The Meaning of Marriage
Series: A Profound Mystery
Speaker: Steve Jeffrey
Date: 24th May 2026
00:00:00 --> 00:00:03 He's my sunshine in the morning.
00:00:03 --> 00:00:05 He's my fireworks at the end of the day.
00:00:05 --> 00:00:07 He's the warmest chord I ever heard.
00:00:08 --> 00:00:11 ! Play that warm chord, play and stay, baby.
00:00:12 --> 00:00:15 We don't need no piece of paper from the City Hall,
00:00:16 --> 00:00:18 keeping us tied and true.
00:00:19 --> 00:00:24 There's some of the lyrics from the song My Old Man,
00:00:24 --> 00:00:28 released in 1971 in the album Blue by Johnny Mitchell.
00:00:28 --> 00:00:34 The song was written by her very soon after her divorce
00:00:34 --> 00:00:36 of her first marriage.
00:00:37 --> 00:00:40 And the song was written about her new partner
00:00:40 --> 00:00:44 living together in California, a guy named Graham Nash,
00:00:44 --> 00:00:45 another musician.
00:00:46 --> 00:00:52 And the song reflects their choice as a couple
00:00:52 --> 00:00:57 to live together, bound together by a strong,
00:00:58 --> 00:01:02 emotional passion and love for one another, connection,
00:01:02 --> 00:01:06 rather than being bound together through legal marriage.
00:01:07 --> 00:01:12 And so the words, we don't need a piece of paper
00:01:12 --> 00:01:17 from City Hall to keep us together and true.
00:01:17 --> 00:01:19 In other words, to keep our romance true.
00:01:19 --> 00:01:24 And so that relationship lasted less than two years.
00:01:26 --> 00:01:30 And she's famous for the multiple, multiple relationships
00:01:30 --> 00:01:32 she had and failed relationships.
00:01:33 --> 00:01:37 So if you've just joined us, we're partway through,
00:01:37 --> 00:01:40 as Asha said, this series on what the Bible teaches
00:01:40 --> 00:01:41 about marriage.
00:01:41 --> 00:01:43 It's for everyone, whether you're married or whether you're not.
00:01:43 --> 00:01:48 Ephesians 5, 21 to 33 is our text that we're using
00:01:48 --> 00:01:49 throughout the term.
00:01:49 --> 00:01:54 It's the longest, most famous, and most controversial passage
00:01:54 --> 00:01:55 in the Bible about marriage.
00:01:56 --> 00:01:58 What we've seen so far in the first two,
00:01:58 --> 00:02:00 and we're building and building and building
00:02:00 --> 00:02:04 throughout the course of this series,
00:02:04 --> 00:02:08 is that the institution of marriage was invented by God
00:02:08 --> 00:02:12 to be a picture to represent, if you like,
00:02:12 --> 00:02:16 the relationship between Jesus Christ and the church.
00:02:17 --> 00:02:20 And so there are things about the gospel,
00:02:20 --> 00:02:23 things about the good news of Jesus Christ
00:02:23 --> 00:02:28 that we would not know without the human institution,
00:02:28 --> 00:02:29 the institution of marriage.
00:02:29 --> 00:02:33 And there are things we would not know about marriage
00:02:33 --> 00:02:36 were it not for the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ.
00:02:36 --> 00:02:40 That was the first week, and then we saw last week
00:02:40 --> 00:02:45 that fundamentally that self-centeredness is the main problem
00:02:45 --> 00:02:49 in every marriage and why we need the power of God's Spirit
00:02:49 --> 00:02:53 in order to be selfless and how being selfless,
00:02:53 --> 00:02:55 actually living a life of selflessness,
00:02:56 --> 00:03:01 is in fact in line with God's design for humanity
00:03:01 --> 00:03:06 because it reflects ultimate reality in God
00:03:06 --> 00:03:09 and who God is, and we're being made in his image.
00:03:10 --> 00:03:16 And so while selflessness feels entirely unnatural,
00:03:16 --> 00:03:19 it's because of sin.
00:03:20 --> 00:03:22 And so we're building on those two,
00:03:23 --> 00:03:25 and we're now unpacking today
00:03:25 --> 00:03:28 what therefore is the meaning of marriage
00:03:28 --> 00:03:30 according to the Bible.
00:03:30 --> 00:03:32 And so there's the three points.
00:03:32 --> 00:03:34 It's on the St. Paul's app if you've got the app
00:03:34 --> 00:03:37 and you can take some notes as you cruise along.
00:03:37 --> 00:03:39 So first of all, marriage, law or love.
00:03:40 --> 00:03:42 The biblical meaning of marriage, verse 31,
00:03:43 --> 00:03:44 it's in there.
00:03:45 --> 00:03:49 For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother
00:03:49 --> 00:03:50 and be united to his wife,
00:03:51 --> 00:03:53 and the two will become one flesh.
00:03:54 --> 00:03:58 Now Paul is quoting there Genesis 2.24,
00:03:58 --> 00:04:01 which we saw in the first message in this series.
00:04:01 --> 00:04:04 It's the first ever marriage ceremony,
00:04:05 --> 00:04:07 and it's officiated by God.
00:04:08 --> 00:04:09 God brings the man and the woman together,
00:04:09 --> 00:04:13 he officiates the coming together in marriage.
00:04:14 --> 00:04:15 And the meaning of marriage,
00:04:16 --> 00:04:17 from a biblical perspective,
00:04:18 --> 00:04:21 is captured in that term,
00:04:21 --> 00:04:23 united to his wife.
00:04:23 --> 00:04:25 united to his wife.
00:04:26 --> 00:04:30 Now that's a modern translation, if you like,
00:04:30 --> 00:04:34 a version of a much more of an archaic English term,
00:04:35 --> 00:04:38 but the archaic English term is much stronger
00:04:38 --> 00:04:41 than united to his wife,
00:04:41 --> 00:04:48 and it's much closer to what the Hebrew verb is
00:04:48 --> 00:04:50 in Genesis 2.
00:04:50 --> 00:04:52 It's the word cleaving.
00:04:53 --> 00:04:53 Cleaving.
00:04:54 --> 00:04:57 A man will cleave to his wife.
00:04:59 --> 00:05:02 And so the Hebrew verb literally means
00:05:02 --> 00:05:06 to be glued to something.
00:05:06 --> 00:05:08 To be glued to something.
00:05:11 --> 00:05:13 Elsewhere in the Bible,
00:05:13 --> 00:05:18 the word cleave means to unite to someone
00:05:18 --> 00:05:20 through a covenant.
00:05:21 --> 00:05:25 And a covenant, in biblical terms,
00:05:25 --> 00:05:28 a covenant is a public,
00:05:28 --> 00:05:33 binding, legal contract between two parties.
00:05:33 --> 00:05:37 And the Bible defines marriage
00:05:37 --> 00:05:40 as a covenant relationship.
00:05:42 --> 00:05:46 A binding, legal, public contract
00:05:46 --> 00:05:48 between two parties.
00:05:49 --> 00:05:52 And every Old Testament covenant
00:05:52 --> 00:05:55 has four elements to it.
00:05:56 --> 00:06:01 Firstly, the parties associated with the covenant
00:06:01 --> 00:06:02 are identified.
00:06:03 --> 00:06:07 Secondly, the stipulations of the covenant
00:06:07 --> 00:06:09 are stated.
00:06:10 --> 00:06:12 What are the ground rules, if you like?
00:06:12 --> 00:06:15 Every contract has a set of conditions,
00:06:16 --> 00:06:17 obligations, duties, and regulations
00:06:17 --> 00:06:19 between the parties.
00:06:20 --> 00:06:21 The third thing is,
00:06:21 --> 00:06:24 there's a list of blessings and curses
00:06:24 --> 00:06:28 depending on your faithfulness or unfaithfulness
00:06:28 --> 00:06:31 to those duties and obligations and regulations.
00:06:31 --> 00:06:36 And fourthly, there are public vows,
00:06:36 --> 00:06:40 declarations, and signs given to each other
00:06:40 --> 00:06:43 as signs of commitment.
00:06:44 --> 00:06:47 And so, in various ways,
00:06:48 --> 00:06:52 the parties would publicly agree to the covenant
00:06:52 --> 00:06:53 in front of witnesses,
00:06:53 --> 00:06:57 and then they would do things like exchange vows,
00:06:57 --> 00:07:00 sorry, exchange sandals,
00:07:00 --> 00:07:01 or something like that.
00:07:01 --> 00:07:01 You know?
00:07:04 --> 00:07:08 One of the main ways that covenants happen in the Bible,
00:07:08 --> 00:07:11 particularly covenants with God and people,
00:07:12 --> 00:07:14 were that there were sacrifices were made.
00:07:14 --> 00:07:14 You know?
00:07:14 --> 00:07:15 Animals were cut in half,
00:07:15 --> 00:07:17 and they'd walk between the two animals,
00:07:17 --> 00:07:17 that sort of stuff.
00:07:17 --> 00:07:21 It's a little extreme nowadays,
00:07:21 --> 00:07:25 and a little bit messy for wedding ceremonies.
00:07:25 --> 00:07:26 Too much white, too much carpet,
00:07:26 --> 00:07:27 that sort of stuff.
00:07:27 --> 00:07:30 And so, we've gone for rings instead.
00:07:33 --> 00:07:34 In the end, it doesn't really matter.
00:07:34 --> 00:07:40 Now, you know, it doesn't really matter,
00:07:40 --> 00:07:43 you know, whether you jump over a broom,
00:07:43 --> 00:07:45 or you stump on a glass,
00:07:45 --> 00:07:46 or you exchange rings.
00:07:47 --> 00:07:51 What makes a covenant a covenant
00:07:51 --> 00:07:55 is all of those elements together,
00:07:56 --> 00:07:59 and primarily that it is a public declaration.
00:08:01 --> 00:08:02 Public declaration.
00:08:04 --> 00:08:08 The couple are standing in front of family,
00:08:09 --> 00:08:09 friends, witnesses,
00:08:10 --> 00:08:13 and they are publicly declaring.
00:08:15 --> 00:08:16 There's no such thing as a covenant
00:08:16 --> 00:08:18 in the back seat of a car.
00:08:19 --> 00:08:20 At all.
00:08:23 --> 00:08:25 There are covenants everywhere in the Bible,
00:08:26 --> 00:08:28 covenants between human beings,
00:08:28 --> 00:08:29 you know, horizontal covenants.
00:08:30 --> 00:08:32 But the most prominent covenants
00:08:32 --> 00:08:33 are the covenants that are,
00:08:33 --> 00:08:34 if you like, vertical,
00:08:34 --> 00:08:37 the covenants between God
00:08:37 --> 00:08:38 and individuals,
00:08:39 --> 00:08:40 or God and families,
00:08:41 --> 00:08:42 or nations, communities.
00:08:43 --> 00:08:45 And the marriage covenant,
00:08:46 --> 00:08:48 as the Bible sees it,
00:08:48 --> 00:08:49 is unique
00:08:49 --> 00:08:51 because it has
00:08:51 --> 00:08:53 very strong
00:08:53 --> 00:08:56 aspects
00:08:56 --> 00:08:58 of both horizontal
00:08:58 --> 00:08:59 and vertical.
00:08:59 --> 00:09:03 That's what makes it unique
00:09:03 --> 00:09:04 as a covenant.
00:09:05 --> 00:09:06 So Proverbs 2,
00:09:07 --> 00:09:08 17,
00:09:08 --> 00:09:10 describes a wayward wife
00:09:10 --> 00:09:11 who has
00:09:11 --> 00:09:13 left the partner
00:09:13 --> 00:09:14 of her youth
00:09:14 --> 00:09:16 and ignored
00:09:16 --> 00:09:17 the covenant
00:09:17 --> 00:09:17 she has
00:09:17 --> 00:09:19 made before God.
00:09:19 --> 00:09:19 In other words,
00:09:19 --> 00:09:20 she's broken
00:09:20 --> 00:09:22 relationship
00:09:22 --> 00:09:22 with
00:09:22 --> 00:09:24 her spouse
00:09:24 --> 00:09:25 and
00:09:25 --> 00:09:26 God.
00:09:26 --> 00:09:28 The covenant
00:09:28 --> 00:09:29 made between
00:09:29 --> 00:09:30 a husband
00:09:30 --> 00:09:30 and a wife
00:09:30 --> 00:09:31 is done
00:09:31 --> 00:09:32 before God
00:09:32 --> 00:09:33 and therefore
00:09:33 --> 00:09:34 with God
00:09:34 --> 00:09:35 as well as
00:09:35 --> 00:09:36 the spouse.
00:09:36 --> 00:09:37 And to break faith
00:09:37 --> 00:09:38 with your spouse
00:09:38 --> 00:09:40 is to break faith
00:09:40 --> 00:09:41 with God
00:09:41 --> 00:09:41 at the same time.
00:09:42 --> 00:09:42 Now,
00:09:43 --> 00:09:44 I'm
00:09:44 --> 00:09:47 assuming that
00:09:47 --> 00:09:48 maybe
00:09:48 --> 00:09:49 I should make this assumption
00:09:49 --> 00:09:50 that you've been
00:09:50 --> 00:09:51 to a wedding before
00:09:51 --> 00:09:52 and
00:09:52 --> 00:09:53 maybe
00:09:53 --> 00:09:55 traditional,
00:09:55 --> 00:09:56 if you like,
00:09:56 --> 00:09:57 Christian weddings
00:09:57 --> 00:09:58 are becoming
00:09:58 --> 00:09:59 less and less
00:09:59 --> 00:09:59 and less
00:09:59 --> 00:10:00 in our society.
00:10:00 --> 00:10:01 There are only
00:10:01 --> 00:10:02 a small portion
00:10:02 --> 00:10:02 nowadays
00:10:02 --> 00:10:03 of weddings
00:10:03 --> 00:10:03 in our society.
00:10:04 --> 00:10:05 But
00:10:05 --> 00:10:06 the biblical idea
00:10:06 --> 00:10:07 of covenant
00:10:07 --> 00:10:08 is reflected
00:10:08 --> 00:10:10 in the traditional
00:10:10 --> 00:10:11 wedding service
00:10:11 --> 00:10:13 in that it has
00:10:13 --> 00:10:14 both questions
00:10:14 --> 00:10:14 and vows.
00:10:15 --> 00:10:15 I'm not sure
00:10:15 --> 00:10:16 if you've ever
00:10:16 --> 00:10:17 noticed that before.
00:10:18 --> 00:10:18 Let me just
00:10:18 --> 00:10:19 take you through it
00:10:19 --> 00:10:20 as a celebrant.
00:10:21 --> 00:10:22 I
00:10:22 --> 00:10:23 first of all
00:10:23 --> 00:10:24 ask
00:10:24 --> 00:10:25 the gathering
00:10:25 --> 00:10:26 of people
00:10:26 --> 00:10:26 that are there
00:10:26 --> 00:10:28 whether there is
00:10:28 --> 00:10:28 any
00:10:28 --> 00:10:30 legal
00:10:30 --> 00:10:31 reason
00:10:31 --> 00:10:32 as to why
00:10:32 --> 00:10:33 this marriage
00:10:33 --> 00:10:33 should not proceed.
00:10:34 --> 00:10:35 That's the first
00:10:35 --> 00:10:36 question that's asked.
00:10:38 --> 00:10:39 Not asking you
00:10:39 --> 00:10:40 anyone got a personal
00:10:40 --> 00:10:41 opinion about this
00:10:41 --> 00:10:42 whether it should
00:10:42 --> 00:10:42 happen or not.
00:10:43 --> 00:10:44 It's a legal
00:10:44 --> 00:10:44 reason.
00:10:46 --> 00:10:47 And if someone
00:10:47 --> 00:10:48 in case you don't
00:10:48 --> 00:10:49 realise this
00:10:49 --> 00:10:49 if someone
00:10:49 --> 00:10:50 stands up
00:10:50 --> 00:10:50 and says
00:10:50 --> 00:10:51 I've got a
00:10:51 --> 00:10:52 legal reason
00:10:52 --> 00:10:52 why they
00:10:52 --> 00:10:53 should not
00:10:53 --> 00:10:53 get married
00:10:53 --> 00:10:54 or I've got
00:10:54 --> 00:10:54 a reason
00:10:54 --> 00:10:54 why they
00:10:54 --> 00:10:55 shouldn't
00:10:55 --> 00:10:55 get married
00:10:55 --> 00:10:56 and then
00:10:56 --> 00:10:57 I've actually
00:10:57 --> 00:10:57 at that point
00:10:57 --> 00:10:58 got to stop
00:10:58 --> 00:10:58 the service
00:10:58 --> 00:10:59 I've got to
00:10:59 --> 00:10:59 pull that
00:10:59 --> 00:11:00 person aside
00:11:00 --> 00:11:02 with
00:11:02 --> 00:11:03 not the bride
00:11:03 --> 00:11:03 and the groom
00:11:03 --> 00:11:04 but with the
00:11:04 --> 00:11:05 parents of the
00:11:05 --> 00:11:06 groom
00:11:06 --> 00:11:06 pull them
00:11:06 --> 00:11:07 aside
00:11:07 --> 00:11:08 and say
00:11:08 --> 00:11:09 please explain
00:11:09 --> 00:11:10 your legal
00:11:10 --> 00:11:10 reason
00:11:10 --> 00:11:11 why it
00:11:11 --> 00:11:11 should not
00:11:11 --> 00:11:12 proceed.
00:11:12 --> 00:11:15 if they've
00:11:15 --> 00:11:16 got no
00:11:16 --> 00:11:17 legal reason
00:11:17 --> 00:11:17 why it
00:11:17 --> 00:11:18 shouldn't
00:11:18 --> 00:11:18 proceed
00:11:18 --> 00:11:19 I
00:11:19 --> 00:11:19 then
00:11:19 --> 00:11:20 ask
00:11:20 --> 00:11:20 the
00:11:20 --> 00:11:21 parents
00:11:21 --> 00:11:23 would you
00:11:23 --> 00:11:23 like at
00:11:23 --> 00:11:24 this moment
00:11:24 --> 00:11:24 to press
00:11:24 --> 00:11:25 charges
00:11:25 --> 00:11:27 and the
00:11:27 --> 00:11:28 police get
00:11:28 --> 00:11:28 called.
00:11:31 --> 00:11:32 It's a
00:11:32 --> 00:11:32 legal
00:11:32 --> 00:11:33 ceremony.
00:11:33 --> 00:11:38 So that's
00:11:38 --> 00:11:39 the first
00:11:39 --> 00:11:39 thing
00:11:39 --> 00:11:40 and to
00:11:40 --> 00:11:40 date
00:11:40 --> 00:11:40 no one's
00:11:40 --> 00:11:41 done that
00:11:41 --> 00:11:41 by the
00:11:41 --> 00:11:41 way
00:11:41 --> 00:11:46 and then
00:11:46 --> 00:11:47 I ask
00:11:47 --> 00:11:48 the couple
00:11:48 --> 00:11:52 a set
00:11:52 --> 00:11:52 of questions
00:11:52 --> 00:11:53 each
00:11:53 --> 00:11:54 individually
00:11:54 --> 00:11:54 the bride
00:11:54 --> 00:11:55 and the
00:11:55 --> 00:11:55 bridegroom
00:11:55 --> 00:11:56 will you
00:11:56 --> 00:11:56 take
00:11:56 --> 00:11:57 to be
00:11:57 --> 00:11:58 your spouse
00:11:58 --> 00:11:59 to live
00:11:59 --> 00:11:59 together
00:11:59 --> 00:12:00 according
00:12:00 --> 00:12:00 to God's
00:12:00 --> 00:12:00 law
00:12:00 --> 00:12:01 will you
00:12:01 --> 00:12:01 give them
00:12:01 --> 00:12:01 the honour
00:12:01 --> 00:12:02 due to
00:12:02 --> 00:12:02 them as
00:12:02 --> 00:12:03 your spouse
00:12:03 --> 00:12:03 and forsaking
00:12:03 --> 00:12:04 all others
00:12:04 --> 00:12:04 love and
00:12:04 --> 00:12:05 protect them
00:12:05 --> 00:12:05 as long
00:12:05 --> 00:12:06 as your
00:12:06 --> 00:12:06 spouse
00:12:06 --> 00:12:06 shall live
00:12:06 --> 00:12:07 and each
00:12:07 --> 00:12:07 spouse
00:12:07 --> 00:12:08 says I
00:12:08 --> 00:12:09 will
00:12:09 --> 00:12:10 hopefully
00:12:10 --> 00:12:11 if they
00:12:11 --> 00:12:12 don't we
00:12:12 --> 00:12:13 don't proceed
00:12:13 --> 00:12:15 now up to
00:12:15 --> 00:12:15 this point
00:12:15 --> 00:12:16 in the
00:12:16 --> 00:12:16 service
00:12:16 --> 00:12:17 they're not
00:12:17 --> 00:12:18 facing each
00:12:18 --> 00:12:18 other
00:12:18 --> 00:12:21 they're facing
00:12:21 --> 00:12:22 me
00:12:22 --> 00:12:25 and
00:12:25 --> 00:12:26 traditionally
00:12:26 --> 00:12:26 the
00:12:26 --> 00:12:27 father of
00:12:27 --> 00:12:28 the bride
00:12:28 --> 00:12:29 is normally
00:12:29 --> 00:12:30 standing between
00:12:30 --> 00:12:30 them still
00:12:30 --> 00:12:31 last
00:12:31 --> 00:12:32 hang on to
00:12:32 --> 00:12:32 those last
00:12:32 --> 00:12:33 moments
00:12:33 --> 00:12:36 they're
00:12:36 --> 00:12:36 actually
00:12:36 --> 00:12:37 looking at
00:12:37 --> 00:12:38 the minister
00:12:38 --> 00:12:40 as I
00:12:40 --> 00:12:40 ask them
00:12:40 --> 00:12:41 the questions
00:12:41 --> 00:12:43 because I
00:12:43 --> 00:12:43 am not just
00:12:43 --> 00:12:44 a witness
00:12:44 --> 00:12:45 of their
00:12:45 --> 00:12:46 promise
00:12:46 --> 00:12:47 at this
00:12:47 --> 00:12:47 point
00:12:47 --> 00:12:49 I am
00:12:49 --> 00:12:50 representing
00:12:50 --> 00:12:51 God
00:12:51 --> 00:12:51 and the
00:12:51 --> 00:12:52 state
00:12:52 --> 00:12:53 in this
00:12:53 --> 00:12:54 legal
00:12:54 --> 00:12:54 ceremony
00:12:54 --> 00:12:57 and so
00:12:57 --> 00:12:57 what happens
00:12:57 --> 00:12:58 at the
00:12:58 --> 00:12:58 very first
00:12:58 --> 00:12:59 thing
00:12:59 --> 00:13:01 is that
00:13:01 --> 00:13:02 the couple
00:13:02 --> 00:13:03 make a
00:13:03 --> 00:13:03 promise
00:13:03 --> 00:13:04 to God
00:13:04 --> 00:13:06 before they
00:13:06 --> 00:13:07 turn to
00:13:07 --> 00:13:07 each other
00:13:07 --> 00:13:10 and each
00:13:10 --> 00:13:11 of them
00:13:11 --> 00:13:11 gets to
00:13:11 --> 00:13:12 hear
00:13:12 --> 00:13:13 each other
00:13:13 --> 00:13:13 stand up
00:13:13 --> 00:13:14 before God
00:13:14 --> 00:13:15 before their
00:13:15 --> 00:13:16 families and
00:13:16 --> 00:13:16 friends and
00:13:16 --> 00:13:17 before the
00:13:17 --> 00:13:18 authorities of
00:13:18 --> 00:13:19 structures of
00:13:19 --> 00:13:20 church and
00:13:20 --> 00:13:21 state and
00:13:21 --> 00:13:22 they swear
00:13:22 --> 00:13:23 loyalty and
00:13:23 --> 00:13:24 faithfulness
00:13:24 --> 00:13:26 things to
00:13:26 --> 00:13:27 the covenant
00:13:27 --> 00:13:29 not to
00:13:29 --> 00:13:30 each other
00:13:30 --> 00:13:32 to the
00:13:32 --> 00:13:32 covenant
00:13:32 --> 00:13:37 and it's
00:13:37 --> 00:13:38 not until
00:13:38 --> 00:13:38 they've done
00:13:38 --> 00:13:39 that do
00:13:39 --> 00:13:40 they then
00:13:40 --> 00:13:40 take one
00:13:40 --> 00:13:41 another by
00:13:41 --> 00:13:41 the hand
00:13:41 --> 00:13:43 and stumble
00:13:43 --> 00:13:44 through the
00:13:44 --> 00:13:44 rest of it
00:13:44 --> 00:13:45 and faint
00:13:45 --> 00:13:46 and all
00:13:46 --> 00:13:47 in the
00:13:47 --> 00:13:47 presence of
00:13:47 --> 00:13:48 God I
00:13:48 --> 00:13:48 take you
00:13:48 --> 00:13:49 to be my
00:13:49 --> 00:13:49 husband and
00:13:49 --> 00:13:50 wife to
00:13:50 --> 00:13:50 have and
00:13:50 --> 00:13:51 to hold
00:13:51 --> 00:13:51 from this
00:13:51 --> 00:13:52 day forward
00:13:52 --> 00:13:52 for better
00:13:52 --> 00:13:53 for worse
00:13:53 --> 00:13:53 for rich
00:13:53 --> 00:13:54 and poor
00:13:54 --> 00:13:54 in sickness
00:13:54 --> 00:13:54 and health
00:13:54 --> 00:13:55 to love
00:13:55 --> 00:13:55 and cherish
00:13:55 --> 00:13:56 as long
00:13:56 --> 00:13:56 as the
00:13:56 --> 00:13:56 best shall
00:13:56 --> 00:13:56 live
00:13:56 --> 00:13:58 this is
00:13:58 --> 00:13:59 my
00:13:59 --> 00:14:00 solemn
00:14:00 --> 00:14:00 vow
00:14:00 --> 00:14:02 and promise
00:14:02 --> 00:14:05 legal
00:14:05 --> 00:14:06 declaration
00:14:06 --> 00:14:10 now I've
00:14:10 --> 00:14:10 been to a
00:14:10 --> 00:14:11 few
00:14:11 --> 00:14:12 secular
00:14:12 --> 00:14:12 weddings
00:14:12 --> 00:14:13 and they're
00:14:13 --> 00:14:13 a little
00:14:13 --> 00:14:13 bit different
00:14:13 --> 00:14:16 I remember
00:14:16 --> 00:14:17 one wedding
00:14:17 --> 00:14:18 where the
00:14:18 --> 00:14:19 celebrant said
00:14:19 --> 00:14:20 everything
00:14:20 --> 00:14:22 today is
00:14:22 --> 00:14:23 about love
00:14:23 --> 00:14:24 this whole
00:14:24 --> 00:14:25 ceremony
00:14:25 --> 00:14:26 our gathering
00:14:26 --> 00:14:28 is a
00:14:28 --> 00:14:28 celebration
00:14:28 --> 00:14:30 of love
00:14:30 --> 00:14:32 and I
00:14:32 --> 00:14:32 went
00:14:32 --> 00:14:33 in my mind
00:14:33 --> 00:14:34 of course
00:14:34 --> 00:14:37 yes and
00:14:37 --> 00:14:38 no
00:14:38 --> 00:14:38 actually
00:14:38 --> 00:14:40 no
00:14:40 --> 00:14:40 really it's
00:14:40 --> 00:14:41 not what
00:14:41 --> 00:14:41 we're gathered
00:14:41 --> 00:14:42 here today
00:14:42 --> 00:14:42 we're actually
00:14:42 --> 00:14:43 here gathered
00:14:43 --> 00:14:43 publicly for
00:14:43 --> 00:14:44 a legal
00:14:44 --> 00:14:44 service
00:14:44 --> 00:14:46 that's why
00:14:46 --> 00:14:47 we're gathered
00:14:47 --> 00:14:49 and then I
00:14:49 --> 00:14:50 noticed something
00:14:50 --> 00:14:50 else
00:14:50 --> 00:14:52 the couples
00:14:52 --> 00:14:53 basically
00:14:53 --> 00:14:54 express
00:14:54 --> 00:14:55 because they
00:14:55 --> 00:14:56 get to write
00:14:56 --> 00:14:56 their own
00:14:56 --> 00:14:57 vows
00:14:57 --> 00:14:59 they basically
00:14:59 --> 00:15:00 express
00:15:00 --> 00:15:01 their current
00:15:01 --> 00:15:02 love
00:15:02 --> 00:15:03 for each
00:15:03 --> 00:15:04 other
00:15:04 --> 00:15:06 and it's
00:15:06 --> 00:15:07 because I
00:15:07 --> 00:15:08 currently love
00:15:08 --> 00:15:09 you
00:15:09 --> 00:15:10 I desire
00:15:10 --> 00:15:10 to be with
00:15:10 --> 00:15:11 you
00:15:11 --> 00:15:15 in one
00:15:15 --> 00:15:15 case
00:15:15 --> 00:15:17 the promise
00:15:17 --> 00:15:18 where the
00:15:18 --> 00:15:19 couples
00:15:19 --> 00:15:20 express
00:15:20 --> 00:15:20 this is
00:15:20 --> 00:15:21 what I
00:15:21 --> 00:15:21 like
00:15:21 --> 00:15:22 about
00:15:22 --> 00:15:22 you
00:15:22 --> 00:15:22 this is
00:15:22 --> 00:15:23 what I
00:15:23 --> 00:15:23 enjoy
00:15:23 --> 00:15:24 being
00:15:24 --> 00:15:24 with
00:15:24 --> 00:15:24 you
00:15:24 --> 00:15:26 and
00:15:26 --> 00:15:27 then
00:15:27 --> 00:15:29 and then
00:15:29 --> 00:15:29 at the end
00:15:29 --> 00:15:30 of it
00:15:30 --> 00:15:30 was
00:15:30 --> 00:15:32 the promise
00:15:32 --> 00:15:32 was
00:15:32 --> 00:15:33 I will
00:15:33 --> 00:15:34 love
00:15:34 --> 00:15:35 you
00:15:35 --> 00:15:36 for
00:15:36 --> 00:15:36 however
00:15:36 --> 00:15:37 long
00:15:37 --> 00:15:37 we
00:15:37 --> 00:15:37 are
00:15:37 --> 00:15:38 together
00:15:38 --> 00:15:41 what the
00:15:41 --> 00:15:41 hell
00:15:41 --> 00:15:41 does that
00:15:41 --> 00:15:42 mean
00:15:42 --> 00:15:46 until tomorrow
00:15:46 --> 00:15:46 morning
00:15:46 --> 00:15:47 the next
00:15:47 --> 00:15:47 day
00:15:47 --> 00:15:47 I mean
00:15:47 --> 00:15:48 until I
00:15:48 --> 00:15:49 will love
00:15:49 --> 00:15:49 you
00:15:49 --> 00:15:49 and then
00:15:49 --> 00:15:50 once we're
00:15:50 --> 00:15:50 not together
00:15:50 --> 00:15:50 I don't
00:15:50 --> 00:15:51 need to
00:15:51 --> 00:15:51 love you
00:15:51 --> 00:15:52 or once
00:15:52 --> 00:15:52 I fall
00:15:52 --> 00:15:52 out of
00:15:52 --> 00:15:52 love
00:15:52 --> 00:15:53 I don't
00:15:53 --> 00:15:53 need to
00:15:53 --> 00:15:53 be with
00:15:53 --> 00:15:53 you
00:15:53 --> 00:15:54 anymore
00:15:54 --> 00:15:57 there were
00:15:57 --> 00:15:57 no words
00:15:57 --> 00:15:58 through sickness
00:15:58 --> 00:15:59 in health
00:15:59 --> 00:15:59 richer or
00:15:59 --> 00:15:59 poorer
00:15:59 --> 00:16:01 until
00:16:01 --> 00:16:03 one or
00:16:03 --> 00:16:03 both of
00:16:03 --> 00:16:03 us are
00:16:03 --> 00:16:04 dead
00:16:04 --> 00:16:08 now
00:16:08 --> 00:16:09 traditionally
00:16:09 --> 00:16:10 a wedding
00:16:10 --> 00:16:11 is not
00:16:11 --> 00:16:12 primarily
00:16:12 --> 00:16:13 a celebration
00:16:13 --> 00:16:15 of how
00:16:15 --> 00:16:15 much you
00:16:15 --> 00:16:16 love
00:16:16 --> 00:16:16 or you
00:16:16 --> 00:16:17 feel
00:16:17 --> 00:16:17 loving
00:16:17 --> 00:16:18 right now
00:16:18 --> 00:16:19 that's
00:16:19 --> 00:16:20 not it
00:16:20 --> 00:16:21 wedding
00:16:21 --> 00:16:22 vows
00:16:22 --> 00:16:22 are not
00:16:22 --> 00:16:23 a declaration
00:16:23 --> 00:16:24 of present
00:16:24 --> 00:16:24 love
00:16:24 --> 00:16:25 they are
00:16:25 --> 00:16:26 mutual
00:16:26 --> 00:16:27 binding
00:16:27 --> 00:16:28 promise
00:16:28 --> 00:16:29 of future
00:16:29 --> 00:16:30 love
00:16:30 --> 00:16:33 current
00:16:33 --> 00:16:34 love
00:16:34 --> 00:16:34 I'm
00:16:34 --> 00:16:35 assumed
00:16:35 --> 00:16:35 it should
00:16:35 --> 00:16:36 be assumed
00:16:36 --> 00:16:36 I think
00:16:36 --> 00:16:37 on the
00:16:37 --> 00:16:37 day
00:16:37 --> 00:16:40 in a
00:16:40 --> 00:16:41 wedding
00:16:41 --> 00:16:41 the couple
00:16:41 --> 00:16:42 stand before
00:16:42 --> 00:16:42 God
00:16:42 --> 00:16:43 family
00:16:43 --> 00:16:44 friends
00:16:44 --> 00:16:44 the institutions
00:16:44 --> 00:16:45 of state
00:16:45 --> 00:16:45 and church
00:16:45 --> 00:16:47 in a
00:16:47 --> 00:16:47 Christian
00:16:47 --> 00:16:47 one
00:16:47 --> 00:16:48 and they
00:16:48 --> 00:16:48 promise
00:16:48 --> 00:16:49 to be
00:16:49 --> 00:16:49 loving
00:16:49 --> 00:16:50 faithful
00:16:50 --> 00:16:50 and true
00:16:50 --> 00:16:51 to their
00:16:51 --> 00:16:51 spouse
00:16:51 --> 00:16:52 in the
00:16:52 --> 00:16:52 future
00:16:52 --> 00:16:53 through
00:16:53 --> 00:16:54 all the
00:16:54 --> 00:16:55 ups and
00:16:55 --> 00:16:55 downs
00:16:55 --> 00:16:56 through
00:16:56 --> 00:16:57 all the
00:16:57 --> 00:16:58 ups and
00:16:58 --> 00:16:58 downs
00:16:58 --> 00:16:59 particularly
00:16:59 --> 00:17:00 of internal
00:17:00 --> 00:17:01 feelings
00:17:01 --> 00:17:01 of whether
00:17:01 --> 00:17:02 I feel
00:17:02 --> 00:17:03 loving
00:17:03 --> 00:17:03 or passionate
00:17:03 --> 00:17:04 or not
00:17:04 --> 00:17:05 and every
00:17:05 --> 00:17:06 single
00:17:06 --> 00:17:06 external
00:17:06 --> 00:17:07 circumstance
00:17:07 --> 00:17:07 in life
00:17:07 --> 00:17:12 biblically
00:17:12 --> 00:17:13 marriage
00:17:13 --> 00:17:14 is a
00:17:14 --> 00:17:14 covenant
00:17:14 --> 00:17:15 relationship
00:17:15 --> 00:17:16 that is
00:17:16 --> 00:17:16 public
00:17:16 --> 00:17:17 binding
00:17:17 --> 00:17:17 and legal
00:17:17 --> 00:17:18 people
00:17:18 --> 00:17:21 it's not
00:17:21 --> 00:17:22 the
00:17:22 --> 00:17:23 building
00:17:23 --> 00:17:23 it's not
00:17:23 --> 00:17:23 the
00:17:23 --> 00:17:24 service
00:17:24 --> 00:17:25 it's not
00:17:25 --> 00:17:25 the dress
00:17:25 --> 00:17:26 it's not
00:17:26 --> 00:17:27 the rings
00:17:27 --> 00:17:29 that makes
00:17:29 --> 00:17:30 a person
00:17:30 --> 00:17:31 married
00:17:31 --> 00:17:32 what makes
00:17:32 --> 00:17:33 them married
00:17:33 --> 00:17:34 is a
00:17:34 --> 00:17:35 permanent
00:17:35 --> 00:17:36 exclusive
00:17:36 --> 00:17:37 public
00:17:37 --> 00:17:38 legal
00:17:38 --> 00:17:39 commitment
00:17:39 --> 00:17:39 to share
00:17:39 --> 00:17:41 all aspects
00:17:41 --> 00:17:42 of their
00:17:42 --> 00:17:43 life together
00:17:43 --> 00:17:44 and the
00:17:44 --> 00:17:45 marriage
00:17:45 --> 00:17:45 is
00:17:45 --> 00:17:46 official
00:17:46 --> 00:17:48 the
00:17:48 --> 00:17:48 moment
00:17:48 --> 00:17:49 I say
00:17:49 --> 00:17:50 I
00:17:50 --> 00:17:50 declare
00:17:50 --> 00:17:51 you
00:17:51 --> 00:17:51 to be
00:17:51 --> 00:17:51 husband
00:17:51 --> 00:17:52 and
00:17:52 --> 00:17:52 wife
00:17:52 --> 00:17:55 on
00:17:55 --> 00:17:55 behalf
00:17:55 --> 00:17:55 of God
00:17:55 --> 00:17:56 and the
00:17:56 --> 00:17:56 state
00:17:56 --> 00:17:59 did you
00:17:59 --> 00:17:59 know
00:17:59 --> 00:17:59 that you
00:17:59 --> 00:18:00 can run
00:18:00 --> 00:18:01 most of
00:18:01 --> 00:18:01 a wedding
00:18:01 --> 00:18:02 service
00:18:02 --> 00:18:02 as a
00:18:02 --> 00:18:03 celebrant
00:18:03 --> 00:18:04 but you
00:18:04 --> 00:18:05 cannot say
00:18:05 --> 00:18:05 those words
00:18:05 --> 00:18:06 legally
00:18:06 --> 00:18:08 unless
00:18:08 --> 00:18:08 you're
00:18:08 --> 00:18:08 licensed
00:18:08 --> 00:18:11 and the
00:18:11 --> 00:18:11 moment
00:18:11 --> 00:18:12 I declare
00:18:12 --> 00:18:13 them to
00:18:13 --> 00:18:13 be
00:18:13 --> 00:18:13 married
00:18:13 --> 00:18:15 they're
00:18:15 --> 00:18:15 married
00:18:15 --> 00:18:18 marriage
00:18:18 --> 00:18:18 is
00:18:18 --> 00:18:20 not a
00:18:20 --> 00:18:20 five by
00:18:20 --> 00:18:20 five
00:18:20 --> 00:18:21 renewable
00:18:21 --> 00:18:21 options
00:18:21 --> 00:18:22 contract
00:18:22 --> 00:18:23 even a
00:18:23 --> 00:18:24 prenuptial
00:18:24 --> 00:18:25 agreement
00:18:25 --> 00:18:26 radically
00:18:26 --> 00:18:26 cuts
00:18:26 --> 00:18:27 into the
00:18:27 --> 00:18:28 biblical
00:18:28 --> 00:18:28 definition
00:18:28 --> 00:18:29 of marriage
00:18:29 --> 00:18:30 and the
00:18:30 --> 00:18:31 Bible's
00:18:31 --> 00:18:31 teaching
00:18:31 --> 00:18:31 of marriage
00:18:31 --> 00:18:32 is why
00:18:32 --> 00:18:33 the Bible
00:18:33 --> 00:18:33 says
00:18:33 --> 00:18:34 that you
00:18:34 --> 00:18:35 should not
00:18:35 --> 00:18:35 give yourself
00:18:35 --> 00:18:36 to someone
00:18:36 --> 00:18:38 without
00:18:38 --> 00:18:39 them giving
00:18:39 --> 00:18:39 you this
00:18:39 --> 00:18:40 kind of
00:18:40 --> 00:18:40 commitment
00:18:40 --> 00:18:42 or you
00:18:42 --> 00:18:43 giving them
00:18:43 --> 00:18:44 this kind
00:18:44 --> 00:18:44 of commitment
00:18:44 --> 00:18:46 that's why
00:18:46 --> 00:18:47 the Bible's
00:18:47 --> 00:18:47 teaching on
00:18:47 --> 00:18:48 marriage
00:18:48 --> 00:18:49 is really
00:18:49 --> 00:18:49 on a
00:18:49 --> 00:18:50 collision
00:18:50 --> 00:18:50 course
00:18:50 --> 00:18:51 with the
00:18:51 --> 00:18:51 modern
00:18:51 --> 00:18:52 mindset
00:18:52 --> 00:18:53 the modern
00:18:53 --> 00:18:54 concept
00:18:54 --> 00:18:55 of covenant
00:18:55 --> 00:18:56 it just
00:18:56 --> 00:18:57 seems so
00:18:57 --> 00:18:58 oppressive
00:18:58 --> 00:19:00 to the
00:19:00 --> 00:19:00 modern
00:19:00 --> 00:19:01 person
00:19:01 --> 00:19:01 and which
00:19:01 --> 00:19:01 is why
00:19:01 --> 00:19:04 the idea
00:19:04 --> 00:19:04 of covenant
00:19:04 --> 00:19:05 relationships
00:19:05 --> 00:19:07 is almost
00:19:07 --> 00:19:08 non-existence
00:19:08 --> 00:19:09 in western
00:19:09 --> 00:19:09 civilization
00:19:09 --> 00:19:10 at the
00:19:10 --> 00:19:10 moment
00:19:10 --> 00:19:13 marriage
00:19:13 --> 00:19:14 as discipline
00:19:14 --> 00:19:15 as service
00:19:15 --> 00:19:16 as commitment
00:19:16 --> 00:19:17 as obligation
00:19:17 --> 00:19:18 as accountability
00:19:18 --> 00:19:20 is so
00:19:20 --> 00:19:21 foreign
00:19:21 --> 00:19:23 to
00:19:23 --> 00:19:23 deeply
00:19:23 --> 00:19:24 held
00:19:24 --> 00:19:25 values
00:19:25 --> 00:19:25 of
00:19:25 --> 00:19:26 self
00:19:26 --> 00:19:27 excuse me
00:19:27 --> 00:19:28 self-fulfillment
00:19:28 --> 00:19:28 and self
00:19:28 --> 00:19:29 actualization
00:19:29 --> 00:19:33 now if I
00:19:33 --> 00:19:34 left it
00:19:34 --> 00:19:34 there
00:19:34 --> 00:19:35 you'd go
00:19:35 --> 00:19:35 hang on
00:19:35 --> 00:19:35 a bit
00:19:35 --> 00:19:37 it sounds
00:19:37 --> 00:19:38 very
00:19:38 --> 00:19:39 mechanical
00:19:39 --> 00:19:43 formal
00:19:43 --> 00:19:44 where's the
00:19:44 --> 00:19:45 passion
00:19:45 --> 00:19:45 where's the
00:19:45 --> 00:19:46 romance
00:19:46 --> 00:19:46 where's the
00:19:46 --> 00:19:47 love
00:19:47 --> 00:19:50 and I
00:19:50 --> 00:19:50 suppose
00:19:50 --> 00:19:51 on one
00:19:51 --> 00:19:51 level
00:19:51 --> 00:19:52 this is
00:19:52 --> 00:19:52 the main
00:19:52 --> 00:19:53 thing
00:19:53 --> 00:19:53 that many
00:19:53 --> 00:19:55 secular
00:19:55 --> 00:19:55 the modern
00:19:55 --> 00:19:56 person
00:19:56 --> 00:19:56 brings
00:19:56 --> 00:19:56 to the
00:19:56 --> 00:19:57 idea
00:19:57 --> 00:19:57 of
00:19:57 --> 00:19:57 marriage
00:19:57 --> 00:19:58 it's
00:19:58 --> 00:19:59 just
00:19:59 --> 00:19:59 about
00:19:59 --> 00:19:59 love
00:19:59 --> 00:20:01 one
00:20:01 --> 00:20:01 of the
00:20:01 --> 00:20:01 most
00:20:01 --> 00:20:02 widely
00:20:02 --> 00:20:03 held
00:20:03 --> 00:20:03 beliefs
00:20:03 --> 00:20:04 in our
00:20:04 --> 00:20:04 culture
00:20:04 --> 00:20:05 today
00:20:05 --> 00:20:06 is that
00:20:06 --> 00:20:06 the
00:20:06 --> 00:20:07 foundation
00:20:07 --> 00:20:08 of
00:20:08 --> 00:20:08 marriage
00:20:08 --> 00:20:10 is
00:20:10 --> 00:20:11 romantic
00:20:11 --> 00:20:11 love
00:20:11 --> 00:20:13 so you
00:20:13 --> 00:20:13 can
00:20:13 --> 00:20:14 you can
00:20:14 --> 00:20:14 buy
00:20:14 --> 00:20:16 any
00:20:16 --> 00:20:16 number
00:20:16 --> 00:20:17 of books
00:20:17 --> 00:20:18 and go
00:20:18 --> 00:20:18 to courses
00:20:18 --> 00:20:19 and stuff
00:20:19 --> 00:20:20 and articles
00:20:20 --> 00:20:21 about how
00:20:21 --> 00:20:22 to keep
00:20:22 --> 00:20:22 the sparks
00:20:22 --> 00:20:23 alive
00:20:23 --> 00:20:24 in your
00:20:24 --> 00:20:24 80s
00:20:24 --> 00:20:29 and
00:20:29 --> 00:20:31 in that
00:20:31 --> 00:20:32 sense
00:20:32 --> 00:20:34 romantic
00:20:34 --> 00:20:35 love
00:20:35 --> 00:20:36 as it's
00:20:36 --> 00:20:37 described
00:20:37 --> 00:20:37 in our
00:20:37 --> 00:20:38 culture
00:20:38 --> 00:20:39 is it's
00:20:39 --> 00:20:40 a feeling
00:20:40 --> 00:20:42 romantic
00:20:42 --> 00:20:43 love
00:20:43 --> 00:20:44 according to
00:20:44 --> 00:20:44 our culture
00:20:44 --> 00:20:45 is like a
00:20:45 --> 00:20:46 ditch
00:20:46 --> 00:20:47 you fall
00:20:47 --> 00:20:48 into it
00:20:48 --> 00:20:50 it's
00:20:50 --> 00:20:51 passive
00:20:51 --> 00:20:52 it's
00:20:52 --> 00:20:52 subjective
00:20:52 --> 00:20:54 it just
00:20:54 --> 00:20:54 happens
00:20:54 --> 00:20:55 to you
00:20:55 --> 00:20:57 it just
00:20:57 --> 00:20:58 sort of
00:20:58 --> 00:20:59 came on
00:20:59 --> 00:20:59 me
00:20:59 --> 00:21:02 and there's
00:21:02 --> 00:21:03 also wide
00:21:03 --> 00:21:03 agreement
00:21:03 --> 00:21:05 that
00:21:05 --> 00:21:06 romantic
00:21:06 --> 00:21:06 love
00:21:06 --> 00:21:07 waxes
00:21:07 --> 00:21:08 and wanes
00:21:08 --> 00:21:09 and it
00:21:09 --> 00:21:10 fades
00:21:10 --> 00:21:11 over time
00:21:11 --> 00:21:14 and then
00:21:14 --> 00:21:14 you got
00:21:14 --> 00:21:14 that
00:21:14 --> 00:21:15 combined
00:21:15 --> 00:21:15 with another
00:21:15 --> 00:21:16 widely held
00:21:16 --> 00:21:17 belief
00:21:17 --> 00:21:18 that
00:21:18 --> 00:21:18 romantic
00:21:18 --> 00:21:19 love
00:21:19 --> 00:21:19 and
00:21:19 --> 00:21:20 sexual
00:21:20 --> 00:21:21 fulfillment
00:21:21 --> 00:21:22 are
00:21:22 --> 00:21:23 absolutely
00:21:23 --> 00:21:24 important
00:21:24 --> 00:21:25 in order
00:21:25 --> 00:21:26 to have
00:21:26 --> 00:21:27 a long
00:21:27 --> 00:21:28 and fulfilled
00:21:28 --> 00:21:30 and happy
00:21:30 --> 00:21:31 personal
00:21:31 --> 00:21:32 existence
00:21:32 --> 00:21:32 in other
00:21:32 --> 00:21:32 words
00:21:32 --> 00:21:33 sexual
00:21:33 --> 00:21:34 expression
00:21:34 --> 00:21:35 is
00:21:35 --> 00:21:36 attached
00:21:36 --> 00:21:36 to my
00:21:36 --> 00:21:36 self
00:21:36 --> 00:21:37 actualization
00:21:37 --> 00:21:37
00:21:37 --> 00:21:42 now those
00:21:42 --> 00:21:42 two
00:21:42 --> 00:21:43 convictions
00:21:43 --> 00:21:45 that I
00:21:45 --> 00:21:46 need to
00:21:46 --> 00:21:46 have
00:21:46 --> 00:21:47 romantic
00:21:47 --> 00:21:47 love
00:21:47 --> 00:21:47 to be
00:21:47 --> 00:21:48 truly
00:21:48 --> 00:21:48 me
00:21:48 --> 00:21:49 and
00:21:49 --> 00:21:50 express
00:21:50 --> 00:21:50 that
00:21:50 --> 00:21:51 sexually
00:21:51 --> 00:21:54 but the
00:21:54 --> 00:21:54 fact that
00:21:54 --> 00:21:54 romantic
00:21:54 --> 00:21:55 love
00:21:55 --> 00:21:56 waxes
00:21:56 --> 00:21:57 and wanes
00:21:57 --> 00:22:00 marriage
00:22:00 --> 00:22:03 is
00:22:03 --> 00:22:03 just
00:22:03 --> 00:22:03 in
00:22:03 --> 00:22:04 with
00:22:04 --> 00:22:05 those
00:22:05 --> 00:22:05 two
00:22:05 --> 00:22:05 ideas
00:22:05 --> 00:22:08 so the
00:22:08 --> 00:22:08 institution
00:22:08 --> 00:22:09 of marriage
00:22:09 --> 00:22:12 while we
00:22:12 --> 00:22:13 think it's
00:22:13 --> 00:22:13 declining
00:22:13 --> 00:22:14 actually
00:22:14 --> 00:22:14 isn't
00:22:14 --> 00:22:17 what's
00:22:17 --> 00:22:17 happening
00:22:17 --> 00:22:18 is
00:22:18 --> 00:22:19 people
00:22:19 --> 00:22:19 are
00:22:19 --> 00:22:20 cohabitating
00:22:20 --> 00:22:20
00:22:22 --> 00:22:23 up to
00:22:23 --> 00:22:24 85%
00:22:24 --> 00:22:24 I think
00:22:24 --> 00:22:25 at the
00:22:25 --> 00:22:25 moment
00:22:25 --> 00:22:25 cohabitate
00:22:25 --> 00:22:26 before
00:22:26 --> 00:22:26 marriage
00:22:26 --> 00:22:28 try
00:22:28 --> 00:22:28 before
00:22:28 --> 00:22:29 you
00:22:29 --> 00:22:29 buy
00:22:29 --> 00:22:29 kind
00:22:29 --> 00:22:29 of
00:22:29 --> 00:22:29 a
00:22:29 --> 00:22:29 thing
00:22:29 --> 00:22:32 and it's
00:22:32 --> 00:22:33 because of
00:22:33 --> 00:22:33 those
00:22:33 --> 00:22:34 ideas
00:22:34 --> 00:22:35 a married
00:22:35 --> 00:22:36 man gave
00:22:36 --> 00:22:36 me some
00:22:36 --> 00:22:36 advice
00:22:36 --> 00:22:37 not long
00:22:37 --> 00:22:37 before
00:22:37 --> 00:22:37 Nat
00:22:37 --> 00:22:38 and I
00:22:38 --> 00:22:38 are
00:22:38 --> 00:22:38 married
00:22:38 --> 00:22:40 he said
00:22:40 --> 00:22:40 that over
00:22:40 --> 00:22:41 the years
00:22:41 --> 00:22:42 the partnership
00:22:42 --> 00:22:43 in life
00:22:43 --> 00:22:44 was still
00:22:44 --> 00:22:44 there
00:22:44 --> 00:22:45 but the
00:22:45 --> 00:22:45 romance
00:22:45 --> 00:22:46 and the
00:22:46 --> 00:22:46 passion
00:22:46 --> 00:22:47 it just
00:22:47 --> 00:22:47 dies
00:22:47 --> 00:22:47 off
00:22:47 --> 00:22:48 but that's
00:22:48 --> 00:22:48 okay
00:22:48 --> 00:22:51 sort of
00:22:51 --> 00:22:53 another
00:22:53 --> 00:22:54 one
00:22:54 --> 00:22:54 told me
00:22:54 --> 00:22:58 that if
00:22:58 --> 00:22:59 you put
00:22:59 --> 00:22:59 a jelly
00:22:59 --> 00:23:00 bean
00:23:00 --> 00:23:00 in a
00:23:00 --> 00:23:00 jar
00:23:00 --> 00:23:01 every time
00:23:01 --> 00:23:01 you had
00:23:01 --> 00:23:02 sex
00:23:02 --> 00:23:02 in the
00:23:02 --> 00:23:02 first
00:23:02 --> 00:23:02 year
00:23:02 --> 00:23:03 of
00:23:03 --> 00:23:03 marriage
00:23:03 --> 00:23:04 and then
00:23:04 --> 00:23:05 took one
00:23:05 --> 00:23:05 out every
00:23:05 --> 00:23:06 time you
00:23:06 --> 00:23:06 had sex
00:23:06 --> 00:23:07 after the
00:23:07 --> 00:23:07 first year
00:23:07 --> 00:23:08 of marriage
00:23:08 --> 00:23:08 the jar
00:23:08 --> 00:23:09 would never
00:23:09 --> 00:23:09 become
00:23:09 --> 00:23:09 empty
00:23:09 --> 00:23:13 joke's
00:23:13 --> 00:23:13 on him
00:23:13 --> 00:23:14 I'm a
00:23:14 --> 00:23:14 diabetic
00:23:14 --> 00:23:15 I
00:23:15 --> 00:23:16 have
00:23:16 --> 00:23:16 jelly
00:23:16 --> 00:23:16 beans
00:23:16 --> 00:23:17 all
00:23:17 --> 00:23:17 the
00:23:17 --> 00:23:17 time
00:23:17 --> 00:23:22 I'm
00:23:22 --> 00:23:22 not
00:23:22 --> 00:23:23 don't
00:23:23 --> 00:23:23 read
00:23:23 --> 00:23:23 any more
00:23:23 --> 00:23:24 into that
00:23:24 --> 00:23:24 than that
00:23:24 --> 00:23:24 I'm
00:23:24 --> 00:23:24 just
00:23:24 --> 00:23:27 you see
00:23:27 --> 00:23:28 what it's
00:23:28 --> 00:23:28 saying
00:23:28 --> 00:23:29 there is
00:23:29 --> 00:23:29 the
00:23:29 --> 00:23:29 modern
00:23:29 --> 00:23:30 view
00:23:30 --> 00:23:32 understands
00:23:32 --> 00:23:33 love
00:23:33 --> 00:23:34 as a
00:23:34 --> 00:23:35 feeling
00:23:35 --> 00:23:35 it's about
00:23:35 --> 00:23:36 passion
00:23:36 --> 00:23:36 it's about
00:23:36 --> 00:23:37 something
00:23:37 --> 00:23:37 that
00:23:37 --> 00:23:39 happens
00:23:39 --> 00:23:39 to me
00:23:39 --> 00:23:41 I feel
00:23:41 --> 00:23:41 romantic
00:23:41 --> 00:23:42 passion
00:23:42 --> 00:23:43 for you
00:23:43 --> 00:23:43 and I
00:23:43 --> 00:23:43 don't
00:23:43 --> 00:23:44 need
00:23:44 --> 00:23:45 a piece
00:23:45 --> 00:23:45 of paper
00:23:45 --> 00:23:47 to make
00:23:47 --> 00:23:48 how I
00:23:48 --> 00:23:48 feel
00:23:48 --> 00:23:49 any better
00:23:49 --> 00:23:51 and that
00:23:51 --> 00:23:52 is absolutely
00:23:52 --> 00:23:53 correct
00:23:53 --> 00:23:55 if love
00:23:55 --> 00:23:57 is about
00:23:57 --> 00:23:57 romantic
00:23:57 --> 00:23:58 passion
00:23:58 --> 00:24:00 no piece
00:24:00 --> 00:24:00 of paper
00:24:00 --> 00:24:00 is going
00:24:00 --> 00:24:00 to help
00:24:00 --> 00:24:01 with that
00:24:01 --> 00:24:02 for sure
00:24:02 --> 00:24:05 but the
00:24:05 --> 00:24:06 Bible sees
00:24:06 --> 00:24:06 love
00:24:06 --> 00:24:07 primarily
00:24:07 --> 00:24:11 primarily
00:24:11 --> 00:24:12 as much
00:24:12 --> 00:24:12 about
00:24:12 --> 00:24:14 giving
00:24:14 --> 00:24:15 love
00:24:15 --> 00:24:16 rather than
00:24:16 --> 00:24:17 so much
00:24:17 --> 00:24:17 as feeling
00:24:17 --> 00:24:18 love
00:24:18 --> 00:24:19 or receiving
00:24:19 --> 00:24:19 love
00:24:19 --> 00:24:21 love is
00:24:21 --> 00:24:22 about giving
00:24:22 --> 00:24:22 yourself to
00:24:22 --> 00:24:23 another person
00:24:23 --> 00:24:25 how much
00:24:25 --> 00:24:25 you're willing
00:24:25 --> 00:24:26 to lose
00:24:26 --> 00:24:26 for the
00:24:26 --> 00:24:27 sake of
00:24:27 --> 00:24:27 another
00:24:27 --> 00:24:28 person
00:24:28 --> 00:24:28 how much
00:24:28 --> 00:24:28 you're willing
00:24:28 --> 00:24:29 to invest
00:24:29 --> 00:24:29 in the
00:24:29 --> 00:24:29 other
00:24:29 --> 00:24:30 person
00:24:30 --> 00:24:31 and in
00:24:31 --> 00:24:31 that sense
00:24:31 --> 00:24:32 when someone
00:24:32 --> 00:24:32 says I
00:24:32 --> 00:24:33 don't need
00:24:33 --> 00:24:33 a piece
00:24:33 --> 00:24:33 of paper
00:24:33 --> 00:24:33 to show
00:24:33 --> 00:24:34 you how
00:24:34 --> 00:24:35 much
00:24:35 --> 00:24:35 I
00:24:35 --> 00:24:35 love
00:24:35 --> 00:24:36 you
00:24:36 --> 00:24:36 what
00:24:36 --> 00:24:36 they
00:24:36 --> 00:24:37 could
00:24:37 --> 00:24:37 potentially
00:24:37 --> 00:24:38 also
00:24:38 --> 00:24:38 be
00:24:38 --> 00:24:39 meaning
00:24:39 --> 00:24:39 is
00:24:39 --> 00:24:40 I
00:24:40 --> 00:24:40 don't
00:24:40 --> 00:24:40 love
00:24:40 --> 00:24:40 you
00:24:40 --> 00:24:41 enough
00:24:41 --> 00:24:41 to give
00:24:41 --> 00:24:42 myself
00:24:42 --> 00:24:42 to you
00:24:42 --> 00:24:43 completely
00:24:43 --> 00:24:48 you see
00:24:48 --> 00:24:49 the Bible
00:24:49 --> 00:24:49 sees
00:24:49 --> 00:24:50 marriage
00:24:50 --> 00:24:51 as a
00:24:51 --> 00:24:52 relationship
00:24:52 --> 00:24:52 that is
00:24:52 --> 00:24:54 far more
00:24:54 --> 00:24:55 durable
00:24:55 --> 00:24:56 and binding
00:24:56 --> 00:24:57 and unconditional
00:24:57 --> 00:24:59 than one
00:24:59 --> 00:25:00 that is based
00:25:00 --> 00:25:00 on mere
00:25:00 --> 00:25:01 feeling
00:25:01 --> 00:25:01 and affection
00:25:01 --> 00:25:02 and at
00:25:02 --> 00:25:03 the same
00:25:03 --> 00:25:04 time
00:25:04 --> 00:25:05 it sees
00:25:05 --> 00:25:06 marriage
00:25:06 --> 00:25:07 as far
00:25:07 --> 00:25:07 more
00:25:07 --> 00:25:08 intimate
00:25:08 --> 00:25:09 and personal
00:25:09 --> 00:25:10 than
00:25:10 --> 00:25:11 merely
00:25:11 --> 00:25:12 a
00:25:12 --> 00:25:13 legal
00:25:13 --> 00:25:16 business
00:25:16 --> 00:25:17 relationship
00:25:17 --> 00:25:17 that's
00:25:17 --> 00:25:18 convenient
00:25:18 --> 00:25:19 for
00:25:19 --> 00:25:20 economic
00:25:20 --> 00:25:21 gain
00:25:21 --> 00:25:21 or something
00:25:21 --> 00:25:22 like that
00:25:22 --> 00:25:23 so the
00:25:23 --> 00:25:23 Bible
00:25:23 --> 00:25:24 actually
00:25:24 --> 00:25:25 sees
00:25:25 --> 00:25:25 marriage
00:25:25 --> 00:25:26 as a
00:25:26 --> 00:25:26 covenant
00:25:26 --> 00:25:27 relationship
00:25:27 --> 00:25:28 that has
00:25:28 --> 00:25:28 a stunning
00:25:28 --> 00:25:29 blend
00:25:29 --> 00:25:30 of law
00:25:30 --> 00:25:31 and love
00:25:31 --> 00:25:32 and that's
00:25:32 --> 00:25:33 what I want
00:25:33 --> 00:25:33 to unpack
00:25:33 --> 00:25:34 now
00:25:34 --> 00:25:35 it was
00:25:35 --> 00:25:36 British
00:25:36 --> 00:25:36 philosopher
00:25:36 --> 00:25:37 Bertrand
00:25:37 --> 00:25:37 Russell
00:25:37 --> 00:25:39 he made
00:25:39 --> 00:25:40 an early
00:25:40 --> 00:25:40 20th century
00:25:40 --> 00:25:41 argument
00:25:41 --> 00:25:42 for the
00:25:42 --> 00:25:42 expression
00:25:42 --> 00:25:43 of sexual
00:25:43 --> 00:25:44 love
00:25:44 --> 00:25:45 outside of
00:25:45 --> 00:25:45 marriage
00:25:45 --> 00:25:46 he said
00:25:46 --> 00:25:46 it was
00:25:46 --> 00:25:46 the preferred
00:25:46 --> 00:25:47 option
00:25:47 --> 00:25:47 if you like
00:25:47 --> 00:25:48 he was
00:25:48 --> 00:25:48 an atheist
00:25:48 --> 00:25:50 and he
00:25:50 --> 00:25:51 argued
00:25:51 --> 00:25:52 that sexual
00:25:52 --> 00:25:52 activity
00:25:52 --> 00:25:53 should be
00:25:53 --> 00:25:54 marked
00:25:54 --> 00:25:54 and therefore
00:25:54 --> 00:25:56 sexual activity
00:25:56 --> 00:25:56 should be
00:25:56 --> 00:25:56 marked
00:25:56 --> 00:25:57 by intense
00:25:57 --> 00:25:58 passion
00:25:58 --> 00:26:00 and romantic
00:26:00 --> 00:26:00 delight
00:26:00 --> 00:26:01 and that
00:26:01 --> 00:26:02 can flourish
00:26:02 --> 00:26:04 to quote
00:26:04 --> 00:26:04 him
00:26:04 --> 00:26:05 as long
00:26:05 --> 00:26:06 as it
00:26:06 --> 00:26:07 is free
00:26:07 --> 00:26:09 and spontaneous
00:26:09 --> 00:26:12 he said
00:26:12 --> 00:26:14 that romantic
00:26:14 --> 00:26:14 passion
00:26:14 --> 00:26:16 and love
00:26:16 --> 00:26:16 and sex
00:26:16 --> 00:26:18 tends to be
00:26:18 --> 00:26:18 killed
00:26:18 --> 00:26:19 by the
00:26:19 --> 00:26:20 thought
00:26:20 --> 00:26:21 of duty
00:26:21 --> 00:26:23 it's an
00:26:23 --> 00:26:23 obligation
00:26:23 --> 00:26:25 and that
00:26:25 --> 00:26:25 thinking
00:26:25 --> 00:26:27 from Bertrand
00:26:27 --> 00:26:27 Russell
00:26:27 --> 00:26:29 is
00:26:29 --> 00:26:30 considered
00:26:30 --> 00:26:30 that makes
00:26:30 --> 00:26:31 a lot of
00:26:31 --> 00:26:31 sense
00:26:31 --> 00:26:32 in our
00:26:32 --> 00:26:32 day and
00:26:32 --> 00:26:32 age
00:26:32 --> 00:26:33 right now
00:26:33 --> 00:26:34 and the
00:26:34 --> 00:26:35 Bible
00:26:35 --> 00:26:35 fundamentally
00:26:35 --> 00:26:36 disagrees
00:26:36 --> 00:26:36 with that
00:26:36 --> 00:26:37 the Bible
00:26:37 --> 00:26:38 sees
00:26:38 --> 00:26:39 love
00:26:39 --> 00:26:40 needs
00:26:40 --> 00:26:40 a
00:26:40 --> 00:26:41 framework
00:26:41 --> 00:26:43 of a
00:26:43 --> 00:26:43 binding
00:26:43 --> 00:26:44 obligation
00:26:44 --> 00:26:46 to make
00:26:46 --> 00:26:46 it fully
00:26:46 --> 00:26:47 what it
00:26:47 --> 00:26:47 should be
00:26:47 --> 00:26:50 it's a
00:26:50 --> 00:26:50 relationship
00:26:50 --> 00:26:51 that is
00:26:51 --> 00:26:52 more
00:26:52 --> 00:26:53 intimate
00:26:53 --> 00:26:54 because
00:26:54 --> 00:26:55 it is
00:26:55 --> 00:26:56 legal
00:26:56 --> 00:27:01 and that
00:27:01 --> 00:27:01 actually
00:27:01 --> 00:27:02 makes
00:27:02 --> 00:27:02 common
00:27:02 --> 00:27:02 sense
00:27:02 --> 00:27:03 too
00:27:03 --> 00:27:06 to make
00:27:06 --> 00:27:06 a
00:27:06 --> 00:27:07 for example
00:27:07 --> 00:27:09 to make
00:27:09 --> 00:27:10 a binding
00:27:10 --> 00:27:11 public vow
00:27:11 --> 00:27:11 love
00:27:11 --> 00:27:11 commitment
00:27:11 --> 00:27:12 to give
00:27:12 --> 00:27:13 yourself
00:27:13 --> 00:27:13 to another
00:27:13 --> 00:27:14 person
00:27:14 --> 00:27:17 be committed
00:27:17 --> 00:27:17 to that
00:27:17 --> 00:27:18 person
00:27:18 --> 00:27:19 through
00:27:19 --> 00:27:20 every single
00:27:20 --> 00:27:21 thing that
00:27:21 --> 00:27:21 life will
00:27:21 --> 00:27:22 throw at
00:27:22 --> 00:27:22 you
00:27:22 --> 00:27:25 is an
00:27:25 --> 00:27:25 enormous
00:27:25 --> 00:27:26 act of
00:27:26 --> 00:27:27 love
00:27:27 --> 00:27:29 in itself
00:27:29 --> 00:27:33 an enormous
00:27:33 --> 00:27:34 act of
00:27:34 --> 00:27:34 love
00:27:34 --> 00:27:35 the
00:27:35 --> 00:27:36 willingness
00:27:36 --> 00:27:37 to make
00:27:37 --> 00:27:38 that kind
00:27:38 --> 00:27:38 of commitment
00:27:38 --> 00:27:40 actually enhances
00:27:40 --> 00:27:41 love
00:27:41 --> 00:27:43 another way
00:27:43 --> 00:27:43 and it
00:27:43 --> 00:27:44 builds on
00:27:44 --> 00:27:44 this
00:27:44 --> 00:27:45 is why
00:27:45 --> 00:27:46 marriage is
00:27:46 --> 00:27:46 more intimate
00:27:46 --> 00:27:48 because it
00:27:48 --> 00:27:49 is legally
00:27:49 --> 00:27:49 binding
00:27:49 --> 00:27:50 is the
00:27:50 --> 00:27:51 security
00:27:51 --> 00:27:52 that it
00:27:52 --> 00:27:53 provides
00:27:53 --> 00:27:54 you see
00:27:54 --> 00:27:54 when
00:27:54 --> 00:27:56 if you
00:27:56 --> 00:27:57 can wind
00:27:57 --> 00:27:57 your mind
00:27:57 --> 00:27:58 back for
00:27:58 --> 00:27:58 those who
00:27:58 --> 00:27:58 have been
00:27:58 --> 00:27:59 married for
00:27:59 --> 00:27:59 a while
00:27:59 --> 00:28:00 but when
00:28:00 --> 00:28:01 dating
00:28:01 --> 00:28:02 or for
00:28:02 --> 00:28:02 instance
00:28:02 --> 00:28:03 if you're
00:28:03 --> 00:28:04 a couple
00:28:04 --> 00:28:04 living
00:28:04 --> 00:28:05 together
00:28:05 --> 00:28:06 what you
00:28:06 --> 00:28:07 have to
00:28:07 --> 00:28:07 do in
00:28:07 --> 00:28:07 that moment
00:28:07 --> 00:28:08 in that
00:28:08 --> 00:28:09 relationship
00:28:09 --> 00:28:09 at that
00:28:09 --> 00:28:10 stage
00:28:10 --> 00:28:11 is you
00:28:11 --> 00:28:12 have to
00:28:12 --> 00:28:12 constantly
00:28:12 --> 00:28:13 prove
00:28:13 --> 00:28:15 your value
00:28:15 --> 00:28:16 daily
00:28:16 --> 00:28:17 to your
00:28:17 --> 00:28:17 partner
00:28:17 --> 00:28:18 by impressing
00:28:18 --> 00:28:19 and enticing
00:28:19 --> 00:28:20 and so the
00:28:20 --> 00:28:21 relationship
00:28:21 --> 00:28:22 at that
00:28:22 --> 00:28:22 point
00:28:22 --> 00:28:23 is really
00:28:23 --> 00:28:25 a consumer
00:28:25 --> 00:28:25 orientated
00:28:25 --> 00:28:26 relationship
00:28:26 --> 00:28:28 I need
00:28:28 --> 00:28:29 to give
00:28:29 --> 00:28:30 you a
00:28:30 --> 00:28:31 cost benefit
00:28:31 --> 00:28:31 analysis
00:28:31 --> 00:28:32 as to why
00:28:32 --> 00:28:32 we should
00:28:32 --> 00:28:33 stay together
00:28:33 --> 00:28:35 you see
00:28:35 --> 00:28:36 when we
00:28:36 --> 00:28:36 first fall
00:28:36 --> 00:28:37 in love
00:28:37 --> 00:28:39 we think
00:28:39 --> 00:28:39 we love
00:28:39 --> 00:28:40 that person
00:28:40 --> 00:28:42 but we
00:28:42 --> 00:28:42 actually
00:28:42 --> 00:28:43 don't
00:28:43 --> 00:28:44 really
00:28:44 --> 00:28:47 it takes
00:28:47 --> 00:28:47 years
00:28:47 --> 00:28:49 to truly
00:28:49 --> 00:28:50 love
00:28:50 --> 00:28:50 a person
00:28:50 --> 00:28:53 what
00:28:53 --> 00:28:53 happens
00:28:53 --> 00:28:54 when we
00:28:54 --> 00:28:55 fall into
00:28:55 --> 00:28:55 the ditch
00:28:55 --> 00:28:56 of love
00:28:56 --> 00:28:57 and we
00:28:57 --> 00:28:59 feel love
00:28:59 --> 00:29:00 we fall
00:29:00 --> 00:29:01 in love
00:29:01 --> 00:29:03 with our
00:29:03 --> 00:29:04 idea
00:29:04 --> 00:29:05 of that
00:29:05 --> 00:29:05 person
00:29:05 --> 00:29:08 that's what
00:29:08 --> 00:29:08 we fall
00:29:08 --> 00:29:09 in love
00:29:09 --> 00:29:09 with
00:29:09 --> 00:29:11 there is
00:29:11 --> 00:29:11 an emotional
00:29:11 --> 00:29:12 high that
00:29:12 --> 00:29:13 comes to
00:29:13 --> 00:29:13 us
00:29:13 --> 00:29:14 when someone
00:29:14 --> 00:29:15 thinks that
00:29:15 --> 00:29:15 we're so
00:29:15 --> 00:29:16 wonderful
00:29:16 --> 00:29:16 and we're
00:29:16 --> 00:29:17 so beautiful
00:29:17 --> 00:29:18 or so
00:29:18 --> 00:29:19 handsome
00:29:19 --> 00:29:20 or so
00:29:20 --> 00:29:20 talented
00:29:20 --> 00:29:21 or so
00:29:21 --> 00:29:22 funny
00:29:22 --> 00:29:23 and that
00:29:23 --> 00:29:24 is part
00:29:24 --> 00:29:25 of what
00:29:25 --> 00:29:25 fuels
00:29:25 --> 00:29:27 the early
00:29:27 --> 00:29:27 passion
00:29:27 --> 00:29:28 and the
00:29:28 --> 00:29:29 electricity
00:29:29 --> 00:29:30 of falling
00:29:30 --> 00:29:31 in love
00:29:31 --> 00:29:34 the other
00:29:34 --> 00:29:35 side of
00:29:35 --> 00:29:35 this
00:29:35 --> 00:29:39 is that
00:29:39 --> 00:29:39 the other
00:29:39 --> 00:29:40 person
00:29:40 --> 00:29:41 who you
00:29:41 --> 00:29:41 think is
00:29:41 --> 00:29:42 captivated
00:29:42 --> 00:29:43 by you
00:29:43 --> 00:29:44 does not
00:29:44 --> 00:29:44 really know
00:29:44 --> 00:29:45 you either
00:29:45 --> 00:29:48 and that's
00:29:48 --> 00:29:48 somewhat more
00:29:48 --> 00:29:48 troubling
00:29:48 --> 00:29:49 underneath
00:29:49 --> 00:29:51 and which is
00:29:51 --> 00:29:51 why we have
00:29:51 --> 00:29:52 to try so
00:29:52 --> 00:29:52 hard
00:29:52 --> 00:29:54 we have to
00:29:54 --> 00:29:55 put on our
00:29:55 --> 00:29:55 best versions
00:29:55 --> 00:29:56 of ourselves
00:29:56 --> 00:30:01 there are
00:30:01 --> 00:30:02 things about
00:30:02 --> 00:30:03 oneself
00:30:03 --> 00:30:03 that
00:30:03 --> 00:30:04 about
00:30:04 --> 00:30:05 ourselves
00:30:05 --> 00:30:06 that we're
00:30:06 --> 00:30:06 ashamed of
00:30:06 --> 00:30:07 that we're
00:30:07 --> 00:30:07 afraid of
00:30:07 --> 00:30:08 and we
00:30:08 --> 00:30:08 could not
00:30:08 --> 00:30:09 possibly allow
00:30:09 --> 00:30:09 those things
00:30:09 --> 00:30:10 to come out
00:30:10 --> 00:30:10 at this
00:30:10 --> 00:30:10 point
00:30:10 --> 00:30:11 otherwise
00:30:11 --> 00:30:13 it'll be
00:30:13 --> 00:30:14 over
00:30:14 --> 00:30:15 and we
00:30:15 --> 00:30:16 don't let
00:30:16 --> 00:30:17 the other
00:30:17 --> 00:30:17 person see
00:30:17 --> 00:30:18 our flaws
00:30:18 --> 00:30:20 because
00:30:20 --> 00:30:21 fundamentally
00:30:21 --> 00:30:21 what our
00:30:21 --> 00:30:22 hearts
00:30:22 --> 00:30:23 can't cope
00:30:23 --> 00:30:23 with
00:30:23 --> 00:30:24 is the
00:30:24 --> 00:30:25 possibility
00:30:25 --> 00:30:26 of rejection
00:30:26 --> 00:30:29 because we
00:30:29 --> 00:30:30 want love
00:30:30 --> 00:30:30 is what
00:30:30 --> 00:30:30 we want
00:30:30 --> 00:30:35 even
00:30:35 --> 00:30:36 deeper
00:30:36 --> 00:30:36 still
00:30:36 --> 00:30:38 we can't
00:30:38 --> 00:30:38 reveal
00:30:38 --> 00:30:39 those parts
00:30:39 --> 00:30:40 of our
00:30:40 --> 00:30:40 character
00:30:40 --> 00:30:41 that we
00:30:41 --> 00:30:41 can't in
00:30:41 --> 00:30:42 fact see
00:30:42 --> 00:30:43 ourselves
00:30:43 --> 00:30:45 and which
00:30:45 --> 00:30:46 will only be
00:30:46 --> 00:30:46 revealed to
00:30:46 --> 00:30:47 us in the
00:30:47 --> 00:30:48 course
00:30:48 --> 00:30:49 of a
00:30:49 --> 00:30:49 long
00:30:49 --> 00:30:50 long
00:30:50 --> 00:30:50 marriage
00:30:50 --> 00:30:54 so the
00:30:54 --> 00:30:54 dilemma
00:30:54 --> 00:30:55 is this
00:30:55 --> 00:30:56 the
00:30:56 --> 00:30:57 person
00:30:57 --> 00:30:57 doesn't
00:30:57 --> 00:30:58 really
00:30:58 --> 00:30:58 know
00:30:58 --> 00:30:59 us
00:30:59 --> 00:31:00 and
00:31:00 --> 00:31:00 therefore
00:31:00 --> 00:31:01 doesn't
00:31:01 --> 00:31:01 really
00:31:01 --> 00:31:02 love
00:31:02 --> 00:31:02 us
00:31:02 --> 00:31:05 not yet
00:31:05 --> 00:31:06 anyway
00:31:06 --> 00:31:09 what
00:31:09 --> 00:31:10 they
00:31:10 --> 00:31:10 love
00:31:10 --> 00:31:11 is
00:31:11 --> 00:31:12 their
00:31:12 --> 00:31:12 version
00:31:12 --> 00:31:13 of
00:31:13 --> 00:31:14 us
00:31:14 --> 00:31:16 what
00:31:16 --> 00:31:16 we
00:31:16 --> 00:31:17 think
00:31:17 --> 00:31:17 of
00:31:17 --> 00:31:17 as
00:31:17 --> 00:31:17 being
00:31:17 --> 00:31:17 head
00:31:17 --> 00:31:18 over
00:31:18 --> 00:31:18 heels
00:31:18 --> 00:31:18 in
00:31:18 --> 00:31:19 love
00:31:19 --> 00:31:19 is
00:31:19 --> 00:31:19 in
00:31:19 --> 00:31:19 large
00:31:19 --> 00:31:20 part
00:31:20 --> 00:31:20 a
00:31:20 --> 00:31:21 gusto
00:31:21 --> 00:31:22 of
00:31:22 --> 00:31:23 ego
00:31:23 --> 00:31:24 gratification
00:31:24 --> 00:31:30 and it's
00:31:30 --> 00:31:30 not
00:31:30 --> 00:31:31 until
00:31:31 --> 00:31:31 you've
00:31:31 --> 00:31:32 been
00:31:32 --> 00:31:32 together
00:31:32 --> 00:31:34 for a
00:31:34 --> 00:31:34 period
00:31:34 --> 00:31:35 of
00:31:35 --> 00:31:35 time
00:31:35 --> 00:31:38 where
00:31:38 --> 00:31:39 the
00:31:39 --> 00:31:41 all the
00:31:41 --> 00:31:42 veils
00:31:42 --> 00:31:42 and the
00:31:42 --> 00:31:42 barriers
00:31:42 --> 00:31:43 start to
00:31:43 --> 00:31:44 be removed
00:31:44 --> 00:31:45 and they
00:31:45 --> 00:31:45 start to
00:31:45 --> 00:31:46 see you
00:31:46 --> 00:31:46 over
00:31:46 --> 00:31:47 time
00:31:47 --> 00:31:49 that
00:31:49 --> 00:31:53 the
00:31:53 --> 00:31:53 real
00:31:53 --> 00:31:53 you
00:31:53 --> 00:31:54 comes
00:31:54 --> 00:31:55 out
00:31:55 --> 00:31:57 and the
00:31:57 --> 00:31:57 challenges
00:31:57 --> 00:31:58 start
00:31:58 --> 00:31:59 so it's
00:31:59 --> 00:31:59 not in
00:31:59 --> 00:32:00 your notes
00:32:00 --> 00:32:00 but did
00:32:00 --> 00:32:00 you know
00:32:00 --> 00:32:01 that
00:32:01 --> 00:32:03 75%
00:32:03 --> 00:32:04 of couples
00:32:04 --> 00:32:04 who cohabitate
00:32:04 --> 00:32:05 before marriage
00:32:05 --> 00:32:06 last
00:32:06 --> 00:32:07 less than
00:32:07 --> 00:32:09 five years
00:32:09 --> 00:32:12 last
00:32:12 --> 00:32:13 less than
00:32:13 --> 00:32:13 five years
00:32:13 --> 00:32:15 75%
00:32:15 --> 00:32:16 the other
00:32:16 --> 00:32:16 25%
00:32:16 --> 00:32:17 get married
00:32:17 --> 00:32:18 and
00:32:18 --> 00:32:19 their
00:32:19 --> 00:32:19 divorce
00:32:19 --> 00:32:20 rate
00:32:20 --> 00:32:21 is
00:32:21 --> 00:32:21 slightly
00:32:21 --> 00:32:21 higher
00:32:21 --> 00:32:22 than those
00:32:22 --> 00:32:23 who don't
00:32:23 --> 00:32:23 cohabitate
00:32:23 --> 00:32:24 before
00:32:24 --> 00:32:24 marriage
00:32:24 --> 00:32:26 cohabitation
00:32:26 --> 00:32:27 before
00:32:27 --> 00:32:27 marriage
00:32:27 --> 00:32:28 increases
00:32:28 --> 00:32:29 the
00:32:29 --> 00:32:29 likelihood
00:32:29 --> 00:32:29 of
00:32:29 --> 00:32:30 divorce
00:32:30 --> 00:32:32 I'll
00:32:32 --> 00:32:32 get to
00:32:32 --> 00:32:33 that
00:32:33 --> 00:32:33 in a
00:32:33 --> 00:32:33 moment
00:32:33 --> 00:32:35 unbeknownst
00:32:35 --> 00:32:36 to most
00:32:36 --> 00:32:36 people
00:32:36 --> 00:32:36 that's
00:32:36 --> 00:32:37 actual
00:32:37 --> 00:32:38 statistic
00:32:38 --> 00:32:38 fact
00:32:38 --> 00:32:41 did you
00:32:41 --> 00:32:41 know
00:32:41 --> 00:32:42 that
00:32:42 --> 00:32:44 couples
00:32:44 --> 00:32:44 who
00:32:44 --> 00:32:45 marry
00:32:45 --> 00:32:48 their
00:32:48 --> 00:32:49 unhappiness
00:32:49 --> 00:32:49 levels
00:32:49 --> 00:32:50 before
00:32:50 --> 00:32:50 marriage
00:32:50 --> 00:32:51 marriage
00:32:50 --> 00:32:51 exactly
00:32:51 --> 00:32:51 the
00:32:51 --> 00:32:51 same
00:32:51 --> 00:32:52 as
00:32:52 --> 00:32:52 a
00:32:52 --> 00:32:52 couple
00:32:52 --> 00:32:53 who
00:32:53 --> 00:32:53 cohabitate
00:32:53 --> 00:32:54 before
00:32:54 --> 00:32:54 marriage
00:32:54 --> 00:32:59 however
00:32:59 --> 00:33:01 every
00:33:01 --> 00:33:02 couple
00:33:02 --> 00:33:03 that
00:33:03 --> 00:33:04 describes
00:33:04 --> 00:33:04 their
00:33:04 --> 00:33:04 marriage
00:33:04 --> 00:33:05 as
00:33:05 --> 00:33:06 unhappy
00:33:06 --> 00:33:07 if they
00:33:07 --> 00:33:08 stick
00:33:08 --> 00:33:08 with
00:33:08 --> 00:33:08 it
00:33:08 --> 00:33:10 those
00:33:10 --> 00:33:11 same
00:33:11 --> 00:33:12 two
00:33:12 --> 00:33:12 thirds
00:33:12 --> 00:33:13 of those
00:33:13 --> 00:33:13 relationships
00:33:13 --> 00:33:14 will
00:33:14 --> 00:33:15 self
00:33:15 --> 00:33:15 describe
00:33:15 --> 00:33:16 as
00:33:16 --> 00:33:16 happy
00:33:16 --> 00:33:18 beyond
00:33:18 --> 00:33:18 the
00:33:18 --> 00:33:18 six
00:33:18 --> 00:33:18 year
00:33:18 --> 00:33:19 mark
00:33:19 --> 00:33:28 there
00:33:28 --> 00:33:28 is
00:33:28 --> 00:33:28 nothing
00:33:28 --> 00:33:28 quite
00:33:28 --> 00:33:29 like
00:33:29 --> 00:33:29 the
00:33:29 --> 00:33:29 profound
00:33:29 --> 00:33:30 satisfaction
00:33:30 --> 00:33:30 of being
00:33:30 --> 00:33:31 known
00:33:31 --> 00:33:31 and
00:33:31 --> 00:33:32 loved
00:33:32 --> 00:33:34 when
00:33:34 --> 00:33:34 over
00:33:34 --> 00:33:35 many
00:33:35 --> 00:33:35 years
00:33:35 --> 00:33:35 someone
00:33:35 --> 00:33:36 has
00:33:36 --> 00:33:36 seen
00:33:36 --> 00:33:36 us
00:33:36 --> 00:33:36 at
00:33:36 --> 00:33:37 our
00:33:37 --> 00:33:37 worst
00:33:37 --> 00:33:37 and
00:33:37 --> 00:33:38 knows
00:33:38 --> 00:33:38 our
00:33:38 --> 00:33:38 strengths
00:33:38 --> 00:33:38 and
00:33:38 --> 00:33:38 our
00:33:38 --> 00:33:39 flaws
00:33:39 --> 00:33:40 and
00:33:40 --> 00:33:40 still
00:33:40 --> 00:33:41 commits
00:33:41 --> 00:33:41 wholly
00:33:41 --> 00:33:42 to
00:33:42 --> 00:33:42 you
00:33:42 --> 00:33:43 that
00:33:43 --> 00:33:44 is
00:33:44 --> 00:33:45 deeply
00:33:45 --> 00:33:46 satisfying
00:33:46 --> 00:33:48 to
00:33:48 --> 00:33:49 be
00:33:49 --> 00:33:49 loved
00:33:49 --> 00:33:49 but
00:33:49 --> 00:33:49 not
00:33:49 --> 00:33:50 known
00:33:50 --> 00:33:50 is
00:33:50 --> 00:33:51 gratifying
00:33:51 --> 00:33:53 thrilling
00:33:53 --> 00:33:57 but
00:33:57 --> 00:33:57 it's
00:33:57 --> 00:33:57 superficial
00:33:57 --> 00:33:59 to
00:33:59 --> 00:33:59 be
00:33:59 --> 00:33:59 known
00:33:59 --> 00:34:00 and
00:34:00 --> 00:34:00 not
00:34:00 --> 00:34:01 loved
00:34:01 --> 00:34:02 that
00:34:02 --> 00:34:03 is
00:34:03 --> 00:34:03 our
00:34:03 --> 00:34:04 greatest
00:34:04 --> 00:34:04 fear
00:34:04 --> 00:34:05 but
00:34:05 --> 00:34:05 to
00:34:05 --> 00:34:05 be
00:34:05 --> 00:34:05 fully
00:34:05 --> 00:34:06 known
00:34:06 --> 00:34:06 and
00:34:06 --> 00:34:06 fully
00:34:06 --> 00:34:07 loved
00:34:07 --> 00:34:07 is
00:34:07 --> 00:34:08 the
00:34:08 --> 00:34:08 deepest
00:34:08 --> 00:34:09 of
00:34:09 --> 00:34:09 all
00:34:09 --> 00:34:10 loves
00:34:10 --> 00:34:11 and
00:34:11 --> 00:34:11 that's
00:34:11 --> 00:34:12 what
00:34:12 --> 00:34:12 every
00:34:12 --> 00:34:12 human
00:34:12 --> 00:34:13 heart
00:34:13 --> 00:34:13 needs
00:34:13 --> 00:34:13 more
00:34:13 --> 00:34:13 than
00:34:13 --> 00:34:14 anything
00:34:14 --> 00:34:14 else
00:34:14 --> 00:34:16 and
00:34:16 --> 00:34:17 that
00:34:17 --> 00:34:17 kind
00:34:17 --> 00:34:17 of
00:34:17 --> 00:34:17 love
00:34:17 --> 00:34:17 is
00:34:17 --> 00:34:18 not
00:34:18 --> 00:34:19 killed
00:34:19 --> 00:34:19 by
00:34:19 --> 00:34:20 legal
00:34:20 --> 00:34:20 commitment
00:34:20 --> 00:34:21 legal
00:34:21 --> 00:34:22 commitment
00:34:22 --> 00:34:22 in fact
00:34:22 --> 00:34:23 provides
00:34:23 --> 00:34:23 the
00:34:23 --> 00:34:23 environment
00:34:23 --> 00:34:24 for
00:34:24 --> 00:34:24 that
00:34:24 --> 00:34:25 love
00:34:25 --> 00:34:25 to
00:34:25 --> 00:34:26 grow
00:34:26 --> 00:34:29 in
00:34:29 --> 00:34:29 his
00:34:29 --> 00:34:29 book
00:34:29 --> 00:34:30 the
00:34:30 --> 00:34:30 marriage
00:34:30 --> 00:34:30 builder
00:34:30 --> 00:34:31 Larry
00:34:31 --> 00:34:31 crab
00:34:31 --> 00:34:32 recounts
00:34:32 --> 00:34:32 an
00:34:32 --> 00:34:33 experience
00:34:33 --> 00:34:33 in
00:34:33 --> 00:34:33 fact
00:34:33 --> 00:34:33 as
00:34:33 --> 00:34:34 he
00:34:34 --> 00:34:34 was
00:34:34 --> 00:34:34 writing
00:34:34 --> 00:34:34 the
00:34:34 --> 00:34:34 book
00:34:34 --> 00:34:34 he's
00:34:34 --> 00:34:35 in
00:34:35 --> 00:34:35 a
00:34:35 --> 00:34:35 plane
00:34:35 --> 00:34:36 and
00:34:36 --> 00:34:36 he
00:34:36 --> 00:34:36 you
00:34:36 --> 00:34:36 know
00:34:36 --> 00:34:38 notepad
00:34:38 --> 00:34:38 in
00:34:38 --> 00:34:38 front
00:34:38 --> 00:34:38 of
00:34:38 --> 00:34:38 him
00:34:38 --> 00:34:38 and
00:34:38 --> 00:34:39 the
00:34:39 --> 00:34:40 airline
00:34:40 --> 00:34:40 steward
00:34:40 --> 00:34:41 notice
00:34:41 --> 00:34:42 that
00:34:42 --> 00:34:43 something
00:34:43 --> 00:34:43 about
00:34:43 --> 00:34:43 marriage
00:34:43 --> 00:34:44 and
00:34:44 --> 00:34:44 she
00:34:44 --> 00:34:44 asked
00:34:44 --> 00:34:44 what
00:34:44 --> 00:34:44 he
00:34:44 --> 00:34:45 was
00:34:45 --> 00:34:45 doing
00:34:45 --> 00:34:46 told
00:34:46 --> 00:34:46 he
00:34:46 --> 00:34:46 was
00:34:46 --> 00:34:46 writing
00:34:46 --> 00:34:46 a
00:34:46 --> 00:34:46 book
00:34:46 --> 00:34:46 on
00:34:46 --> 00:34:47 marriage
00:34:47 --> 00:34:48 and
00:34:48 --> 00:34:48 her
00:34:48 --> 00:34:50 words
00:34:50 --> 00:34:50 to
00:34:50 --> 00:34:51 him
00:34:51 --> 00:34:51 were
00:34:51 --> 00:34:51 I
00:34:51 --> 00:34:52 really
00:34:52 --> 00:34:53 believe
00:34:53 --> 00:34:53 in
00:34:53 --> 00:34:53 marriage
00:34:53 --> 00:34:54 after
00:34:54 --> 00:34:54 six
00:34:54 --> 00:34:55 years
00:34:55 --> 00:34:55 of
00:34:55 --> 00:34:55 living
00:34:55 --> 00:34:55 with
00:34:55 --> 00:34:55 a
00:34:55 --> 00:34:55 man
00:34:55 --> 00:34:56 I
00:34:56 --> 00:34:56 decided
00:34:56 --> 00:34:56 that
00:34:56 --> 00:34:56 I
00:34:56 --> 00:34:57 wanted
00:34:57 --> 00:34:57 to
00:34:57 --> 00:34:57 be
00:34:57 --> 00:34:57 married
00:34:57 --> 00:34:59 since
00:34:59 --> 00:34:59 the
00:34:59 --> 00:34:59 guy
00:34:59 --> 00:35:00 I
00:35:00 --> 00:35:00 was
00:35:00 --> 00:35:00 living
00:35:00 --> 00:35:01 with
00:35:01 --> 00:35:02 liked
00:35:02 --> 00:35:02 our
00:35:02 --> 00:35:03 no
00:35:03 --> 00:35:03 strings
00:35:03 --> 00:35:04 attached
00:35:04 --> 00:35:05 agrangement
00:35:05 --> 00:35:05 I
00:35:05 --> 00:35:06 found
00:35:06 --> 00:35:06 somebody
00:35:06 --> 00:35:07 else
00:35:07 --> 00:35:07 who
00:35:07 --> 00:35:08 was
00:35:08 --> 00:35:08 willing
00:35:08 --> 00:35:08 to
00:35:08 --> 00:35:08 tie
00:35:08 --> 00:35:08 the
00:35:08 --> 00:35:09 knot
00:35:09 --> 00:35:09 and
00:35:09 --> 00:35:09 we
00:35:09 --> 00:35:09 got
00:35:09 --> 00:35:10 married
00:35:10 --> 00:35:10 two
00:35:10 --> 00:35:10 months
00:35:10 --> 00:35:11 ago
00:35:11 --> 00:35:12 I
00:35:12 --> 00:35:12 asked
00:35:12 --> 00:35:13 her
00:35:13 --> 00:35:13 why
00:35:13 --> 00:35:13 she
00:35:13 --> 00:35:14 preferred
00:35:14 --> 00:35:14 a
00:35:14 --> 00:35:14 marriage
00:35:14 --> 00:35:15 commitment
00:35:15 --> 00:35:15 to
00:35:15 --> 00:35:15 merely
00:35:15 --> 00:35:15 living
00:35:15 --> 00:35:16 together
00:35:16 --> 00:35:17 she
00:35:17 --> 00:35:17 said
00:35:17 --> 00:35:17 I
00:35:17 --> 00:35:18 think
00:35:18 --> 00:35:18 it's
00:35:18 --> 00:35:18 the
00:35:18 --> 00:35:18 commitment
00:35:18 --> 00:35:19 part
00:35:19 --> 00:35:19 I
00:35:19 --> 00:35:20 wanted
00:35:20 --> 00:35:21 I
00:35:21 --> 00:35:21 married
00:35:21 --> 00:35:22 a
00:35:22 --> 00:35:22 man
00:35:22 --> 00:35:23 who
00:35:23 --> 00:35:23 seems
00:35:23 --> 00:35:24 to be
00:35:24 --> 00:35:24 really
00:35:24 --> 00:35:25 committed
00:35:25 --> 00:35:25 to
00:35:25 --> 00:35:25 loving
00:35:25 --> 00:35:26 me
00:35:26 --> 00:35:27 and
00:35:27 --> 00:35:27 working
00:35:27 --> 00:35:27 on
00:35:27 --> 00:35:28 our
00:35:28 --> 00:35:29 relationship
00:35:29 --> 00:35:30 I
00:35:30 --> 00:35:30 never
00:35:30 --> 00:35:30 felt
00:35:30 --> 00:35:31 secure
00:35:31 --> 00:35:32 enough
00:35:32 --> 00:35:32 to
00:35:32 --> 00:35:33 really
00:35:33 --> 00:35:33 open
00:35:33 --> 00:35:34 up
00:35:34 --> 00:35:34 and
00:35:34 --> 00:35:34 try
00:35:34 --> 00:35:34 to
00:35:34 --> 00:35:34 get
00:35:34 --> 00:35:35 close
00:35:35 --> 00:35:36 with
00:35:36 --> 00:35:36 a
00:35:36 --> 00:35:36 man
00:35:36 --> 00:35:37 who
00:35:37 --> 00:35:37 wouldn't
00:35:37 --> 00:35:37 make
00:35:37 --> 00:35:38 any
00:35:38 --> 00:35:39 promises
00:35:39 --> 00:35:44 that
00:35:44 --> 00:35:45 is
00:35:45 --> 00:35:45 the
00:35:45 --> 00:35:46 value
00:35:46 --> 00:35:48 of
00:35:48 --> 00:35:49 the
00:35:49 --> 00:35:49 marriage
00:35:49 --> 00:35:49 covenant
00:35:49 --> 00:35:50 the
00:35:50 --> 00:35:51 legal
00:35:51 --> 00:35:51 bond
00:35:51 --> 00:35:51 of
00:35:51 --> 00:35:52 marriage
00:35:52 --> 00:35:52 creates
00:35:52 --> 00:35:52 a
00:35:52 --> 00:35:53 space
00:35:53 --> 00:35:53 for
00:35:53 --> 00:35:54 security
00:35:54 --> 00:35:55 where
00:35:55 --> 00:35:55 we
00:35:55 --> 00:35:55 can
00:35:55 --> 00:35:56 open
00:35:56 --> 00:35:56 up
00:35:56 --> 00:35:56 and
00:35:56 --> 00:35:57 reveal
00:35:57 --> 00:35:57 our
00:35:57 --> 00:35:58 true
00:35:58 --> 00:35:58 selves
00:35:58 --> 00:35:59 we
00:35:59 --> 00:35:59 can
00:35:59 --> 00:35:59 be
00:35:59 --> 00:36:00 vulnerable
00:36:00 --> 00:36:01 vulnerable
00:36:01 --> 00:36:03 no
00:36:03 --> 00:36:04 longer
00:36:04 --> 00:36:04 having
00:36:04 --> 00:36:04 to
00:36:04 --> 00:36:04 keep
00:36:04 --> 00:36:05 up
00:36:05 --> 00:36:05 facades
00:36:05 --> 00:36:06 we
00:36:06 --> 00:36:06 don't
00:36:06 --> 00:36:06 have
00:36:06 --> 00:36:06 to
00:36:06 --> 00:36:07 keep
00:36:07 --> 00:36:07 selling
00:36:07 --> 00:36:08 ourselves
00:36:08 --> 00:36:09 we
00:36:09 --> 00:36:09 can
00:36:09 --> 00:36:09 lay
00:36:09 --> 00:36:10 the
00:36:10 --> 00:36:11 last
00:36:11 --> 00:36:11 layer
00:36:11 --> 00:36:11 of
00:36:11 --> 00:36:12 our
00:36:12 --> 00:36:12 defenses
00:36:12 --> 00:36:13 down
00:36:13 --> 00:36:13 and
00:36:13 --> 00:36:13 be
00:36:13 --> 00:36:14 completely
00:36:14 --> 00:36:14 naked
00:36:14 --> 00:36:16 not
00:36:16 --> 00:36:16 just
00:36:16 --> 00:36:17 physically
00:36:17 --> 00:36:17 but
00:36:17 --> 00:36:17 in a
00:36:17 --> 00:36:18 much
00:36:18 --> 00:36:19 deeper
00:36:19 --> 00:36:19 way
00:36:19 --> 00:36:20 of
00:36:20 --> 00:36:20 a
00:36:20 --> 00:36:21 nakedness
00:36:21 --> 00:36:21 of
00:36:21 --> 00:36:22 heart
00:36:22 --> 00:36:22 and
00:36:22 --> 00:36:22 soul
00:36:22 --> 00:36:23 of
00:36:23 --> 00:36:23 deep
00:36:23 --> 00:36:24 vulnerability
00:36:24 --> 00:36:24 with
00:36:24 --> 00:36:24 one
00:36:24 --> 00:36:25 another
00:36:25 --> 00:36:27 you
00:36:27 --> 00:36:27 see
00:36:27 --> 00:36:27 marriage
00:36:27 --> 00:36:28 actually
00:36:28 --> 00:36:29 enhances
00:36:29 --> 00:36:30 romantic
00:36:30 --> 00:36:30 love
00:36:30 --> 00:36:32 it
00:36:32 --> 00:36:32 doesn't
00:36:32 --> 00:36:33 kill
00:36:33 --> 00:36:33 it
00:36:33 --> 00:36:34 by
00:36:34 --> 00:36:34 nature
00:36:34 --> 00:36:35 as
00:36:35 --> 00:36:36 Diogenes
00:36:36 --> 00:36:36 Allen
00:36:36 --> 00:36:37 put it
00:36:37 --> 00:36:37 the
00:36:37 --> 00:36:37 ethical
00:36:37 --> 00:36:37 !
00:36:37 --> 00:36:38 commitment
00:36:38 --> 00:36:38 to
00:36:38 --> 00:36:39 another
00:36:39 --> 00:36:40 person
00:36:40 --> 00:36:40 in
00:36:40 --> 00:36:40 marriage
00:36:40 --> 00:36:41 is
00:36:41 --> 00:36:42 precisely
00:36:42 --> 00:36:42 what
00:36:42 --> 00:36:43 enables
00:36:43 --> 00:36:43 the
00:36:43 --> 00:36:44 spontaneity
00:36:44 --> 00:36:44 of
00:36:44 --> 00:36:45 romantic
00:36:45 --> 00:36:45 love
00:36:45 --> 00:36:46 to
00:36:46 --> 00:36:46 achieve
00:36:46 --> 00:36:46 the
00:36:46 --> 00:36:47 stability
00:36:47 --> 00:36:48 and
00:36:48 --> 00:36:48 longevity
00:36:48 --> 00:36:49 that
00:36:49 --> 00:36:49 it
00:36:49 --> 00:36:49 longs
00:36:49 --> 00:36:50 for
00:36:50 --> 00:36:51 but
00:36:51 --> 00:36:51 is
00:36:51 --> 00:36:52 unable
00:36:52 --> 00:36:52 to
00:36:52 --> 00:36:52 provide
00:36:52 --> 00:36:53 by
00:36:53 --> 00:36:53 itself
00:36:53 --> 00:36:55 in
00:36:55 --> 00:36:55 other
00:36:55 --> 00:36:55 words
00:36:55 --> 00:36:56 romantic
00:36:56 --> 00:36:56 love
00:36:56 --> 00:36:57 cannot
00:36:57 --> 00:36:57 provide
00:36:57 --> 00:36:58 the
00:36:58 --> 00:36:58 stability
00:36:58 --> 00:36:59 and
00:36:59 --> 00:36:59 the
00:36:59 --> 00:37:00 longevity
00:37:00 --> 00:37:00 that
00:37:00 --> 00:37:00 every
00:37:00 --> 00:37:01 heart
00:37:01 --> 00:37:01 desires
00:37:01 --> 00:37:03 it
00:37:03 --> 00:37:03 is
00:37:03 --> 00:37:03 the
00:37:03 --> 00:37:04 covenantal
00:37:04 --> 00:37:04 commitment
00:37:04 --> 00:37:05 that
00:37:05 --> 00:37:05 enables
00:37:05 --> 00:37:06 married
00:37:06 --> 00:37:06 people
00:37:06 --> 00:37:07 to
00:37:07 --> 00:37:07 become
00:37:07 --> 00:37:08 people
00:37:08 --> 00:37:08 who
00:37:08 --> 00:37:08 love
00:37:08 --> 00:37:08 each
00:37:08 --> 00:37:09 other
00:37:09 --> 00:37:10 what
00:37:10 --> 00:37:10 does
00:37:10 --> 00:37:10 that
00:37:10 --> 00:37:10 look
00:37:10 --> 00:37:10 like
00:37:10 --> 00:37:11 in
00:37:11 --> 00:37:11 practice
00:37:11 --> 00:37:13 here
00:37:13 --> 00:37:13 it
00:37:13 --> 00:37:14 is
00:37:14 --> 00:37:16 if
00:37:16 --> 00:37:17 our
00:37:17 --> 00:37:18 this is my
00:37:18 --> 00:37:19 yeah
00:37:19 --> 00:37:19 there we
00:37:19 --> 00:37:19 go
00:37:19 --> 00:37:21 if
00:37:21 --> 00:37:21 our
00:37:21 --> 00:37:22 definition
00:37:22 --> 00:37:23 of
00:37:23 --> 00:37:23 love
00:37:23 --> 00:37:24 stresses
00:37:24 --> 00:37:26 affectionate
00:37:26 --> 00:37:26 feelings
00:37:26 --> 00:37:27 more than
00:37:27 --> 00:37:28 unselfish
00:37:28 --> 00:37:29 actions
00:37:29 --> 00:37:30 we
00:37:30 --> 00:37:31 will
00:37:31 --> 00:37:31 in
00:37:31 --> 00:37:31 fact
00:37:31 --> 00:37:32 cripple
00:37:32 --> 00:37:33 our
00:37:33 --> 00:37:33 ability
00:37:33 --> 00:37:34 to
00:37:34 --> 00:37:34 maintain
00:37:34 --> 00:37:35 and
00:37:35 --> 00:37:35 grow
00:37:35 --> 00:37:36 a
00:37:36 --> 00:37:36 great
00:37:36 --> 00:37:37 marriage
00:37:37 --> 00:37:38 let
00:37:38 --> 00:37:38 alone
00:37:38 --> 00:37:39 any
00:37:39 --> 00:37:40 any
00:37:40 --> 00:37:40 love
00:37:40 --> 00:37:41 relationship
00:37:41 --> 00:37:43 including
00:37:43 --> 00:37:43 parenting
00:37:43 --> 00:37:45 if
00:37:45 --> 00:37:46 however
00:37:46 --> 00:37:47 we
00:37:47 --> 00:37:47 stress
00:37:47 --> 00:37:47 the
00:37:47 --> 00:37:48 action
00:37:48 --> 00:37:48 of
00:37:48 --> 00:37:49 love
00:37:49 --> 00:37:49 over
00:37:49 --> 00:37:50 the
00:37:50 --> 00:37:50 feeling
00:37:50 --> 00:37:51 we
00:37:51 --> 00:37:52 enhance
00:37:52 --> 00:37:54 and
00:37:54 --> 00:37:55 establish
00:37:55 --> 00:37:56 the
00:37:56 --> 00:37:57 feelings
00:37:57 --> 00:37:57 of
00:37:57 --> 00:37:58 love
00:37:58 --> 00:38:01 that
00:38:01 --> 00:38:02 is
00:38:02 --> 00:38:02 the
00:38:02 --> 00:38:03 crucial
00:38:03 --> 00:38:04 secret
00:38:04 --> 00:38:04 of a
00:38:04 --> 00:38:04 life
00:38:04 --> 00:38:05 of
00:38:05 --> 00:38:05 love
00:38:05 --> 00:38:07 and
00:38:07 --> 00:38:07 of a
00:38:07 --> 00:38:07 great
00:38:07 --> 00:38:08 marriage
00:38:08 --> 00:38:10 and
00:38:10 --> 00:38:10 so
00:38:10 --> 00:38:12 Ephesians
00:38:12 --> 00:38:12 5
00:38:12 --> 00:38:13 28
00:38:13 --> 00:38:14 Paul
00:38:14 --> 00:38:14 says
00:38:14 --> 00:38:15 husbands
00:38:15 --> 00:38:15 ought to
00:38:15 --> 00:38:16 love
00:38:16 --> 00:38:16 their
00:38:16 --> 00:38:16 wives
00:38:16 --> 00:38:17 love
00:38:17 --> 00:38:19 their
00:38:19 --> 00:38:19 wives
00:38:19 --> 00:38:19 in
00:38:19 --> 00:38:19 verse
00:38:19 --> 00:38:20 25
00:38:20 --> 00:38:21 but
00:38:21 --> 00:38:21 here
00:38:21 --> 00:38:22 he
00:38:22 --> 00:38:22 uses
00:38:22 --> 00:38:22 a
00:38:22 --> 00:38:23 verb
00:38:23 --> 00:38:24 that
00:38:24 --> 00:38:25 very
00:38:25 --> 00:38:26 strongly
00:38:26 --> 00:38:27 stresses
00:38:27 --> 00:38:28 obligation
00:38:28 --> 00:38:30 he
00:38:30 --> 00:38:31 commands
00:38:31 --> 00:38:32 husbands
00:38:32 --> 00:38:32 to
00:38:32 --> 00:38:33 love
00:38:33 --> 00:38:33 their
00:38:33 --> 00:38:34 wives
00:38:34 --> 00:38:36 not
00:38:36 --> 00:38:36 not
00:38:36 --> 00:38:37 to
00:38:37 --> 00:38:37 feel
00:38:37 --> 00:38:38 love
00:38:38 --> 00:38:38 for
00:38:38 --> 00:38:38 your
00:38:38 --> 00:38:38 wife
00:38:38 --> 00:38:39 but
00:38:39 --> 00:38:39 to
00:38:39 --> 00:38:39 love
00:38:39 --> 00:38:40 that's
00:38:40 --> 00:38:40 because
00:38:40 --> 00:38:41 you
00:38:41 --> 00:38:41 cannot
00:38:41 --> 00:38:42 command
00:38:42 --> 00:38:43 an
00:38:43 --> 00:38:43 emotion
00:38:43 --> 00:38:44 you
00:38:44 --> 00:38:44 can't
00:38:44 --> 00:38:45 command
00:38:45 --> 00:38:47 a
00:38:47 --> 00:38:48 feeling
00:38:48 --> 00:38:49 you
00:38:49 --> 00:38:49 can
00:38:49 --> 00:38:50 only
00:38:50 --> 00:38:50 command
00:38:50 --> 00:38:51 an
00:38:51 --> 00:38:52 obligation
00:38:52 --> 00:38:52 you
00:38:52 --> 00:38:52 can
00:38:52 --> 00:38:53 only
00:38:53 --> 00:38:53 command
00:38:53 --> 00:38:53 an
00:38:53 --> 00:38:54 action
00:38:54 --> 00:38:55 and
00:38:55 --> 00:38:56 Paul
00:38:56 --> 00:38:56 here
00:38:56 --> 00:38:57 is
00:38:57 --> 00:38:58 commanding
00:38:58 --> 00:38:58 acts
00:38:58 --> 00:38:59 of
00:38:59 --> 00:38:59 love
00:38:59 --> 00:39:02 he
00:39:02 --> 00:39:02 doesn't
00:39:02 --> 00:39:02 care
00:39:02 --> 00:39:02 how
00:39:02 --> 00:39:03 you
00:39:03 --> 00:39:03 feel
00:39:03 --> 00:39:06 on
00:39:06 --> 00:39:06 a
00:39:06 --> 00:39:06 given
00:39:06 --> 00:39:07 day
00:39:07 --> 00:39:08 he
00:39:08 --> 00:39:08 doesn't
00:39:08 --> 00:39:09 care
00:39:09 --> 00:39:09 whether
00:39:09 --> 00:39:10 the
00:39:10 --> 00:39:10 heart's
00:39:10 --> 00:39:10 racing
00:39:10 --> 00:39:11 and
00:39:11 --> 00:39:12 the
00:39:12 --> 00:39:12 blood's
00:39:12 --> 00:39:13 flowing
00:39:13 --> 00:39:16 he
00:39:16 --> 00:39:16 says
00:39:16 --> 00:39:17 you
00:39:17 --> 00:39:17 must
00:39:17 --> 00:39:17 love
00:39:17 --> 00:39:17 your
00:39:17 --> 00:39:18 wives
00:39:18 --> 00:39:18
00:39:18 --> 00:39:19 Action!
00:39:24 --> 00:39:25 and
00:39:25 --> 00:39:25 when
00:39:25 --> 00:39:25 we
00:39:25 --> 00:39:26 do
00:39:26 --> 00:39:27 we
00:39:27 --> 00:39:27 give
00:39:27 --> 00:39:27 love
00:39:27 --> 00:39:28 a
00:39:28 --> 00:39:28 chance
00:39:28 --> 00:39:33 I
00:39:33 --> 00:39:33 don't
00:39:33 --> 00:39:33 think
00:39:33 --> 00:39:34 many
00:39:34 --> 00:39:35 have
00:39:35 --> 00:39:35 made
00:39:35 --> 00:39:36 this
00:39:36 --> 00:39:36 point
00:39:36 --> 00:39:37 much
00:39:37 --> 00:39:38 clearer
00:39:38 --> 00:39:38 and
00:39:38 --> 00:39:38 better
00:39:38 --> 00:39:39 than
00:39:39 --> 00:39:39 C.S.
00:39:39 --> 00:39:39 Lewis
00:39:39 --> 00:39:41 he
00:39:41 --> 00:39:41 captures
00:39:41 --> 00:39:41 it a
00:39:41 --> 00:39:41 bit
00:39:41 --> 00:39:42 in
00:39:42 --> 00:39:42 his
00:39:42 --> 00:39:43 book
00:39:43 --> 00:39:44 Mere
00:39:44 --> 00:39:45 Christianity
00:39:45 --> 00:39:45 but
00:39:45 --> 00:39:45 during
00:39:45 --> 00:39:46 World War
00:39:46 --> 00:39:47 II
00:39:47 --> 00:39:48 he
00:39:48 --> 00:39:48 did
00:39:48 --> 00:39:48 a
00:39:48 --> 00:39:48 whole
00:39:48 --> 00:39:48 heap
00:39:48 --> 00:39:49 of
00:39:49 --> 00:39:51 broadcasts
00:39:51 --> 00:39:52 on
00:39:52 --> 00:39:52 BBC
00:39:52 --> 00:39:53 radio
00:39:53 --> 00:39:54 and
00:39:54 --> 00:39:54 he
00:39:54 --> 00:39:54 made
00:39:54 --> 00:39:54 the
00:39:54 --> 00:39:55 point
00:39:55 --> 00:39:55 that
00:39:55 --> 00:39:56 in
00:39:56 --> 00:39:56 one
00:39:56 --> 00:39:56 of
00:39:56 --> 00:39:56 those
00:39:56 --> 00:39:57 broadcasts
00:39:57 --> 00:39:57 that
00:39:57 --> 00:39:57 despite
00:39:57 --> 00:39:58 feelings
00:39:58 --> 00:39:58 of
00:39:58 --> 00:39:59 indifference
00:39:59 --> 00:39:59 and
00:39:59 --> 00:39:59 even
00:39:59 --> 00:40:00 contempt
00:40:00 --> 00:40:00 for
00:40:00 --> 00:40:01 another
00:40:01 --> 00:40:01 person
00:40:01 --> 00:40:03 you
00:40:03 --> 00:40:03 can
00:40:03 --> 00:40:03 in
00:40:03 --> 00:40:03 fact
00:40:03 --> 00:40:04 change
00:40:04 --> 00:40:04 your
00:40:04 --> 00:40:05 heart
00:40:05 --> 00:40:06 over
00:40:06 --> 00:40:07 the
00:40:07 --> 00:40:07 long
00:40:07 --> 00:40:07 haul
00:40:07 --> 00:40:08 through
00:40:08 --> 00:40:08 your
00:40:08 --> 00:40:09 actions
00:40:09 --> 00:40:09 of
00:40:09 --> 00:40:10 love
00:40:10 --> 00:40:10 towards
00:40:10 --> 00:40:10 that
00:40:10 --> 00:40:11 person
00:40:11 --> 00:40:13 he
00:40:13 --> 00:40:13 says
00:40:13 --> 00:40:14 though
00:40:14 --> 00:40:15 natural
00:40:15 --> 00:40:16 likings
00:40:16 --> 00:40:17 should
00:40:17 --> 00:40:17 normally
00:40:17 --> 00:40:18 be
00:40:18 --> 00:40:18 encouraged
00:40:18 --> 00:40:19 it
00:40:19 --> 00:40:19 would
00:40:19 --> 00:40:19 be
00:40:19 --> 00:40:20 quite
00:40:20 --> 00:40:20 wrong
00:40:20 --> 00:40:21 to
00:40:21 --> 00:40:21 think
00:40:21 --> 00:40:21 that
00:40:21 --> 00:40:21 the
00:40:21 --> 00:40:22 way
00:40:22 --> 00:40:22 to
00:40:22 --> 00:40:22 become
00:40:22 --> 00:40:23 loving
00:40:23 --> 00:40:23 is
00:40:23 --> 00:40:24 to
00:40:24 --> 00:40:24 sit
00:40:24 --> 00:40:25 trying
00:40:25 --> 00:40:25 to
00:40:25 --> 00:40:26 manufacture
00:40:26 --> 00:40:27 affectionate
00:40:27 --> 00:40:27 feelings
00:40:27 --> 00:40:29 the
00:40:29 --> 00:40:30 rule
00:40:30 --> 00:40:30 for
00:40:30 --> 00:40:30 all
00:40:30 --> 00:40:30 of
00:40:30 --> 00:40:31 us
00:40:31 --> 00:40:31 is
00:40:31 --> 00:40:32 perfectly
00:40:32 --> 00:40:32 simple
00:40:32 --> 00:40:33 do
00:40:33 --> 00:40:34 not
00:40:34 --> 00:40:34 waste
00:40:34 --> 00:40:34 time
00:40:34 --> 00:40:35 bothering
00:40:35 --> 00:40:35 whether
00:40:35 --> 00:40:36 you
00:40:36 --> 00:40:36 love
00:40:36 --> 00:40:36 your
00:40:36 --> 00:40:37 neighbour
00:40:37 --> 00:40:38 act
00:40:38 --> 00:40:39 as if
00:40:39 --> 00:40:39 you
00:40:39 --> 00:40:39 do
00:40:39 --> 00:40:41 as
00:40:41 --> 00:40:41 soon
00:40:41 --> 00:40:42 as
00:40:42 --> 00:40:42 we
00:40:42 --> 00:40:42 do
00:40:42 --> 00:40:43 this
00:40:43 --> 00:40:44 we
00:40:44 --> 00:40:44 find
00:40:44 --> 00:40:45 one
00:40:45 --> 00:40:45 of
00:40:45 --> 00:40:45 the
00:40:45 --> 00:40:45 great
00:40:45 --> 00:40:46 secrets
00:40:46 --> 00:40:48 when
00:40:48 --> 00:40:48 you
00:40:48 --> 00:40:48 are
00:40:48 --> 00:40:49 behaving
00:40:49 --> 00:40:49 as
00:40:49 --> 00:40:50 if
00:40:50 --> 00:40:50 you
00:40:50 --> 00:40:51 loved
00:40:51 --> 00:40:51 someone
00:40:51 --> 00:40:53 you
00:40:53 --> 00:40:53 will
00:40:53 --> 00:40:54 presently
00:40:54 --> 00:40:54 come
00:40:54 --> 00:40:54 to
00:40:54 --> 00:40:54 love
00:40:54 --> 00:40:55 them
00:40:55 --> 00:40:56 if
00:40:56 --> 00:40:57 you
00:40:57 --> 00:40:57 injure
00:40:57 --> 00:40:58 someone
00:40:58 --> 00:40:59 you
00:40:59 --> 00:40:59 dislike
00:40:59 --> 00:41:00 you
00:41:00 --> 00:41:00 will
00:41:00 --> 00:41:01 find
00:41:01 --> 00:41:02 yourself
00:41:02 --> 00:41:03 disliking
00:41:03 --> 00:41:03 them
00:41:03 --> 00:41:03 more
00:41:03 --> 00:41:06 he
00:41:06 --> 00:41:06 made
00:41:06 --> 00:41:06 the
00:41:06 --> 00:41:06 point
00:41:06 --> 00:41:07 controversially
00:41:07 --> 00:41:09 in
00:41:09 --> 00:41:09 world
00:41:09 --> 00:41:09 war
00:41:09 --> 00:41:10 ii
00:41:10 --> 00:41:12 he
00:41:12 --> 00:41:12 said
00:41:12 --> 00:41:13 the
00:41:13 --> 00:41:14 nazis
00:41:14 --> 00:41:14 did
00:41:14 --> 00:41:14 not
00:41:14 --> 00:41:15 begin
00:41:15 --> 00:41:18 did
00:41:18 --> 00:41:18 not
00:41:18 --> 00:41:19 begin
00:41:19 --> 00:41:20 with
00:41:20 --> 00:41:21 feelings
00:41:21 --> 00:41:22 of
00:41:22 --> 00:41:22 hatred
00:41:22 --> 00:41:23 towards
00:41:23 --> 00:41:23 the
00:41:23 --> 00:41:24 jews
00:41:24 --> 00:41:26 they
00:41:26 --> 00:41:26 had
00:41:26 --> 00:41:27 they
00:41:27 --> 00:41:28 began
00:41:28 --> 00:41:29 with
00:41:29 --> 00:41:30 actions
00:41:30 --> 00:41:31 of
00:41:31 --> 00:41:32 hatred
00:41:32 --> 00:41:32 towards
00:41:32 --> 00:41:33 the
00:41:33 --> 00:41:33 jews
00:41:33 --> 00:41:35 which
00:41:35 --> 00:41:35 grew
00:41:35 --> 00:41:36 more
00:41:36 --> 00:41:36 in
00:41:36 --> 00:41:37 feelings
00:41:37 --> 00:41:38 towards
00:41:38 --> 00:41:38 the
00:41:38 --> 00:41:39 jews
00:41:39 --> 00:41:39
00:41:39 --> 00:41:39 which
00:41:39 --> 00:41:40 grew
00:41:40 --> 00:41:40 more
00:41:40 --> 00:41:40 in
00:41:40 --> 00:41:41 actions
00:41:41 --> 00:41:41 of
00:41:41 --> 00:41:42 hatred
00:41:42 --> 00:41:42 towards
00:41:42 --> 00:41:43 the
00:41:43 --> 00:41:43 jews
00:41:43 --> 00:41:44 which
00:41:44 --> 00:41:44 grew
00:41:44 --> 00:41:44 even
00:41:44 --> 00:41:45 more
00:41:45 --> 00:41:45 in
00:41:45 --> 00:41:46 despising
00:41:46 --> 00:41:47 them
00:41:47 --> 00:41:47 and
00:41:47 --> 00:41:48 calling
00:41:48 --> 00:41:48 them
00:41:48 --> 00:41:48 less
00:41:48 --> 00:41:49 than
00:41:49 --> 00:41:49 human
00:41:49 --> 00:41:49 beings
00:41:49 --> 00:41:53 the
00:41:53 --> 00:41:53 actions
00:41:53 --> 00:41:54 shape
00:41:54 --> 00:41:55 the
00:41:55 --> 00:41:55 heart
00:41:55 --> 00:41:55 and
00:41:55 --> 00:41:56 the
00:41:56 --> 00:41:56 heart
00:41:56 --> 00:41:56 shape
00:41:56 --> 00:41:56 the
00:41:56 --> 00:41:57 actions
00:41:57 --> 00:42:01 our
00:42:01 --> 00:42:01 culture
00:42:01 --> 00:42:02 says
00:42:02 --> 00:42:02 that
00:42:02 --> 00:42:02 feelings
00:42:02 --> 00:42:03 of
00:42:03 --> 00:42:03 love
00:42:03 --> 00:42:03 are
00:42:03 --> 00:42:03 the
00:42:03 --> 00:42:04 basis
00:42:04 --> 00:42:04 for
00:42:04 --> 00:42:05 actions
00:42:05 --> 00:42:05 of
00:42:05 --> 00:42:05 love
00:42:05 --> 00:42:06 and
00:42:06 --> 00:42:06 that
00:42:06 --> 00:42:06 can
00:42:06 --> 00:42:06 be
00:42:06 --> 00:42:07 true
00:42:07 --> 00:42:07 but
00:42:07 --> 00:42:08 it
00:42:08 --> 00:42:08 is
00:42:08 --> 00:42:08 true
00:42:08 --> 00:42:08 to
00:42:08 --> 00:42:09 say
00:42:09 --> 00:42:09 that
00:42:09 --> 00:42:10 actions
00:42:10 --> 00:42:10 of
00:42:10 --> 00:42:10 love
00:42:10 --> 00:42:11 can
00:42:11 --> 00:42:11 lead
00:42:11 --> 00:42:12 consistently
00:42:12 --> 00:42:13 to
00:42:13 --> 00:42:13 feelings
00:42:13 --> 00:42:13 of
00:42:13 --> 00:42:14 love
00:42:14 --> 00:42:15 love
00:42:15 --> 00:42:15 between
00:42:15 --> 00:42:16 two
00:42:16 --> 00:42:16 people
00:42:16 --> 00:42:17 must
00:42:17 --> 00:42:17 not
00:42:17 --> 00:42:18 be
00:42:18 --> 00:42:18 identified
00:42:18 --> 00:42:19 simply
00:42:19 --> 00:42:19 with
00:42:19 --> 00:42:20 emotion
00:42:20 --> 00:42:21 or
00:42:21 --> 00:42:22 simply
00:42:22 --> 00:42:22 with
00:42:22 --> 00:42:23 dutiful
00:42:23 --> 00:42:24 action
00:42:24 --> 00:42:25 because
00:42:25 --> 00:42:25 the
00:42:25 --> 00:42:26 marriage
00:42:26 --> 00:42:26 covenant
00:42:26 --> 00:42:27 is a
00:42:27 --> 00:42:28 complex
00:42:28 --> 00:42:29 mixture
00:42:29 --> 00:42:29 of both
00:42:29 --> 00:42:32 but it
00:42:32 --> 00:42:32 is the
00:42:32 --> 00:42:33 action
00:42:33 --> 00:42:34 of love
00:42:34 --> 00:42:36 husbands
00:42:36 --> 00:42:37 wives
00:42:37 --> 00:42:38 the
00:42:38 --> 00:42:39 unmarried
00:42:39 --> 00:42:40 it
00:42:40 --> 00:42:40 is the
00:42:40 --> 00:42:41 actions
00:42:41 --> 00:42:42 of
00:42:42 --> 00:42:42 love
00:42:42 --> 00:42:44 that
00:42:44 --> 00:42:44 you
00:42:44 --> 00:42:44 have
00:42:44 --> 00:42:45 control
00:42:45 --> 00:42:46 over
00:42:46 --> 00:42:47 you
00:42:47 --> 00:42:48 don't
00:42:48 --> 00:42:48 fall
00:42:48 --> 00:42:48 into
00:42:48 --> 00:42:49 the
00:42:49 --> 00:42:49 ditch
00:42:49 --> 00:42:50 of
00:42:50 --> 00:42:51 the
00:42:51 --> 00:42:51 actions
00:42:51 --> 00:42:51 of
00:42:51 --> 00:42:52 love
00:42:52 --> 00:42:53 you
00:42:53 --> 00:42:54 determine
00:42:54 --> 00:42:54 to
00:42:54 --> 00:42:55 make
00:42:55 --> 00:42:55 them
00:42:55 --> 00:42:55 commit
00:42:55 --> 00:42:56 to
00:42:56 --> 00:42:56 them
00:42:56 --> 00:42:58 you
00:42:58 --> 00:42:59 don't
00:42:59 --> 00:42:59 have
00:42:59 --> 00:43:00 control
00:43:00 --> 00:43:00 over
00:43:00 --> 00:43:00 your
00:43:00 --> 00:43:01 feelings
00:43:01 --> 00:43:01 of
00:43:01 --> 00:43:02 love
00:43:02 --> 00:43:05 and so
00:43:05 --> 00:43:05 in the
00:43:05 --> 00:43:06 marriage
00:43:06 --> 00:43:06 ceremony
00:43:06 --> 00:43:07 we
00:43:07 --> 00:43:08 promise
00:43:08 --> 00:43:08 to
00:43:08 --> 00:43:09 maintain
00:43:09 --> 00:43:09 the
00:43:09 --> 00:43:09 actions
00:43:09 --> 00:43:10 of
00:43:10 --> 00:43:10 love
00:43:10 --> 00:43:11 every
00:43:11 --> 00:43:12 day
00:43:12 --> 00:43:15 so
00:43:15 --> 00:43:15 how
00:43:15 --> 00:43:16 do we
00:43:16 --> 00:43:16 do
00:43:16 --> 00:43:17 that
00:43:17 --> 00:43:18 how
00:43:18 --> 00:43:19 do we
00:43:19 --> 00:43:19 do
00:43:19 --> 00:43:19 that
00:43:19 --> 00:43:19 when
00:43:19 --> 00:43:19 we
00:43:19 --> 00:43:19 don't
00:43:19 --> 00:43:20 feel
00:43:20 --> 00:43:20 like
00:43:20 --> 00:43:20 it
00:43:20 --> 00:43:22 notice
00:43:22 --> 00:43:23 again
00:43:23 --> 00:43:24 what
00:43:24 --> 00:43:24 he
00:43:24 --> 00:43:24 says
00:43:24 --> 00:43:25 husbands
00:43:25 --> 00:43:26 love
00:43:26 --> 00:43:26 your
00:43:26 --> 00:43:27 this is
00:43:27 --> 00:43:27 verse
00:43:27 --> 00:43:27 25
00:43:27 --> 00:43:28 husbands
00:43:28 --> 00:43:28 love
00:43:28 --> 00:43:29 your
00:43:29 --> 00:43:30 wives
00:43:30 --> 00:43:30 as
00:43:30 --> 00:43:31 Christ
00:43:31 --> 00:43:31 loved
00:43:31 --> 00:43:32 the
00:43:32 --> 00:43:32 church
00:43:32 --> 00:43:34 and
00:43:34 --> 00:43:34 gave
00:43:34 --> 00:43:34 himself
00:43:34 --> 00:43:34 up
00:43:34 --> 00:43:35 for
00:43:35 --> 00:43:35 her
00:43:35 --> 00:43:37 Paul
00:43:37 --> 00:43:38 doesn't
00:43:38 --> 00:43:38 just
00:43:38 --> 00:43:38 say
00:43:38 --> 00:43:39 look
00:43:39 --> 00:43:39 be
00:43:39 --> 00:43:39 all
00:43:39 --> 00:43:40 stoic
00:43:40 --> 00:43:41 pull
00:43:41 --> 00:43:41 up
00:43:41 --> 00:43:41 your
00:43:41 --> 00:43:41 socks
00:43:41 --> 00:43:42 and
00:43:42 --> 00:43:42 just
00:43:42 --> 00:43:42 get
00:43:42 --> 00:43:42 on
00:43:42 --> 00:43:43 with
00:43:43 --> 00:43:43 actions
00:43:43 --> 00:43:43 of
00:43:43 --> 00:43:44 love
00:43:44 --> 00:43:44 just
00:43:44 --> 00:43:44 do
00:43:44 --> 00:43:44 the
00:43:44 --> 00:43:45 actions
00:43:45 --> 00:43:46 he
00:43:46 --> 00:43:47 says
00:43:47 --> 00:43:48 think
00:43:48 --> 00:43:48 while
00:43:48 --> 00:43:48 you
00:43:48 --> 00:43:49 do
00:43:49 --> 00:43:51 think
00:43:51 --> 00:43:51 while
00:43:51 --> 00:43:52 you
00:43:52 --> 00:43:52 do
00:43:52 --> 00:43:54 think
00:43:54 --> 00:43:55 this
00:43:55 --> 00:43:57 Jesus
00:43:57 --> 00:43:57 is
00:43:57 --> 00:43:58 on
00:43:58 --> 00:43:58 the
00:43:58 --> 00:43:58 cross
00:43:58 --> 00:44:00 dying
00:44:00 --> 00:44:00 for
00:44:00 --> 00:44:01 you
00:44:01 --> 00:44:01 as
00:44:01 --> 00:44:01 the
00:44:01 --> 00:44:03 atonal
00:44:03 --> 00:44:03 death
00:44:03 --> 00:44:05 atoning
00:44:05 --> 00:44:06 for
00:44:06 --> 00:44:06 your
00:44:06 --> 00:44:07 sin
00:44:07 --> 00:44:08 and
00:44:08 --> 00:44:08 it
00:44:08 --> 00:44:08 was
00:44:08 --> 00:44:08 totally
00:44:08 --> 00:44:09 unconditional
00:44:09 --> 00:44:10 it
00:44:10 --> 00:44:10 is
00:44:10 --> 00:44:10 the
00:44:10 --> 00:44:11 ultimate
00:44:11 --> 00:44:11 act
00:44:11 --> 00:44:12 of
00:44:12 --> 00:44:12 love
00:44:12 --> 00:44:14 and
00:44:14 --> 00:44:14 on
00:44:14 --> 00:44:14 the
00:44:14 --> 00:44:15 cross
00:44:15 --> 00:44:16 he
00:44:16 --> 00:44:16 didn't
00:44:16 --> 00:44:19 he
00:44:19 --> 00:44:19 didn't
00:44:19 --> 00:44:19 say
00:44:19 --> 00:44:22 I'm
00:44:22 --> 00:44:22 not
00:44:22 --> 00:44:23 gonna
00:44:23 --> 00:44:24 love
00:44:24 --> 00:44:24 you
00:44:24 --> 00:44:25 by
00:44:25 --> 00:44:25 giving
00:44:25 --> 00:44:26 my
00:44:26 --> 00:44:26 life
00:44:26 --> 00:44:27 for
00:44:27 --> 00:44:27 your
00:44:27 --> 00:44:27 life
00:44:27 --> 00:44:28 because
00:44:28 --> 00:44:28 frankly
00:44:28 --> 00:44:29 you
00:44:29 --> 00:44:29 are
00:44:29 --> 00:44:30 you
00:44:30 --> 00:44:30 don't
00:44:30 --> 00:44:30 deserve
00:44:30 --> 00:44:31 it
00:44:31 --> 00:44:31 you
00:44:31 --> 00:44:31 are
00:44:31 --> 00:44:32 so
00:44:32 --> 00:44:34 unattractive
00:44:34 --> 00:44:34 to
00:44:34 --> 00:44:34 me
00:44:34 --> 00:44:35 you
00:44:35 --> 00:44:36 don't
00:44:36 --> 00:44:36 love
00:44:36 --> 00:44:36 me
00:44:36 --> 00:44:38 you're
00:44:38 --> 00:44:38 not
00:44:38 --> 00:44:38 my
00:44:38 --> 00:44:38 body
00:44:38 --> 00:44:39 type
00:44:39 --> 00:44:41 you
00:44:41 --> 00:44:42 put on
00:44:42 --> 00:44:42 a few
00:44:42 --> 00:44:43 pounds
00:44:43 --> 00:44:45 you got a few
00:44:45 --> 00:44:45 wrinkles
00:44:45 --> 00:44:50 he
00:44:50 --> 00:44:50 was
00:44:50 --> 00:44:50 in
00:44:50 --> 00:44:51 agony
00:44:51 --> 00:44:54 and
00:44:54 --> 00:44:54 he
00:44:54 --> 00:44:54 looked
00:44:54 --> 00:44:54 down
00:44:54 --> 00:44:54 at
00:44:54 --> 00:44:55 humanity
00:44:55 --> 00:44:56 he
00:44:56 --> 00:44:56 looked
00:44:56 --> 00:44:56 down
00:44:56 --> 00:44:56 at
00:44:56 --> 00:44:57 you
00:44:57 --> 00:44:58 he
00:44:58 --> 00:44:58 looked
00:44:58 --> 00:44:58 down
00:44:58 --> 00:44:58 at
00:44:58 --> 00:44:58 me
00:44:58 --> 00:44:58 he
00:44:58 --> 00:44:59 looked
00:44:59 --> 00:44:59 down
00:44:59 --> 00:44:59 at
00:44:59 --> 00:44:59 you
00:44:59 --> 00:44:59 husband
00:44:59 --> 00:45:00 and
00:45:00 --> 00:45:01 you
00:45:01 --> 00:45:01 wife
00:45:01 --> 00:45:01 and
00:45:01 --> 00:45:02 looked
00:45:02 --> 00:45:02 down
00:45:02 --> 00:45:03 on
00:45:03 --> 00:45:03 me
00:45:03 --> 00:45:03 and
00:45:03 --> 00:45:04 he
00:45:04 --> 00:45:04 sees
00:45:04 --> 00:45:04 us
00:45:04 --> 00:45:05 denying
00:45:05 --> 00:45:05 him
00:45:05 --> 00:45:05 and
00:45:05 --> 00:45:06 abandoning
00:45:06 --> 00:45:06 him
00:45:06 --> 00:45:07 and
00:45:07 --> 00:45:07 rejecting
00:45:07 --> 00:45:07 him
00:45:07 --> 00:45:08 and
00:45:08 --> 00:45:08 betraying
00:45:08 --> 00:45:08 him
00:45:08 --> 00:45:09 and
00:45:09 --> 00:45:09 in
00:45:09 --> 00:45:09 the
00:45:09 --> 00:45:10 greatest
00:45:10 --> 00:45:11 act
00:45:11 --> 00:45:11 of
00:45:11 --> 00:45:11 love
00:45:11 --> 00:45:12 in
00:45:12 --> 00:45:12 history
00:45:12 --> 00:45:14 he
00:45:14 --> 00:45:14 surrendered
00:45:14 --> 00:45:15 his
00:45:15 --> 00:45:15 life
00:45:15 --> 00:45:16 he
00:45:16 --> 00:45:17 stayed
00:45:17 --> 00:45:20 even
00:45:20 --> 00:45:20 while they
00:45:20 --> 00:45:21 cursed
00:45:21 --> 00:45:21 him
00:45:21 --> 00:45:21 on the
00:45:21 --> 00:45:22 cross
00:45:22 --> 00:45:22 he
00:45:22 --> 00:45:23 stayed
00:45:23 --> 00:45:24 and
00:45:24 --> 00:45:24 he
00:45:24 --> 00:45:25 loved
00:45:25 --> 00:45:30 he
00:45:30 --> 00:45:30 said
00:45:30 --> 00:45:30 father
00:45:30 --> 00:45:31 forgive
00:45:31 --> 00:45:31 them
00:45:31 --> 00:45:32 they
00:45:32 --> 00:45:32 don't
00:45:32 --> 00:45:32 know
00:45:32 --> 00:45:33 what
00:45:33 --> 00:45:33 they're
00:45:33 --> 00:45:33 doing
00:45:33 --> 00:45:37 he
00:45:37 --> 00:45:37 stayed
00:45:37 --> 00:45:37 and
00:45:37 --> 00:45:38 he
00:45:38 --> 00:45:38 loved
00:45:38 --> 00:45:38 not
00:45:38 --> 00:45:38 because
00:45:38 --> 00:45:39 we
00:45:39 --> 00:45:39 were
00:45:39 --> 00:45:39 lovely
00:45:39 --> 00:45:39 to
00:45:39 --> 00:45:40 him
00:45:40 --> 00:45:41 but
00:45:41 --> 00:45:41 he
00:45:41 --> 00:45:41 stayed
00:45:41 --> 00:45:41 to
00:45:41 --> 00:45:41 make
00:45:41 --> 00:45:42 us
00:45:42 --> 00:45:42 lovely
00:45:42 --> 00:45:45 and
00:45:45 --> 00:45:46 that
00:45:46 --> 00:45:47 is
00:45:47 --> 00:45:47 the
00:45:47 --> 00:45:47 power
00:45:47 --> 00:45:47 to
00:45:47 --> 00:45:48 keep
00:45:48 --> 00:45:48 you
00:45:48 --> 00:45:48 need
00:45:48 --> 00:45:48 to
00:45:48 --> 00:45:48 be
00:45:48 --> 00:45:49 thinking
00:45:49 --> 00:45:49 about
00:45:49 --> 00:45:51 not
00:45:51 --> 00:45:51 just
00:45:51 --> 00:45:52 acting
00:45:52 --> 00:45:52 but
00:45:52 --> 00:45:52 thinking
00:45:52 --> 00:45:53 about
00:45:53 --> 00:45:53 and
00:45:53 --> 00:45:54 pushing
00:45:54 --> 00:45:54 that
00:45:54 --> 00:45:54 down
00:45:54 --> 00:45:55 into
00:45:55 --> 00:45:55 your
00:45:55 --> 00:45:55 hearts
00:45:55 --> 00:45:56 to
00:45:56 --> 00:45:56 keep
00:45:56 --> 00:45:56 loving
00:45:56 --> 00:45:57 your
00:45:57 --> 00:45:57 spouse
00:45:57 --> 00:45:57 even
00:45:57 --> 00:45:58 when
00:45:58 --> 00:45:58 you
00:45:58 --> 00:45:58 think
00:45:58 --> 00:45:59 they
00:45:59 --> 00:45:59 are
00:45:59 --> 00:46:00 unlovable
00:46:00 --> 00:46:02 it
00:46:02 --> 00:46:02 is
00:46:02 --> 00:46:03 only
00:46:03 --> 00:46:03 the
00:46:03 --> 00:46:04 gospel
00:46:04 --> 00:46:05 speaking
00:46:05 --> 00:46:05 into
00:46:05 --> 00:46:05 our
00:46:05 --> 00:46:06 hearts
00:46:06 --> 00:46:06 like
00:46:06 --> 00:46:06 that
00:46:06 --> 00:46:07 which
00:46:07 --> 00:46:08 will give
00:46:08 --> 00:46:08 us
00:46:08 --> 00:46:08 the
00:46:08 --> 00:46:08 power
00:46:08 --> 00:46:09 to
00:46:09 --> 00:46:09 fulfill
00:46:09 --> 00:46:09 the
00:46:09 --> 00:46:10 promises
00:46:10 --> 00:46:12 and to
00:46:12 --> 00:46:13 stay
00:46:13 --> 00:46:14 that
00:46:14 --> 00:46:14
00:46:14 --> 00:46:14
00:46:14 --> 00:46:14
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00:46:14 --> 00:46:14
00:46:14 --> 00:46:15 that
00:46:15 --> 00:46:15
00:46:15 --> 00:46:16 that
00:46:16 --> 00:46:16
00:46:16 --> 00:46:16 that
00:46:16 --> 00:46:17 have
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