00:00:00 --> 00:00:03 I remember quite distinctly the day I started school.
00:00:04 --> 00:00:05 I was four years old.
00:00:06 --> 00:00:08 My family was living in Paris at the time.
00:00:09 --> 00:00:14 My parents dressed me up in the warm clothes required for school in Paris.
00:00:14 --> 00:00:16 I had a bright coloured parka.
00:00:16 --> 00:00:20 I was the only not French kid at my school.
00:00:21 --> 00:00:23 I was pretty nervous about going to school.
00:00:23 --> 00:00:29 My older brother had gone before me and he'd been beaten up for basically the first term of school in Paris.
00:00:29 --> 00:00:36 And so I went with a fair amount of apprehension about what I would find when I got there.
00:00:37 --> 00:00:39 And it went roughly as I expected.
00:00:39 --> 00:00:44 I would sit in my class surrounded by people that I couldn't talk to or understand.
00:00:45 --> 00:00:51 The teachers would politely try to interact with me, but they didn't speak English either.
00:00:51 --> 00:00:57 And so they would kind of pat me on the head and leave me with paper and pencil to my own devices
00:00:57 --> 00:00:59 because there wasn't much else that we could do.
00:01:00 --> 00:01:04 At lunchtime, I was lucky enough to have my older sister in the same playground,
00:01:04 --> 00:01:07 so at least I had someone to talk to briefly.
00:01:08 --> 00:01:12 But I do remember just feeling a profound sense of loneliness,
00:01:13 --> 00:01:19 just feeling completely isolated, like there was no one who cared or who could care,
00:01:19 --> 00:01:22 even if they wanted to, because I couldn't communicate with them.
00:01:22 --> 00:01:28 And it's not just when we start school or start a new school or go into a new environment
00:01:28 --> 00:01:31 that we can feel that kind of loneliness and isolation.
00:01:31 --> 00:01:36 I think that for many of us, it's something that can be true of us right now.
00:01:37 --> 00:01:39 It can be true in a very familiar situation.
00:01:39 --> 00:01:41 It can be true in a school that you've been at for years.
00:01:42 --> 00:01:45 You can feel lonely in an office that's crowded with people.
00:01:45 --> 00:01:51 You can feel lonely, exercising in a crowded gym, sitting on a crowded train, even sitting in a crowded church.
00:01:52 --> 00:01:55 You can still feel lonely and isolated.
00:01:55 --> 00:02:00 And I imagine that in a room this size that there would be some people who are sitting here right now
00:02:00 --> 00:02:01 and that's exactly how you feel.
00:02:02 --> 00:02:07 You want friends, you want to connect, but you don't feel like it's happening.
00:02:08 --> 00:02:12 That desire for connection drives us.
00:02:12 --> 00:02:15 It's not like we just sit there and feel sorry for ourselves.
00:02:15 --> 00:02:18 We spend our lives trying to satisfy that longing.
00:02:19 --> 00:02:22 We grab onto solutions which usually don't deliver.
00:02:24 --> 00:02:27 Deep down, what we're crying out for is friendship.
00:02:29 --> 00:02:33 Even if we wouldn't use that word, that's ultimately what we want.
00:02:33 --> 00:02:37 We want connection and we want intimacy and that's what friendship is designed for.
00:02:38 --> 00:02:39 That's the whole point.
00:02:39 --> 00:02:42 Friendship is a good thing.
00:02:42 --> 00:02:43 Friendship is something we want.
00:02:44 --> 00:02:45 Friendship is something we need.
00:02:46 --> 00:02:49 But friendship is also something that's difficult.
00:02:50 --> 00:02:52 It's something that's hard to grab hold of.
00:02:52 --> 00:02:58 I've had a number of conversations with people of varying ages within our church family and outside recently
00:02:58 --> 00:03:02 who have all lamented how hard it is to make and keep friends.
00:03:03 --> 00:03:06 Maybe it was easier when you were younger, but as you get older,
00:03:06 --> 00:03:10 suddenly you have a smaller pool of people, you have less opportunity, you get busier.
00:03:10 --> 00:03:15 And so we feel the pain of loneliness and isolation.
00:03:16 --> 00:03:19 And yet friendship is good.
00:03:20 --> 00:03:21 Friendship is desirable.
00:03:21 --> 00:03:22 Friendship is needed.
00:03:22 --> 00:03:28 So what wisdom does God's word offer us in dealing with this loneliness?
00:03:30 --> 00:03:35 Well, firstly, I think it's worth us understanding a bit about the nature of friendship.
00:03:35 --> 00:03:40 We sometimes like to blur the lines between the different relationships that we have in life.
00:03:40 --> 00:03:43 We collapse all the categories down into friendship.
00:03:44 --> 00:03:46 And so, you know, my wife is my friend.
00:03:46 --> 00:03:48 My barista is my friend.
00:03:48 --> 00:03:49 My hairdresser is my friend.
00:03:49 --> 00:03:51 My siblings are my friends.
00:03:51 --> 00:03:52 My friends are my friends.
00:03:53 --> 00:03:56 And we kind of just roll them all up in one category,
00:03:56 --> 00:04:00 even though there's clearly a distinction between the way I relate to my wife
00:04:00 --> 00:04:03 and the way I relate to the person who cuts my hair.
00:04:03 --> 00:04:06 There's a difference in connection.
00:04:06 --> 00:04:08 There's a difference in interaction.
00:04:08 --> 00:04:10 And yet we sometimes treat them like they're just one.
00:04:11 --> 00:04:15 Now, friendship is going to be probably part of all those different relationships.
00:04:16 --> 00:04:19 But there's something that makes friendship friendship.
00:04:19 --> 00:04:21 There's something unique and specific to friendship.
00:04:21 --> 00:04:24 And as we dig into Proverbs, we need to understand what that is
00:04:24 --> 00:04:28 if we're going to actually get better at doing friendship.
00:04:29 --> 00:04:32 Now, it's helpful if you think about friendship as journeying.
00:04:33 --> 00:04:41 As walking side by side, as being on a journey towards a destination together in partnership.
00:04:42 --> 00:04:45 When we think about romantic relationships, we think about being face to face.
00:04:45 --> 00:04:49 But friendship is that sense where rather than being obsessed with one another,
00:04:49 --> 00:04:51 you have a common interest.
00:04:51 --> 00:04:53 You have an object of your friendship.
00:04:53 --> 00:04:55 You have a foundation or a connection point.
00:04:55 --> 00:04:57 And this is what Jimmy talked about last week.
00:04:57 --> 00:05:01 When we were looking at friendship, Jimmy said that all friendships have a connection point.
00:05:01 --> 00:05:03 They have a common interest.
00:05:03 --> 00:05:08 They have something that drew you together, whether it's your work or a hobby or something.
00:05:08 --> 00:05:13 And if you take that basis away, you effectively remove the friendship.
00:05:14 --> 00:05:19 Unless you can replace it with another common interest, if you take that common thing away,
00:05:19 --> 00:05:21 the relationship is gone.
00:05:21 --> 00:05:22 The friendship is broken.
00:05:22 --> 00:05:29 And what that means practically is that you can't create a friendship.
00:05:31 --> 00:05:33 You can't manufacture one.
00:05:34 --> 00:05:36 I mean, friendships are discovered.
00:05:37 --> 00:05:43 Because if it's an interest or a passion that connects you, you discover that somebody shares that.
00:05:43 --> 00:05:49 You can't fake an interest or a passion in order to get friends because it doesn't really work like that.
00:05:50 --> 00:05:53 It might work for a period, but soon the energy will die out.
00:05:53 --> 00:05:58 You won't put the effort that's required in and suddenly the relationship begins to break.
00:05:59 --> 00:06:03 Friendship is the result of passions.
00:06:04 --> 00:06:06 Friendship is the result of interests.
00:06:06 --> 00:06:12 Friendship is the result of the things that you hold to be true when you discover those same things in someone else.
00:06:13 --> 00:06:20 So if you chase friendship, if as a lonely person your solution is I just need a friend,
00:06:20 --> 00:06:25 and you go after somebody to be your friend, you'll probably find people that are willing to spend time with you,
00:06:26 --> 00:06:29 maybe because they're caring or generous or nice.
00:06:30 --> 00:06:37 But without that common point of interest, that relationship is going to be like a fire without oxygen.
00:06:38 --> 00:06:40 It can never actually spark.
00:06:40 --> 00:06:48 It can never actually be a friendship where you guys share something because you don't have anything to share.
00:06:48 --> 00:06:48 You just want a friend.
00:06:50 --> 00:06:53 Friendship is about journeying to somewhere.
00:06:53 --> 00:06:55 It's about getting to a destination.
00:06:55 --> 00:06:59 And it's the result of connection points.
00:06:59 --> 00:07:00 It's something you stumble upon.
00:07:01 --> 00:07:02 It's not planned neatly.
00:07:03 --> 00:07:06 There's either something to connect you or there's not.
00:07:07 --> 00:07:11 The foundation either exists or it doesn't and you cannot manufacture it.
00:07:11 --> 00:07:15 But that said, discovering a friendship is not enough either.
00:07:15 --> 00:07:22 True friendship needs to be, once it's discovered, nurtured, invested in, built.
00:07:23 --> 00:07:26 And Proverbs gives us the picture of what that might look like.
00:07:26 --> 00:07:32 You can think of this as almost like a checklist of what a good friendship will require,
00:07:32 --> 00:07:33 what a good friend would look like.
00:07:33 --> 00:07:37 And I think Proverbs points us to at least four characteristics.
00:07:37 --> 00:07:40 There could be more in there, but I want to focus on four tonight.
00:07:41 --> 00:07:45 The first one is good friends are constant.
00:07:47 --> 00:07:49 Proverbs 17, 17 says,
00:07:49 --> 00:07:54 A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
00:07:54 --> 00:07:56 Friendships take time to grow.
00:07:57 --> 00:07:57 That's normal.
00:07:57 --> 00:08:04 All relationships take time and take investment and good friends give you the time so that the
00:08:04 --> 00:08:05 relationship can grow.
00:08:05 --> 00:08:10 You might click with somebody and just, it feels like you're the exact same person, but
00:08:10 --> 00:08:14 if you never see each other, if you're never there with one another, the relationship doesn't
00:08:14 --> 00:08:16 have a chance to develop.
00:08:17 --> 00:08:22 Now, it's easy to surround yourself with the friends who love to gain something from you,
00:08:23 --> 00:08:26 friends who benefit because maybe you're an entertaining person to be around.
00:08:26 --> 00:08:29 Maybe you're generous financially.
00:08:30 --> 00:08:32 For that person, you're just a means to an end.
00:08:32 --> 00:08:33 That's not the same as a friend.
00:08:34 --> 00:08:39 Proverbs 19 tells us that many curry favor with a ruler and everyone is the friend of
00:08:39 --> 00:08:40 one who gives gifts.
00:08:41 --> 00:08:42 When there's benefit, great.
00:08:42 --> 00:08:46 But when there's not, verse 7, the poor are shunned by all their relatives.
00:08:47 --> 00:08:48 How much more do their friends avoid them?
00:08:49 --> 00:08:52 Though the poor pursue them with pleading, they are nowhere to be found.
00:08:52 --> 00:08:58 See, fair-weather friends, fake friends if you like, love the benefit of a relationship
00:08:58 --> 00:08:59 that you have.
00:08:59 --> 00:09:02 But they disappear when being a friend will start to cost.
00:09:04 --> 00:09:06 When being a friend will involve some sort of sacrifice.
00:09:08 --> 00:09:13 See, friendship requires the constancy that isn't dictated to by circumstance.
00:09:15 --> 00:09:18 Friendship requires being there in the good and the bad.
00:09:18 --> 00:09:19 The up and the down.
00:09:19 --> 00:09:21 And when we're struggling, we need friends more than ever.
00:09:22 --> 00:09:23 And those friends are the hard ones to find.
00:09:24 --> 00:09:26 When life's good, people will hang around.
00:09:26 --> 00:09:26 They'll gather.
00:09:26 --> 00:09:27 It's great.
00:09:27 --> 00:09:29 But what about when you're not much fun to be around?
00:09:30 --> 00:09:31 What about when you're feeling depressed?
00:09:33 --> 00:09:35 Now, I think there's two sides to this challenge.
00:09:36 --> 00:09:40 Because most of us would probably say that we are the kind of friend that would be there.
00:09:40 --> 00:09:43 We would say that we're happy to do what's required.
00:09:43 --> 00:09:45 We even verbalise it out loud.
00:09:45 --> 00:09:47 We make offers like, is there anything you need?
00:09:47 --> 00:09:48 Is there anything I can do?
00:09:48 --> 00:09:51 Let me know if I can help in some way.
00:09:52 --> 00:09:54 But often that's where it stops.
00:09:55 --> 00:09:56 Just at words.
00:09:56 --> 00:09:57 Offers.
00:09:58 --> 00:10:02 Because either we're the fair-weather friends who go missing when there would actually be the requirement
00:10:02 --> 00:10:04 to follow through on that promise.
00:10:04 --> 00:10:07 You know, we've got things going on in our own life.
00:10:07 --> 00:10:08 We've got our own struggles.
00:10:09 --> 00:10:11 We assume maybe someone else is helping them.
00:10:11 --> 00:10:13 Maybe someone else is better equipped to help them.
00:10:13 --> 00:10:16 And so we just kind of fade into the background and hope they don't notice.
00:10:18 --> 00:10:23 Or we're sure we would be there in the hard time.
00:10:23 --> 00:10:25 But we weren't there in the good time.
00:10:25 --> 00:10:26 So we don't know that it's a hard time.
00:10:27 --> 00:10:31 We're not actually close enough to know what's going on for someone to be able to put a hand up and offer help.
00:10:31 --> 00:10:35 Because people aren't walking around with signs saying, I'm doing it tough right now.
00:10:36 --> 00:10:40 You need to have the close relationship where you've spent time in the good and easy period
00:10:40 --> 00:10:44 to know that things are maybe not as good as they have been.
00:10:45 --> 00:10:50 Constancy means the good, the bad, the up, the down, always around.
00:10:51 --> 00:10:57 Because what constancy gives us is its training for those extreme difficult times.
00:10:57 --> 00:11:03 It's the little acts of helping that are training us for the significant acts of sacrifice.
00:11:04 --> 00:11:08 So it's the little act of buying someone dinner because they just needed to hang out with someone
00:11:08 --> 00:11:13 or their wallet was empty or whatever it is that prepares you for then sitting with somebody next to a hospital bed.
00:11:15 --> 00:11:19 The little acts train us for the demands that will come,
00:11:19 --> 00:11:22 which means we need to be there when only little acts are required as well.
00:11:22 --> 00:11:24 Good friends are constant friends.
00:11:24 --> 00:11:31 I had an older pastor give me some helpful advice a few years ago when it comes to caring for people in need.
00:11:31 --> 00:11:35 I had a friend who was dealing with the grief of losing somebody that they loved
00:11:35 --> 00:11:38 and I didn't really know how to engage them.
00:11:39 --> 00:11:40 They were a friend.
00:11:40 --> 00:11:41 I knew they were in pain.
00:11:41 --> 00:11:42 I knew they were struggling.
00:11:42 --> 00:11:43 I'd said all those things.
00:11:43 --> 00:11:44 I'm there for you.
00:11:44 --> 00:11:45 Is there anything you need?
00:11:45 --> 00:11:47 But they didn't have the space to answer that with any substance.
00:11:47 --> 00:11:51 And so I just didn't know what to do.
00:11:51 --> 00:11:54 And the advice was just turn up.
00:11:55 --> 00:11:56 Knock on the door.
00:11:57 --> 00:11:58 Be okay with them sending you away and saying,
00:11:59 --> 00:12:00 I can't handle your company right now,
00:12:00 --> 00:12:02 but at least move the question of,
00:12:02 --> 00:12:04 are you that constant friend or was it just words?
00:12:05 --> 00:12:06 Show them that you are there.
00:12:07 --> 00:12:08 Prove your availability.
00:12:09 --> 00:12:12 Turn up and be there in whatever way it is that they need.
00:12:12 --> 00:12:16 Maybe the first step for us,
00:12:16 --> 00:12:19 the first struggle for us in getting good at friendships
00:12:19 --> 00:12:22 is that we need to put our money where our mouth is
00:12:22 --> 00:12:25 and just be with the people that we care about.
00:12:27 --> 00:12:30 We actually need to make the decision to clear the space.
00:12:30 --> 00:12:30 We're all busy.
00:12:30 --> 00:12:31 We're all pressed for time.
00:12:31 --> 00:12:33 But to say these people matter enough
00:12:33 --> 00:12:36 that I'm going to sacrifice something else to be available for these people.
00:12:38 --> 00:12:40 Friends are constant.
00:12:42 --> 00:12:46 Secondly, friends are also careful.
00:12:46 --> 00:12:47 Let me show you what I mean.
00:12:47 --> 00:12:49 Proverbs 25, 17 says,
00:12:50 --> 00:12:52 Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house.
00:12:52 --> 00:12:54 Too much of you and they will hate you.
00:12:55 --> 00:12:57 Now, I just told you to just turn up,
00:12:57 --> 00:12:58 be there all the time.
00:12:58 --> 00:13:00 And now Proverbs is pushing slightly in the other direction
00:13:00 --> 00:13:03 and saying, don't turn up too much or you'll be annoying.
00:13:04 --> 00:13:06 And that's not going to build a good friendship.
00:13:07 --> 00:13:09 Don't be the friend who overstays their welcome.
00:13:09 --> 00:13:13 We've got to understand that God has created people differently.
00:13:13 --> 00:13:17 That there's not a one size fits all model of how to do friendship.
00:13:18 --> 00:13:19 We all need friends,
00:13:19 --> 00:13:21 whether we're introverted or extroverted or somewhere in the middle.
00:13:22 --> 00:13:24 We all need friends.
00:13:24 --> 00:13:27 But what friendship looks like with different people will be different.
00:13:27 --> 00:13:32 Some people can hang out 24-7, night after night, day after day,
00:13:32 --> 00:13:33 and never get tired of one another.
00:13:33 --> 00:13:39 But some other people who genuinely love their friends
00:13:39 --> 00:13:42 also need a bit of time to withdraw and be alone.
00:13:45 --> 00:13:49 And carefulness is the wisdom to recognize what kind of friend you have.
00:13:50 --> 00:13:53 Carefulness is the investment in them to not just want to hang out
00:13:53 --> 00:13:54 because you want to hang out,
00:13:54 --> 00:13:58 but to want to do what's going to best benefit them.
00:13:58 --> 00:14:01 What's going to be a blessing on your friend?
00:14:02 --> 00:14:04 A friend knows their friend well enough
00:14:04 --> 00:14:08 to be able to provide that which best fits the individual.
00:14:09 --> 00:14:12 Verse 14 of chapter 27 says,
00:14:12 --> 00:14:15 If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning,
00:14:15 --> 00:14:16 it will be taken as a curse.
00:14:18 --> 00:14:19 Blessing sounds like such a good idea,
00:14:20 --> 00:14:21 but if you're not a morning person
00:14:21 --> 00:14:24 and somebody knocks on your door just to tell you how great you are
00:14:24 --> 00:14:25 and that they love you,
00:14:25 --> 00:14:27 you're going to want to punch them.
00:14:27 --> 00:14:31 Have the wisdom to recognize who it is that you are friends with,
00:14:31 --> 00:14:34 to understand what it looks like to bless them.
00:14:34 --> 00:14:39 Now, this carefulness is like an emotional investment in your friend.
00:14:40 --> 00:14:42 It's a connection between friends
00:14:42 --> 00:14:46 where your happiness and your sadness are impacted
00:14:46 --> 00:14:49 and even almost somewhat dependent or affected
00:14:49 --> 00:14:52 by the happiness and sadness of your friend.
00:14:53 --> 00:14:56 You're so connected to them and the way that they're journeying
00:14:56 --> 00:14:57 but that it matters to you.
00:14:58 --> 00:14:59 You carry each other.
00:14:59 --> 00:15:02 When they're sad, you feel that sadness.
00:15:02 --> 00:15:03 You carry that weight.
00:15:03 --> 00:15:04 When they're happy, it lifts you up,
00:15:04 --> 00:15:07 even out of a difficult and dark day.
00:15:07 --> 00:15:10 It's at the point where it's almost like you can't be happy
00:15:10 --> 00:15:12 when your friend is in deep, deep pain.
00:15:14 --> 00:15:15 Proverbs 25 says,
00:15:15 --> 00:15:28 You might have that person in your life
00:15:28 --> 00:15:30 who doesn't read your emotions very well,
00:15:31 --> 00:15:35 who doesn't have the awareness or doesn't care enough
00:15:35 --> 00:15:38 and just rubs their good days in on your bad days.
00:15:39 --> 00:15:41 Just celebrates their wins
00:15:41 --> 00:15:44 regardless of what pain you might be walking through.
00:15:46 --> 00:15:48 That's not how friendship works.
00:15:48 --> 00:15:50 That's not good friendship.
00:15:51 --> 00:15:55 Friends carry your emotional weight like it's theirs.
00:15:56 --> 00:15:58 Now, and this is important.
00:15:58 --> 00:16:02 This is why it's actually hard to have a lot of friends.
00:16:02 --> 00:16:07 It's good to have lots of people that we are friendly with,
00:16:07 --> 00:16:10 that we know, that we see regularly.
00:16:11 --> 00:16:16 But this kind of friendship takes a real commitment and investment.
00:16:17 --> 00:16:19 And it would be unwise to take on a whole bunch of these friendships
00:16:19 --> 00:16:23 because you would drown in carrying the struggles
00:16:23 --> 00:16:25 of all the people that you had committed to.
00:16:27 --> 00:16:30 It's actually good and right and okay and wise.
00:16:30 --> 00:16:36 to have a few rich, deep, connected friendships,
00:16:37 --> 00:16:40 which I think for a lot of us is more than we have right now.
00:16:42 --> 00:16:45 A lot of us might not even feel like we have the one person
00:16:45 --> 00:16:46 who fits this bill.
00:16:49 --> 00:16:52 Friends are constant and friends are careful.
00:16:54 --> 00:16:55 And because of that,
00:16:56 --> 00:16:58 friends can be candid as well.
00:16:58 --> 00:17:01 There's a temptation in relationships
00:17:01 --> 00:17:03 to only ever affirm the person
00:17:03 --> 00:17:04 that we're in a relationship with.
00:17:04 --> 00:17:06 We have this fear that, you know,
00:17:06 --> 00:17:08 being harsh or being too direct
00:17:08 --> 00:17:09 might somehow push them away.
00:17:10 --> 00:17:14 But I'm assuming that if you have any friends at all,
00:17:15 --> 00:17:17 at least some of them annoy you some of the time.
00:17:18 --> 00:17:20 They have at least some annoying habits.
00:17:21 --> 00:17:23 They have at least something that they do
00:17:23 --> 00:17:26 that you just despise and it irritates you.
00:17:27 --> 00:17:29 Maybe, you know, it could be anything from
00:17:29 --> 00:17:31 insisting on speeding whenever they drive
00:17:31 --> 00:17:33 and making you feel unsafe in the car with them.
00:17:33 --> 00:17:36 It could be gossiping about somebody
00:17:36 --> 00:17:38 who is not their friend but you care about.
00:17:39 --> 00:17:40 I don't know what it is,
00:17:40 --> 00:17:41 but we're all imperfect people
00:17:41 --> 00:17:43 and we all have annoying habits
00:17:43 --> 00:17:45 and there's a good chance that those you call friends
00:17:45 --> 00:17:46 irritate you sometimes.
00:17:46 --> 00:17:48 The question is,
00:17:49 --> 00:17:50 have you had the uncomfortable conversation
00:17:50 --> 00:17:51 with them about it?
00:17:53 --> 00:17:54 Have you said,
00:17:54 --> 00:17:56 I don't like it when you do this?
00:17:56 --> 00:17:58 Or if it's something illegal like speeding,
00:17:58 --> 00:18:00 it's probably not a great idea for you either.
00:18:01 --> 00:18:02 And don't get me wrong,
00:18:03 --> 00:18:04 this is uncomfortable.
00:18:05 --> 00:18:06 I'm not saying if you're friends,
00:18:06 --> 00:18:07 you should just be able to do this
00:18:07 --> 00:18:08 and it's easy and it's happy
00:18:08 --> 00:18:10 and everyone smiles while you tell them
00:18:10 --> 00:18:11 that there's something bad about their personality.
00:18:12 --> 00:18:13 It's like Ali was sharing earlier,
00:18:13 --> 00:18:16 you know, when you get that harsh word of criticism
00:18:16 --> 00:18:17 or feedback,
00:18:18 --> 00:18:19 it can be painful.
00:18:22 --> 00:18:25 But it's that sort of constructive honesty
00:18:25 --> 00:18:26 that friends give.
00:18:28 --> 00:18:30 Proverbs 29 tells us that
00:18:30 --> 00:18:32 those who flatter their neighbours
00:18:32 --> 00:18:34 are spreading nets for their feet.
00:18:35 --> 00:18:36 I don't know if you guys have been watching
00:18:36 --> 00:18:38 the beginning of X Factor
00:18:38 --> 00:18:39 that's just started again.
00:18:39 --> 00:18:41 I watched the encore on last night
00:18:41 --> 00:18:42 and it amazes me every year.
00:18:42 --> 00:18:44 It shouldn't because it always happens,
00:18:44 --> 00:18:45 but it amazes me every year
00:18:45 --> 00:18:47 some of the people who get up
00:18:47 --> 00:18:48 and can't sing
00:18:48 --> 00:18:49 but have been deluded
00:18:49 --> 00:18:52 by unhelpful friends
00:18:52 --> 00:18:53 who have told them that they can sing
00:18:53 --> 00:18:54 all the way to the point
00:18:54 --> 00:18:56 of being ridiculed on national television.
00:18:57 --> 00:18:59 These people walk onto a stage
00:18:59 --> 00:19:01 in front of a huge room full of people,
00:19:01 --> 00:19:03 let alone thousands and thousands of people
00:19:03 --> 00:19:04 in their homes watching
00:19:04 --> 00:19:05 and as soon as they start,
00:19:06 --> 00:19:07 you know that this has got to be
00:19:07 --> 00:19:08 some sort of joke.
00:19:09 --> 00:19:10 You just assume this is a prank.
00:19:10 --> 00:19:11 Someone's put them up to it.
00:19:11 --> 00:19:12 But then, you know,
00:19:12 --> 00:19:13 the judges are giggling
00:19:13 --> 00:19:15 but you see at the end,
00:19:15 --> 00:19:16 they're upset.
00:19:17 --> 00:19:18 They genuinely believed
00:19:18 --> 00:19:19 they were an amazing singer
00:19:19 --> 00:19:20 and the reason is
00:19:20 --> 00:19:21 because when they walk off the stage,
00:19:21 --> 00:19:23 there's family and there's friends.
00:19:23 --> 00:19:24 Now the judges don't know
00:19:24 --> 00:19:25 what they're talking about.
00:19:25 --> 00:19:26 You don't give up your dream.
00:19:26 --> 00:19:27 You're going to be a famous singer.
00:19:27 --> 00:19:28 No, you're not.
00:19:28 --> 00:19:30 You cannot sing.
00:19:30 --> 00:19:32 That doesn't make you a bad person.
00:19:32 --> 00:19:33 Not everyone can sing.
00:19:33 --> 00:19:33 It's okay.
00:19:33 --> 00:19:34 Just tell them.
00:19:35 --> 00:19:36 It's not loving.
00:19:36 --> 00:19:37 It's not good.
00:19:37 --> 00:19:38 You're not helping them.
00:19:38 --> 00:19:41 You're setting them up for a fall.
00:19:43 --> 00:19:44 When we have friendships
00:19:44 --> 00:19:45 where all we do is just,
00:19:45 --> 00:19:46 you're great
00:19:46 --> 00:19:49 and just affirm even bad things
00:19:49 --> 00:19:50 in those that we care about,
00:19:50 --> 00:19:52 we actually set them up for a fall.
00:19:53 --> 00:19:54 We set them, a trap for them.
00:19:55 --> 00:19:56 In chapter 27,
00:19:56 --> 00:19:58 we hear that wounds from a friend
00:19:58 --> 00:19:59 can be trusted
00:19:59 --> 00:20:01 but it's the enemy
00:20:01 --> 00:20:02 who multiplies kisses.
00:20:05 --> 00:20:07 If all you do is flatter your friend,
00:20:07 --> 00:20:08 you are not a friend.
00:20:09 --> 00:20:11 Now they are wounds.
00:20:12 --> 00:20:14 The truth spoken even in love
00:20:14 --> 00:20:15 can wound
00:20:15 --> 00:20:19 but that's part of being a good friend.
00:20:20 --> 00:20:21 That's part of desiring
00:20:21 --> 00:20:23 what's best for your friend
00:20:23 --> 00:20:24 rather than just what's easiest
00:20:24 --> 00:20:25 and most comfortable for you.
00:20:27 --> 00:20:29 There's truth in the line
00:20:29 --> 00:20:30 that Oscar Wilde said,
00:20:30 --> 00:20:32 a true friend stabs you in the front.
00:20:34 --> 00:20:36 We might struggle to speak the truth
00:20:36 --> 00:20:38 when it needs to be spoken
00:20:38 --> 00:20:40 but equally,
00:20:41 --> 00:20:42 we might not be the friends
00:20:42 --> 00:20:43 who've earned permission
00:20:43 --> 00:20:45 to speak the truth in the first place.
00:20:46 --> 00:20:48 Wounds from a friend can be trusted
00:20:48 --> 00:20:50 but part of what makes them trustworthy
00:20:50 --> 00:20:52 is that you're the friend,
00:20:53 --> 00:20:54 is that you have the careful,
00:20:54 --> 00:20:56 the constant relationship,
00:20:57 --> 00:20:58 that you are connected enough
00:20:58 --> 00:21:00 to not just speak
00:21:00 --> 00:21:02 into somebody's personal space
00:21:02 --> 00:21:04 but to actually open up
00:21:04 --> 00:21:05 and share your own as well.
00:21:06 --> 00:21:08 To actually be vulnerable
00:21:08 --> 00:21:09 and candid
00:21:09 --> 00:21:10 and share your weaknesses
00:21:10 --> 00:21:10 and your fears
00:21:10 --> 00:21:11 and your failures
00:21:11 --> 00:21:15 because it's much safer
00:21:15 --> 00:21:17 to be challenged
00:21:17 --> 00:21:19 by somebody who you know
00:21:19 --> 00:21:20 struggles just like you.
00:21:20 --> 00:21:23 It's much easier to hear
00:21:23 --> 00:21:24 rebuke and correction
00:21:24 --> 00:21:26 from somebody who you know
00:21:26 --> 00:21:28 is walking the same road with you
00:21:28 --> 00:21:28 rather than somebody
00:21:28 --> 00:21:29 who's sitting in the grandstand
00:21:29 --> 00:21:30 and hasn't actually let you know
00:21:30 --> 00:21:31 and they're just pointing
00:21:31 --> 00:21:32 into your life.
00:21:32 --> 00:21:33 Just love to let you know
00:21:33 --> 00:21:34 where you're failing
00:21:34 --> 00:21:35 and where you're weak.
00:21:36 --> 00:21:38 Friendship needs to be open
00:21:38 --> 00:21:39 and honest
00:21:39 --> 00:21:40 and vulnerable
00:21:40 --> 00:21:42 because from that place
00:21:42 --> 00:21:42 it's safe
00:21:42 --> 00:21:44 to be candid.
00:21:44 --> 00:21:45 It's safe to speak
00:21:45 --> 00:21:46 the truth in love.
00:21:49 --> 00:21:49 Friends are candid.
00:21:50 --> 00:21:51 Friends are constant.
00:21:51 --> 00:21:52 Friends are careful.
00:21:52 --> 00:21:53 And lastly
00:21:53 --> 00:21:55 friends give counsel.
00:21:56 --> 00:21:57 Last week
00:21:57 --> 00:21:58 in Roxy's Kids Talk
00:21:58 --> 00:21:59 we were reminded
00:21:59 --> 00:22:00 that bad company
00:22:00 --> 00:22:01 corrupts good character.
00:22:01 --> 00:22:02 That for good
00:22:02 --> 00:22:03 or for ill
00:22:03 --> 00:22:03 your friends
00:22:03 --> 00:22:04 are influencing
00:22:04 --> 00:22:05 who you are.
00:22:05 --> 00:22:06 You're becoming
00:22:06 --> 00:22:07 progressively like them
00:22:07 --> 00:22:08 caring about
00:22:08 --> 00:22:09 what they care about
00:22:09 --> 00:22:10 doing what they do.
00:22:12 --> 00:22:13 And Proverbs
00:22:13 --> 00:22:14 encourages us
00:22:14 --> 00:22:14 because of that fact
00:22:14 --> 00:22:15 to choose our friends
00:22:15 --> 00:22:17 wisely.
00:22:18 --> 00:22:18 Remembering that
00:22:18 --> 00:22:19 there's an end game.
00:22:20 --> 00:22:21 Jimmy read out for us
00:22:21 --> 00:22:22 chapter 27
00:22:22 --> 00:22:22 verse 17
00:22:22 --> 00:22:24 as iron sharpens iron
00:22:24 --> 00:22:25 so one person
00:22:25 --> 00:22:26 sharpens another.
00:22:26 --> 00:22:27 The point of relationship
00:22:27 --> 00:22:28 is to be sharpened.
00:22:29 --> 00:22:30 It's to move forward.
00:22:31 --> 00:22:32 It's not just to sit there
00:22:32 --> 00:22:33 roughly the same
00:22:33 --> 00:22:34 doing the same stuff.
00:22:36 --> 00:22:37 But the question is
00:22:37 --> 00:22:39 what kind of friends
00:22:39 --> 00:22:39 do we need
00:22:39 --> 00:22:41 if we're going to get sharpened?
00:22:42 --> 00:22:42 What kind of friends
00:22:42 --> 00:22:43 do we need
00:22:43 --> 00:22:43 if we're going to grow
00:22:43 --> 00:22:44 if we're going to move forward?
00:22:44 --> 00:22:46 Who has the capacity
00:22:46 --> 00:22:47 to give the good counsel?
00:22:50 --> 00:22:51 Well when we're choosing
00:22:51 --> 00:22:52 friends
00:22:52 --> 00:22:53 I think we need
00:22:53 --> 00:22:53 two things.
00:22:54 --> 00:22:55 And just to clarify
00:22:55 --> 00:22:56 I've already said
00:22:56 --> 00:22:57 you can't make friends
00:22:57 --> 00:22:58 you can only discover them
00:22:58 --> 00:22:59 but when you're figuring out
00:22:59 --> 00:23:00 which ones to invest in
00:23:00 --> 00:23:01 having discovered
00:23:01 --> 00:23:02 some foundation
00:23:02 --> 00:23:03 you need two things.
00:23:03 --> 00:23:04 You need both affinity
00:23:04 --> 00:23:06 and you need friction.
00:23:07 --> 00:23:07 Now the affinity
00:23:07 --> 00:23:08 is going to take care
00:23:08 --> 00:23:08 of itself.
00:23:09 --> 00:23:10 I mean we only ever
00:23:10 --> 00:23:11 begin friendships
00:23:11 --> 00:23:12 with people
00:23:12 --> 00:23:12 who are like us
00:23:12 --> 00:23:13 in some way.
00:23:13 --> 00:23:14 From the same background
00:23:14 --> 00:23:16 they're into the same hobby
00:23:16 --> 00:23:17 whatever it is
00:23:17 --> 00:23:17 we gravitate
00:23:17 --> 00:23:18 to the same people
00:23:18 --> 00:23:20 and that's good and right
00:23:20 --> 00:23:21 but what about friction?
00:23:23 --> 00:23:23 Now the image
00:23:23 --> 00:23:25 of iron sharpening iron
00:23:25 --> 00:23:26 implies friction.
00:23:26 --> 00:23:27 That's how sharpening happens.
00:23:28 --> 00:23:28 It's almost like
00:23:28 --> 00:23:29 the image of God
00:23:29 --> 00:23:30 refining us
00:23:30 --> 00:23:31 in fire like gold.
00:23:32 --> 00:23:33 There's a bit of pain
00:23:33 --> 00:23:33 in there
00:23:33 --> 00:23:34 that you can hear
00:23:34 --> 00:23:35 but it's good pain.
00:23:35 --> 00:23:37 It's pain for an outcome
00:23:37 --> 00:23:38 and now the friction
00:23:38 --> 00:23:39 is not the same
00:23:39 --> 00:23:39 as opposition.
00:23:41 --> 00:23:42 It's not wise
00:23:42 --> 00:23:43 to go and pick friends
00:23:43 --> 00:23:44 who hate you
00:23:44 --> 00:23:45 and who want to cause you
00:23:45 --> 00:23:46 trouble and pain.
00:23:46 --> 00:23:47 That's not what I mean
00:23:47 --> 00:23:48 by friction.
00:23:50 --> 00:23:52 You do need friends
00:23:52 --> 00:23:53 who as well as being
00:23:53 --> 00:23:55 like you in some way
00:23:55 --> 00:23:57 are also different
00:23:57 --> 00:23:59 to you in some way.
00:24:00 --> 00:24:02 I have a friend
00:24:02 --> 00:24:02 in Singapore
00:24:02 --> 00:24:03 named Roger.
00:24:04 --> 00:24:05 I've done ministry
00:24:05 --> 00:24:06 with him on and off
00:24:06 --> 00:24:07 over the last eight years.
00:24:08 --> 00:24:09 We both love Jesus.
00:24:09 --> 00:24:11 We both are pastors
00:24:11 --> 00:24:13 and that's about
00:24:13 --> 00:24:14 where the similarities end.
00:24:15 --> 00:24:15 Roger's from
00:24:15 --> 00:24:16 a different country.
00:24:17 --> 00:24:18 He's got different
00:24:18 --> 00:24:19 cultural heritage.
00:24:19 --> 00:24:20 He speaks
00:24:20 --> 00:24:21 different languages.
00:24:21 --> 00:24:21 We don't like
00:24:21 --> 00:24:22 the same sports
00:24:22 --> 00:24:23 or music.
00:24:23 --> 00:24:24 We have different
00:24:24 --> 00:24:25 philosophies even
00:24:25 --> 00:24:26 of how to do ministry
00:24:26 --> 00:24:27 as pastors
00:24:27 --> 00:24:30 and yet often
00:24:30 --> 00:24:30 after spending
00:24:30 --> 00:24:31 a couple of days
00:24:31 --> 00:24:32 with Roger
00:24:32 --> 00:24:34 I come home
00:24:34 --> 00:24:35 really refreshed
00:24:35 --> 00:24:38 because what he does
00:24:38 --> 00:24:39 is he speaks
00:24:39 --> 00:24:40 fresh perspective
00:24:40 --> 00:24:41 into my life.
00:24:43 --> 00:24:44 He looks at my life
00:24:44 --> 00:24:45 without all the blind spots
00:24:45 --> 00:24:46 that I've built up.
00:24:47 --> 00:24:48 Without the blind spots
00:24:48 --> 00:24:49 that people who are
00:24:49 --> 00:24:50 just like me
00:24:50 --> 00:24:50 will also have
00:24:50 --> 00:24:51 when they're looking
00:24:51 --> 00:24:52 at my life.
00:24:53 --> 00:24:54 He looks at my life
00:24:54 --> 00:24:55 and gives me
00:24:55 --> 00:24:56 wise counsel
00:24:56 --> 00:24:57 and advice.
00:24:57 --> 00:24:57 He challenges
00:24:57 --> 00:24:58 my assumption
00:24:58 --> 00:25:01 and it's our difference
00:25:01 --> 00:25:02 that actually makes
00:25:02 --> 00:25:03 our friendship strong.
00:25:04 --> 00:25:06 Now this totally
00:25:06 --> 00:25:07 works against
00:25:07 --> 00:25:08 everything that is
00:25:08 --> 00:25:09 built into the way
00:25:09 --> 00:25:09 you have learnt
00:25:09 --> 00:25:10 to do friendship
00:25:10 --> 00:25:11 in your life.
00:25:11 --> 00:25:12 Basically from birth
00:25:12 --> 00:25:13 you are herded
00:25:13 --> 00:25:15 into like groups.
00:25:16 --> 00:25:17 When you're a baby
00:25:17 --> 00:25:17 you're put in
00:25:17 --> 00:25:18 a bubs group
00:25:18 --> 00:25:19 with kids that are
00:25:19 --> 00:25:20 born in the same month.
00:25:20 --> 00:25:21 Like we start
00:25:21 --> 00:25:21 really early on.
00:25:21 --> 00:25:22 You go to school
00:25:22 --> 00:25:23 and you are limited
00:25:23 --> 00:25:25 to people in the same age
00:25:25 --> 00:25:25 as you and generally
00:25:25 --> 00:25:26 you'll sit on tables
00:25:26 --> 00:25:27 with kids of the same
00:25:27 --> 00:25:28 gender as you
00:25:28 --> 00:25:29 because you don't want
00:25:29 --> 00:25:30 to mix too early on
00:25:30 --> 00:25:31 until you know
00:25:31 --> 00:25:31 what you're doing.
00:25:32 --> 00:25:32 You grow up
00:25:32 --> 00:25:33 and then as an adult
00:25:33 --> 00:25:34 you get a job
00:25:34 --> 00:25:34 with people
00:25:34 --> 00:25:35 who like doing
00:25:35 --> 00:25:36 the same job as you
00:25:36 --> 00:25:37 and you do hobbies
00:25:37 --> 00:25:39 that are exclusive hobbies
00:25:39 --> 00:25:41 that by definition
00:25:41 --> 00:25:42 attract people
00:25:42 --> 00:25:43 like you
00:25:43 --> 00:25:44 because you both
00:25:44 --> 00:25:46 like the same thing.
00:25:47 --> 00:25:49 This is the wonder
00:25:49 --> 00:25:49 of the gospel.
00:25:50 --> 00:25:52 It totally ignores that
00:25:52 --> 00:25:53 and goes in the other direction.
00:25:54 --> 00:25:55 The gospel draws people
00:25:55 --> 00:25:55 together who are
00:25:55 --> 00:25:57 nothing alike
00:25:57 --> 00:25:58 and connects them
00:25:58 --> 00:25:59 for eternity
00:25:59 --> 00:26:00 because of Jesus.
00:26:01 --> 00:26:03 Friendship is completely
00:26:03 --> 00:26:05 reimagined,
00:26:05 --> 00:26:05 reunderstood,
00:26:05 --> 00:26:06 redesigned
00:26:06 --> 00:26:07 because of what Jesus
00:26:07 --> 00:26:08 does in the cross.
00:26:10 --> 00:26:11 And so the challenge
00:26:11 --> 00:26:12 for us
00:26:12 --> 00:26:13 as followers
00:26:13 --> 00:26:13 of Jesus
00:26:13 --> 00:26:16 is to not only
00:26:16 --> 00:26:18 invest in the people
00:26:18 --> 00:26:18 here
00:26:18 --> 00:26:20 who also
00:26:20 --> 00:26:22 happen to be
00:26:22 --> 00:26:23 similar to us.
00:26:24 --> 00:26:26 The key connection
00:26:26 --> 00:26:27 point is Jesus.
00:26:27 --> 00:26:28 If you are following
00:26:28 --> 00:26:29 Jesus,
00:26:29 --> 00:26:29 if you're a Christian,
00:26:30 --> 00:26:31 you are already
00:26:31 --> 00:26:32 eternally connected
00:26:32 --> 00:26:33 to every other person
00:26:33 --> 00:26:33 in this room
00:26:33 --> 00:26:34 who is also following
00:26:34 --> 00:26:35 Jesus as an inner Christian
00:26:35 --> 00:26:37 which means you have
00:26:37 --> 00:26:37 the foundation
00:26:37 --> 00:26:38 for a friendship.
00:26:39 --> 00:26:40 Consider that discovery
00:26:40 --> 00:26:42 and it means that
00:26:42 --> 00:26:42 you can invest
00:26:42 --> 00:26:43 in anyone
00:26:43 --> 00:26:44 who fits that bill here
00:26:44 --> 00:26:45 and there is the potential
00:26:45 --> 00:26:45 for friendship
00:26:45 --> 00:26:46 but the trap
00:26:46 --> 00:26:47 we've got to be careful of
00:26:47 --> 00:26:48 is we go,
00:26:48 --> 00:26:49 fantastic,
00:26:49 --> 00:26:50 here's a room full
00:26:50 --> 00:26:51 of potential friends
00:26:51 --> 00:26:52 because of Jesus,
00:26:52 --> 00:26:53 now let me find
00:26:53 --> 00:26:54 the ones who also
00:26:54 --> 00:26:55 like the same music as me,
00:26:55 --> 00:26:56 happen to be
00:26:56 --> 00:26:57 in the same life stages
00:26:57 --> 00:26:57 as me,
00:26:57 --> 00:26:58 happen to speak
00:26:58 --> 00:26:59 the same language
00:26:59 --> 00:26:59 as me,
00:26:59 --> 00:27:00 we take the Jesus bit
00:27:00 --> 00:27:01 and go,
00:27:01 --> 00:27:01 yeah but you know
00:27:01 --> 00:27:02 it would be really helpful
00:27:02 --> 00:27:03 if they were already
00:27:03 --> 00:27:04 just like me.
00:27:07 --> 00:27:08 But what if God
00:27:08 --> 00:27:08 has designed
00:27:08 --> 00:27:09 a friendship
00:27:09 --> 00:27:10 that will bless you
00:27:10 --> 00:27:10 incredibly
00:27:10 --> 00:27:12 with the not obvious
00:27:12 --> 00:27:13 person in this room?
00:27:15 --> 00:27:16 What if God
00:27:16 --> 00:27:16 has put together
00:27:16 --> 00:27:17 somebody who is
00:27:17 --> 00:27:18 nothing like you
00:27:18 --> 00:27:20 so that by building
00:27:20 --> 00:27:21 a friendship
00:27:21 --> 00:27:22 you could gather
00:27:22 --> 00:27:23 incredible wisdom
00:27:23 --> 00:27:23 that you would never
00:27:23 --> 00:27:24 discover
00:27:24 --> 00:27:25 if you're just
00:27:25 --> 00:27:26 surrounded by people
00:27:26 --> 00:27:27 who echo
00:27:27 --> 00:27:28 exactly what you think?
00:27:31 --> 00:27:32 There could be
00:27:32 --> 00:27:33 rich friendship
00:27:33 --> 00:27:34 on offer
00:27:34 --> 00:27:35 in this community
00:27:35 --> 00:27:39 with somebody
00:27:39 --> 00:27:40 who is no one
00:27:40 --> 00:27:40 like you
00:27:40 --> 00:27:44 but eternally
00:27:44 --> 00:27:44 connected to you
00:27:44 --> 00:27:45 at the same time.
00:27:47 --> 00:27:48 Proverbs paints
00:27:48 --> 00:27:49 a pretty incredible
00:27:49 --> 00:27:50 picture of friendship.
00:27:50 --> 00:27:52 friends that would
00:27:52 --> 00:27:53 be constant,
00:27:54 --> 00:27:54 friends that would
00:27:54 --> 00:27:55 be careful,
00:27:56 --> 00:27:56 friends that would
00:27:56 --> 00:27:57 be vulnerable
00:27:57 --> 00:27:57 with us
00:27:57 --> 00:27:58 and candid
00:27:58 --> 00:27:58 with us
00:27:58 --> 00:27:59 and speak the truth,
00:27:59 --> 00:28:00 friends that would
00:28:00 --> 00:28:01 give counsel
00:28:01 --> 00:28:02 but I wonder
00:28:02 --> 00:28:02 how that picture
00:28:02 --> 00:28:03 makes you feel.
00:28:07 --> 00:28:08 Does it make you
00:28:08 --> 00:28:10 grieve the fact
00:28:10 --> 00:28:11 that those
00:28:11 --> 00:28:12 aren't your friends?
00:28:15 --> 00:28:16 Does it make you
00:28:16 --> 00:28:16 grieve the fact
00:28:16 --> 00:28:17 that actually
00:28:17 --> 00:28:18 as you look around
00:28:18 --> 00:28:18 maybe you don't
00:28:18 --> 00:28:19 have anybody
00:28:19 --> 00:28:19 that even fits
00:28:19 --> 00:28:20 the category
00:28:20 --> 00:28:20 friend?
00:28:22 --> 00:28:22 Lots of people
00:28:22 --> 00:28:23 you know,
00:28:23 --> 00:28:24 people you spend
00:28:24 --> 00:28:24 time with
00:28:24 --> 00:28:25 but nobody
00:28:25 --> 00:28:25 who fits
00:28:25 --> 00:28:27 into this
00:28:27 --> 00:28:27 kind of deep
00:28:27 --> 00:28:28 connection.
00:28:30 --> 00:28:30 Or do you
00:28:30 --> 00:28:31 look at this
00:28:31 --> 00:28:32 picture and feel
00:28:32 --> 00:28:33 insecure and
00:28:33 --> 00:28:34 inadequate in
00:28:34 --> 00:28:34 your own
00:28:34 --> 00:28:35 friendships?
00:28:36 --> 00:28:37 Like are you
00:28:37 --> 00:28:37 nervous sitting
00:28:37 --> 00:28:38 here because you
00:28:38 --> 00:28:39 think that the
00:28:39 --> 00:28:39 friends in the
00:28:39 --> 00:28:40 room are suddenly
00:28:40 --> 00:28:40 holding you up
00:28:40 --> 00:28:41 against this
00:28:41 --> 00:28:41 standard and you
00:28:41 --> 00:28:42 know you don't
00:28:42 --> 00:28:42 measure up?
00:28:42 --> 00:28:46 both of those
00:28:46 --> 00:28:47 responses are
00:28:47 --> 00:28:48 probably completely
00:28:48 --> 00:28:49 appropriate.
00:28:51 --> 00:28:51 Your friends
00:28:51 --> 00:28:52 won't fit this
00:28:52 --> 00:28:53 bill.
00:28:55 --> 00:28:56 Even in their
00:28:56 --> 00:28:56 best attempts
00:28:56 --> 00:28:57 they won't be
00:28:57 --> 00:28:58 perfectly constant,
00:28:58 --> 00:28:59 careful,
00:28:59 --> 00:29:01 candid and
00:29:01 --> 00:29:01 neither will you.
00:29:03 --> 00:29:04 But there is
00:29:04 --> 00:29:04 hope for
00:29:04 --> 00:29:05 friendship.
00:29:05 --> 00:29:05 friendship.
00:29:08 --> 00:29:09 Jesus offers us
00:29:09 --> 00:29:10 a friendship
00:29:10 --> 00:29:11 that fits this
00:29:11 --> 00:29:12 bill and more.
00:29:13 --> 00:29:14 Friendship is one
00:29:14 --> 00:29:15 of the words that
00:29:15 --> 00:29:15 is used to
00:29:15 --> 00:29:16 describe the way
00:29:16 --> 00:29:17 that God relates
00:29:17 --> 00:29:18 to those who
00:29:18 --> 00:29:19 follow him.
00:29:19 --> 00:29:19 When Jesus
00:29:19 --> 00:29:20 forecasts his
00:29:20 --> 00:29:21 death in John
00:29:21 --> 00:29:22 15 he says
00:29:22 --> 00:29:23 greater love has
00:29:23 --> 00:29:24 no one than
00:29:24 --> 00:29:25 this to lay
00:29:25 --> 00:29:25 down one's
00:29:25 --> 00:29:26 life for one's
00:29:26 --> 00:29:27 friends.
00:29:28 --> 00:29:29 Jesus calls
00:29:29 --> 00:29:30 friends those
00:29:30 --> 00:29:31 who follow him.
00:29:32 --> 00:29:33 Jesus chooses
00:29:33 --> 00:29:34 friends not because
00:29:34 --> 00:29:34 they're good friends,
00:29:34 --> 00:29:35 not because they're
00:29:35 --> 00:29:35 faithful friends,
00:29:36 --> 00:29:36 not because they
00:29:36 --> 00:29:37 fit those four
00:29:37 --> 00:29:37 characteristics.
00:29:38 --> 00:29:39 Romans tells us
00:29:39 --> 00:29:39 that while we're
00:29:39 --> 00:29:40 still sinners
00:29:40 --> 00:29:41 Christ died for
00:29:41 --> 00:29:41 us.
00:29:42 --> 00:29:42 Jesus chooses
00:29:42 --> 00:29:43 enemies and
00:29:43 --> 00:29:44 makes them
00:29:44 --> 00:29:44 friends.
00:29:45 --> 00:29:45 Jesus sits on
00:29:45 --> 00:29:46 the receiving
00:29:46 --> 00:29:47 end of dodgy
00:29:47 --> 00:29:47 friendship and
00:29:47 --> 00:29:48 yet remains
00:29:48 --> 00:29:49 faithful and
00:29:49 --> 00:29:50 constant and
00:29:50 --> 00:29:50 careful and
00:29:50 --> 00:29:51 candid.
00:29:54 --> 00:29:55 And because he
00:29:55 --> 00:29:56 loves you at
00:29:56 --> 00:29:56 that point,
00:29:57 --> 00:29:57 because he's
00:29:57 --> 00:29:58 your friend at
00:29:58 --> 00:29:58 that point,
00:29:59 --> 00:29:59 he gives you
00:29:59 --> 00:30:00 security in his
00:30:00 --> 00:30:02 friendship to
00:30:02 --> 00:30:03 say that he is
00:30:03 --> 00:30:03 going to be there
00:30:03 --> 00:30:04 always.
00:30:04 --> 00:30:05 If he is
00:30:05 --> 00:30:05 there while you
00:30:05 --> 00:30:06 are his
00:30:06 --> 00:30:06 enemy,
00:30:07 --> 00:30:07 there's nothing
00:30:07 --> 00:30:08 that's going to
00:30:08 --> 00:30:08 make him walk
00:30:08 --> 00:30:09 away.
00:30:10 --> 00:30:10 And so you
00:30:10 --> 00:30:11 can be secure.
00:30:12 --> 00:30:12 That deep,
00:30:13 --> 00:30:13 awkward,
00:30:13 --> 00:30:14 uncomfortable,
00:30:14 --> 00:30:15 painful,
00:30:15 --> 00:30:16 lonely feeling
00:30:16 --> 00:30:17 can be dealt
00:30:17 --> 00:30:18 with here,
00:30:19 --> 00:30:20 can be satisfied
00:30:20 --> 00:30:21 in Jesus because
00:30:21 --> 00:30:21 he says,
00:30:22 --> 00:30:22 I love you,
00:30:22 --> 00:30:23 I forgive you,
00:30:23 --> 00:30:24 I've drawn you
00:30:24 --> 00:30:24 into friendship
00:30:24 --> 00:30:25 with me and
00:30:25 --> 00:30:26 nothing can
00:30:26 --> 00:30:27 change that.
00:30:27 --> 00:30:29 Jesus is the
00:30:29 --> 00:30:30 friend who
00:30:30 --> 00:30:30 knows us at
00:30:30 --> 00:30:31 our worst,
00:30:31 --> 00:30:31 knows our
00:30:31 --> 00:30:32 deepest secrets
00:30:32 --> 00:30:33 and yet remains
00:30:33 --> 00:30:34 constant in
00:30:34 --> 00:30:35 his love,
00:30:35 --> 00:30:36 his goodness,
00:30:36 --> 00:30:37 his patience,
00:30:37 --> 00:30:38 his graciousness,
00:30:38 --> 00:30:38 his rebuke and
00:30:38 --> 00:30:39 his discipline.
00:30:42 --> 00:30:43 Now,
00:30:43 --> 00:30:43 loneliness is
00:30:43 --> 00:30:46 real and it
00:30:46 --> 00:30:50 hurts, but
00:30:50 --> 00:30:52 Jesus died so
00:30:52 --> 00:30:52 that you didn't
00:30:52 --> 00:30:53 have to be
00:30:53 --> 00:30:53 lonely.
00:30:53 --> 00:30:56 Jesus died so
00:30:56 --> 00:30:57 that you could
00:30:57 --> 00:30:58 have him with
00:30:58 --> 00:30:59 you always,
00:31:00 --> 00:31:02 even in your
00:31:02 --> 00:31:03 deep, dark
00:31:03 --> 00:31:04 failure moments.
00:31:06 --> 00:31:07 And the reality
00:31:07 --> 00:31:07 is he's the
00:31:07 --> 00:31:09 only one who's
00:31:09 --> 00:31:10 constant and
00:31:10 --> 00:31:11 careful enough,
00:31:12 --> 00:31:13 who's candid
00:31:13 --> 00:31:13 enough to
00:31:13 --> 00:31:14 actually satisfy
00:31:14 --> 00:31:15 that longing
00:31:15 --> 00:31:15 that you feel.
00:31:17 --> 00:31:18 Now,
00:31:18 --> 00:31:18 it's not to
00:31:18 --> 00:31:19 say that our
00:31:19 --> 00:31:19 friendships with
00:31:19 --> 00:31:20 one another are
00:31:20 --> 00:31:20 unimportant,
00:31:20 --> 00:31:21 they have their
00:31:21 --> 00:31:21 place,
00:31:22 --> 00:31:23 but they can't
00:31:23 --> 00:31:23 stand up under
00:31:23 --> 00:31:24 the pressure
00:31:24 --> 00:31:24 of meeting
00:31:24 --> 00:31:25 that need
00:31:25 --> 00:31:25 that you
00:31:25 --> 00:31:26 have that
00:31:26 --> 00:31:26 drives you
00:31:26 --> 00:31:27 to seek
00:31:27 --> 00:31:27 friends.
00:31:31 --> 00:31:32 If you
00:31:32 --> 00:31:33 expect your
00:31:33 --> 00:31:34 friendships to
00:31:34 --> 00:31:35 satisfy that
00:31:35 --> 00:31:36 longing, you
00:31:36 --> 00:31:36 will crush
00:31:36 --> 00:31:37 your friends
00:31:37 --> 00:31:38 with expectation.
00:31:40 --> 00:31:40 You'll crush
00:31:40 --> 00:31:41 them with a
00:31:41 --> 00:31:42 pressure that
00:31:42 --> 00:31:42 they can't
00:31:42 --> 00:31:43 stand up
00:31:43 --> 00:31:43 under.
00:31:45 --> 00:31:45 Even if they
00:31:45 --> 00:31:46 try really
00:31:46 --> 00:31:47 hard, there
00:31:47 --> 00:31:48 will be a
00:31:48 --> 00:31:48 time when
00:31:48 --> 00:31:48 they're not
00:31:48 --> 00:31:49 there and
00:31:49 --> 00:31:49 you need
00:31:49 --> 00:31:49 them.
00:31:50 --> 00:31:51 Even if
00:31:51 --> 00:31:52 they try
00:31:52 --> 00:31:52 really hard,
00:31:52 --> 00:31:53 there will
00:31:53 --> 00:31:53 be a
00:31:53 --> 00:31:53 time where
00:31:53 --> 00:31:54 they totally
00:31:54 --> 00:31:54 miss some
00:31:54 --> 00:31:55 dark season
00:31:55 --> 00:31:56 that you're
00:31:56 --> 00:31:56 in and
00:31:56 --> 00:31:57 steamroll over
00:31:57 --> 00:31:57 it with the
00:31:57 --> 00:31:57 joy that
00:31:57 --> 00:31:58 they're experiencing
00:31:58 --> 00:31:58 in their
00:31:58 --> 00:31:59 life.
00:32:00 --> 00:32:01 They're not
00:32:01 --> 00:32:01 trying to be
00:32:01 --> 00:32:02 harsh, but
00:32:02 --> 00:32:03 they're just
00:32:03 --> 00:32:03 not perfect.
00:32:05 --> 00:32:05 They're going to
00:32:05 --> 00:32:06 fall short.
00:32:06 --> 00:32:07 If we expect
00:32:07 --> 00:32:08 our friends to
00:32:08 --> 00:32:09 meet this need
00:32:09 --> 00:32:09 in us, we
00:32:09 --> 00:32:10 will crush
00:32:10 --> 00:32:10 them.
00:32:11 --> 00:32:12 And then we'll
00:32:12 --> 00:32:12 crush ourselves
00:32:12 --> 00:32:13 with the
00:32:13 --> 00:32:13 disappointment
00:32:13 --> 00:32:14 that comes.
00:32:16 --> 00:32:17 But Jesus
00:32:17 --> 00:32:18 will never
00:32:18 --> 00:32:18 fail.
00:32:20 --> 00:32:20 Jesus will
00:32:20 --> 00:32:21 never leave.
00:32:21 --> 00:32:22 Jesus will
00:32:22 --> 00:32:23 always love
00:32:23 --> 00:32:24 and in
00:32:24 --> 00:32:24 him there's
00:32:24 --> 00:32:25 hope for
00:32:25 --> 00:32:25 our
00:32:25 --> 00:32:25 friendships
00:32:25 --> 00:32:26 too.
00:32:27 --> 00:32:27 When we
00:32:27 --> 00:32:28 have him
00:32:28 --> 00:32:29 as foundation,
00:32:29 --> 00:32:29 when the
00:32:29 --> 00:32:30 longing for
00:32:30 --> 00:32:31 connection and
00:32:31 --> 00:32:31 love is
00:32:31 --> 00:32:31 already met
00:32:31 --> 00:32:32 because Jesus
00:32:32 --> 00:32:33 loves us
00:32:33 --> 00:32:34 constantly,
00:32:35 --> 00:32:35 then we get
00:32:35 --> 00:32:36 to release
00:32:36 --> 00:32:36 our friends
00:32:36 --> 00:32:37 from the
00:32:37 --> 00:32:37 pressure of
00:32:37 --> 00:32:38 having to
00:32:38 --> 00:32:38 meet that
00:32:38 --> 00:32:38 in us.
00:32:39 --> 00:32:40 And suddenly
00:32:40 --> 00:32:41 we can enjoy
00:32:41 --> 00:32:42 and be blessed
00:32:42 --> 00:32:43 by their
00:32:43 --> 00:32:44 versions and
00:32:44 --> 00:32:44 their attempts
00:32:44 --> 00:32:45 of being
00:32:45 --> 00:32:45 constant.
00:32:46 --> 00:32:46 Even though
00:32:46 --> 00:32:46 it's not the
00:32:46 --> 00:32:47 perfect constancy
00:32:47 --> 00:32:48 we crave,
00:32:48 --> 00:32:48 we've already
00:32:48 --> 00:32:49 got that in
00:32:49 --> 00:32:49 Jesus.
00:32:50 --> 00:32:50 And so
00:32:50 --> 00:32:51 suddenly a
00:32:51 --> 00:32:52 friendship that
00:32:52 --> 00:32:52 fell short a
00:32:52 --> 00:32:53 few moments
00:32:53 --> 00:32:54 ago can be
00:32:54 --> 00:32:55 rich and
00:32:55 --> 00:32:55 deep and
00:32:55 --> 00:32:56 satisfying because
00:32:56 --> 00:32:57 they're a
00:32:57 --> 00:32:58 fellow journeyer
00:32:58 --> 00:32:59 with us.
00:33:00 --> 00:33:01 They are
00:33:01 --> 00:33:02 equally in
00:33:02 --> 00:33:02 need of
00:33:02 --> 00:33:03 grace and
00:33:03 --> 00:33:03 forgiveness.
00:33:05 --> 00:33:05 And because
00:33:05 --> 00:33:06 of Jesus we
00:33:06 --> 00:33:07 can give it.
00:33:08 --> 00:33:09 Because we're
00:33:09 --> 00:33:10 not alone
00:33:10 --> 00:33:11 anymore.
00:33:12 --> 00:33:13 Because we
00:33:13 --> 00:33:13 don't have to
00:33:13 --> 00:33:14 be driven by
00:33:14 --> 00:33:14 that fear
00:33:14 --> 00:33:15 anymore.
00:33:15 --> 00:33:17 Jesus enables
00:33:17 --> 00:33:17 us to give
00:33:17 --> 00:33:18 forgiveness and
00:33:18 --> 00:33:19 find comfort
00:33:19 --> 00:33:19 even when
00:33:19 --> 00:33:20 friendships break
00:33:20 --> 00:33:21 down or
00:33:21 --> 00:33:21 end.
00:33:24 --> 00:33:24 When we
00:33:24 --> 00:33:25 have him as
00:33:25 --> 00:33:26 our constant
00:33:26 --> 00:33:26 friend,
00:33:27 --> 00:33:28 there's hope
00:33:28 --> 00:33:29 for our
00:33:29 --> 00:33:30 friendships here
00:33:30 --> 00:33:30 too.
00:33:32 --> 00:33:32 Now just
00:33:32 --> 00:33:33 before I
00:33:33 --> 00:33:33 finish, I
00:33:33 --> 00:33:34 want to say
00:33:34 --> 00:33:34 something about
00:33:34 --> 00:33:35 friendships with
00:33:35 --> 00:33:36 non-Christians.
00:33:36 --> 00:33:37 Where does
00:33:37 --> 00:33:38 that fit in
00:33:38 --> 00:33:38 all this?
00:33:39 --> 00:33:39 We've talked
00:33:39 --> 00:33:41 about Jesus
00:33:41 --> 00:33:42 being the
00:33:42 --> 00:33:42 foundation,
00:33:43 --> 00:33:43 the sufficient
00:33:43 --> 00:33:44 connection
00:33:44 --> 00:33:45 point for
00:33:45 --> 00:33:45 amazing
00:33:45 --> 00:33:46 friendships with
00:33:46 --> 00:33:46 people who
00:33:46 --> 00:33:47 are nothing
00:33:47 --> 00:33:47 like us,
00:33:47 --> 00:33:49 but we
00:33:49 --> 00:33:49 don't connect
00:33:49 --> 00:33:50 with non-Christians
00:33:50 --> 00:33:50 around Jesus.
00:33:51 --> 00:33:51 We connect
00:33:51 --> 00:33:52 around a sport
00:33:52 --> 00:33:52 we love or
00:33:52 --> 00:33:53 music we enjoy
00:33:53 --> 00:33:54 or whatever
00:33:54 --> 00:33:54 else it is,
00:33:54 --> 00:33:54 and they're
00:33:54 --> 00:33:55 good things,
00:33:55 --> 00:33:55 they're valid.
00:33:57 --> 00:33:58 So where does
00:33:58 --> 00:33:59 this non-Christian
00:33:59 --> 00:34:00 friendship fit in
00:34:00 --> 00:34:00 here?
00:34:00 --> 00:34:01 Let me say two
00:34:01 --> 00:34:01 things.
00:34:02 --> 00:34:03 Firstly,
00:34:03 --> 00:34:04 friendship is
00:34:04 --> 00:34:04 good.
00:34:05 --> 00:34:06 And so if you
00:34:06 --> 00:34:07 find a friend
00:34:07 --> 00:34:07 who is constant
00:34:07 --> 00:34:08 and careful
00:34:08 --> 00:34:10 and candid and
00:34:10 --> 00:34:11 gives you good
00:34:11 --> 00:34:11 counsel who
00:34:11 --> 00:34:12 doesn't know
00:34:12 --> 00:34:12 Jesus,
00:34:13 --> 00:34:13 then that's
00:34:13 --> 00:34:14 great.
00:34:15 --> 00:34:16 If that
00:34:16 --> 00:34:16 friendship is
00:34:16 --> 00:34:17 beneficial in
00:34:17 --> 00:34:17 your life,
00:34:18 --> 00:34:18 that is good.
00:34:19 --> 00:34:19 And thank
00:34:19 --> 00:34:20 God for that.
00:34:20 --> 00:34:21 He gave it
00:34:21 --> 00:34:21 to you.
00:34:25 --> 00:34:25 But I
00:34:25 --> 00:34:26 would say
00:34:26 --> 00:34:28 that Christian
00:34:28 --> 00:34:29 friendship or
00:34:29 --> 00:34:30 spiritual friendship
00:34:30 --> 00:34:31 where Jesus is
00:34:31 --> 00:34:32 the basis of
00:34:32 --> 00:34:32 our connection
00:34:32 --> 00:34:34 has built
00:34:34 --> 00:34:34 into it the
00:34:34 --> 00:34:36 capacity to be
00:34:36 --> 00:34:36 better.
00:34:38 --> 00:34:39 I'm not saying
00:34:39 --> 00:34:40 if you've had a
00:34:40 --> 00:34:40 friend since you
00:34:40 --> 00:34:41 were born who's
00:34:41 --> 00:34:42 a non-Christian
00:34:42 --> 00:34:42 that the
00:34:42 --> 00:34:43 Christian that
00:34:43 --> 00:34:44 you start
00:34:44 --> 00:34:44 developing a
00:34:44 --> 00:34:45 friendship with
00:34:45 --> 00:34:45 today is going
00:34:45 --> 00:34:46 to suddenly be
00:34:46 --> 00:34:46 on par.
00:34:47 --> 00:34:47 You know,
00:34:47 --> 00:34:48 time's a big
00:34:48 --> 00:34:49 factor in this.
00:34:49 --> 00:34:50 But my point
00:34:50 --> 00:34:51 is the capacity
00:34:51 --> 00:34:52 for this
00:34:52 --> 00:34:52 friendship to be
00:34:52 --> 00:34:54 amazing is far
00:34:54 --> 00:34:56 inferior to the
00:34:56 --> 00:34:56 capacity of this
00:34:56 --> 00:34:57 one.
00:34:58 --> 00:35:00 Because for those
00:35:00 --> 00:35:01 who are a
00:35:01 --> 00:35:03 Christian, God
00:35:03 --> 00:35:03 is what matters
00:35:03 --> 00:35:04 most.
00:35:04 --> 00:35:05 God's glory is
00:35:05 --> 00:35:06 what matters
00:35:06 --> 00:35:06 most.
00:35:06 --> 00:35:07 Now I know we
00:35:07 --> 00:35:07 fail at that and
00:35:07 --> 00:35:08 we struggle at that,
00:35:08 --> 00:35:09 but that's what
00:35:09 --> 00:35:10 God is doing.
00:35:10 --> 00:35:11 He's growing our
00:35:11 --> 00:35:11 heart to love
00:35:11 --> 00:35:12 him more than
00:35:12 --> 00:35:12 anything else.
00:35:13 --> 00:35:14 For the non-Christian,
00:35:14 --> 00:35:14 I don't know what
00:35:14 --> 00:35:15 matters most.
00:35:15 --> 00:35:15 It could be
00:35:15 --> 00:35:16 different for
00:35:16 --> 00:35:17 different people.
00:35:19 --> 00:35:20 But in a
00:35:20 --> 00:35:21 relationship between
00:35:21 --> 00:35:22 a Christian and
00:35:22 --> 00:35:22 a non-Christian,
00:35:23 --> 00:35:24 necessarily what
00:35:24 --> 00:35:25 matters most to
00:35:25 --> 00:35:26 you will be
00:35:26 --> 00:35:26 different.
00:35:28 --> 00:35:29 And that means
00:35:29 --> 00:35:30 no matter how
00:35:30 --> 00:35:31 much other parts
00:35:31 --> 00:35:31 of your life that
00:35:31 --> 00:35:32 you share,
00:35:34 --> 00:35:36 a huge part of
00:35:36 --> 00:35:38 you will always
00:35:38 --> 00:35:38 be removed.
00:35:38 --> 00:35:38 from that
00:35:38 --> 00:35:39 friendship.
00:35:39 --> 00:35:40 A huge part of
00:35:40 --> 00:35:41 you cannot be
00:35:41 --> 00:35:42 shaped and
00:35:42 --> 00:35:42 guided and
00:35:42 --> 00:35:43 encouraged in
00:35:43 --> 00:35:44 that friendship.
00:35:46 --> 00:35:46 It's not to
00:35:46 --> 00:35:47 say don't have
00:35:47 --> 00:35:48 non-Christian
00:35:48 --> 00:35:51 friends, but it
00:35:51 --> 00:35:52 is to say if
00:35:52 --> 00:35:53 you're a
00:35:53 --> 00:35:54 Christian, you
00:35:54 --> 00:35:56 need Christian
00:35:56 --> 00:35:56 friends.
00:35:58 --> 00:35:58 You need
00:35:58 --> 00:35:58 them.
00:35:59 --> 00:36:00 They're the
00:36:00 --> 00:36:00 ones who can
00:36:00 --> 00:36:01 shape and
00:36:01 --> 00:36:01 guide you.
00:36:02 --> 00:36:02 They're the
00:36:02 --> 00:36:02 ones who can
00:36:02 --> 00:36:03 encourage you.
00:36:03 --> 00:36:03 They're the
00:36:03 --> 00:36:04 ones who have
00:36:04 --> 00:36:04 the constant
00:36:04 --> 00:36:05 eternal context
00:36:05 --> 00:36:06 for a friendship
00:36:06 --> 00:36:06 that Jimmy
00:36:06 --> 00:36:07 talked about
00:36:07 --> 00:36:08 last week.
00:36:08 --> 00:36:08 They're God's
00:36:08 --> 00:36:09 gift to you.
00:36:13 --> 00:36:13 All that
00:36:13 --> 00:36:14 brings us to
00:36:14 --> 00:36:15 the very final
00:36:15 --> 00:36:15 challenge.
00:36:17 --> 00:36:18 If we want
00:36:18 --> 00:36:18 these friendships,
00:36:19 --> 00:36:20 if we want
00:36:20 --> 00:36:20 friends who we're
00:36:20 --> 00:36:21 blessed by and
00:36:21 --> 00:36:22 who we can be a
00:36:22 --> 00:36:23 blessing to, but
00:36:23 --> 00:36:24 we don't have
00:36:24 --> 00:36:26 them, what do
00:36:26 --> 00:36:26 we do?
00:36:27 --> 00:36:28 How do we move
00:36:28 --> 00:36:29 from here?
00:36:30 --> 00:36:31 Well, if you
00:36:31 --> 00:36:32 want friendship,
00:36:32 --> 00:36:32 you want intimacy,
00:36:33 --> 00:36:33 you want
00:36:33 --> 00:36:34 connection, wisdom
00:36:34 --> 00:36:36 and the
00:36:36 --> 00:36:36 Christian
00:36:36 --> 00:36:36 says, be a
00:36:36 --> 00:36:37 friend.
00:36:40 --> 00:36:40 Find someone
00:36:40 --> 00:36:41 else who's
00:36:41 --> 00:36:41 following Jesus.
00:36:42 --> 00:36:42 That's the
00:36:42 --> 00:36:43 discovering a
00:36:43 --> 00:36:44 foundation bit.
00:36:44 --> 00:36:45 Hot tip, this
00:36:45 --> 00:36:45 room is full of
00:36:45 --> 00:36:46 them.
00:36:49 --> 00:36:49 Once you've
00:36:49 --> 00:36:50 found them,
00:36:50 --> 00:36:50 invest.
00:36:52 --> 00:36:53 Be constant.
00:36:53 --> 00:36:54 Be careful.
00:36:54 --> 00:36:55 Be candid.
00:36:55 --> 00:36:56 Give counsel.
00:36:56 --> 00:36:57 Be honest.
00:36:57 --> 00:36:57 Be vulnerable.
00:36:57 --> 00:36:58 Speak the
00:36:58 --> 00:36:58 truth in love.
00:36:59 --> 00:36:59 Walk the
00:36:59 --> 00:37:00 Christian journey
00:37:00 --> 00:37:01 of failing and
00:37:01 --> 00:37:02 finding grace
00:37:02 --> 00:37:02 again.
00:37:02 --> 00:37:03 The ups and
00:37:03 --> 00:37:03 downs.
00:37:03 --> 00:37:04 Invest.
00:37:06 --> 00:37:07 Making friends
00:37:07 --> 00:37:08 is scary because
00:37:08 --> 00:37:09 we don't know if
00:37:09 --> 00:37:10 the investment is
00:37:10 --> 00:37:10 going to be
00:37:10 --> 00:37:11 matched or if
00:37:11 --> 00:37:11 we're going to
00:37:11 --> 00:37:12 try really hard
00:37:12 --> 00:37:12 and at the
00:37:12 --> 00:37:13 end still be
00:37:13 --> 00:37:13 lonely.
00:37:14 --> 00:37:16 But because of
00:37:16 --> 00:37:16 Jesus, we're
00:37:16 --> 00:37:17 released from
00:37:17 --> 00:37:17 that fear.
00:37:19 --> 00:37:20 Even if we
00:37:20 --> 00:37:21 don't get the
00:37:21 --> 00:37:22 investment
00:37:22 --> 00:37:23 reciprocated,
00:37:23 --> 00:37:23 even if the
00:37:23 --> 00:37:24 end point is we
00:37:24 --> 00:37:24 don't have an
00:37:24 --> 00:37:25 amazing friendship
00:37:25 --> 00:37:26 with this person,
00:37:26 --> 00:37:27 the worst case
00:37:27 --> 00:37:28 scenario is
00:37:28 --> 00:37:31 you are
00:37:31 --> 00:37:31 eternally
00:37:31 --> 00:37:33 loved by
00:37:33 --> 00:37:33 the saviour
00:37:33 --> 00:37:33 of the
00:37:33 --> 00:37:34 world.
00:37:35 --> 00:37:35 Worst case,
00:37:37 --> 00:37:39 you eternally
00:37:39 --> 00:37:40 have the
00:37:40 --> 00:37:40 best friend
00:37:40 --> 00:37:41 that there
00:37:41 --> 00:37:41 is.
00:37:42 --> 00:37:42 Can you
00:37:42 --> 00:37:43 see how
00:37:43 --> 00:37:43 the fear
00:37:43 --> 00:37:44 is kind
00:37:44 --> 00:37:44 of removed
00:37:44 --> 00:37:45 there?
00:37:45 --> 00:37:45 You don't
00:37:45 --> 00:37:46 have to
00:37:46 --> 00:37:47 feel lonely
00:37:47 --> 00:37:47 anymore.
00:37:48 --> 00:37:49 It doesn't
00:37:49 --> 00:37:49 mean it
00:37:49 --> 00:37:49 won't be
00:37:49 --> 00:37:50 hard if a
00:37:50 --> 00:37:51 friend rejects
00:37:51 --> 00:37:51 you or if
00:37:51 --> 00:37:52 a friendship
00:37:52 --> 00:37:52 breaks down.
00:37:54 --> 00:37:55 But because
00:37:55 --> 00:37:56 of Jesus,
00:37:56 --> 00:37:56 you're
00:37:56 --> 00:37:57 released to
00:37:57 --> 00:37:57 be the
00:37:57 --> 00:37:58 one who
00:37:58 --> 00:37:58 takes the
00:37:58 --> 00:37:59 first step,
00:37:59 --> 00:38:00 who makes
00:38:00 --> 00:38:00 the first
00:38:00 --> 00:38:01 move,
00:38:01 --> 00:38:01 who takes
00:38:01 --> 00:38:02 the risk
00:38:02 --> 00:38:04 and invests.
00:38:06 --> 00:38:07 Invest in
00:38:07 --> 00:38:07 a brother or
00:38:07 --> 00:38:08 sister in
00:38:08 --> 00:38:08 this room,
00:38:09 --> 00:38:09 outside of
00:38:09 --> 00:38:09 this room,
00:38:10 --> 00:38:10 someone who
00:38:10 --> 00:38:11 loves Jesus
00:38:11 --> 00:38:13 and see
00:38:13 --> 00:38:13 how God
00:38:13 --> 00:38:14 might bless
00:38:14 --> 00:38:14 you.
00:38:16 --> 00:38:17 Invest in
00:38:17 --> 00:38:17 someone who's
00:38:17 --> 00:38:18 nothing like
00:38:18 --> 00:38:21 you but who
00:38:21 --> 00:38:21 shares the
00:38:21 --> 00:38:22 most important
00:38:22 --> 00:38:22 thing in
00:38:22 --> 00:38:24 common and
00:38:24 --> 00:38:25 see how God
00:38:25 --> 00:38:25 might bless
00:38:25 --> 00:38:25 you.
00:38:25 --> 00:38:26 God
00:38:26 --> 00:38:27 will
00:38:27 --> 00:38:27 love you.
00:38:27 --> 00:38:28 Let's
00:38:28 --> 00:38:28 pray.
00:38:32 --> 00:38:32 Father God,
00:38:32 --> 00:38:33 we want to
00:38:33 --> 00:38:33 acknowledge that
00:38:33 --> 00:38:34 for many of
00:38:34 --> 00:38:35 us the pain
00:38:35 --> 00:38:35 of loneliness
00:38:35 --> 00:38:36 is something
00:38:36 --> 00:38:36 that we
00:38:36 --> 00:38:37 experience with
00:38:37 --> 00:38:38 a harsh
00:38:38 --> 00:38:38 reality each
00:38:38 --> 00:38:39 and every
00:38:39 --> 00:38:39 day.
00:38:40 --> 00:38:41 We want
00:38:41 --> 00:38:41 to admit
00:38:41 --> 00:38:42 that often
00:38:42 --> 00:38:42 we are
00:38:42 --> 00:38:43 hurt by
00:38:43 --> 00:38:43 our imperfect
00:38:43 --> 00:38:44 friendships.
00:38:46 --> 00:38:47 Often we
00:38:47 --> 00:38:47 go looking
00:38:47 --> 00:38:48 for the
00:38:48 --> 00:38:49 loneliness to
00:38:49 --> 00:38:49 be met in
00:38:49 --> 00:38:50 places that
00:38:50 --> 00:38:50 are not
00:38:50 --> 00:38:50 you.
00:38:50 --> 00:38:52 God,
00:38:52 --> 00:38:52 we want
00:38:52 --> 00:38:52 to thank
00:38:52 --> 00:38:53 you that
00:38:53 --> 00:38:53 in Jesus
00:38:53 --> 00:38:54 we have
00:38:54 --> 00:38:54 absolute
00:38:54 --> 00:38:55 confidence
00:38:55 --> 00:38:55 that you
00:38:55 --> 00:38:56 are constant,
00:38:57 --> 00:38:57 that your
00:38:57 --> 00:38:58 love is
00:38:58 --> 00:38:58 constant,
00:38:58 --> 00:38:59 that your
00:38:59 --> 00:38:59 grace is
00:38:59 --> 00:39:00 sufficient.
00:39:02 --> 00:39:02 Father,
00:39:02 --> 00:39:03 we pray in
00:39:03 --> 00:39:03 those dark
00:39:03 --> 00:39:04 moments that
00:39:04 --> 00:39:04 you would
00:39:04 --> 00:39:04 open our
00:39:04 --> 00:39:05 eyes to
00:39:05 --> 00:39:06 see all
00:39:06 --> 00:39:06 that you
00:39:06 --> 00:39:07 are, to
00:39:07 --> 00:39:08 be conscious
00:39:08 --> 00:39:08 of your
00:39:08 --> 00:39:09 presence with
00:39:09 --> 00:39:09 us and
00:39:09 --> 00:39:10 your goodness
00:39:10 --> 00:39:10 to us.
00:39:11 --> 00:39:11 Father,
00:39:12 --> 00:39:12 we pray that
00:39:12 --> 00:39:13 you might fill
00:39:13 --> 00:39:13 us with the
00:39:13 --> 00:39:14 security in
00:39:14 --> 00:39:15 your love and
00:39:15 --> 00:39:15 in your
00:39:15 --> 00:39:16 friendship that
00:39:16 --> 00:39:17 we are able
00:39:17 --> 00:39:17 to be released
00:39:17 --> 00:39:18 to be good
00:39:18 --> 00:39:19 friends,
00:39:19 --> 00:39:20 released to
00:39:20 --> 00:39:21 invest and
00:39:21 --> 00:39:22 sacrifice and
00:39:22 --> 00:39:24 make the
00:39:24 --> 00:39:25 costly decisions
00:39:25 --> 00:39:25 to be a
00:39:25 --> 00:39:26 blessing to
00:39:26 --> 00:39:26 those that
00:39:26 --> 00:39:27 you place in
00:39:27 --> 00:39:27 our sphere.
00:39:29 --> 00:39:29 God, I
00:39:29 --> 00:39:30 pray that if
00:39:30 --> 00:39:30 there are
00:39:30 --> 00:39:30 people in
00:39:30 --> 00:39:31 this room who
00:39:31 --> 00:39:32 right now
00:39:32 --> 00:39:32 would sit
00:39:32 --> 00:39:33 and say
00:39:33 --> 00:39:33 there's not
00:39:33 --> 00:39:33 a single
00:39:33 --> 00:39:34 person who
00:39:34 --> 00:39:34 I would
00:39:34 --> 00:39:35 call friend,
00:39:37 --> 00:39:37 God, I
00:39:37 --> 00:39:37 pray that you
00:39:37 --> 00:39:38 would open
00:39:38 --> 00:39:38 our eyes to
00:39:38 --> 00:39:39 see one
00:39:39 --> 00:39:40 another, to
00:39:40 --> 00:39:41 see the
00:39:41 --> 00:39:41 opportunities
00:39:41 --> 00:39:42 that are in
00:39:42 --> 00:39:42 front of us
00:39:42 --> 00:39:44 and to step
00:39:44 --> 00:39:44 out and be
00:39:44 --> 00:39:44 a friend.
00:39:46 --> 00:39:47 Thank you
00:39:47 --> 00:39:47 for Jesus.
00:39:48 --> 00:39:48 Thank you
00:39:48 --> 00:39:49 for his
00:39:49 --> 00:39:49 incredible
00:39:49 --> 00:39:50 love which
00:39:50 --> 00:39:51 surpasses any
00:39:51 --> 00:39:52 loss or
00:39:52 --> 00:39:53 inadequacy or
00:39:53 --> 00:39:54 need within
00:39:54 --> 00:39:54 us.
00:39:55 --> 00:39:56 God, so
00:39:56 --> 00:39:57 fill us that
00:39:57 --> 00:39:57 we might be a
00:39:57 --> 00:39:58 significant blessing
00:39:58 --> 00:39:59 on all we
00:39:59 --> 00:39:59 encounter.
00:40:00 --> 00:40:01 Amen.