Family
Series: WISDOM FOR LIFE
Speaker: Steve Jeffrey
Date: 18th September 2016
00:00:00 --> 00:00:06 Good morning all. As Jimmy said, Nick said, we're in Proverbs at the moment, a series on wisdom.
00:00:06 --> 00:00:17 Last week, Jimmy preached on the evil of envy, and he talked about, at the start of it, his engagement two weeks earlier.
00:00:19 --> 00:00:25 I wondered how long it would take to get it into a sermon, and two weeks must be some sort of new record, I would think.
00:00:25 --> 00:00:27 He's obviously pretty excited about it.
00:00:27 --> 00:00:32 And so today we're going to talk about marriage.
00:00:36 --> 00:00:44 And your laughter at that point tells me that it is, as the Bible says, a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.
00:00:44 --> 00:00:48 This is a great mystery. It is a great mystery.
00:00:49 --> 00:00:55 Nat and I have been married for nearly 18 years, and she had no idea what she was getting into at the time.
00:00:55 --> 00:01:00 And over the course of those 18 years, she's been married to three different men, all of them me.
00:01:01 --> 00:01:03 It is, in fact, a great mystery.
00:01:04 --> 00:01:14 Proverbs is about living wisely in the world, and this area of family relationships is an area where the vast majority of us need wisdom.
00:01:14 --> 00:01:21 It's an area where wrong choices and habitually bad behaviours can be devastating.
00:01:21 --> 00:01:29 And so this message is taking a very general look at some pretty basic principles of family life and relationships according to Proverbs.
00:01:30 --> 00:01:38 Even though at every point of what I'm saying isn't relevant for everyone right now.
00:01:38 --> 00:01:43 I'm going to be straying across a whole different areas, but something will be.
00:01:43 --> 00:01:47 And collectively, we will represent a whole range of family statuses.
00:01:47 --> 00:01:49 Some married, for instance, here and some are not.
00:01:50 --> 00:01:53 Some have children, some don't have children.
00:01:53 --> 00:01:58 Some with grandchildren, some with children who are still at home but should have left some time ago.
00:01:58 --> 00:02:02 Some who won't get to experience that for many years to come.
00:02:02 --> 00:02:07 Some with parents who are alive, some who are parents who are not alive, and the list goes on and on and on.
00:02:07 --> 00:02:09 There is something ultimately for everyone.
00:02:10 --> 00:02:14 So try not to tune out the point that it's not your status right now.
00:02:15 --> 00:02:21 The theme of wisdom runs right through all the relationships are pretty much universal.
00:02:21 --> 00:02:27 That's pretty helpful because there isn't just differences now in a particular relationship status,
00:02:28 --> 00:02:33 but there's also quite differences in terms of our heritage and our backgrounds and our cultures and the way we view family.
00:02:33 --> 00:02:39 Like in family, in Western societies is primarily driven by individualistic thinking.
00:02:40 --> 00:02:46 In Eastern societies, traditional society, it's very much more corporate orientated in their views of family.
00:02:47 --> 00:02:50 So there's a collective wisdom here which cuts across for everything.
00:02:50 --> 00:02:53 So let's kick off with a relationship between a husband and a wife.
00:02:53 --> 00:03:00 In the Bible, there are three human institutions that are set apart from all others.
00:03:00 --> 00:03:03 The family, the church, and the state.
00:03:04 --> 00:03:08 There's nothing in the Bible about how schools should be run, for instance.
00:03:09 --> 00:03:15 Although they are crucial to a flourishing society, there's nothing about corporations and museums and hospitals.
00:03:15 --> 00:03:24 In fact, there are all sorts of great institutions and human enterprises that the Bible doesn't address directly or regulate.
00:03:24 --> 00:03:32 That means that we are therefore free to invent them in line with the general principles of human life that the Bible gives us.
00:03:32 --> 00:03:34 But marriage is different.
00:03:35 --> 00:03:36 It is very different.
00:03:37 --> 00:03:44 As it says in the preface of our church's wedding service, marriage is instituted by God.
00:03:44 --> 00:03:48 It is a gift from God for human well-being.
00:03:49 --> 00:03:53 And so what that means is, contrary to some popular opinions at the moment,
00:03:54 --> 00:04:01 marriage didn't evolve in the Bronze Age or the ages past as a way to determine property rights.
00:04:03 --> 00:04:06 At the climax of the creation account at the beginning of the Bible,
00:04:06 --> 00:04:11 we see God bringing a man and a woman together and he unites them in marriage.
00:04:11 --> 00:04:20 The Bible begins with the wedding of Adam and Eve and at the end with the wedding of Christ and his church in the book of Revelation.
00:04:22 --> 00:04:24 Marriage is God's idea.
00:04:25 --> 00:04:29 And it's the way that he describes his relationship with his people.
00:04:29 --> 00:04:38 Now, it is certainly also a human institution and it reflects the character of the particular human culture in which it is embedded.
00:04:39 --> 00:04:45 But the concept and the roots of human marriage are in God's own action.
00:04:45 --> 00:04:49 And therefore, what the Bible says about God's design for marriage is crucial.
00:04:49 --> 00:04:55 What that means is that what God institutes, he regulates.
00:04:57 --> 00:05:05 If God invented marriage, then those who enter in it should make every effort to understand and submit to his purpose for it.
00:05:06 --> 00:05:13 In the same way that we don't ignore the manufacturer's instructions in how to use and maintain a car that we've just bought.
00:05:13 --> 00:05:19 If you've just bought a Corolla, you don't treat it like it's a 400 horsepower John Deere tractor.
00:05:21 --> 00:05:22 It will break.
00:05:22 --> 00:05:32 Now, many in society, I acknowledge it's a hot topic right now, would disagree with some of my basic starting point here.
00:05:32 --> 00:05:34 But it's my starting point.
00:05:34 --> 00:05:36 It's the starting point of historical Christianity.
00:05:37 --> 00:05:44 And so I don't expect that everyone, potentially not even everyone here today, to have the same starting point that I have.
00:05:44 --> 00:05:53 But I do hope that you're able to see how penetrating and how practical the Bible is on this issue of marriage.
00:05:55 --> 00:05:59 Proverbs tells us, first of all, that marriage is a covenantal relationship.
00:06:00 --> 00:06:03 For instance, chapter 2, verses 16 and 17, we read,
00:06:03 --> 00:06:23 A marriage is a covenant, which means it's a binding agreement.
00:06:23 --> 00:06:30 Now, I can't tell you the number of the times I've had people say to me, because I've got a license to marry people,
00:06:30 --> 00:06:35 the number of times I've had people say to me, or I've read something like this,
00:06:35 --> 00:06:40 why do I need a piece of paper to tell someone that I love them?
00:06:41 --> 00:06:43 And the answer, of course, is, well, you don't.
00:06:44 --> 00:06:45 Of course you don't do that.
00:06:46 --> 00:06:47 Tell them you love them.
00:06:47 --> 00:06:47 That's fine.
00:06:47 --> 00:06:57 But a wedding service and a marriage certificate is not a declaration of promise of present love.
00:06:58 --> 00:06:59 That's not what it is.
00:07:00 --> 00:07:03 It's a promise of future commitment and love.
00:07:05 --> 00:07:09 You can go to virtually any marriage service, whether it's in the churches or not,
00:07:09 --> 00:07:18 and they will say either nothing or very little about the way you feel right now.
00:07:21 --> 00:07:22 They're all about behaviour.
00:07:24 --> 00:07:29 The vows are promises to be tender, to be considerate, to be faithful, to be loving in the future
00:07:29 --> 00:07:35 through all the ups and downs and ins and outs of life and relationship.
00:07:35 --> 00:07:41 Marriage is a covenant, not just a declaration of my present love,
00:07:41 --> 00:07:46 but a promise, a commitment to future love and commitment.
00:07:49 --> 00:07:52 Now, marriage is also, therefore, based on a ministry mindset.
00:07:53 --> 00:07:54 You might have noticed it already.
00:07:54 --> 00:07:56 I suspect you did notice.
00:07:56 --> 00:08:01 As Proverbs 5 was read out, chapter 5, verse 18 to 20,
00:08:01 --> 00:08:04 May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth,
00:08:05 --> 00:08:06 a loving doe, a graceful deer.
00:08:06 --> 00:08:08 May her breast satisfy you always.
00:08:08 --> 00:08:12 Will you ever be intoxicated with her love?
00:08:12 --> 00:08:15 Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man's wife?
00:08:15 --> 00:08:17 Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?
00:08:18 --> 00:08:22 Now, what that's, at the very least, Proverbs 5 is saying,
00:08:23 --> 00:08:26 is that your spouse should be your lover.
00:08:26 --> 00:08:31 Your marriage should, therefore, include sexual intimacy.
00:08:31 --> 00:08:34 That's part of the marriage relationship.
00:08:35 --> 00:08:38 It also says, in chapter 2, verse 17,
00:08:38 --> 00:08:44 that the woman, the adulterous woman, left the partner of her youth.
00:08:45 --> 00:08:53 Now, the word partner there means your most intimate and best friend.
00:08:53 --> 00:08:56 That's what the word partner means.
00:08:57 --> 00:09:01 Now, what Proverbs suggests is that your relationship with your spouse
00:09:01 --> 00:09:09 should be characterised by both torrid romance and sexual intimacy
00:09:09 --> 00:09:14 and intimate friendship.
00:09:15 --> 00:09:17 Both of those things.
00:09:18 --> 00:09:22 Now, this is incredible for the time that this was written.
00:09:22 --> 00:09:24 You see, in traditional societies, when this was written,
00:09:25 --> 00:09:28 the purpose of marriage was to gain security and status for your family.
00:09:29 --> 00:09:33 Both husband and wife were trying to marry well as possible
00:09:33 --> 00:09:35 in terms of family status.
00:09:36 --> 00:09:39 Marriage was also about producing children,
00:09:40 --> 00:09:43 which was about producing family status and lineage,
00:09:44 --> 00:09:45 carrying on the family name.
00:09:45 --> 00:09:50 And if you manage to get married and have love and romance and friendship,
00:09:50 --> 00:09:52 then, well, lucky you.
00:09:54 --> 00:09:54 Good on you.
00:09:56 --> 00:10:00 The idea of marrying for love came quite later in history.
00:10:02 --> 00:10:05 And in Proverbs, it says that you marry for love.
00:10:06 --> 00:10:09 This is revolutionary in ancient culture.
00:10:10 --> 00:10:13 In a culture where women had very low status,
00:10:13 --> 00:10:18 it says that your spouse here is to be your best friend.
00:10:21 --> 00:10:24 That breaks all the categories of the ancient world.
00:10:26 --> 00:10:29 It's historically revolutionary and notable.
00:10:30 --> 00:10:31 But let's think about this practically.
00:10:31 --> 00:10:36 The combination of torrid romance and intimate friendship
00:10:36 --> 00:10:39 creates a unique relational dynamic.
00:10:41 --> 00:10:43 Friends, think about this,
00:10:43 --> 00:10:44 friends are normally side by side,
00:10:45 --> 00:10:47 absorbed in a common interest.
00:10:48 --> 00:10:51 And lovers are normally face to face,
00:10:51 --> 00:10:52 absorbed in each other.
00:10:53 --> 00:10:54 Like Jimmy and Kate.
00:10:56 --> 00:10:57 At the moment.
00:10:57 --> 00:11:02 It's interesting what Proverbs is saying here.
00:11:03 --> 00:11:06 C.S. Lewis, he wrote a chapter on friendship in his book,
00:11:06 --> 00:11:07 The Four Loves.
00:11:08 --> 00:11:12 And he suggests that friendship is about a common passion and interest.
00:11:13 --> 00:11:14 And he wrote this,
00:11:14 --> 00:11:17 friendship arises when two or more discover
00:11:17 --> 00:11:20 that they have in common some insight or interest.
00:11:21 --> 00:11:24 That is why those pathetic people who,
00:11:24 --> 00:11:25 this is C.S. Lewis,
00:11:25 --> 00:11:28 that is why those pathetic people who simply want friends
00:11:28 --> 00:11:30 can never make any.
00:11:31 --> 00:11:33 The very condition of having friends
00:11:33 --> 00:11:37 is that we should want something else besides the friends.
00:11:38 --> 00:11:40 Where the truthful answer to the question is,
00:11:41 --> 00:11:42 do you see the same truth,
00:11:43 --> 00:11:45 would be, I don't care about the truth,
00:11:45 --> 00:11:46 I only want you,
00:11:46 --> 00:11:48 you to be my friend.
00:11:49 --> 00:11:50 No friendship can arise.
00:11:51 --> 00:11:53 Though affection, of course, may.
00:11:53 --> 00:11:56 Friendship must be about something,
00:11:56 --> 00:12:01 even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice.
00:12:01 --> 00:12:03 Those who have nothing can share nothing.
00:12:04 --> 00:12:08 Those who are going nowhere can have no fellow travellers.
00:12:10 --> 00:12:12 Now that last statement is really interesting.
00:12:12 --> 00:12:18 The essence of friendship is having a vision for something
00:12:18 --> 00:12:22 that we both want to get to.
00:12:22 --> 00:12:24 That's the essence of friendship.
00:12:25 --> 00:12:28 Fellow travellers heading somewhere.
00:12:28 --> 00:12:31 On the other hand,
00:12:33 --> 00:12:35 lovers are absorbed in each other.
00:12:36 --> 00:12:39 What happens when you mix that together?
00:12:40 --> 00:12:42 Lovers being the best of friends?
00:12:45 --> 00:12:47 Ministry is what happens.
00:12:47 --> 00:12:54 The biblical picture of marriage is a journey towards your partner's,
00:12:54 --> 00:12:57 your spouse's future greatness.
00:12:57 --> 00:13:03 In fact, it's a journey towards your spouse's future glory.
00:13:04 --> 00:13:05 You see, traditional society,
00:13:06 --> 00:13:10 you get married for status.
00:13:10 --> 00:13:12 In modern Western society,
00:13:13 --> 00:13:15 you get married for fulfilment.
00:13:16 --> 00:13:17 And when you don't get fulfilled,
00:13:17 --> 00:13:19 you go somewhere else to get fulfilled.
00:13:19 --> 00:13:23 And they're both naive.
00:13:24 --> 00:13:25 Both naive.
00:13:27 --> 00:13:29 Let me remind you of the heart of the Christian message.
00:13:30 --> 00:13:31 All of us are made in the image of God.
00:13:31 --> 00:13:32 This is the biblical picture.
00:13:32 --> 00:13:34 All of us are made in the image of God.
00:13:34 --> 00:13:36 We are made to be something great,
00:13:36 --> 00:13:38 but we're all broken because of sin.
00:13:38 --> 00:13:41 We are all shadows of what we were made to be.
00:13:42 --> 00:13:44 God, knowing that we're all broken,
00:13:44 --> 00:13:46 comes into our world in the person of the Lord Jesus,
00:13:46 --> 00:13:49 lays himself out through the sacrifice of himself on the cross,
00:13:49 --> 00:13:51 comes into our lives,
00:13:51 --> 00:13:53 unites us to himself through the Holy Spirit.
00:13:53 --> 00:13:54 He applies what he has done,
00:13:54 --> 00:13:57 and he shapes us for our future greatness.
00:13:58 --> 00:13:59 Eternity in his presence,
00:14:00 --> 00:14:02 whole may complete.
00:14:03 --> 00:14:07 The great marriage in heaven.
00:14:08 --> 00:14:10 And that gospel message,
00:14:10 --> 00:14:10 that Christian message,
00:14:11 --> 00:14:12 shapes your view of marriage now.
00:14:13 --> 00:14:16 Marriage is gospel reenactment.
00:14:16 --> 00:14:18 It's the Christian message reenacted.
00:14:18 --> 00:14:21 Our course,
00:14:21 --> 00:14:21 of course,
00:14:21 --> 00:14:24 there are things like personal chemistry,
00:14:24 --> 00:14:26 but even for the Christian faith,
00:14:26 --> 00:14:27 it makes things go,
00:14:27 --> 00:14:29 the gospel makes it deeper than that.
00:14:29 --> 00:14:29 You see,
00:14:30 --> 00:14:33 even things like attraction are much deeper.
00:14:33 --> 00:14:34 As a Christian,
00:14:34 --> 00:14:38 you're attracted not just to what the other person is,
00:14:38 --> 00:14:40 but what they are going to be.
00:14:40 --> 00:14:44 A Christian looks at another and thinks,
00:14:44 --> 00:14:46 I see flashes of your future,
00:14:47 --> 00:14:48 and they excite me.
00:14:50 --> 00:14:51 You see,
00:14:51 --> 00:14:53 what they are becoming,
00:14:53 --> 00:14:54 and what God is making them into,
00:14:55 --> 00:14:57 you see that,
00:14:57 --> 00:14:58 you want to be part of that.
00:15:00 --> 00:15:02 Marriage becomes gospel reenactment,
00:15:02 --> 00:15:05 because you enter into the life of the other,
00:15:06 --> 00:15:08 and you commit yourself to sacrifice,
00:15:09 --> 00:15:10 to serve,
00:15:10 --> 00:15:11 to help,
00:15:12 --> 00:15:12 to minister,
00:15:13 --> 00:15:17 so that they get to that destination.
00:15:19 --> 00:15:19 Marriage.
00:15:21 --> 00:15:22 With their spouse,
00:15:23 --> 00:15:24 the Lord Jesus.
00:15:24 --> 00:15:26 That's the picture of the end of Revelation.
00:15:27 --> 00:15:29 You want to be part of that journey,
00:15:31 --> 00:15:33 part of their journey to that glory,
00:15:33 --> 00:15:35 the great marriage in heaven.
00:15:35 --> 00:15:39 You are friends committed to each other's future glory.
00:15:42 --> 00:15:43 That's the biblical picture of marriage.
00:15:46 --> 00:15:47 It's a ministry mindset.
00:15:50 --> 00:15:53 The consumer mindset of marriage,
00:15:53 --> 00:15:58 which is the picture of dominant in our society at the moment,
00:15:58 --> 00:15:59 where you marry for fulfillment,
00:16:01 --> 00:16:05 the consumer mindset is the opposite of the biblical picture.
00:16:05 --> 00:16:07 And the consumer mindset says,
00:16:08 --> 00:16:10 I will be the spouse that I should be,
00:16:10 --> 00:16:14 to the same measure that you are the spouse that you should be.
00:16:17 --> 00:16:19 I will promise to do this for you,
00:16:19 --> 00:16:20 providing you promise to do that for me.
00:16:20 --> 00:16:25 And so if you're not being the spouse that you should be,
00:16:26 --> 00:16:29 then I don't have to be the spouse that I should be.
00:16:29 --> 00:16:36 And that isn't the mindset of the gospel-empowered person.
00:16:37 --> 00:16:40 The gospel-motivated, empowered spouse says,
00:16:40 --> 00:16:42 I will be the spouse that I am meant to be,
00:16:43 --> 00:16:46 even when you are not the spouse that you are meant to be.
00:16:47 --> 00:16:52 The power to be like that to another is Jesus,
00:16:52 --> 00:16:55 because he has treated you like that.
00:16:56 --> 00:16:58 He loves us not because we are lovely,
00:16:59 --> 00:17:00 because he has made us lovely.
00:17:00 --> 00:17:02 Isn't that what Ephesians 5 says?
00:17:02 --> 00:17:05 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church
00:17:05 --> 00:17:07 and gave himself up for her to make her holy,
00:17:08 --> 00:17:10 cleansing her by the washing with water through the word
00:17:10 --> 00:17:13 and to present her to himself as a radiant church
00:17:13 --> 00:17:16 without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish,
00:17:16 --> 00:17:18 but holy and blameless.
00:17:20 --> 00:17:23 Now, hear me correctly here.
00:17:23 --> 00:17:26 I'm not suggesting that marriage is one way
00:17:26 --> 00:17:30 and that you're to be a doormat to a spouse.
00:17:32 --> 00:17:35 I think the most unloving thing you can do to an abuser
00:17:35 --> 00:17:36 is to allow them to abuse.
00:17:36 --> 00:17:42 I think the most unloving thing you can do for a selfish person
00:17:42 --> 00:17:43 is to allow them to be selfish.
00:17:45 --> 00:17:47 Iron sharpens iron,
00:17:47 --> 00:17:49 and so there is a need to confront your spouse
00:17:49 --> 00:17:51 about such behaviours
00:17:51 --> 00:17:54 and to take further steps if need be.
00:17:56 --> 00:17:58 But you're going to need to be patient.
00:17:59 --> 00:18:01 I mean real patient.
00:18:03 --> 00:18:04 Marriage is ministry.
00:18:04 --> 00:18:06 It is about service, not fulfilment.
00:18:07 --> 00:18:09 And when you seek the other person's good,
00:18:11 --> 00:18:13 even when you don't like them,
00:18:14 --> 00:18:17 the deeper your love will be.
00:18:20 --> 00:18:22 The less you love them
00:18:22 --> 00:18:24 when you don't like them,
00:18:25 --> 00:18:27 the less your love will be.
00:18:30 --> 00:18:32 Now, none of what I've said is easy to do.
00:18:33 --> 00:18:35 And the only way to get help here
00:18:35 --> 00:18:38 is to look at this in the context of the gospel.
00:18:40 --> 00:18:42 How can you stay on a journey
00:18:42 --> 00:18:44 with a difficult spouse?
00:18:46 --> 00:18:48 And the only answer, I think,
00:18:48 --> 00:18:49 is chapter 2,
00:18:50 --> 00:18:52 verse Proverbs 2, 16, 17,
00:18:52 --> 00:18:54 wisdom will save you also
00:18:54 --> 00:18:56 from the adulterous woman,
00:18:56 --> 00:18:57 from the wayward woman
00:18:57 --> 00:18:58 with the seductive words,
00:18:58 --> 00:19:00 who has left the partner of her youth
00:19:00 --> 00:19:02 and ignored the covenant
00:19:02 --> 00:19:03 that she made before God.
00:19:05 --> 00:19:07 What we need to see is
00:19:07 --> 00:19:11 that we are the adulterous woman.
00:19:13 --> 00:19:14 That's what we need to see.
00:19:14 --> 00:19:16 We need to keep in mind
00:19:16 --> 00:19:18 that Jesus Christ made a covenant
00:19:18 --> 00:19:19 with the Father
00:19:19 --> 00:19:21 to come to this earth
00:19:21 --> 00:19:22 to make us his partners,
00:19:22 --> 00:19:23 to make us his spouse.
00:19:23 --> 00:19:27 And when he got here,
00:19:27 --> 00:19:29 we crucified him.
00:19:31 --> 00:19:32 We crucified him.
00:19:33 --> 00:19:35 Jesus jumps into the very worst relationship,
00:19:36 --> 00:19:38 a relationship that ultimately sent him to hell.
00:19:38 --> 00:19:39 Some of you might think
00:19:39 --> 00:19:39 you're in a relationship
00:19:39 --> 00:19:40 that he's taken to hell,
00:19:40 --> 00:19:41 but Jesus,
00:19:41 --> 00:19:43 he got sent to hell,
00:19:43 --> 00:19:45 a relationship with us.
00:19:46 --> 00:19:47 That's what it cost him.
00:19:47 --> 00:19:51 We need to see him dying on the cross for us,
00:19:51 --> 00:19:54 but we also need to see him
00:19:54 --> 00:19:56 staying in a terrible relationship with us.
00:20:00 --> 00:20:02 We need to see him giving us
00:20:02 --> 00:20:05 the ultimate faithfulness and love
00:20:05 --> 00:20:09 despite of our lack of faithfulness and love.
00:20:12 --> 00:20:13 Seeing and experiencing that
00:20:13 --> 00:20:15 is your only hope.
00:20:17 --> 00:20:19 And so I would say that
00:20:19 --> 00:20:22 if your spouse
00:20:22 --> 00:20:25 is the centre of your life,
00:20:25 --> 00:20:28 you are going to be a lousy spouse.
00:20:31 --> 00:20:33 If you're looking for them
00:20:33 --> 00:20:36 to give you what only Jesus can give you,
00:20:36 --> 00:20:37 you're going to be a lousy spouse.
00:20:37 --> 00:20:38 You're going to treat them bad.
00:20:39 --> 00:20:41 If they are the most important thing to you,
00:20:41 --> 00:20:43 then you're going to be a lousy spouse.
00:20:43 --> 00:20:44 If your spouse isn't giving you
00:20:44 --> 00:20:46 what you think you should need,
00:20:46 --> 00:20:49 and in fact only what Jesus can give you,
00:20:49 --> 00:20:51 then you'd be so freaked out
00:20:51 --> 00:20:52 because they are the source
00:20:52 --> 00:20:53 of all your worth
00:20:53 --> 00:20:54 and all your meaning
00:20:54 --> 00:20:55 and all your happiness
00:20:55 --> 00:20:57 and fulfilment and satisfaction.
00:20:57 --> 00:21:00 Unless Jesus demotes your spouse
00:21:00 --> 00:21:03 out of the centre of your life,
00:21:03 --> 00:21:04 you're going to be a lousy spouse.
00:21:04 --> 00:21:05 That's what we keep as a church.
00:21:06 --> 00:21:06 And this is for everything.
00:21:07 --> 00:21:07 We just keep saying,
00:21:08 --> 00:21:09 we need to treasure Jesus,
00:21:09 --> 00:21:09 treasure Jesus.
00:21:09 --> 00:21:10 We're saying it again this morning.
00:21:10 --> 00:21:14 Jesus has to demote everything.
00:21:15 --> 00:21:16 Has to be the centre.
00:21:17 --> 00:21:18 Jesus' love has to so move us
00:21:18 --> 00:21:20 and give us the worth and security
00:21:20 --> 00:21:21 and hope that we crave
00:21:21 --> 00:21:23 so that when our spouse
00:21:23 --> 00:21:25 is not what they should be
00:21:25 --> 00:21:26 or what we would want them to be,
00:21:27 --> 00:21:29 we can in fact continue to handle life.
00:21:30 --> 00:21:33 Only when he is our ultimate
00:21:33 --> 00:21:34 are we set free to love
00:21:34 --> 00:21:37 and serve and minister to our spouse.
00:21:37 --> 00:21:42 So before moving on to parents and kids,
00:21:43 --> 00:21:46 just a quick word for those who are wondering
00:21:46 --> 00:21:48 how we handle the journey of life
00:21:48 --> 00:21:49 when we are not married
00:21:49 --> 00:21:50 but we want to be.
00:21:52 --> 00:21:53 There are a lot of people, frankly,
00:21:53 --> 00:21:55 who want to be married but aren't.
00:21:55 --> 00:21:56 They go to weddings
00:21:56 --> 00:21:57 and frankly they can't stand it.
00:21:58 --> 00:22:01 What I've just said a moment ago,
00:22:01 --> 00:22:03 it just applies for you as well.
00:22:04 --> 00:22:06 If it is true that you're going to be
00:22:06 --> 00:22:07 a lousy spouse unless Jesus
00:22:07 --> 00:22:10 is the ultimate source of love
00:22:10 --> 00:22:11 and significance for you,
00:22:12 --> 00:22:13 that is true for you
00:22:13 --> 00:22:14 for when you're single too.
00:22:16 --> 00:22:18 Marriage isn't the goal.
00:22:18 --> 00:22:18 Let me just say,
00:22:18 --> 00:22:19 marriage is not the goal.
00:22:21 --> 00:22:22 It's not like you get married
00:22:22 --> 00:22:23 and you've arrived.
00:22:24 --> 00:22:26 Jesus is the goal.
00:22:28 --> 00:22:29 Jesus has to be the ultimate source
00:22:29 --> 00:22:31 of love and significance in your life.
00:22:31 --> 00:22:33 Unless you are content as a single person,
00:22:33 --> 00:22:35 let me say,
00:22:36 --> 00:22:39 you'll never be content as a married person.
00:22:44 --> 00:22:46 Unless you are content as a single person
00:22:46 --> 00:22:47 because you already have
00:22:47 --> 00:22:49 the ultimate spouse in your life,
00:22:49 --> 00:22:51 the one who will get you
00:22:51 --> 00:22:52 to your future glory
00:22:52 --> 00:22:55 even if no one else signs up
00:22:55 --> 00:22:56 to help you on that journey,
00:22:56 --> 00:22:57 you already have Jesus.
00:22:57 --> 00:23:01 every other spouse
00:23:01 --> 00:23:02 is going to pale in significance.
00:23:05 --> 00:23:07 When you're content with being single,
00:23:08 --> 00:23:10 you will be a decent spouse.
00:23:12 --> 00:23:13 And when you're not content
00:23:13 --> 00:23:14 with being single
00:23:14 --> 00:23:15 and see the marriage
00:23:15 --> 00:23:16 as the goal of all things,
00:23:16 --> 00:23:17 of satisfaction,
00:23:17 --> 00:23:17 of fulfilment,
00:23:18 --> 00:23:18 all that sort of stuff,
00:23:18 --> 00:23:19 then you're going to start
00:23:19 --> 00:23:21 making all kinds of wrong choices
00:23:21 --> 00:23:23 about the sort of partner
00:23:23 --> 00:23:23 you'll have.
00:23:23 --> 00:23:25 Okay.
00:23:26 --> 00:23:28 More things to say about marriage
00:23:28 --> 00:23:30 but we've got to move on.
00:23:30 --> 00:23:31 Family relationships,
00:23:31 --> 00:23:32 parents to children.
00:23:33 --> 00:23:34 There's a huge amount
00:23:34 --> 00:23:35 that can be said here.
00:23:35 --> 00:23:36 Even from Proverbs,
00:23:37 --> 00:23:38 a whole lot more can be said
00:23:38 --> 00:23:38 than what I'm going to say.
00:23:39 --> 00:23:39 Given the time,
00:23:40 --> 00:23:41 let's just focus on the main thing.
00:23:41 --> 00:23:42 This is the main thing
00:23:42 --> 00:23:43 that Proverbs says
00:23:43 --> 00:23:44 about this relationship.
00:23:45 --> 00:23:46 And if you are more bent
00:23:46 --> 00:23:48 towards the conservative edge
00:23:48 --> 00:23:49 like most traditional societies,
00:23:50 --> 00:23:51 you are going to,
00:23:51 --> 00:23:52 you're more likely to suggest
00:23:52 --> 00:23:53 that the main thing about parenting
00:23:53 --> 00:23:54 is about control.
00:23:55 --> 00:23:57 If, on the other hand,
00:23:57 --> 00:23:57 you're more liberal
00:23:57 --> 00:24:00 like most modern Western societies,
00:24:00 --> 00:24:01 then you're going to suggest
00:24:01 --> 00:24:02 the main thing about parenting
00:24:02 --> 00:24:02 is to make sure
00:24:02 --> 00:24:03 that you grow your kids up to,
00:24:04 --> 00:24:04 with love and affection
00:24:04 --> 00:24:05 and affirmation.
00:24:06 --> 00:24:07 What Proverbs says
00:24:07 --> 00:24:09 is the main things about parenting
00:24:09 --> 00:24:11 is to make your child wise.
00:24:12 --> 00:24:14 So Proverbs 23, 22.
00:24:15 --> 00:24:16 Listen to your father
00:24:16 --> 00:24:17 who gave you life
00:24:17 --> 00:24:18 and do not despise your mother
00:24:18 --> 00:24:19 when she is old.
00:24:20 --> 00:24:21 Buy the truth
00:24:21 --> 00:24:22 and do not sell it
00:24:22 --> 00:24:23 wisdom and instruction
00:24:23 --> 00:24:24 inside as well.
00:24:24 --> 00:24:25 The father of a righteous child
00:24:25 --> 00:24:26 has great joy.
00:24:27 --> 00:24:30 A man who fathers a wise son
00:24:30 --> 00:24:31 rejoices in him.
00:24:32 --> 00:24:33 May your father and mother rejoice.
00:24:33 --> 00:24:35 May she who gave you birth
00:24:35 --> 00:24:35 be joyful.
00:24:36 --> 00:24:37 So the main job of a parent
00:24:37 --> 00:24:40 is to teach your children
00:24:40 --> 00:24:41 what is good,
00:24:41 --> 00:24:42 what is bad,
00:24:42 --> 00:24:43 what is right,
00:24:43 --> 00:24:43 what is wrong,
00:24:43 --> 00:24:44 what is wise,
00:24:44 --> 00:24:45 what is unwise.
00:24:45 --> 00:24:47 That's the main thing
00:24:47 --> 00:24:48 about parenting.
00:24:49 --> 00:24:50 And the number of us,
00:24:50 --> 00:24:51 let's be frank here,
00:24:51 --> 00:24:52 a number of us
00:24:52 --> 00:24:54 have jettisoned
00:24:54 --> 00:24:55 some,
00:24:55 --> 00:24:57 potentially even much,
00:24:57 --> 00:24:58 of what our parents
00:24:58 --> 00:24:58 have taught us
00:24:58 --> 00:25:00 about what's right and wrong.
00:25:00 --> 00:25:01 However,
00:25:02 --> 00:25:04 what makes you
00:25:04 --> 00:25:05 able to come up
00:25:05 --> 00:25:06 with an alternative
00:25:06 --> 00:25:07 understanding
00:25:07 --> 00:25:09 of what is right and wrong
00:25:09 --> 00:25:10 is the fact
00:25:10 --> 00:25:11 that your parents
00:25:11 --> 00:25:12 taught you
00:25:12 --> 00:25:13 anything in the first place.
00:25:13 --> 00:25:18 If you have parents
00:25:18 --> 00:25:20 who have been firm,
00:25:20 --> 00:25:22 have a coherent understanding
00:25:22 --> 00:25:23 of what's right and wrong
00:25:23 --> 00:25:24 that they themselves
00:25:24 --> 00:25:25 live by
00:25:25 --> 00:25:26 and you know
00:25:26 --> 00:25:28 that they delighted in you
00:25:28 --> 00:25:29 no matter what,
00:25:30 --> 00:25:31 you've been raised.
00:25:34 --> 00:25:35 Now even if
00:25:35 --> 00:25:37 you go a totally
00:25:37 --> 00:25:38 different direction
00:25:38 --> 00:25:38 in life,
00:25:39 --> 00:25:41 you've still been raised.
00:25:41 --> 00:25:42 Your parents
00:25:42 --> 00:25:42 are not guilty
00:25:42 --> 00:25:43 of parental
00:25:43 --> 00:25:45 malpractice.
00:25:47 --> 00:25:48 Now it's a different
00:25:48 --> 00:25:49 matter
00:25:49 --> 00:25:50 if
00:25:50 --> 00:25:53 parents lived
00:25:53 --> 00:25:55 inconsistently,
00:25:55 --> 00:25:56 they didn't
00:25:56 --> 00:25:56 delight in you,
00:25:57 --> 00:25:57 they didn't train,
00:25:57 --> 00:25:58 they didn't discipline,
00:25:59 --> 00:26:00 they didn't teach,
00:26:00 --> 00:26:01 they didn't navigate,
00:26:01 --> 00:26:01 they didn't guide.
00:26:02 --> 00:26:03 Proverbs would call that
00:26:03 --> 00:26:03 parenting
00:26:03 --> 00:26:04 malpractice.
00:26:06 --> 00:26:07 And so some of you
00:26:07 --> 00:26:09 who are now parents
00:26:09 --> 00:26:11 whose kids have grown up
00:26:11 --> 00:26:12 and are going in
00:26:12 --> 00:26:12 different directions,
00:26:13 --> 00:26:13 making different choices,
00:26:14 --> 00:26:16 you need to probably
00:26:16 --> 00:26:17 start feeling
00:26:17 --> 00:26:20 less guilty
00:26:20 --> 00:26:21 for that
00:26:21 --> 00:26:23 if you have
00:26:23 --> 00:26:25 at least
00:26:25 --> 00:26:25 set a course
00:26:25 --> 00:26:26 for your kids
00:26:26 --> 00:26:27 but they've chosen
00:26:27 --> 00:26:28 a different direction.
00:26:29 --> 00:26:30 Stop beating yourself up
00:26:30 --> 00:26:30 about it.
00:26:31 --> 00:26:32 Some of you,
00:26:32 --> 00:26:32 however,
00:26:32 --> 00:26:33 have set no course
00:26:33 --> 00:26:34 or direction
00:26:34 --> 00:26:34 for your kids
00:26:34 --> 00:26:35 and gone off
00:26:35 --> 00:26:35 in whatever direction
00:26:35 --> 00:26:36 you might need to feel
00:26:36 --> 00:26:37 a little bit responsible
00:26:37 --> 00:26:37 for that one.
00:26:40 --> 00:26:42 Proverbs 22.15
00:26:42 --> 00:26:43 makes,
00:26:44 --> 00:26:44 gives us
00:26:44 --> 00:26:45 the key ingredient
00:26:45 --> 00:26:47 to making your child wise.
00:26:49 --> 00:26:50 Folly is bound up
00:26:50 --> 00:26:51 in the heart of a child
00:26:51 --> 00:26:53 but the rod of discipline
00:26:53 --> 00:26:54 will drive it far away.
00:26:55 --> 00:26:55 Now,
00:26:56 --> 00:26:56 what that's saying
00:26:56 --> 00:26:58 is that children
00:26:58 --> 00:26:59 are by nature
00:26:59 --> 00:27:01 unwise.
00:27:02 --> 00:27:03 Their life
00:27:03 --> 00:27:05 will be a disaster
00:27:05 --> 00:27:08 unless you intervene
00:27:08 --> 00:27:10 and you give them wisdom.
00:27:12 --> 00:27:12 Now,
00:27:12 --> 00:27:13 the intervention here
00:27:13 --> 00:27:14 in Proverbs 22
00:27:14 --> 00:27:16 is called
00:27:16 --> 00:27:17 the rod
00:27:17 --> 00:27:18 of discipline.
00:27:19 --> 00:27:19 Now,
00:27:19 --> 00:27:20 the word discipline
00:27:20 --> 00:27:21 here means
00:27:21 --> 00:27:22 literally to coach.
00:27:23 --> 00:27:24 It's a combination
00:27:24 --> 00:27:26 of discipline
00:27:26 --> 00:27:27 instruction.
00:27:28 --> 00:27:28 Now,
00:27:28 --> 00:27:29 the word rod
00:27:29 --> 00:27:31 means to take
00:27:31 --> 00:27:31 authority.
00:27:32 --> 00:27:33 It doesn't
00:27:33 --> 00:27:34 always mean
00:27:34 --> 00:27:36 corporal punishment.
00:27:37 --> 00:27:37 You see,
00:27:37 --> 00:27:38 one of the great dangers
00:27:38 --> 00:27:38 of reading
00:27:38 --> 00:27:40 the book of Proverbs
00:27:40 --> 00:27:41 and just picking out
00:27:41 --> 00:27:42 your favourite proverb,
00:27:42 --> 00:27:43 like you're about
00:27:43 --> 00:27:44 to belt your kid
00:27:44 --> 00:27:44 and you're saying,
00:27:44 --> 00:27:44 well,
00:27:44 --> 00:27:44 you know,
00:27:44 --> 00:27:45 discipline my child,
00:27:46 --> 00:27:46 you know,
00:27:46 --> 00:27:46 the rod,
00:27:46 --> 00:27:47 this is not a rod,
00:27:47 --> 00:27:47 kid,
00:27:47 --> 00:27:47 so be grateful.
00:27:50 --> 00:27:51 You need to understand
00:27:51 --> 00:27:52 the nuances
00:27:52 --> 00:27:55 every time a word
00:27:55 --> 00:27:55 pops up
00:27:55 --> 00:27:56 and certainly here
00:27:56 --> 00:27:56 every time a word
00:27:56 --> 00:27:57 like,
00:27:57 --> 00:27:57 for instance,
00:27:57 --> 00:27:57 rod,
00:27:57 --> 00:27:58 we think it
00:27:58 --> 00:27:59 automatically means
00:27:59 --> 00:28:00 to smack,
00:28:00 --> 00:28:01 corporal punishment.
00:28:01 --> 00:28:02 That's what you all
00:28:02 --> 00:28:02 thought,
00:28:03 --> 00:28:03 wasn't it?
00:28:03 --> 00:28:04 Automatically,
00:28:04 --> 00:28:04 corporal punishment,
00:28:05 --> 00:28:05 boom.
00:28:08 --> 00:28:08 Now,
00:28:09 --> 00:28:09 it's included
00:28:09 --> 00:28:10 at times
00:28:10 --> 00:28:11 but not all times.
00:28:12 --> 00:28:13 There's a famous
00:28:13 --> 00:28:14 proverb that says,
00:28:14 --> 00:28:15 start children off
00:28:15 --> 00:28:16 on the way
00:28:16 --> 00:28:16 they should go
00:28:16 --> 00:28:18 and even when
00:28:18 --> 00:28:18 they're old
00:28:18 --> 00:28:19 they will not
00:28:19 --> 00:28:19 turn from it.
00:28:19 --> 00:28:20 That's 22.6.
00:28:21 --> 00:28:21 Now,
00:28:21 --> 00:28:22 many commentators
00:28:22 --> 00:28:23 suggest the nature
00:28:23 --> 00:28:24 of training there
00:28:24 --> 00:28:26 is to fit
00:28:26 --> 00:28:26 the nature
00:28:26 --> 00:28:27 of the child.
00:28:28 --> 00:28:28 I've got three
00:28:28 --> 00:28:29 daughters,
00:28:29 --> 00:28:29 they're all
00:28:29 --> 00:28:30 very different.
00:28:31 --> 00:28:32 Some children
00:28:32 --> 00:28:33 sideways glance
00:28:33 --> 00:28:34 and boom,
00:28:34 --> 00:28:34 they're on the floor
00:28:34 --> 00:28:36 and they're a mess.
00:28:37 --> 00:28:37 They're all over
00:28:37 --> 00:28:38 the place.
00:28:39 --> 00:28:39 Well,
00:28:39 --> 00:28:40 that's all that one's
00:28:40 --> 00:28:40 needed.
00:28:40 --> 00:28:40 Another one
00:28:40 --> 00:28:42 can stare you
00:28:42 --> 00:28:42 down.
00:28:43 --> 00:28:43 You know,
00:28:44 --> 00:28:45 any sort of threat
00:28:45 --> 00:28:45 at all
00:28:45 --> 00:28:46 and they're just
00:28:46 --> 00:28:46 adamant.
00:28:47 --> 00:28:48 There's no way
00:28:48 --> 00:28:48 there's going to be
00:28:48 --> 00:28:49 any tears here.
00:28:49 --> 00:28:49 I'm just going to
00:28:49 --> 00:28:50 show you who's
00:28:50 --> 00:28:50 in charge.
00:28:53 --> 00:28:54 That's just my
00:28:54 --> 00:28:54 family.
00:28:54 --> 00:28:55 I've got no idea.
00:28:55 --> 00:28:59 If you think
00:28:59 --> 00:29:00 the corporal
00:29:00 --> 00:29:00 punishment
00:29:00 --> 00:29:01 is the
00:29:01 --> 00:29:02 universal
00:29:02 --> 00:29:03 answer,
00:29:03 --> 00:29:04 you've totally
00:29:04 --> 00:29:05 missed the point
00:29:05 --> 00:29:05 of Proverbs
00:29:05 --> 00:29:06 and the
00:29:06 --> 00:29:06 biblical
00:29:06 --> 00:29:07 understanding
00:29:07 --> 00:29:08 of child
00:29:08 --> 00:29:08 rearing.
00:29:10 --> 00:29:11 Your child
00:29:11 --> 00:29:11 needs to know
00:29:11 --> 00:29:12 that you
00:29:12 --> 00:29:13 delight in
00:29:13 --> 00:29:14 them no matter
00:29:14 --> 00:29:14 what.
00:29:16 --> 00:29:17 Your child
00:29:17 --> 00:29:17 needs to have
00:29:17 --> 00:29:18 a coherent
00:29:18 --> 00:29:19 understanding
00:29:19 --> 00:29:20 of right and
00:29:20 --> 00:29:21 wrong and I
00:29:21 --> 00:29:21 would argue
00:29:21 --> 00:29:22 that's a biblical
00:29:22 --> 00:29:22 understanding of
00:29:22 --> 00:29:23 right and wrong
00:29:23 --> 00:29:25 and your child
00:29:25 --> 00:29:26 needs to see
00:29:26 --> 00:29:28 you consistently
00:29:28 --> 00:29:28 living that
00:29:28 --> 00:29:29 out.
00:29:32 --> 00:29:32 Quick
00:29:32 --> 00:29:34 word.
00:29:35 --> 00:29:35 Dads,
00:29:36 --> 00:29:37 take responsibility
00:29:37 --> 00:29:39 here to lead
00:29:39 --> 00:29:39 your family,
00:29:40 --> 00:29:40 to lead your
00:29:40 --> 00:29:41 kids.
00:29:42 --> 00:29:42 And secondly,
00:29:43 --> 00:29:44 kids' church
00:29:44 --> 00:29:45 doesn't do that
00:29:45 --> 00:29:45 for you.
00:29:46 --> 00:29:47 It's your
00:29:47 --> 00:29:47 job.
00:29:48 --> 00:29:49 It's your
00:29:49 --> 00:29:49 job.
00:29:50 --> 00:29:50 You want to
00:29:50 --> 00:29:51 instill spiritual
00:29:51 --> 00:29:52 wisdom in your
00:29:52 --> 00:29:53 kids, you've
00:29:53 --> 00:29:53 got to do it
00:29:53 --> 00:29:53 at home.
00:29:55 --> 00:29:56 We only just
00:29:56 --> 00:29:56 partner with
00:29:56 --> 00:29:57 you for a
00:29:57 --> 00:29:58 little fraction
00:29:58 --> 00:29:59 of your
00:29:59 --> 00:29:59 child's life
00:29:59 --> 00:30:00 here at
00:30:00 --> 00:30:00 Kids'
00:30:00 --> 00:30:00 Church.
00:30:02 --> 00:30:02 Okay.
00:30:03 --> 00:30:04 That's the
00:30:04 --> 00:30:04 main way that
00:30:04 --> 00:30:06 parents relate
00:30:06 --> 00:30:07 to children.
00:30:07 --> 00:30:08 Now, what
00:30:08 --> 00:30:09 about children
00:30:09 --> 00:30:10 relating to
00:30:10 --> 00:30:10 parents?
00:30:10 --> 00:30:10 In Proverbs
00:30:10 --> 00:30:11 and in the
00:30:11 --> 00:30:11 rest of the
00:30:11 --> 00:30:12 Bible, there
00:30:12 --> 00:30:12 is one key
00:30:12 --> 00:30:14 word that
00:30:14 --> 00:30:14 comes up
00:30:14 --> 00:30:15 again and
00:30:15 --> 00:30:17 again to
00:30:17 --> 00:30:17 describe the
00:30:17 --> 00:30:18 main thing
00:30:18 --> 00:30:18 about this
00:30:18 --> 00:30:20 relationship and
00:30:20 --> 00:30:20 it's the
00:30:20 --> 00:30:21 word honour.
00:30:21 --> 00:30:21 honour.
00:30:23 --> 00:30:23 The opposite
00:30:23 --> 00:30:24 of honouring
00:30:24 --> 00:30:24 is to
00:30:24 --> 00:30:25 despise.
00:30:25 --> 00:30:25 Now, you
00:30:25 --> 00:30:26 probably know
00:30:26 --> 00:30:26 this is
00:30:26 --> 00:30:27 true.
00:30:27 --> 00:30:28 It's in the
00:30:28 --> 00:30:29 Ten Commandments.
00:30:29 --> 00:30:29 Honour your
00:30:29 --> 00:30:30 father and
00:30:30 --> 00:30:30 mother.
00:30:30 --> 00:30:31 Notice it
00:30:31 --> 00:30:31 doesn't say
00:30:31 --> 00:30:32 love your
00:30:32 --> 00:30:32 father and
00:30:32 --> 00:30:32 mother.
00:30:32 --> 00:30:32 It doesn't
00:30:32 --> 00:30:33 say obey
00:30:33 --> 00:30:33 your father
00:30:33 --> 00:30:34 and mother.
00:30:34 --> 00:30:34 It doesn't
00:30:34 --> 00:30:34 say admire
00:30:34 --> 00:30:35 your father
00:30:35 --> 00:30:35 and mother.
00:30:35 --> 00:30:35 It doesn't
00:30:35 --> 00:30:36 say trust
00:30:36 --> 00:30:36 your father
00:30:36 --> 00:30:36 and mother.
00:30:37 --> 00:30:37 It doesn't
00:30:37 --> 00:30:38 even say have
00:30:38 --> 00:30:38 affection for
00:30:38 --> 00:30:39 your father
00:30:39 --> 00:30:39 and mother.
00:30:39 --> 00:30:40 It says
00:30:40 --> 00:30:40 honour.
00:30:42 --> 00:30:42 Why?
00:30:43 --> 00:30:44 Why not
00:30:44 --> 00:30:46 love your
00:30:46 --> 00:30:46 father and
00:30:46 --> 00:30:46 mother?
00:30:46 --> 00:30:46 father.
00:30:48 --> 00:30:48 Now, there
00:30:48 --> 00:30:49 is an
00:30:49 --> 00:30:50 enormous range
00:30:50 --> 00:30:52 of transitions
00:30:52 --> 00:30:53 that we go
00:30:53 --> 00:30:53 through in
00:30:53 --> 00:30:53 life in
00:30:53 --> 00:30:54 which we
00:30:54 --> 00:30:54 relate to
00:30:54 --> 00:30:55 our parents.
00:30:56 --> 00:30:57 You go from
00:30:57 --> 00:30:57 an infant to
00:30:57 --> 00:30:58 a toddler to
00:30:58 --> 00:30:59 a young adult
00:30:59 --> 00:31:00 and then the
00:31:00 --> 00:31:01 teenage years
00:31:01 --> 00:31:03 and then all
00:31:03 --> 00:31:03 that sort of
00:31:03 --> 00:31:04 stuff.
00:31:04 --> 00:31:04 In fact,
00:31:04 --> 00:31:05 that comes
00:31:05 --> 00:31:05 before young
00:31:05 --> 00:31:06 adult,
00:31:06 --> 00:31:06 teenage years,
00:31:07 --> 00:31:09 and then after
00:31:09 --> 00:31:10 that sort of
00:31:10 --> 00:31:10 stuff.
00:31:10 --> 00:31:11 Now, in
00:31:11 --> 00:31:11 some of those
00:31:11 --> 00:31:12 stages of
00:31:12 --> 00:31:13 life, to
00:31:13 --> 00:31:13 obey your
00:31:13 --> 00:31:15 parents is
00:31:15 --> 00:31:16 either
00:31:16 --> 00:31:17 absolutely
00:31:17 --> 00:31:17 essential,
00:31:18 --> 00:31:18 crucial for
00:31:18 --> 00:31:20 you, as I
00:31:20 --> 00:31:20 would argue,
00:31:20 --> 00:31:21 for instance,
00:31:21 --> 00:31:22 you know,
00:31:22 --> 00:31:22 sort of up to
00:31:22 --> 00:31:23 the age of
00:31:23 --> 00:31:25 10, or
00:31:25 --> 00:31:25 it's a
00:31:25 --> 00:31:25 complete
00:31:25 --> 00:31:26 disaster for
00:31:26 --> 00:31:27 you, such
00:31:27 --> 00:31:28 as if
00:31:28 --> 00:31:29 you're 47.
00:31:32 --> 00:31:32 There is
00:31:32 --> 00:31:33 just an
00:31:33 --> 00:31:34 enormous range
00:31:34 --> 00:31:35 of situations
00:31:35 --> 00:31:36 in the way
00:31:36 --> 00:31:36 that we relate
00:31:36 --> 00:31:36 to our
00:31:36 --> 00:31:38 parents, and
00:31:38 --> 00:31:39 there's also
00:31:39 --> 00:31:39 an enormous
00:31:39 --> 00:31:40 range of
00:31:40 --> 00:31:42 parents as
00:31:42 --> 00:31:42 well.
00:31:44 --> 00:31:45 It might
00:31:45 --> 00:31:45 not have
00:31:45 --> 00:31:45 struck you,
00:31:45 --> 00:31:46 before, but
00:31:46 --> 00:31:47 by definition,
00:31:47 --> 00:31:48 half of all
00:31:48 --> 00:31:49 parents are
00:31:49 --> 00:31:50 below average.
00:31:51 --> 00:31:52 Argue with
00:31:52 --> 00:31:53 that logic.
00:31:57 --> 00:31:57 A lot of
00:31:57 --> 00:31:58 parents are
00:31:58 --> 00:31:58 not great
00:31:58 --> 00:32:00 parents, and
00:32:00 --> 00:32:01 that is why
00:32:01 --> 00:32:02 the Bible is
00:32:02 --> 00:32:02 very smart
00:32:02 --> 00:32:03 when it says
00:32:03 --> 00:32:04 there is one
00:32:04 --> 00:32:04 thing that is
00:32:04 --> 00:32:05 constant in
00:32:05 --> 00:32:06 your relationship
00:32:06 --> 00:32:07 with your
00:32:07 --> 00:32:09 parents, despite
00:32:09 --> 00:32:10 the stages of
00:32:10 --> 00:32:11 life, despite
00:32:11 --> 00:32:12 the quality of
00:32:12 --> 00:32:12 your parents,
00:32:13 --> 00:32:13 and this one
00:32:13 --> 00:32:14 condition must be
00:32:14 --> 00:32:15 fulfilled.
00:32:15 --> 00:32:16 you must
00:32:16 --> 00:32:17 honour them.
00:32:19 --> 00:32:20 And honour
00:32:20 --> 00:32:21 is not a
00:32:21 --> 00:32:22 sentimental word,
00:32:22 --> 00:32:22 it's an
00:32:22 --> 00:32:23 unsentimental
00:32:23 --> 00:32:23 word.
00:32:23 --> 00:32:25 It means to
00:32:25 --> 00:32:25 treat your
00:32:25 --> 00:32:26 parents with
00:32:26 --> 00:32:27 appropriate
00:32:27 --> 00:32:28 weight.
00:32:32 --> 00:32:32 Now let's
00:32:32 --> 00:32:33 just, given
00:32:33 --> 00:32:34 that most of
00:32:34 --> 00:32:35 us here are
00:32:35 --> 00:32:36 adults, and
00:32:36 --> 00:32:37 some are
00:32:37 --> 00:32:37 moving in
00:32:37 --> 00:32:38 that direction,
00:32:38 --> 00:32:39 once you hit
00:32:39 --> 00:32:39 over 30,
00:32:39 --> 00:32:43 let's just
00:32:43 --> 00:32:43 focus on what
00:32:43 --> 00:32:44 it looks like
00:32:44 --> 00:32:45 as an adult
00:32:45 --> 00:32:45 to honour
00:32:45 --> 00:32:46 their parents.
00:32:47 --> 00:32:47 And there
00:32:47 --> 00:32:47 are five
00:32:47 --> 00:32:49 ways, five
00:32:49 --> 00:32:50 ways, at
00:32:50 --> 00:32:50 least five
00:32:50 --> 00:32:51 ways.
00:32:51 --> 00:32:52 Number one,
00:32:52 --> 00:32:52 find the
00:32:52 --> 00:32:53 appropriate
00:32:53 --> 00:32:55 symbols by
00:32:55 --> 00:32:55 which you
00:32:55 --> 00:32:56 show them
00:32:56 --> 00:32:56 respect.
00:32:57 --> 00:32:58 Remembering
00:32:58 --> 00:32:59 special days,
00:32:59 --> 00:33:00 places at the
00:33:00 --> 00:33:01 table, you
00:33:01 --> 00:33:02 know, even
00:33:02 --> 00:33:03 when my dad
00:33:03 --> 00:33:03 comes and
00:33:03 --> 00:33:04 visits my
00:33:04 --> 00:33:05 home, offer
00:33:05 --> 00:33:05 him the head
00:33:05 --> 00:33:05 of the table.
00:33:05 --> 00:33:08 letting them
00:33:08 --> 00:33:09 speak first in
00:33:09 --> 00:33:10 certain situations,
00:33:10 --> 00:33:11 that sort of
00:33:11 --> 00:33:11 thing.
00:33:12 --> 00:33:13 Number two,
00:33:13 --> 00:33:14 don't underestimate
00:33:14 --> 00:33:15 your parents'
00:33:15 --> 00:33:17 need to see
00:33:17 --> 00:33:19 themselves
00:33:19 --> 00:33:20 reproduced in
00:33:20 --> 00:33:20 you.
00:33:22 --> 00:33:23 Any place
00:33:23 --> 00:33:24 that you can
00:33:24 --> 00:33:25 say, I got
00:33:25 --> 00:33:25 that from you
00:33:25 --> 00:33:26 and I'm
00:33:26 --> 00:33:27 grateful.
00:33:28 --> 00:33:28 You know,
00:33:28 --> 00:33:28 when my,
00:33:30 --> 00:33:31 I was,
00:33:32 --> 00:33:32 this is
00:33:32 --> 00:33:32 recorded,
00:33:34 --> 00:33:35 just recently
00:33:35 --> 00:33:36 I was helping
00:33:36 --> 00:33:36 my dad
00:33:36 --> 00:33:37 build a
00:33:37 --> 00:33:37 shed and
00:33:37 --> 00:33:37 my mum
00:33:37 --> 00:33:38 was grateful
00:33:38 --> 00:33:38 that I was
00:33:38 --> 00:33:38 there to
00:33:38 --> 00:33:38 help my
00:33:38 --> 00:33:39 dad build
00:33:39 --> 00:33:39 the shed.
00:33:40 --> 00:33:40 I'm slightly
00:33:40 --> 00:33:41 more precise
00:33:41 --> 00:33:42 on things like
00:33:42 --> 00:33:42 levels and
00:33:42 --> 00:33:43 measurements than
00:33:43 --> 00:33:45 he is.
00:33:45 --> 00:33:45 He's pretty
00:33:45 --> 00:33:46 good but I'm
00:33:46 --> 00:33:47 more precise
00:33:47 --> 00:33:48 on things.
00:33:49 --> 00:33:49 And mum
00:33:49 --> 00:33:50 said, you
00:33:50 --> 00:33:52 know, glad
00:33:52 --> 00:33:52 you're here to
00:33:52 --> 00:33:53 make it happen.
00:33:54 --> 00:33:55 And I said,
00:33:55 --> 00:33:56 well, I
00:33:56 --> 00:33:56 actually did get
00:33:56 --> 00:33:57 it from him.
00:33:58 --> 00:33:59 I got my
00:33:59 --> 00:34:00 skills from
00:34:00 --> 00:34:00 him.
00:34:02 --> 00:34:03 Just take it,
00:34:03 --> 00:34:03 you know,
00:34:03 --> 00:34:04 anytime they see
00:34:04 --> 00:34:05 you duplicate
00:34:05 --> 00:34:06 it.
00:34:06 --> 00:34:06 My dad
00:34:06 --> 00:34:07 compliments me
00:34:07 --> 00:34:07 on my
00:34:07 --> 00:34:10 driving and
00:34:10 --> 00:34:10 I got it
00:34:10 --> 00:34:11 from him.
00:34:11 --> 00:34:11 He can
00:34:11 --> 00:34:12 drive virtually
00:34:12 --> 00:34:12 anything.
00:34:12 --> 00:34:12 You put him
00:34:12 --> 00:34:13 in a machine,
00:34:13 --> 00:34:13 you can drive
00:34:13 --> 00:34:13 anything.
00:34:14 --> 00:34:14 Got it from
00:34:14 --> 00:34:14 him.
00:34:16 --> 00:34:17 My incessant
00:34:17 --> 00:34:18 cleanliness and
00:34:18 --> 00:34:19 tidiness and
00:34:19 --> 00:34:19 order, I got it
00:34:19 --> 00:34:20 from my mum.
00:34:21 --> 00:34:21 Not from my
00:34:21 --> 00:34:21 dad.
00:34:22 --> 00:34:23 Got that from
00:34:23 --> 00:34:23 my mum.
00:34:24 --> 00:34:25 Don't underestimate
00:34:25 --> 00:34:25 your parents need
00:34:25 --> 00:34:26 to see themselves
00:34:26 --> 00:34:27 reproducing you.
00:34:27 --> 00:34:27 Number three,
00:34:27 --> 00:34:28 don't stereotype
00:34:28 --> 00:34:28 them.
00:34:29 --> 00:34:29 They can change.
00:34:30 --> 00:34:31 People can change.
00:34:31 --> 00:34:32 Just because
00:34:32 --> 00:34:33 they were always
00:34:33 --> 00:34:35 like that up
00:34:35 --> 00:34:35 until the time
00:34:35 --> 00:34:36 you left home
00:34:36 --> 00:34:37 doesn't mean
00:34:37 --> 00:34:38 they're like it
00:34:38 --> 00:34:38 now.
00:34:39 --> 00:34:40 They can change.
00:34:40 --> 00:34:41 Number four,
00:34:41 --> 00:34:42 you have to
00:34:42 --> 00:34:42 forgive them.
00:34:43 --> 00:34:44 If you stay
00:34:44 --> 00:34:45 resentful at
00:34:45 --> 00:34:46 your parents,
00:34:46 --> 00:34:47 your life will
00:34:47 --> 00:34:47 be distorted.
00:34:48 --> 00:34:49 And some of
00:34:49 --> 00:34:49 you might have
00:34:49 --> 00:34:50 lost your
00:34:50 --> 00:34:50 parents long
00:34:50 --> 00:34:52 ago, but
00:34:52 --> 00:34:53 you're still
00:34:53 --> 00:34:54 angry with
00:34:54 --> 00:34:54 them about
00:34:54 --> 00:34:55 something.
00:34:56 --> 00:34:57 And if you
00:34:57 --> 00:35:00 are, they
00:35:00 --> 00:35:00 are still
00:35:00 --> 00:35:01 controlling you.
00:35:02 --> 00:35:03 They're still
00:35:03 --> 00:35:04 controlling you.
00:35:05 --> 00:35:05 And if you're
00:35:05 --> 00:35:06 still mad at
00:35:06 --> 00:35:08 them, you're
00:35:08 --> 00:35:08 still operating
00:35:08 --> 00:35:09 like the
00:35:09 --> 00:35:09 child.
00:35:12 --> 00:35:12 One of the
00:35:12 --> 00:35:13 ways to break
00:35:13 --> 00:35:14 that is by
00:35:14 --> 00:35:14 forgiving them.
00:35:15 --> 00:35:16 Number five,
00:35:16 --> 00:35:16 and this is the
00:35:16 --> 00:35:16 most important
00:35:16 --> 00:35:18 one, the way
00:35:18 --> 00:35:18 to honour
00:35:18 --> 00:35:19 them is to
00:35:19 --> 00:35:20 be liberated
00:35:20 --> 00:35:20 enough from
00:35:20 --> 00:35:21 them to be
00:35:21 --> 00:35:22 able to say,
00:35:22 --> 00:35:23 I don't need
00:35:23 --> 00:35:23 your approval
00:35:23 --> 00:35:24 anymore.
00:35:25 --> 00:35:26 I don't need
00:35:26 --> 00:35:26 your approval
00:35:26 --> 00:35:27 anymore.
00:35:30 --> 00:35:31 If you've
00:35:31 --> 00:35:32 had really
00:35:32 --> 00:35:32 great parents,
00:35:33 --> 00:35:33 you can spend
00:35:33 --> 00:35:34 the rest of
00:35:34 --> 00:35:34 your life
00:35:34 --> 00:35:34 trying to
00:35:34 --> 00:35:35 please them
00:35:35 --> 00:35:36 by being
00:35:36 --> 00:35:37 like them,
00:35:37 --> 00:35:38 or you
00:35:38 --> 00:35:39 might have
00:35:39 --> 00:35:40 had really
00:35:40 --> 00:35:40 bad parents
00:35:40 --> 00:35:41 and you
00:35:41 --> 00:35:41 spend the
00:35:41 --> 00:35:42 rest of
00:35:42 --> 00:35:42 your life
00:35:42 --> 00:35:43 resenting
00:35:43 --> 00:35:43 them.
00:35:43 --> 00:35:43 Either way,
00:35:43 --> 00:35:44 you haven't
00:35:44 --> 00:35:44 left them.
00:35:46 --> 00:35:46 Either way,
00:35:46 --> 00:35:46 you haven't
00:35:46 --> 00:35:47 left them.
00:35:50 --> 00:35:50 You haven't
00:35:50 --> 00:35:51 grown up and
00:35:51 --> 00:35:52 therefore you
00:35:52 --> 00:35:52 haven't really
00:35:52 --> 00:35:53 honoured them.
00:35:55 --> 00:35:55 A number of
00:35:55 --> 00:35:56 years ago,
00:35:56 --> 00:35:58 about five,
00:35:58 --> 00:35:58 six years ago,
00:35:58 --> 00:35:59 I spent most
00:35:59 --> 00:35:59 of my life
00:35:59 --> 00:36:01 attempting to
00:36:01 --> 00:36:01 get my
00:36:01 --> 00:36:02 father's
00:36:02 --> 00:36:02 approval,
00:36:04 --> 00:36:07 where he
00:36:07 --> 00:36:08 would say
00:36:08 --> 00:36:08 that I'm
00:36:08 --> 00:36:08 proud of
00:36:08 --> 00:36:09 you and
00:36:09 --> 00:36:09 what you
00:36:09 --> 00:36:09 become and
00:36:09 --> 00:36:10 that sort
00:36:10 --> 00:36:10 of thing.
00:36:10 --> 00:36:11 About five,
00:36:12 --> 00:36:12 six years
00:36:12 --> 00:36:12 ago,
00:36:12 --> 00:36:13 sitting in
00:36:13 --> 00:36:13 the kitchen
00:36:13 --> 00:36:14 over the
00:36:14 --> 00:36:14 rectory,
00:36:15 --> 00:36:15 mum and
00:36:15 --> 00:36:16 dad came
00:36:16 --> 00:36:16 and said,
00:36:16 --> 00:36:17 just want
00:36:17 --> 00:36:17 you to
00:36:17 --> 00:36:18 know how
00:36:18 --> 00:36:18 proud of
00:36:18 --> 00:36:19 we are
00:36:19 --> 00:36:19 in you and
00:36:19 --> 00:36:19 what you
00:36:19 --> 00:36:20 become,
00:36:20 --> 00:36:21 who you
00:36:21 --> 00:36:21 are as a
00:36:21 --> 00:36:21 husband,
00:36:21 --> 00:36:21 who you
00:36:21 --> 00:36:22 are as a
00:36:22 --> 00:36:22 father,
00:36:22 --> 00:36:22 who you
00:36:22 --> 00:36:22 are as a
00:36:22 --> 00:36:23 pastor.
00:36:24 --> 00:36:24 We
00:36:24 --> 00:36:24 couldn't
00:36:24 --> 00:36:24 be prouder
00:36:24 --> 00:36:25 as parents.
00:36:26 --> 00:36:26 You know
00:36:26 --> 00:36:26 something?
00:36:27 --> 00:36:27 It was
00:36:27 --> 00:36:28 really nice
00:36:28 --> 00:36:28 to hear
00:36:28 --> 00:36:28 him say
00:36:28 --> 00:36:29 it.
00:36:30 --> 00:36:30 I didn't
00:36:30 --> 00:36:31 need it.
00:36:32 --> 00:36:32 That's what
00:36:32 --> 00:36:33 Jesus does
00:36:33 --> 00:36:33 for you.
00:36:34 --> 00:36:35 I didn't
00:36:35 --> 00:36:35 need it.
00:36:36 --> 00:36:36 It was
00:36:36 --> 00:36:36 good for
00:36:36 --> 00:36:36 them to
00:36:36 --> 00:36:37 say it,
00:36:37 --> 00:36:37 good for
00:36:37 --> 00:36:37 them,
00:36:37 --> 00:36:38 and it
00:36:38 --> 00:36:38 was good
00:36:38 --> 00:36:38 for me,
00:36:38 --> 00:36:38 but I
00:36:38 --> 00:36:39 didn't
00:36:39 --> 00:36:39 need it.
00:36:43 --> 00:36:44 Let me
00:36:44 --> 00:36:44 just say,
00:36:45 --> 00:36:45 this is one
00:36:45 --> 00:36:45 of the
00:36:45 --> 00:36:46 reasons why
00:36:46 --> 00:36:46 the Bible's
00:36:46 --> 00:36:47 called on
00:36:47 --> 00:36:47 our parents
00:36:47 --> 00:36:47 is so,
00:36:48 --> 00:36:48 so important.
00:36:49 --> 00:36:49 You never
00:36:49 --> 00:36:50 grow up,
00:36:50 --> 00:36:51 you never
00:36:51 --> 00:36:52 grow up
00:36:52 --> 00:36:53 if you
00:36:53 --> 00:36:53 don't need
00:36:53 --> 00:36:54 their approval,
00:36:54 --> 00:36:54 if you
00:36:54 --> 00:36:54 don't get
00:36:54 --> 00:36:55 to a point
00:36:55 --> 00:36:55 where you
00:36:55 --> 00:36:55 don't need
00:36:55 --> 00:36:56 their approval.
00:36:57 --> 00:36:59 At one
00:36:59 --> 00:37:00 point,
00:37:00 --> 00:37:00 our parents
00:37:00 --> 00:37:01 stood in the
00:37:01 --> 00:37:01 place of
00:37:01 --> 00:37:02 God for
00:37:02 --> 00:37:02 us,
00:37:02 --> 00:37:02 they were
00:37:02 --> 00:37:03 our complete
00:37:03 --> 00:37:04 source of
00:37:04 --> 00:37:05 identity and
00:37:05 --> 00:37:05 security and
00:37:05 --> 00:37:06 significance,
00:37:06 --> 00:37:07 but for the
00:37:07 --> 00:37:08 Christian,
00:37:08 --> 00:37:08 they aren't
00:37:08 --> 00:37:09 God anymore.
00:37:11 --> 00:37:11 Through
00:37:11 --> 00:37:12 Jesus Christ,
00:37:12 --> 00:37:13 who lost
00:37:13 --> 00:37:13 his father's
00:37:13 --> 00:37:14 delight at
00:37:14 --> 00:37:14 the cross,
00:37:15 --> 00:37:16 we now have
00:37:16 --> 00:37:16 the delight
00:37:16 --> 00:37:17 of God the
00:37:17 --> 00:37:17 Father.
00:37:19 --> 00:37:19 Through
00:37:19 --> 00:37:20 Jesus,
00:37:20 --> 00:37:20 our true
00:37:20 --> 00:37:20 brother,
00:37:20 --> 00:37:21 we now have
00:37:21 --> 00:37:21 the ultimate
00:37:21 --> 00:37:22 family,
00:37:22 --> 00:37:22 the ultimate
00:37:22 --> 00:37:23 home,
00:37:23 --> 00:37:23 the ultimate
00:37:23 --> 00:37:24 approval of
00:37:24 --> 00:37:25 the ultimate
00:37:25 --> 00:37:25 father,
00:37:25 --> 00:37:26 and through
00:37:26 --> 00:37:26 Jesus,
00:37:26 --> 00:37:27 we are now
00:37:27 --> 00:37:28 free to
00:37:28 --> 00:37:28 honour our
00:37:28 --> 00:37:29 parents,
00:37:29 --> 00:37:30 we are free
00:37:30 --> 00:37:30 to forgive
00:37:30 --> 00:37:31 our parents,
00:37:31 --> 00:37:32 free not to
00:37:32 --> 00:37:34 over-need our
00:37:34 --> 00:37:34 parents.
00:37:37 --> 00:37:37 So as I
00:37:37 --> 00:37:38 said,
00:37:38 --> 00:37:39 something for
00:37:39 --> 00:37:39 everyone.
00:37:40 --> 00:37:40 We're all
00:37:40 --> 00:37:40 kids.
00:37:41 --> 00:37:42 Something for
00:37:42 --> 00:37:42 everyone.
00:37:43 --> 00:37:43 Jesus is the
00:37:43 --> 00:37:44 answer for the
00:37:44 --> 00:37:45 couple, the
00:37:45 --> 00:37:46 married couple,
00:37:46 --> 00:37:46 to flourish.
00:37:47 --> 00:37:48 He is the
00:37:48 --> 00:37:49 answer for the
00:37:49 --> 00:37:50 spouse in a
00:37:50 --> 00:37:50 difficult marriage.
00:37:50 --> 00:37:51 He's the answer
00:37:51 --> 00:37:51 for the single
00:37:51 --> 00:37:52 person wanting
00:37:52 --> 00:37:52 to be married.
00:37:52 --> 00:37:53 He is the
00:37:53 --> 00:37:54 answer for the
00:37:54 --> 00:37:55 parents seeking
00:37:55 --> 00:37:56 to impart
00:37:56 --> 00:37:57 wisdom and
00:37:57 --> 00:37:58 for the child
00:37:58 --> 00:37:59 seeking to
00:37:59 --> 00:37:59 honour their
00:37:59 --> 00:38:00 parent.
00:38:00 --> 00:38:01 Amen.