47 St. Augustine
00:22:47 --> 00:22:49 who said that
00:22:49 --> 00:22:51 the Trinity is
00:22:51 --> 00:22:55 the only version of God
00:22:55 --> 00:22:56 and the only version of
00:22:56 --> 00:22:58 God and the only version of
00:22:58 --> 00:23:01 ultimate reality that has
00:23:01 --> 00:23:02 personal relationship,
00:23:03 --> 00:23:04 intimate personal
00:23:04 --> 00:23:06 relationship at its very
00:23:06 --> 00:23:07 core.
00:23:09 --> 00:23:10 Only the God of
00:23:10 --> 00:23:11 Christianity is a
00:23:11 --> 00:23:13 God of community.
00:23:14 --> 00:23:16 God is a, in
00:23:16 --> 00:23:16 himself, a
00:23:16 --> 00:23:18 self-sufficient,
00:23:18 --> 00:23:19 self-sustaining
00:23:19 --> 00:23:20 community.
00:23:21 --> 00:23:22 The technical term
00:23:22 --> 00:23:24 is perichoresis,
00:23:24 --> 00:23:25 a mutual
00:23:25 --> 00:23:26 indwelling of
00:23:26 --> 00:23:27 mutual
00:23:27 --> 00:23:28 sacrificial love.
00:23:29 --> 00:23:30 That is at the
00:23:30 --> 00:23:30 core of
00:23:30 --> 00:23:31 ultimate reality.
00:23:31 --> 00:23:32 unity.
00:23:33 --> 00:23:34 Three persons
00:23:34 --> 00:23:36 delighting in
00:23:36 --> 00:23:37 and loving
00:23:37 --> 00:23:37 each other.
00:23:38 --> 00:23:38 You see,
00:23:38 --> 00:23:39 if God were a
00:23:39 --> 00:23:40 singular being,
00:23:41 --> 00:23:42 monotheistic
00:23:42 --> 00:23:42 view,
00:23:43 --> 00:23:43 then
00:23:43 --> 00:23:46 love and
00:23:46 --> 00:23:46 relationship
00:23:46 --> 00:23:48 would be entirely
00:23:48 --> 00:23:49 secondary to
00:23:49 --> 00:23:49 God.
00:23:50 --> 00:23:50 It would be
00:23:50 --> 00:23:51 secondary to
00:23:51 --> 00:23:52 ultimate reality.
00:23:52 --> 00:23:53 That is,
00:23:53 --> 00:23:54 love,
00:23:54 --> 00:23:55 relationship,
00:23:55 --> 00:23:56 community
00:23:56 --> 00:23:57 would be
00:23:57 --> 00:23:58 derived from,
00:23:59 --> 00:24:00 not at the
00:24:00 --> 00:24:00 center of.
00:24:01 --> 00:24:04 And that's
00:24:04 --> 00:24:06 the only way
00:24:06 --> 00:24:06 that we can
00:24:06 --> 00:24:07 come to
00:24:07 --> 00:24:09 terms with
00:24:09 --> 00:24:10 Genesis
00:24:10 --> 00:24:10 chapter 2
00:24:10 --> 00:24:11 verse 18
00:24:11 --> 00:24:12 which says,
00:24:13 --> 00:24:14 the Lord God
00:24:14 --> 00:24:14 said,
00:24:15 --> 00:24:16 it is not
00:24:16 --> 00:24:17 good for
00:24:17 --> 00:24:18 the man
00:24:18 --> 00:24:18 to be
00:24:18 --> 00:24:18 alone.
00:24:20 --> 00:24:20 Every single
00:24:20 --> 00:24:21 thing in the
00:24:21 --> 00:24:22 creation account
00:24:22 --> 00:24:23 up to this
00:24:23 --> 00:24:23 point,
00:24:23 --> 00:24:23 God said
00:24:23 --> 00:24:24 is good.
00:24:24 --> 00:24:25 This is the
00:24:25 --> 00:24:26 only time
00:24:26 --> 00:24:27 where he says
00:24:27 --> 00:24:28 something is
00:24:28 --> 00:24:29 not good.
00:24:29 --> 00:24:29 God.
00:24:31 --> 00:24:32 And the
00:24:32 --> 00:24:33 missing piece
00:24:33 --> 00:24:34 is Adam,
00:24:34 --> 00:24:35 the man,
00:24:35 --> 00:24:36 is made in
00:24:36 --> 00:24:37 the image of
00:24:37 --> 00:24:39 a God who
00:24:39 --> 00:24:40 is us,
00:24:40 --> 00:24:42 not me.
00:24:44 --> 00:24:45 He was
00:24:45 --> 00:24:46 made in the
00:24:46 --> 00:24:47 image of an
00:24:47 --> 00:24:47 eternal
00:24:47 --> 00:24:48 community.
00:24:49 --> 00:24:50 And so
00:24:50 --> 00:24:50 personal
00:24:50 --> 00:24:51 relationships are
00:24:51 --> 00:24:52 the essence of
00:24:52 --> 00:24:53 humanity.
00:24:54 --> 00:24:54 Deep
00:24:54 --> 00:24:55 relationship with
00:24:55 --> 00:24:56 God,
00:24:56 --> 00:24:57 deep relationship
00:24:57 --> 00:24:57 with other
00:24:57 --> 00:24:58 human beings
00:24:58 --> 00:24:59 and particularly
00:24:59 --> 00:25:00 deep relationship
00:25:00 --> 00:25:01 with other
00:25:01 --> 00:25:01 human beings
00:25:01 --> 00:25:02 who are
00:25:02 --> 00:25:03 different than
00:25:03 --> 00:25:03 us.
00:25:03 --> 00:25:04 And so
00:25:04 --> 00:25:05 God creates
00:25:05 --> 00:25:06 woman.
00:25:09 --> 00:25:10 And the
00:25:10 --> 00:25:11 last thing we
00:25:11 --> 00:25:11 see in the
00:25:11 --> 00:25:12 creation account
00:25:12 --> 00:25:14 is that God
00:25:14 --> 00:25:15 officiates at
00:25:15 --> 00:25:16 the first
00:25:16 --> 00:25:17 wedding in
00:25:17 --> 00:25:18 Genesis chapter
00:25:18 --> 00:25:19 2.
00:25:19 --> 00:25:19 And when the
00:25:19 --> 00:25:21 man sees the
00:25:21 --> 00:25:22 woman, like
00:25:22 --> 00:25:22 him but
00:25:22 --> 00:25:23 different than
00:25:23 --> 00:25:24 him, he
00:25:24 --> 00:25:25 breaks out in
00:25:25 --> 00:25:27 poetry and
00:25:27 --> 00:25:29 exclaims,
00:25:30 --> 00:25:30 oh boy,
00:25:31 --> 00:25:32 wow,
00:25:33 --> 00:25:35 wow,
00:25:36 --> 00:25:37 at last,
00:25:38 --> 00:25:39 this is it.
00:25:40 --> 00:25:40 And so we
00:25:40 --> 00:25:41 are meant to
00:25:41 --> 00:25:42 conclude that
00:25:42 --> 00:25:43 marriage to
00:25:43 --> 00:25:44 our relationship
00:25:44 --> 00:25:45 with God is
00:25:45 --> 00:25:45 the most
00:25:45 --> 00:25:46 profound
00:25:46 --> 00:25:47 relationship in
00:25:47 --> 00:25:48 all of
00:25:48 --> 00:25:49 created order.
00:25:51 --> 00:25:52 It reflects
00:25:52 --> 00:25:53 the God who
00:25:53 --> 00:25:54 made us.
00:25:54 --> 00:25:55 God
00:25:55 --> 00:25:56 reflects his
00:25:56 --> 00:25:56 eternal
00:25:56 --> 00:25:57 purposes to
00:25:57 --> 00:25:58 bring humanity
00:25:58 --> 00:26:00 into relationship
00:26:00 --> 00:26:01 with himself and
00:26:01 --> 00:26:02 be united with
00:26:02 --> 00:26:02 himself through
00:26:02 --> 00:26:03 the Lord Jesus
00:26:03 --> 00:26:04 Christ forever.
00:26:06 --> 00:26:07 So the
00:26:07 --> 00:26:07 Bible doesn't
00:26:07 --> 00:26:08 see marriage
00:26:08 --> 00:26:10 as a human
00:26:10 --> 00:26:12 institution that
00:26:12 --> 00:26:13 is shaped by
00:26:13 --> 00:26:14 culture as we
00:26:14 --> 00:26:15 choose to shape
00:26:15 --> 00:26:15 it.
00:26:17 --> 00:26:17 It sees
00:26:17 --> 00:26:18 marriage as
00:26:18 --> 00:26:19 something that
00:26:19 --> 00:26:20 is invented
00:26:20 --> 00:26:21 by God
00:26:21 --> 00:26:23 to display
00:26:23 --> 00:26:24 something of
00:26:24 --> 00:26:26 God and
00:26:26 --> 00:26:27 his purposes
00:26:27 --> 00:26:28 for humanity.
00:26:29 --> 00:26:30 It sits
00:26:30 --> 00:26:31 above culture.
00:26:32 --> 00:26:32 Now, having
00:26:32 --> 00:26:33 said that,
00:26:33 --> 00:26:34 it's also a
00:26:34 --> 00:26:36 human institution
00:26:36 --> 00:26:37 and it reflects
00:26:37 --> 00:26:38 the character
00:26:38 --> 00:26:39 and the
00:26:39 --> 00:26:40 particular human
00:26:40 --> 00:26:40 culture in which
00:26:40 --> 00:26:41 it's embedded.
00:26:42 --> 00:26:43 But having
00:26:43 --> 00:26:44 said that,
00:26:44 --> 00:26:44 the Bible,
00:26:45 --> 00:26:46 its teaching
00:26:46 --> 00:26:47 on marriage,
00:26:47 --> 00:26:47 does not
00:26:47 --> 00:26:49 reflect a
00:26:49 --> 00:26:49 particular
00:26:49 --> 00:26:51 perspective of
00:26:51 --> 00:26:51 any one
00:26:51 --> 00:26:52 culture at
00:26:52 --> 00:26:53 any one
00:26:53 --> 00:26:53 time.
00:26:55 --> 00:26:55 And so we
00:26:55 --> 00:26:56 will unpack
00:26:56 --> 00:26:58 this as we
00:26:58 --> 00:26:59 go through
00:26:59 --> 00:27:00 the rest of
00:27:00 --> 00:27:01 Ephesians 5
00:27:01 --> 00:27:02 and some of
00:27:02 --> 00:27:02 the more
00:27:02 --> 00:27:03 controversial
00:27:03 --> 00:27:03 bits.
00:27:05 --> 00:27:06 Controversial
00:27:06 --> 00:27:06 bits because
00:27:06 --> 00:27:07 of culturally
00:27:07 --> 00:27:07 for our
00:27:07 --> 00:27:08 time.
00:27:09 --> 00:27:09 We're reading
00:27:09 --> 00:27:10 it through a
00:27:10 --> 00:27:10 lens of a
00:27:10 --> 00:27:11 culture, not
00:27:11 --> 00:27:11 through God's
00:27:11 --> 00:27:12 purposes.
00:27:13 --> 00:27:13 And so the
00:27:13 --> 00:27:14 Bible challenges
00:27:14 --> 00:27:16 our contemporary
00:27:16 --> 00:27:17 Western culture's
00:27:17 --> 00:27:17 narrative of
00:27:17 --> 00:27:18 individual freedom
00:27:18 --> 00:27:19 as the only
00:27:19 --> 00:27:20 way to be
00:27:20 --> 00:27:20 happy.
00:27:21 --> 00:27:21 It also
00:27:21 --> 00:27:23 critiques how
00:27:23 --> 00:27:24 traditional
00:27:24 --> 00:27:26 cultures perceive
00:27:26 --> 00:27:26 the unmarried
00:27:26 --> 00:27:27 adult to be
00:27:27 --> 00:27:28 less than a
00:27:28 --> 00:27:29 fully formed
00:27:29 --> 00:27:29 human being.
00:27:31 --> 00:27:32 Genesis
00:27:32 --> 00:27:33 critiques the
00:27:33 --> 00:27:34 institution of
00:27:34 --> 00:27:35 polygamy.
00:27:35 --> 00:27:36 It records it.
00:27:36 --> 00:27:36 It doesn't
00:27:36 --> 00:27:37 endorse it.
00:27:39 --> 00:27:40 Because even
00:27:40 --> 00:27:41 in the times of
00:27:41 --> 00:27:42 Genesis, it
00:27:42 --> 00:27:44 was accepted
00:27:44 --> 00:27:45 cultural practice.
00:27:45 --> 00:27:47 and so what
00:27:47 --> 00:27:48 Genesis does
00:27:48 --> 00:27:49 for us, it
00:27:49 --> 00:27:50 records the
00:27:50 --> 00:27:51 misery and
00:27:51 --> 00:27:52 the havoc it
00:27:52 --> 00:27:53 plays in
00:27:53 --> 00:27:55 family relationships
00:27:55 --> 00:27:56 and the
00:27:56 --> 00:27:57 pain that it
00:27:57 --> 00:27:58 caused and
00:27:58 --> 00:27:59 particularly for
00:27:59 --> 00:28:00 women.
00:28:01 --> 00:28:01 The New
00:28:01 --> 00:28:02 Testament writers
00:28:02 --> 00:28:04 lift up long
00:28:04 --> 00:28:04 term singleness
00:28:04 --> 00:28:06 as a legitimate
00:28:06 --> 00:28:07 way to live in
00:28:07 --> 00:28:09 a way that is
00:28:09 --> 00:28:10 countercultural to
00:28:10 --> 00:28:12 our day and
00:28:12 --> 00:28:13 countercultural to
00:28:13 --> 00:28:13 traditional
00:28:13 --> 00:28:15 communities and
00:28:15 --> 00:28:15 societies.
00:28:16 --> 00:28:17 And so what we
00:28:17 --> 00:28:18 can't do is we
00:28:18 --> 00:28:19 can't write off
00:28:19 --> 00:28:20 the biblical view
00:28:20 --> 00:28:21 of marriage as
00:28:21 --> 00:28:22 being one
00:28:22 --> 00:28:23 dimensional, as
00:28:23 --> 00:28:23 being regressive
00:28:23 --> 00:28:24 and culturally
00:28:24 --> 00:28:25 obsolete.
00:28:26 --> 00:28:26 You can't do
00:28:26 --> 00:28:27 that.
00:28:29 --> 00:28:31 The Bible also
00:28:31 --> 00:28:32 tells us that
00:28:32 --> 00:28:33 sin is the
00:28:33 --> 00:28:34 source of all
00:28:34 --> 00:28:36 relational
00:28:36 --> 00:28:37 breakdown.
00:28:38 --> 00:28:39 Because straight
00:28:39 --> 00:28:40 after the first
00:28:40 --> 00:28:40 wedding of Adam
00:28:40 --> 00:28:41 and Eve, these
00:28:41 --> 00:28:43 newlyweds rejected
00:28:43 --> 00:28:44 God's rule over
00:28:44 --> 00:28:45 their life.
00:28:46 --> 00:28:47 They disobeyed
00:28:47 --> 00:28:48 his commands,
00:28:49 --> 00:28:49 went down the
00:28:49 --> 00:28:50 path of self
00:28:50 --> 00:28:51 realisation,
00:28:52 --> 00:28:53 living for
00:28:53 --> 00:28:53 themselves.
00:28:54 --> 00:28:55 And what
00:28:55 --> 00:28:56 happened in that
00:28:56 --> 00:28:56 moment with Adam
00:28:56 --> 00:28:57 and Eve was
00:28:57 --> 00:28:59 immediately, it
00:28:59 --> 00:28:59 was profound.
00:29:00 --> 00:29:01 They went from
00:29:01 --> 00:29:01 the wow,
00:29:03 --> 00:29:03 unity,
00:29:05 --> 00:29:06 they went from
00:29:06 --> 00:29:08 total transparency
00:29:08 --> 00:29:10 and vulnerability
00:29:10 --> 00:29:13 to immediately
00:29:13 --> 00:29:14 wanting to cover
00:29:14 --> 00:29:15 themselves up,
00:29:15 --> 00:29:16 to immediately
00:29:16 --> 00:29:17 wanting to hide
00:29:17 --> 00:29:20 themselves from
00:29:20 --> 00:29:21 the one who
00:29:21 --> 00:29:22 moments earlier
00:29:22 --> 00:29:23 they went,
00:29:23 --> 00:29:23 wow.
00:29:23 --> 00:29:28 and so the main
00:29:28 --> 00:29:29 reason no one
00:29:29 --> 00:29:30 ever marries the
00:29:30 --> 00:29:30 right person
00:29:30 --> 00:29:32 is because all
00:29:32 --> 00:29:33 of us since
00:29:33 --> 00:29:33 that day
00:29:33 --> 00:29:34 are broken
00:29:34 --> 00:29:35 by sin
00:29:35 --> 00:29:36 and we are
00:29:36 --> 00:29:37 all profoundly
00:29:37 --> 00:29:38 self-centred.
00:29:39 --> 00:29:39 And so the
00:29:39 --> 00:29:40 Bible's view of
00:29:40 --> 00:29:41 marriage explains
00:29:41 --> 00:29:43 why it is so
00:29:43 --> 00:29:44 good and
00:29:44 --> 00:29:44 important
00:29:44 --> 00:29:45 and it
00:29:45 --> 00:29:46 teaches
00:29:46 --> 00:29:48 us
00:29:48 --> 00:29:49 sin
00:29:49 --> 00:29:50 is the
00:29:50 --> 00:29:51 reason why
00:29:51 --> 00:29:52 it makes
00:29:52 --> 00:29:53 it so
00:29:53 --> 00:29:53 hard.
00:29:55 --> 00:29:56 That's the
00:29:56 --> 00:29:56 biblical
00:29:56 --> 00:29:57 perspective of
00:29:57 --> 00:29:58 holding both
00:29:58 --> 00:29:58 of those things
00:29:58 --> 00:29:59 together.
00:29:59 --> 00:30:00 So let's
00:30:00 --> 00:30:00 jump very
00:30:00 --> 00:30:01 quickly to
00:30:01 --> 00:30:02 Ephesians 5
00:30:02 --> 00:30:03 and the
00:30:03 --> 00:30:04 mystery of
00:30:04 --> 00:30:04 marriage.
00:30:05 --> 00:30:06 That phrase,
00:30:08 --> 00:30:09 if you like,
00:30:09 --> 00:30:10 verse 32 is
00:30:10 --> 00:30:11 the pinnacle
00:30:11 --> 00:30:13 of
00:30:13 --> 00:30:15 Ephesians 5
00:30:15 --> 00:30:16 and this
00:30:16 --> 00:30:16 passage on
00:30:16 --> 00:30:17 marriage.
00:30:17 --> 00:30:17 And the
00:30:17 --> 00:30:18 one that I
00:30:18 --> 00:30:19 think many
00:30:19 --> 00:30:19 married people
00:30:19 --> 00:30:20 can relate
00:30:20 --> 00:30:20 to is
00:30:20 --> 00:30:21 verse 32.
00:30:22 --> 00:30:22 This is a
00:30:22 --> 00:30:23 profound
00:30:23 --> 00:30:23 mystery.
00:30:25 --> 00:30:25 The Greek
00:30:25 --> 00:30:26 word that
00:30:26 --> 00:30:27 Paul uses
00:30:27 --> 00:30:27 there is
00:30:27 --> 00:30:28 mysterion
00:30:28 --> 00:30:30 and it
00:30:30 --> 00:30:30 has a
00:30:30 --> 00:30:31 range of
00:30:31 --> 00:30:31 meanings
00:30:31 --> 00:30:32 including
00:30:32 --> 00:30:33 the idea
00:30:33 --> 00:30:34 of secret,
00:30:34 --> 00:30:34 the idea
00:30:34 --> 00:30:34 of a
00:30:34 --> 00:30:35 secret.
00:30:36 --> 00:30:36 And in
00:30:36 --> 00:30:38 the Bible
00:30:38 --> 00:30:39 the word
00:30:39 --> 00:30:40 secret
00:30:40 --> 00:30:42 means a
00:30:42 --> 00:30:43 wondrous
00:30:43 --> 00:30:45 unlooked
00:30:45 --> 00:30:46 for truth
00:30:46 --> 00:30:47 that God
00:30:47 --> 00:30:47 is making
00:30:47 --> 00:30:48 known through
00:30:48 --> 00:30:49 his spirit.
00:30:49 --> 00:30:49 We're not
00:30:49 --> 00:30:50 looking for
00:30:50 --> 00:30:50 it but God's
00:30:50 --> 00:30:51 revealing it
00:30:51 --> 00:30:52 through his
00:30:52 --> 00:30:52 spirit.
00:30:53 --> 00:30:53 That's what
00:30:53 --> 00:30:54 the idea
00:30:54 --> 00:30:54 is.
00:30:55 --> 00:30:55 And this is
00:30:55 --> 00:30:55 how he
00:30:55 --> 00:30:56 describes
00:30:56 --> 00:30:56 marriage.
00:30:57 --> 00:30:57 In verse
00:30:57 --> 00:30:58 31 he
00:30:58 --> 00:30:59 quotes the
00:30:59 --> 00:31:00 final verse
00:31:00 --> 00:31:00 of the
00:31:00 --> 00:31:00 Genesis
00:31:00 --> 00:31:01 account of
00:31:01 --> 00:31:01 the first
00:31:01 --> 00:31:01 marriage.
00:31:02 --> 00:31:02 A man
00:31:02 --> 00:31:02 shall leave
00:31:02 --> 00:31:03 his father
00:31:03 --> 00:31:03 and mother
00:31:03 --> 00:31:04 and be
00:31:04 --> 00:31:04 united to
00:31:04 --> 00:31:04 his wife
00:31:04 --> 00:31:05 and the
00:31:05 --> 00:31:05 two shall
00:31:05 --> 00:31:06 become one
00:31:06 --> 00:31:06 flesh.
00:31:06 --> 00:31:07 and then
00:31:07 --> 00:31:08 he adds
00:31:08 --> 00:31:09 this is
00:31:09 --> 00:31:10 a profound
00:31:10 --> 00:31:11 mystery or
00:31:11 --> 00:31:11 quite literally
00:31:11 --> 00:31:12 this is a
00:31:12 --> 00:31:12 mega
00:31:12 --> 00:31:13 mysterion.
00:31:14 --> 00:31:15 It's an
00:31:15 --> 00:31:16 extraordinarily
00:31:16 --> 00:31:17 great,
00:31:17 --> 00:31:18 wonderful and
00:31:18 --> 00:31:19 profound
00:31:19 --> 00:31:20 truth that
00:31:20 --> 00:31:20 can be
00:31:20 --> 00:31:21 understood
00:31:21 --> 00:31:22 only with
00:31:22 --> 00:31:22 the help
00:31:22 --> 00:31:23 of God's
00:31:23 --> 00:31:23 spirit.
00:31:23 --> 00:31:27 what is the
00:31:27 --> 00:31:28 secret of
00:31:28 --> 00:31:28 marriage?
00:31:29 --> 00:31:30 What is the
00:31:30 --> 00:31:31 mystery, the
00:31:31 --> 00:31:31 profound
00:31:31 --> 00:31:31 mystery?
00:31:33 --> 00:31:34 Paul
00:31:34 --> 00:31:34 immediately
00:31:34 --> 00:31:35 adds it.
00:31:36 --> 00:31:37 I am
00:31:37 --> 00:31:38 talking about
00:31:38 --> 00:31:39 Christ and
00:31:39 --> 00:31:40 the church.
00:31:41 --> 00:31:41 That's the
00:31:41 --> 00:31:42 mystery of
00:31:42 --> 00:31:42 marriage.
00:31:43 --> 00:31:43 And when he
00:31:43 --> 00:31:44 says about
00:31:44 --> 00:31:44 that, what
00:31:44 --> 00:31:45 he's referring
00:31:45 --> 00:31:45 to is verse
00:31:45 --> 00:31:46 25.
00:31:46 --> 00:31:47 A husband,
00:31:48 --> 00:31:48 love your
00:31:48 --> 00:31:50 wives just
00:31:50 --> 00:31:51 as Christ
00:31:51 --> 00:31:51 loved the
00:31:51 --> 00:31:52 church and
00:31:52 --> 00:31:54 gave himself
00:31:54 --> 00:31:55 up for
00:31:55 --> 00:31:55 her.
00:31:57 --> 00:31:57 See, the
00:31:57 --> 00:31:58 profound
00:31:58 --> 00:32:00 mystery is
00:32:00 --> 00:32:01 not marriage
00:32:01 --> 00:32:02 per se.
00:32:04 --> 00:32:04 The profound
00:32:04 --> 00:32:06 mystery is
00:32:06 --> 00:32:07 what husbands
00:32:07 --> 00:32:08 should do for
00:32:08 --> 00:32:08 their wives
00:32:08 --> 00:32:10 is what
00:32:10 --> 00:32:11 Jesus has
00:32:11 --> 00:32:12 already done
00:32:12 --> 00:32:13 to bring us
00:32:13 --> 00:32:14 into union
00:32:14 --> 00:32:14 with the
00:32:14 --> 00:32:15 God who's
00:32:15 --> 00:32:16 created us.
00:32:16 --> 00:32:17 That's the
00:32:17 --> 00:32:17 profound
00:32:17 --> 00:32:18 mystery.
00:32:19 --> 00:32:20 Jesus gave
00:32:20 --> 00:32:21 himself up
00:32:21 --> 00:32:22 for us.
00:32:22 --> 00:32:25 the profound
00:32:25 --> 00:32:26 mystery is
00:32:26 --> 00:32:27 that every
00:32:27 --> 00:32:29 marriage is
00:32:29 --> 00:32:30 a snapshot
00:32:30 --> 00:32:33 of the
00:32:33 --> 00:32:34 union
00:32:34 --> 00:32:35 between
00:32:35 --> 00:32:37 God
00:32:37 --> 00:32:40 and his
00:32:40 --> 00:32:41 spouse,
00:32:41 --> 00:32:42 his people,
00:32:42 --> 00:32:43 the church.
00:32:44 --> 00:32:44 Every
00:32:44 --> 00:32:45 marriage.
00:32:45 --> 00:32:48 Jesus,
00:32:49 --> 00:32:49 God the
00:32:49 --> 00:32:49 son,
00:32:50 --> 00:32:51 though equal
00:32:51 --> 00:32:51 with the
00:32:51 --> 00:32:52 father,
00:32:52 --> 00:32:52 gave up
00:32:52 --> 00:32:53 his glory,
00:32:53 --> 00:32:53 humbled
00:32:53 --> 00:32:54 himself,
00:32:54 --> 00:32:54 took on
00:32:54 --> 00:32:55 our human
00:32:55 --> 00:32:55 nature.
00:32:56 --> 00:32:56 He
00:32:56 --> 00:32:56 willingly
00:32:56 --> 00:32:57 lowered
00:32:57 --> 00:32:58 himself
00:32:58 --> 00:32:59 further
00:32:59 --> 00:33:00 down even
00:33:00 --> 00:33:01 still by
00:33:01 --> 00:33:02 dying on a
00:33:02 --> 00:33:02 Roman cross,
00:33:02 --> 00:33:03 paying the
00:33:03 --> 00:33:04 penalty for
00:33:04 --> 00:33:05 our sin of
00:33:05 --> 00:33:06 rejecting God
00:33:06 --> 00:33:06 and pursuing
00:33:06 --> 00:33:08 self-actualization.
00:33:08 --> 00:33:09 And in doing
00:33:09 --> 00:33:10 so, he removes
00:33:10 --> 00:33:11 our guilt and
00:33:11 --> 00:33:12 our condemnation
00:33:12 --> 00:33:13 so that we
00:33:13 --> 00:33:14 can be united
00:33:14 --> 00:33:16 with him and
00:33:16 --> 00:33:17 take on his
00:33:17 --> 00:33:18 glorious nature.
00:33:19 --> 00:33:21 He gave up
00:33:21 --> 00:33:22 his infinite
00:33:22 --> 00:33:23 glory.
00:33:25 --> 00:33:26 He broke an
00:33:26 --> 00:33:27 eternal
00:33:27 --> 00:33:29 relationship and
00:33:29 --> 00:33:30 became a
00:33:30 --> 00:33:30 slave.
00:33:30 --> 00:33:32 He died to
00:33:32 --> 00:33:33 his own
00:33:33 --> 00:33:34 self-interest
00:33:34 --> 00:33:35 and looked
00:33:35 --> 00:33:36 to our
00:33:36 --> 00:33:37 interests
00:33:37 --> 00:33:37 instead.
00:33:39 --> 00:33:40 Jesus'
00:33:40 --> 00:33:40 sacrificial
00:33:40 --> 00:33:41 service to
00:33:41 --> 00:33:43 us has
00:33:43 --> 00:33:43 brought us
00:33:43 --> 00:33:44 into a
00:33:44 --> 00:33:45 deep union
00:33:45 --> 00:33:45 with him
00:33:45 --> 00:33:47 and he
00:33:47 --> 00:33:47 with us.
00:33:49 --> 00:33:50 And Paul
00:33:50 --> 00:33:51 says that
00:33:51 --> 00:33:52 the key to
00:33:52 --> 00:33:53 not only
00:33:53 --> 00:33:54 understanding
00:33:54 --> 00:33:55 marriage,
00:33:55 --> 00:33:56 but living
00:33:56 --> 00:33:57 marriage,
00:33:58 --> 00:33:59 is that.
00:34:00 --> 00:34:03 as one
00:34:03 --> 00:34:03 commentator
00:34:03 --> 00:34:04 put it,
00:34:05 --> 00:34:05 when God
00:34:05 --> 00:34:06 designed the
00:34:06 --> 00:34:07 original marriage,
00:34:07 --> 00:34:08 he already
00:34:08 --> 00:34:09 had Christ
00:34:09 --> 00:34:10 and the
00:34:10 --> 00:34:10 church in
00:34:10 --> 00:34:11 mind.
00:34:13 --> 00:34:13 This is
00:34:13 --> 00:34:14 one of
00:34:14 --> 00:34:15 God's great
00:34:15 --> 00:34:15 purposes in
00:34:15 --> 00:34:16 marriage,
00:34:16 --> 00:34:17 to picture
00:34:17 --> 00:34:18 the relationship
00:34:18 --> 00:34:19 between Christ
00:34:19 --> 00:34:20 and his
00:34:20 --> 00:34:21 redeeming people
00:34:21 --> 00:34:21 forever.
00:34:21 --> 00:34:22 It's like
00:34:22 --> 00:34:23 God had
00:34:23 --> 00:34:24 planned out
00:34:24 --> 00:34:24 the grand
00:34:24 --> 00:34:25 plan.
00:34:25 --> 00:34:25 The grand
00:34:25 --> 00:34:27 plan was to
00:34:27 --> 00:34:27 bring a
00:34:27 --> 00:34:27 people,
00:34:27 --> 00:34:28 unite his
00:34:28 --> 00:34:29 son to
00:34:29 --> 00:34:30 his spouse,
00:34:30 --> 00:34:30 the bride
00:34:30 --> 00:34:31 of Christ,
00:34:31 --> 00:34:31 the church,
00:34:32 --> 00:34:32 for all of
00:34:32 --> 00:34:33 eternity,
00:34:33 --> 00:34:33 in his
00:34:33 --> 00:34:34 presence,
00:34:34 --> 00:34:35 where they
00:34:35 --> 00:34:35 would enjoy
00:34:35 --> 00:34:36 the presence
00:34:36 --> 00:34:36 of God,
00:34:36 --> 00:34:37 they would
00:34:37 --> 00:34:38 enjoy a
00:34:38 --> 00:34:38 relationship,
00:34:39 --> 00:34:39 a mutual
00:34:39 --> 00:34:40 love,
00:34:40 --> 00:34:41 for all of
00:34:41 --> 00:34:41 eternity,
00:34:42 --> 00:34:42 and they're
00:34:42 --> 00:34:42 like,
00:34:42 --> 00:34:43 okay,
00:34:43 --> 00:34:43 so in the
00:34:43 --> 00:34:44 meantime,
00:34:44 --> 00:34:45 how do we
00:34:45 --> 00:34:46 reveal something
00:34:46 --> 00:34:48 of that so
00:34:48 --> 00:34:48 that people can
00:34:48 --> 00:34:49 grasp that
00:34:49 --> 00:34:50 which is
00:34:50 --> 00:34:50 profoundly
00:34:50 --> 00:34:51 ungraspable,
00:34:51 --> 00:34:52 graspable,
00:34:53 --> 00:34:54 whatever that
00:34:54 --> 00:34:54 word is.
00:34:55 --> 00:34:55 How do we
00:34:55 --> 00:34:56 do that?
00:34:57 --> 00:34:58 Marriage,
00:34:58 --> 00:34:59 between a
00:34:59 --> 00:34:59 man or
00:34:59 --> 00:34:59 woman.
00:35:02 --> 00:35:02 That'll be
00:35:02 --> 00:35:03 the picture
00:35:03 --> 00:35:03 that will
00:35:03 --> 00:35:04 reveal the
00:35:04 --> 00:35:04 reality.
00:35:11 --> 00:35:12 Marriage,
00:35:12 --> 00:35:13 as the
00:35:13 --> 00:35:13 Bible
00:35:13 --> 00:35:14 describes it,
00:35:15 --> 00:35:16 because of
00:35:16 --> 00:35:18 Christ and
00:35:18 --> 00:35:18 what he has
00:35:18 --> 00:35:19 done for us,
00:35:19 --> 00:35:20 is not
00:35:20 --> 00:35:20 inherently
00:35:20 --> 00:35:21 oppressive at
00:35:21 --> 00:35:21 all.
00:35:23 --> 00:35:23 Paul shows
00:35:23 --> 00:35:24 us that even
00:35:24 --> 00:35:25 on earth,
00:35:25 --> 00:35:26 Jesus did
00:35:26 --> 00:35:27 not use his
00:35:27 --> 00:35:27 power to
00:35:27 --> 00:35:28 oppress us,
00:35:29 --> 00:35:29 but he
00:35:29 --> 00:35:30 sacrificed
00:35:30 --> 00:35:31 everything to
00:35:31 --> 00:35:31 bring us
00:35:31 --> 00:35:32 into union
00:35:32 --> 00:35:32 with him.
00:35:33 --> 00:35:35 This deeply,
00:35:35 --> 00:35:36 deeply impacts
00:35:36 --> 00:35:37 marriage on a
00:35:37 --> 00:35:38 practical level.
00:35:39 --> 00:35:39 If God
00:35:39 --> 00:35:41 had the
00:35:41 --> 00:35:41 gospel of
00:35:41 --> 00:35:42 salvation through
00:35:42 --> 00:35:42 Jesus in
00:35:42 --> 00:35:43 mind when he
00:35:43 --> 00:35:44 established
00:35:44 --> 00:35:44 marriage,
00:35:45 --> 00:35:46 then marriage
00:35:46 --> 00:35:47 flourishes
00:35:47 --> 00:35:49 to the
00:35:49 --> 00:35:51 degree it
00:35:51 --> 00:35:53 follows that
00:35:53 --> 00:35:53 pattern of
00:35:53 --> 00:35:54 God's
00:35:54 --> 00:35:54 self-giving
00:35:54 --> 00:35:56 love in
00:35:56 --> 00:35:56 Christ.
00:36:00 --> 00:36:01 What Paul
00:36:01 --> 00:36:02 is saying
00:36:02 --> 00:36:05 is that
00:36:05 --> 00:36:06 marriage is
00:36:06 --> 00:36:07 not inherently
00:36:07 --> 00:36:08 oppressive and
00:36:08 --> 00:36:09 restrictive,
00:36:10 --> 00:36:12 nor are its
00:36:12 --> 00:36:13 demands
00:36:13 --> 00:36:14 overwhelming.
00:36:17 --> 00:36:19 Feeling stuck
00:36:19 --> 00:36:20 in your
00:36:20 --> 00:36:20 marriage?
00:36:20 --> 00:36:23 or Paul
00:36:23 --> 00:36:23 says,
00:36:23 --> 00:36:23 you do
00:36:23 --> 00:36:24 for your
00:36:24 --> 00:36:24 spouse
00:36:24 --> 00:36:25 what God
00:36:25 --> 00:36:25 did for
00:36:25 --> 00:36:25 you in
00:36:25 --> 00:36:26 Jesus and
00:36:26 --> 00:36:26 the rest
00:36:26 --> 00:36:27 will follow.
00:36:29 --> 00:36:30 The mystery
00:36:30 --> 00:36:31 of marriage
00:36:31 --> 00:36:32 is that the
00:36:32 --> 00:36:32 gospel of
00:36:32 --> 00:36:33 Jesus and
00:36:33 --> 00:36:34 marriage actually
00:36:34 --> 00:36:35 explain one
00:36:35 --> 00:36:35 another.
00:36:37 --> 00:36:38 When God
00:36:38 --> 00:36:38 invented
00:36:38 --> 00:36:39 marriage,
00:36:39 --> 00:36:39 he already
00:36:39 --> 00:36:40 had the
00:36:40 --> 00:36:41 saving work
00:36:41 --> 00:36:41 of Jesus
00:36:41 --> 00:36:41 in mind.
00:36:42 --> 00:36:43 So is
00:36:43 --> 00:36:44 the purpose
00:36:44 --> 00:36:44 of marriage
00:36:44 --> 00:36:45 to deny
00:36:45 --> 00:36:45 your interest
00:36:45 --> 00:36:46 for the
00:36:46 --> 00:36:46 good of
00:36:46 --> 00:36:46 your family
00:36:46 --> 00:36:47 and society
00:36:47 --> 00:36:47 at large,
00:36:47 --> 00:36:48 or is it
00:36:48 --> 00:36:48 to assert
00:36:48 --> 00:36:49 your interest
00:36:49 --> 00:36:49 for the
00:36:49 --> 00:36:49 fulfillment
00:36:49 --> 00:36:50 of yourself?
00:36:53 --> 00:36:54 Which one
00:36:54 --> 00:36:54 is it?
00:36:55 --> 00:36:55 Because
00:36:55 --> 00:36:56 traditional
00:36:56 --> 00:36:56 and modern
00:36:56 --> 00:36:57 marriages
00:36:57 --> 00:36:57 puts a
00:36:57 --> 00:36:58 choice
00:36:58 --> 00:36:58 between
00:36:58 --> 00:36:59 those two
00:36:59 --> 00:36:59 things.
00:37:00 --> 00:37:01 The Bible
00:37:01 --> 00:37:02 does not
00:37:02 --> 00:37:02 present
00:37:02 --> 00:37:03 marriage
00:37:03 --> 00:37:04 as a
00:37:04 --> 00:37:04 choice
00:37:04 --> 00:37:04 between
00:37:04 --> 00:37:05 fulfillment
00:37:05 --> 00:37:05 and
00:37:05 --> 00:37:06 sacrifice.
00:37:08 --> 00:37:09 Christianity
00:37:09 --> 00:37:10 sees marriage
00:37:10 --> 00:37:11 as mutual
00:37:11 --> 00:37:12 fulfillment
00:37:12 --> 00:37:13 through
00:37:13 --> 00:37:13 mutual
00:37:13 --> 00:37:14 sacrifice.
00:37:14 --> 00:37:19 Jesus
00:37:19 --> 00:37:19 humbled
00:37:19 --> 00:37:20 himself,
00:37:20 --> 00:37:20 lay
00:37:20 --> 00:37:21 aside
00:37:21 --> 00:37:21 his
00:37:21 --> 00:37:21 glory
00:37:21 --> 00:37:22 and
00:37:22 --> 00:37:22 gave
00:37:22 --> 00:37:22 himself
00:37:22 --> 00:37:23 over
00:37:23 --> 00:37:23 to
00:37:23 --> 00:37:23 death
00:37:23 --> 00:37:23 to
00:37:23 --> 00:37:24 save
00:37:24 --> 00:37:24 us
00:37:24 --> 00:37:25 and
00:37:25 --> 00:37:25 to
00:37:25 --> 00:37:25 make
00:37:25 --> 00:37:25 us
00:37:25 --> 00:37:25 his.
00:37:27 --> 00:37:27 And
00:37:27 --> 00:37:27 now
00:37:27 --> 00:37:28 we
00:37:28 --> 00:37:28 give
00:37:28 --> 00:37:29 ourselves
00:37:29 --> 00:37:29 up.
00:37:29 --> 00:37:30 We
00:37:30 --> 00:37:31 die
00:37:31 --> 00:37:31 to
00:37:31 --> 00:37:32 ourselves
00:37:32 --> 00:37:32 first
00:37:32 --> 00:37:33 when we
00:37:33 --> 00:37:34 repent
00:37:34 --> 00:37:34 and believe
00:37:34 --> 00:37:35 the gospel
00:37:35 --> 00:37:36 and later
00:37:36 --> 00:37:36 as we
00:37:36 --> 00:37:37 submit to
00:37:37 --> 00:37:37 his
00:37:37 --> 00:37:37 will
00:37:37 --> 00:37:37 day
00:37:37 --> 00:37:37 by
00:37:37 --> 00:37:38 day.
00:37:38 --> 00:37:40 You
00:37:40 --> 00:37:40 see
00:37:40 --> 00:37:41 when we
00:37:41 --> 00:37:41 give
00:37:41 --> 00:37:41 ourselves
00:37:41 --> 00:37:42 to
00:37:42 --> 00:37:42 Jesus
00:37:42 --> 00:37:44 completely
00:37:44 --> 00:37:44 surrender
00:37:44 --> 00:37:45 ourselves
00:37:45 --> 00:37:45 to
00:37:45 --> 00:37:45 Jesus
00:37:45 --> 00:37:46 we
00:37:46 --> 00:37:47 discover
00:37:47 --> 00:37:47 it's
00:37:47 --> 00:37:47 radically
00:37:47 --> 00:37:48 safe
00:37:48 --> 00:37:49 radically
00:37:49 --> 00:37:50 safe
00:37:50 --> 00:37:51 because
00:37:51 --> 00:37:51 he has
00:37:51 --> 00:37:52 already
00:37:52 --> 00:37:52 shown
00:37:52 --> 00:37:53 us
00:37:53 --> 00:37:54 that
00:37:54 --> 00:37:54 he
00:37:54 --> 00:37:55 is
00:37:55 --> 00:37:55 willing
00:37:55 --> 00:37:55 to
00:37:55 --> 00:37:55 go
00:37:55 --> 00:37:55 to
00:37:55 --> 00:37:56 hell
00:37:56 --> 00:37:56 and
00:37:56 --> 00:37:56 back
00:37:56 --> 00:37:56 for
00:37:56 --> 00:37:57 us.
00:37:59 --> 00:37:59 Surrending
00:37:59 --> 00:38:00 oneself
00:38:00 --> 00:38:00 to
00:38:00 --> 00:38:00 Jesus
00:38:00 --> 00:38:01 does
00:38:01 --> 00:38:01 not
00:38:01 --> 00:38:01 mean
00:38:01 --> 00:38:02 losing
00:38:02 --> 00:38:02 yourself
00:38:02 --> 00:38:02 at
00:38:02 --> 00:38:03 all.
00:38:03 --> 00:38:03 It
00:38:03 --> 00:38:04 means
00:38:04 --> 00:38:04 in
00:38:04 --> 00:38:04 fact
00:38:04 --> 00:38:05 gaining
00:38:05 --> 00:38:05 yourself.
00:38:07 --> 00:38:07 His
00:38:07 --> 00:38:07 love
00:38:07 --> 00:38:07 is
00:38:07 --> 00:38:08 unconditional
00:38:08 --> 00:38:11 and
00:38:11 --> 00:38:11 so
00:38:11 --> 00:38:11 what
00:38:11 --> 00:38:11 the
00:38:11 --> 00:38:12 mystery
00:38:12 --> 00:38:12 of
00:38:12 --> 00:38:12 marriage
00:38:12 --> 00:38:13 does
00:38:13 --> 00:38:13 is
00:38:13 --> 00:38:13 it
00:38:13 --> 00:38:14 reveals
00:38:14 --> 00:38:14 the
00:38:14 --> 00:38:14 beauty
00:38:14 --> 00:38:15 and
00:38:15 --> 00:38:15 the
00:38:15 --> 00:38:15 depths
00:38:15 --> 00:38:15 of
00:38:15 --> 00:38:16 the
00:38:16 --> 00:38:16 gospel
00:38:16 --> 00:38:16 to
00:38:16 --> 00:38:17 you
00:38:17 --> 00:38:19 and
00:38:19 --> 00:38:21 marriage
00:38:21 --> 00:38:21 will
00:38:21 --> 00:38:21 drive
00:38:21 --> 00:38:21 you
00:38:21 --> 00:38:22 further
00:38:22 --> 00:38:22 into
00:38:22 --> 00:38:23 reliance
00:38:23 --> 00:38:23 on
00:38:23 --> 00:38:23 it.
00:38:26 --> 00:38:27 Marriage
00:38:27 --> 00:38:28 is a
00:38:28 --> 00:38:28 major
00:38:28 --> 00:38:29 vehicle
00:38:29 --> 00:38:29 for the
00:38:29 --> 00:38:30 gospel's
00:38:30 --> 00:38:30 remaking
00:38:30 --> 00:38:31 of your
00:38:31 --> 00:38:31 heart
00:38:31 --> 00:38:33 from the
00:38:33 --> 00:38:34 inside
00:38:34 --> 00:38:34 out
00:38:34 --> 00:38:36 and of
00:38:36 --> 00:38:36 your
00:38:36 --> 00:38:36 life
00:38:36 --> 00:38:36 from the
00:38:36 --> 00:38:37 ground
00:38:37 --> 00:38:37 up.
00:38:37 --> 00:38:39 the
00:38:39 --> 00:38:39 reason
00:38:39 --> 00:38:39 that
00:38:39 --> 00:38:40 marriage
00:38:40 --> 00:38:40 is so
00:38:40 --> 00:38:41 painful
00:38:41 --> 00:38:41 and yet
00:38:41 --> 00:38:41 so
00:38:41 --> 00:38:42 wonderful
00:38:42 --> 00:38:43 is
00:38:43 --> 00:38:44 because
00:38:44 --> 00:38:44 it
00:38:44 --> 00:38:44 reflects
00:38:44 --> 00:38:45 the
00:38:45 --> 00:38:45 gospel
00:38:45 --> 00:38:45 which
00:38:45 --> 00:38:46 is
00:38:46 --> 00:38:46 both
00:38:46 --> 00:38:46 painful
00:38:46 --> 00:38:47 and
00:38:47 --> 00:38:47 wonderful
00:38:47 --> 00:38:48 at
00:38:48 --> 00:38:48 the
00:38:48 --> 00:38:48 same
00:38:48 --> 00:38:49 time.
00:38:51 --> 00:38:51 The
00:38:51 --> 00:38:52 gospel
00:38:52 --> 00:38:52 declares
00:38:52 --> 00:38:53 to all
00:38:53 --> 00:38:54 of us
00:38:54 --> 00:38:55 that we
00:38:55 --> 00:38:55 are more
00:38:55 --> 00:38:56 sinful
00:38:56 --> 00:38:57 and evil
00:38:57 --> 00:38:58 and selfish
00:38:58 --> 00:38:58 than we
00:38:58 --> 00:38:59 would ever
00:38:59 --> 00:38:59 ever
00:38:59 --> 00:39:00 imagine
00:39:00 --> 00:39:00 or allow
00:39:00 --> 00:39:01 us to
00:39:01 --> 00:39:01 even
00:39:01 --> 00:39:02 think of
00:39:02 --> 00:39:03 ourselves
00:39:03 --> 00:39:03 in that
00:39:03 --> 00:39:03 way.
00:39:03 --> 00:39:05 and yet
00:39:05 --> 00:39:05 at the
00:39:05 --> 00:39:06 very
00:39:06 --> 00:39:06 same
00:39:06 --> 00:39:07 time
00:39:07 --> 00:39:07 we
00:39:07 --> 00:39:08 are
00:39:08 --> 00:39:08 more
00:39:08 --> 00:39:08 loved
00:39:08 --> 00:39:08 and
00:39:08 --> 00:39:09 accepted
00:39:09 --> 00:39:09 in
00:39:09 --> 00:39:09 Jesus
00:39:09 --> 00:39:10 Christ
00:39:10 --> 00:39:10 than
00:39:10 --> 00:39:10 we
00:39:10 --> 00:39:10 ever
00:39:10 --> 00:39:11 dreamed
00:39:11 --> 00:39:11 that
00:39:11 --> 00:39:11 we
00:39:11 --> 00:39:11 would
00:39:11 --> 00:39:11 ever
00:39:11 --> 00:39:12 be
00:39:12 --> 00:39:12 loved.
00:39:12 --> 00:39:16 And
00:39:16 --> 00:39:16 that's
00:39:16 --> 00:39:16 the
00:39:16 --> 00:39:17 only
00:39:17 --> 00:39:17 kind
00:39:17 --> 00:39:17 of
00:39:17 --> 00:39:18 relationship
00:39:18 --> 00:39:18 that
00:39:18 --> 00:39:18 will
00:39:18 --> 00:39:19 ultimately
00:39:19 --> 00:39:19 transform
00:39:19 --> 00:39:20 us
00:39:20 --> 00:39:21 because
00:39:21 --> 00:39:22 love
00:39:22 --> 00:39:22 without
00:39:22 --> 00:39:23 truth
00:39:23 --> 00:39:24 of who
00:39:24 --> 00:39:24 we
00:39:24 --> 00:39:24 are
00:39:24 --> 00:39:25 is
00:39:25 --> 00:39:25 actually
00:39:25 --> 00:39:26 weak.
00:39:27 --> 00:39:27 It
00:39:27 --> 00:39:28 affirms
00:39:28 --> 00:39:28 us
00:39:28 --> 00:39:29 in all
00:39:29 --> 00:39:29 of our
00:39:29 --> 00:39:30 faults
00:39:30 --> 00:39:30 in all
00:39:30 --> 00:39:30 of our
00:39:30 --> 00:39:31 failings
00:39:31 --> 00:39:31 and there's
00:39:31 --> 00:39:31 no
00:39:31 --> 00:39:32 change.
00:39:33 --> 00:39:34 Truth
00:39:34 --> 00:39:34 without
00:39:34 --> 00:39:34 love
00:39:34 --> 00:39:35 is
00:39:35 --> 00:39:35 harsh
00:39:35 --> 00:39:37 because
00:39:37 --> 00:39:38 it gives
00:39:38 --> 00:39:38 us
00:39:38 --> 00:39:38 information
00:39:38 --> 00:39:39 we just
00:39:39 --> 00:39:39 frankly
00:39:39 --> 00:39:40 do not
00:39:40 --> 00:39:40 want to
00:39:40 --> 00:39:40 hear
00:39:40 --> 00:39:40 and
00:39:40 --> 00:39:41 can't
00:39:41 --> 00:39:41 hear.
00:39:42 --> 00:39:42 And so
00:39:42 --> 00:39:43 it
00:39:43 --> 00:39:43 crushes
00:39:43 --> 00:39:44 us.
00:39:45 --> 00:39:45 But
00:39:45 --> 00:39:45 God's
00:39:45 --> 00:39:46 saving
00:39:46 --> 00:39:46 love
00:39:46 --> 00:39:46 in
00:39:46 --> 00:39:47 Christ
00:39:47 --> 00:39:47 is
00:39:47 --> 00:39:48 marked
00:39:48 --> 00:39:48 by
00:39:48 --> 00:39:48 both
00:39:48 --> 00:39:49 radical
00:39:49 --> 00:39:49 truthfulness
00:39:49 --> 00:39:50 about
00:39:50 --> 00:39:50 who
00:39:50 --> 00:39:50 we
00:39:50 --> 00:39:51 are
00:39:51 --> 00:39:51 and
00:39:51 --> 00:39:52 yet
00:39:52 --> 00:39:52 also
00:39:52 --> 00:39:52 radical
00:39:52 --> 00:39:53 unconditional
00:39:53 --> 00:39:54 love
00:39:54 --> 00:39:54 commitment
00:39:54 --> 00:39:54 to us
00:39:54 --> 00:39:55 even
00:39:55 --> 00:39:55 though
00:39:55 --> 00:39:55 we
00:39:55 --> 00:39:55 are
00:39:55 --> 00:39:55 who
00:39:55 --> 00:39:56 we
00:39:56 --> 00:39:56 are.
00:39:58 --> 00:39:59 The
00:39:59 --> 00:39:59 merciful
00:39:59 --> 00:40:01 commitment
00:40:01 --> 00:40:03 strengthens
00:40:03 --> 00:40:04 us to
00:40:04 --> 00:40:04 see the
00:40:04 --> 00:40:05 truth about
00:40:05 --> 00:40:05 ourselves
00:40:05 --> 00:40:05 and to
00:40:05 --> 00:40:06 change.
00:40:07 --> 00:40:07 The
00:40:07 --> 00:40:08 conviction
00:40:08 --> 00:40:08 and
00:40:08 --> 00:40:09 repentance
00:40:09 --> 00:40:10 moves us
00:40:10 --> 00:40:10 to cling
00:40:10 --> 00:40:11 to and
00:40:11 --> 00:40:11 rest in
00:40:11 --> 00:40:12 God's
00:40:12 --> 00:40:12 mercy
00:40:12 --> 00:40:12 and
00:40:12 --> 00:40:13 grace
00:40:13 --> 00:40:13 and
00:40:13 --> 00:40:14 love.
00:40:16 --> 00:40:17 And so
00:40:17 --> 00:40:17 the hard
00:40:17 --> 00:40:17 times of
00:40:17 --> 00:40:18 marriage
00:40:18 --> 00:40:18 drive us
00:40:18 --> 00:40:19 to experience
00:40:19 --> 00:40:20 more of
00:40:20 --> 00:40:20 this
00:40:20 --> 00:40:21 transforming
00:40:21 --> 00:40:21 love of
00:40:21 --> 00:40:21 God
00:40:21 --> 00:40:23 and a
00:40:23 --> 00:40:23 good
00:40:23 --> 00:40:24 marriage
00:40:24 --> 00:40:24 will always
00:40:24 --> 00:40:25 be a
00:40:25 --> 00:40:25 place
00:40:25 --> 00:40:26 where we
00:40:26 --> 00:40:26 experience
00:40:26 --> 00:40:28 this kind
00:40:28 --> 00:40:28 of transforming
00:40:28 --> 00:40:29 love.
00:40:29 --> 00:40:29 We'll
00:40:29 --> 00:40:30 experience
00:40:30 --> 00:40:30 both.
00:40:31 --> 00:40:31 The gospel
00:40:31 --> 00:40:32 can fill
00:40:32 --> 00:40:33 our hearts
00:40:33 --> 00:40:34 with God's
00:40:34 --> 00:40:35 love so
00:40:35 --> 00:40:35 that we can
00:40:35 --> 00:40:36 handle it
00:40:36 --> 00:40:36 when our
00:40:36 --> 00:40:37 spouse fails
00:40:37 --> 00:40:38 to love us
00:40:38 --> 00:40:38 as we think
00:40:38 --> 00:40:39 they should
00:40:39 --> 00:40:40 love us
00:40:40 --> 00:40:40 or when
00:40:40 --> 00:40:41 they point
00:40:41 --> 00:40:41 out the
00:40:41 --> 00:40:42 falls and
00:40:42 --> 00:40:42 the
00:40:42 --> 00:40:42 failures.
00:40:43 --> 00:40:43 You see
00:40:43 --> 00:40:44 the security
00:40:44 --> 00:40:44 of God's
00:40:44 --> 00:40:45 love means
00:40:45 --> 00:40:46 that we
00:40:46 --> 00:40:47 can speak
00:40:47 --> 00:40:47 to our
00:40:47 --> 00:40:48 spouse's
00:40:48 --> 00:40:48 sins and
00:40:48 --> 00:40:49 flaws
00:40:49 --> 00:40:50 while also
00:40:50 --> 00:40:51 loving and
00:40:51 --> 00:40:51 accepting them
00:40:51 --> 00:40:52 fully because
00:40:52 --> 00:40:53 we are already
00:40:53 --> 00:40:54 loved and
00:40:54 --> 00:40:54 accepted fully
00:40:54 --> 00:40:55 in Jesus.
00:40:56 --> 00:40:56 And when
00:40:56 --> 00:40:57 our spouse
00:40:57 --> 00:40:58 experiences that
00:40:58 --> 00:40:59 same kind
00:40:59 --> 00:41:01 of truthfulness
00:41:01 --> 00:41:03 but also
00:41:03 --> 00:41:04 commitment to
00:41:04 --> 00:41:04 us,
00:41:04 --> 00:41:05 it enables
00:41:05 --> 00:41:06 them to
00:41:06 --> 00:41:07 show us
00:41:07 --> 00:41:08 that same
00:41:08 --> 00:41:09 kind of
00:41:09 --> 00:41:10 transforming
00:41:10 --> 00:41:11 love when
00:41:11 --> 00:41:13 it's their
00:41:13 --> 00:41:14 time for
00:41:14 --> 00:41:14 it too.
00:41:15 --> 00:41:16 That's the
00:41:16 --> 00:41:17 profound mystery
00:41:17 --> 00:41:18 of marriage.
00:41:18 --> 00:41:19 It helps
00:41:19 --> 00:41:20 us understand
00:41:20 --> 00:41:21 the gospel
00:41:21 --> 00:41:23 in a profound
00:41:23 --> 00:41:24 and a deep
00:41:24 --> 00:41:24 way.
00:41:26 --> 00:41:27 And that's
00:41:27 --> 00:41:27 the bedrock,
00:41:27 --> 00:41:28 that's the
00:41:28 --> 00:41:28 foundation,
00:41:29 --> 00:41:31 that's the
00:41:31 --> 00:41:31 pinnacle,
00:41:31 --> 00:41:33 and that
00:41:33 --> 00:41:34 foundation
00:41:34 --> 00:41:36 then gets
00:41:36 --> 00:41:37 unpacked in
00:41:37 --> 00:41:38 profound ways
00:41:38 --> 00:41:39 in the coming
00:41:39 --> 00:41:39 weeks.
00:41:39 --> 00:41:40 And next week
00:41:40 --> 00:41:40 we'll look at
00:41:40 --> 00:41:42 the power
00:41:42 --> 00:41:43 that is
00:41:43 --> 00:41:45 needed to
00:41:45 --> 00:41:46 live such
00:41:46 --> 00:41:47 a marriage
00:41:47 --> 00:41:47 relationship.